Kristoffer straightened, donning as much professionalism as he could while I cried in his arms. “Of course, Queen Lucy. We’ll escort you and your Tom straight away. We only request that you forgive us and understand that we were just following procedure. You’re welcome to take respite in Elvage as long as you like. Anything you need. We’re in your debt.”
“Jens! Just take me to Jens,” I begged. I had so many questions, but I knew these men were not the ones to ask.
Kristoffer offered his arm to me after bowing his head. “Of course. Right away, your majesty.” I leaned on him as his other arm wrapped around me, leading me like a lady instead of the mess that I was. “Elvage begs the forgiveness of you and your people.”
“I forgive you. Just let me go home.” My legs were heavy as he led me out of the cage and up the few stories that led me to the blinding sun.
Thirty-Three.
A Proper Goodbye
I bucked backwards when the sunlight hit me. I remember the brightness being too much for me when I first entered Undraland, but somehow I’d adjusted. It seemed my magic had worn off, and now I was trapped by the light.
“I can’t see anything!” I informed Kristoffer, who mentioned something about me having some sort of a fit. “Your sun’s much brighter than it is in my world. I can’t open my eyes! Jamie! Can you take me to Prince Jamie?”
My feet didn’t trust me enough to move forward, so they planted themselves at the mouth of the castle. “Milady, Prince Jamie is not far. I can lead you there slowly.” Kristoffer’s arm around my back moved me down the path, my feet stumbling with nerves and uncertainty. I leaned into his grip while his other armor-coated hand shielded my eyes. Though his hands were rough from work, his caress of my face was gentle.
I heard shouting and knew Jamie was up ahead. He was calling my name and hollering at the guards keeping him on the wrong side of the gate. “Lucy! Lucy, I’m here! Did they hurt you?”
“I’m okay,” I called. “Okay” was a broad generalization, but it would do.
Jamie shouted, “I swear on Pesta’s broom, if one hair on her head is harmed, Tomten will wage war on Elvage!”
A rustle of armor told me the guards were not pleased with Jamie’s mouth. I tried to speed up the pace, but that resulted in me tripping over my own two feet. Kristoffer caught me before I fell to the ground and righted me, apologizing with too much sincerity. His support of me started out more formal, a hand around a proffered arm, but as we walked, that mutated to more of an embrace. He was sweet to me as we walked, considering my delicate state in every step. “It’s alright, my queen.”
Jamie was let through, and he ran to rescue me from the guard’s side. “Lucy! Are you well?” Before I could answer, he barked at the guard in his most royal-sounding cadence, “She could have your head for this! Accusing a queen of such a thing! She’s a friend of your court!”
“She was being controlled by Alrik’s halfy! How were we supposed to know she was innocent?” Kristoffer explained.
Jamie went silent, but removed me from Kristoffer’s hold and hugged my face to his chest to shield me from the light. I could hear his heartbeat and feel tension in his large hand as it gripped the back of my head. When his voice finally came, it was tight and quiet. “Alrik’s ward did this?”
Kristoffer nodded, reaching out in a move uncharacteristic of a guard to stroke my hair. “He was taken to the block and executed privately out of respect for Alrik. Charles Mace admitted to mind-warping Alrik and Queen Lucy the second he was able to get his collar off.”
“Charles Mace is dead, then? Good.” Jamie swatted Kristoffer’s hand from my hair and gripped me tighter to him possessively.
Kristoffer answered, “Yes. His head is being prepared as a gift of apology for Queen Lucy.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Jamie said, speaking for me.
“I insist. We wrongfully imprisoned her because of his actions. She should have confirmation that the source of her discomfort is neutralized.” I could tell his face turned toward the castle. “Ah, here comes Boden now with the head.”
“Pack that up!” Jamie snarled, his whole body fuming. His grip on my head was painful, and I whimpered into his chest. “She’s in a delicate state. You dare hand a woman a severed head?”
Kristoffer backpedaled quickly. “Uh, no. Of course not. A thousand apologies.”
“Her Tomten guard requires a healer and a horse, so we may take her back to the Other Side as quick as possible. Jens the Brave was wounded when he and Queen Lucy fought off and killed the Circhos for you.”
Kristoffer gasped and began to ask follow-up questions, but Jamie was on-task. “We’ll need paperwork completed and waiting at the gate for the three of us, her Fossegrimen husband, plus her lady’s maid.”
Kristoffer’s head whipped over to me in surprise that I’d married someone from the cursed race. “Yes, your majesty.”
Kristoffer left, and Jamie led me out through the gate so slowly, I did not trip once. I clung to him, trying to muscle my way through all the things I wish I had never seen.
“Lucy, I can keep leading you like this, if you wish, or if you’d rather I speed things along, I could…”
I nodded into his chest. “That’s fine. Let’s get out of here. Fast as we can, Jamie.”
In one swift motion, Prince Jamie swept me off my feet and carried me far faster than we had been going. I buried my face in his shoulder, since my eyelids were not a thick enough curtain to shade me from the merciless sun.
When we reached Britta and Foss, who were hiding in the woods far from the portal-turned-crime scene, Jamie let me stand on my own. “Jens is getting stitched up. He’ll meet us at the gate.”
I looked through his eyes so I could see anything going on around me.
“Where’s Mace?” Britta asked, stroking Jamie’s muscle as if she was afraid she might have never seen it again. “We should leave as soon as we can.”
“How do you know Alrik’s ward?” Jamie asked.
“Ward? Uncle Rick had a ward? Like how Robin is Bruce Wayne’s ward?” I asked, trying to make sense of anything. How could my uncle have taken in a kid without telling me?
“What?” Britta stepped back. “Is Charles still being held?”
Jamie shook his head. “Charles Mace is dead.”
“No!” Britta gasped. Then her voice wavered with tears.
“Did you know him?” Jamie inquired.
Britta cried into her apron. “Why are you asking me that? Of course I knew him! We all know him! Jamie, what’s happened to you?”
Jamie was just as confused as I was. “Britta, darling, the boy was executed for tearing down the portal to Elvage. Had we known Alrik had sympathizers to his cause, we could have helped him. He aided our cause, so yes, it is a tragedy.”
Foss stood next to Britta, assessing the situation none of us could piece together. “How? How did they kill him, but they let Lucy go?”
The question landed on me, and I shook my face that was covered with my hands. “I don’t know what happened! They let me go because he admitted to mind-warping me.”
Foss patted my back. “It was good you kept quiet and let them think that. It kept you alive.”
“Let them think what? I don’t even know the guy! One minute I’m watching Uncle Rick get attacked, I run to help him, he goes through the portal, betraying everything this mission’s been about, and that Charles guy picked up the rake and finished the job. I’ve never seen him in my life before today. Was he a friend of Alrik’s?” My tears fell into my palms. “He said he mind-warped me into helping him tear down the portal, so they let me go.”
Foss placed his palms atop mine. “They’re cold! He did mind-warp her. But why?”
“We should go,” Jamie ruled, his hand on my back. “I don’t want them changing their minds and deciding we can’t cross over. Let’s take our chance while we have it.”
Jamie picked me up again, but I halted our leave, my voice st
ill shaking. “Wait. This is where we split up. Foss isn’t going over with us. Say your goodbyes here, guys.”
Jamie put me back down while Britta shook Foss’s hand. “Are you certain, Lucy? It doesn’t feel right to leave him here. He’s got no name, no job, and no money. And Alrik isn’t here to help him, either.”
As much as it pained me, I was resolute. “I’m sure. He wouldn’t last a day on my side. It’s not in his nature to be kind. He’s Fossegrimen. It’s his curse.”
It was then that I realized there really was nothing I could have done. I didn’t fail in my attempts to turn him into a decent guy. Foss was a cursed man, and there was no undoing that. I began to give myself a little grace for not working a miracle and raising him from the dead.
Jamie and Foss shook hands, saying respectful goodbyes in hesitant tones.
My hands over my eyes did not encourage conversation, but that could not be helped. I didn’t even know Foss had been staring me down until he growled. “That’s it? You’re leaving like this? You’ve got nothing to say to me? How about thanks for keeping you alive? How about thanks for fighting off trolls for you and dealing with everything you handed me?”
“Jeez, Foss! Chill out! I didn’t know you were waiting for me to say something. I can’t see you, you know. And I’ve just been through the ringer! I’m stressed enough as it is without your mouth!”
“Could you give us a minute, guys?” he requested, the anger deflating slightly. He waited a few beats and spoke low to me. “Please, Lucy. Please take me with you. I can’t start all over with nothing and no one.”
I shook my head. “If you want friends, be friendly. If you want money, get a job. I can’t be responsible for you over there. You don’t respect me enough to listen to me.”
“I can learn.”
“Don’t do this!” I protested, all of a sudden hitting a wall of frustration. My nerves were already frazzled, and my voice took up a higher pitch. “Don’t start this all over! I won’t ever see you ever again, so don’t pick a fight with me as my last memory of you.”
“If you want a better one, give me some good news!”
I winced at the brightness when I had only my eyelids to shield me from the sun through the trees. My fingers worked to untie his ring from my neck, but the knot was one of his fancy ones. “Could you help me?”
Foss stepped forward and covered my eyes with his large mitt. “Keep it. It belongs to your dead husband. That man doesn’t exist anymore. I have to leave him behind if I’m to start over here.”
“But you might need it to trade for food or something.”
“I worked too hard for that to trade it for something as common as food.” He moved us over to a thicker clump of trees that shaded us from the brunt of the sunlight. It was still too bright for my taste, but I could at least open my eyes a sliver, which I appreciated. Foss sighed, and I could feel his breath on my lips. “Knowing my ring’s safe with you? That’ll have to be enough to get me through. Will you wear it?” Insecurity in his voice poked through, softening my heart. “For me? For everything we’ve been through?”
I considered his request, reflecting on the tumultuous ups and downs of our tangled lives. “Okay, Foss. I’ll wear it. Thank you.” I leaned forward, my cheek landing on his sternum. “When you’re terrible, it breaks my heart. I can’t handle anymore breaking. Do you understand me? You need me to wear your ring and think about you from time to time? Well, when I do think about you, I need to hope that you’re out there making the world better. That you’ve learned to be kind.” I gripped both his biceps and squeezed. “That you’re only as strong as you are gentle.”
His arms encircled me in a tender hug I wished I didn’t draw comfort from. “I can’t promise that, Lucy. It’s only you that makes me be like this.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down so I could hug his cold heart as tight as I wanted. “I do love you, darling husband. And when I think of you, I’ll remember the you that lay under the stars on the boat with me, tracing constellations and finding me in the sky.”
“I can always find you,” he breathed into my ear. A shiver rippled up my spine. “As much as I wish I didn’t, I love you. Can’t tolerate being around you, but as much as I’ve ever loved someone, I feel that for you.”
“I know.” I gulped, nodding into his chest. “And I’ll take that with me to my world. It’ll make me stronger. It’s only a good love if it makes the other person stronger, you know.”
“You’re plenty strong on your own, lovely wife.” Foss found my lips, and we indulged in our last kiss. Emotion swelled up in me like vomit and fireworks – the best and worst of me jumbled up in a ball of nerves and thunder. I wished I could escape him, but part of me knew that as soon as I did, the victory would not be as sweet as I hoped.
It was not a simple token as our other kisses had been, but a complicated mess of lips our fury and angst turned into. Everything with us turned out messy. There was no fiddle music, and Jamie wasn’t drunk, but we fell into each other anyway, unable to excuse our desires off as a misstep. His lips were soft, but the desperation in his kiss was hard and forceful in the way only the best make-out sessions are. He tugged on my hair so my face tilted further up toward him, and I could feel his frustration at his desire for me in every pass of our greedy mouths.
It was greedy, to love two men as I did. It was selfish and childish, and I hated myself for it. That self-hatred made me reckless, so I deepened the kiss, biting his lower lip as his tongue teased mine and scrambled my brains.
Then Foss took control, slowing the kiss to a mournful, languid pace that had more emotion to it than he would ever admit aloud. My heart fluttered and stuttered, and I melted from our attacking kiss into a puddle of delirium in his thick arms.
In his goodbye, I could feel his sadness. It was more than desperation at having to start over; somewhere along the lines of our tangled journey he really had learned to love. It was ugly and turned on a dime, but that was Foss, and I loved him, however overshadowed by Jens that love might be.
He pressed his forehead to mine as we took a moment to catch our breaths. One of his beefy arms was holding me upright as he traced my cheek with his fingers, looking on my face as if I was precious to him and beautiful. As if I mattered beyond the moment.
“Never,” he whispered, kissing me in that familiar way couples do when they’ve had decades of kisses to indulge in. “Never doubt that I loved you.”
We pulled away when Jamie ahem’d in my head, his unhappiness with my actions reminding me that kissing my husband wouldn’t exactly help my relationship with Jens. Foss stroked my lips with his once more as we caught our breath, chuckling at the strangeness that was our hot and cold relationship.
Without asking permission, he picked me up and carried me over to Britta and an impatient Jamie. “I’ll carry her to the edge of the woods. She can’t be expected to do this blind, and you should get going before Elvage has a chance to change their mind. You can take her the rest of the way.”
I could tell Jamie wanted to fight him on this, but didn’t really feel like guiding or carrying me the however many miles we still had to go.
I was small in Foss’s arms, and for the first time, I truly trusted his strength. It would last probably only until he opened his mouth next, but for that small moment, I was comforted. The confusion surrounding that Mace guy, Uncle Rick and the whole of Undraland faded to the background. It was all kept at bay by my dead husband.
Foss carried me through the forest until the trees became sparse. He kissed my forehead as he let me down, gripping the back of my head like he was afraid to let me go. “Goodbye, lovely wife.” He kissed me once more, a closed-mouth blessing I accepted as part of our dysfunction that kept us afloat.
I gave him a sad smile that was probably marred by my inability to open my eyes. “Have a happy life, darling husband.” I held up my fist, and he bumped his to mine, sealing our parting.
He handed me over
to Jamie, who took my hand and walked me with Britta to the gate, where Jens was waiting for us. “I don’t approve of what you did,” Jamie whispered.
“I know. Me neither.” I wished I felt nothing for Foss. That my heart only ever wanted what was good for it. That I didn’t love the swing that hurt me. If that was so, I wouldn’t think twice about flipping Foss the bird and running away. I wouldn’t be with Jens, who cheated on me. I wouldn’t have followed my uncle on this mission I knew would be too much to handle. If I only did things that were good for me, I would… well, I probably would’ve died. The Weres, Pesta or just plain life would’ve taken me down if I didn’t allow my plans to get distracted by Jens and his cocky smile that beamed only for me.
Jamie placed my hand in his best friend’s, and I felt the rightness in the wrong, the beauty in the black. My life was a mess of madness, but there was one shining point I chose to focus on. I would let him hurt me and heal me, pursue me and be pursued. In my step forward to the Other Side, I realized I was ready to gamble on Jens again.
“I kissed Foss goodbye,” I admitted, not willing to go another second holding onto the secret. I felt Jens stiffen, and then try to regain his composure. “It’s over,” I whispered as he led me to the gatekeeper. “I’m ready to be with just you if you can promise you’ll stay with only me this time around.”
Jens kissed me, and the guilt of another man’s lips on mine in so short a time only sealed my decision.
Jens. Only Jens.
He swallowed. “It’s alright you kissed Foss. Thanks for telling me. I did, too, by the way. It’s nothing but beg, beg, beg from that guy. ‘Jens, I’m in love with you. Toss Lucy aside and run away with me.’ It’s like every day with that guy. He even got me a bumper sticker that says Fossegrimens give the best lovin’.” Jens shrugged. “Finally threw him a bone and kissed him right good.”
“You’re doing shtick,” I observed. “I can tell I really hurt you. I’m sorry. It’s just something I had to do to move on.”
Elvage Page 18
