by Maisey Yates
She thought of her foster families. Of the way Dylan’s mom had looked when she’d found them together.
Whore. Slut. Ruined.
Damage done. Irrevocable changes made. Complete with a new identity. One that she had worn when it suited.
But Aiden didn’t see that. He knew the whole story, and still he didn’t see her as some filthy, wrecked thing.
“I suppose there’s a lot I could say here,” he said, his words coming slowly. “But they would be the right things to say, not the true things. Because the fact of the matter is I don’t know anything about the other people who have been in your life. I can’t tell you for sure what they think of you, because I don’t know what kind of people they are. All I can tell you is that you have to live the life you want. Don’t let other people tell you what you can have. Don’t let them decide which pieces of your past define you and which don’t.”
His words hit her hard in the chest, resonated. They were painful, because they came with a stark, harsh realization. “I haven’t talked to any of those people in seven years. I’m the one who decided that they were right. I’m the one who decided to go ahead and make it true. I’m not just talking about what I’ve done, but how I felt about it.” She blinked, staring up toward the sun, closing her eyes, seeing red spots behind her lids. “Why am I letting them decide? Why did I decide they were right?”
“That stuff... You don’t decide what to keep. There are certain words that get under your skin and stay, and words that you can’t even remember the next day. Hell if I know what separates one from the other.”
“Great, so what do I do about it?”
“I don’t have any answers for you. Have you seen my life?”
“Well, you have the coolest tractor I’ve ever ridden on. Not a euphemism. You have a nice cabin. You have a family. You have a hell of a lot of things that I don’t have, Aiden.”
“I guess those things are like the words, then. Some of it feels heavy, some of it you really feel. And some of it you just take for granted. But you’re right. There are good things here.”
“Okay, we did show-and-tell with me. But why do you stay? Give me an answer this time.”
“It’s all I have. If I leave now, then what did any of it mean?”
She could sense the helplessness, the frustration in his words. And she was struck then by the strange dichotomy of their lives. She went from place to place, and invested in nothing, and she always felt like the void was just one step behind her. As if everything would be revealed for the vapor that it was if she quit moving. He had invested everything into one thing, and if he lost it, he would be staring into the exact same void.
The realization took her breath away. Made it feel like both of them were parked right against the edge of a precipice. And dammit all, if Aiden wasn’t secure, who could be? Maybe there was nothing but emptiness beneath everything.
She didn’t want to think about it anymore. And he knew everything about her and still looked at her like she mattered. She would think about that.
She leaned in, pressing her palm to his face and kissing him slowly, much more tentatively than she would ever normally kiss anyone. He reached up, wrapping his fingers around her wrist, holding her hand to his cheek as he returned the kiss. He parted his lips, sliding his tongue against hers, but didn’t make a move to touch her body. Didn’t try to take it anywhere past this. There was something intensely erotic about it, something achingly sweet and sexy that she’d never imagined she might find in a kiss.
Honest words followed by the kind of touching that was meant to forge a connection, not just find pleasure. The kind of touching she had very little experience with.
She was no virgin. She was no innocent. But this felt new.
They parted, and she was breathing heavily, and she wanted more. She swore. “I have to go to work.”
“You sound like you don’t want to.”
“No guesses for what I would rather do. But Ace has been really nice to me and I don’t want to take advantage of that. So, I guess I have to show up for shift on time.”
“I’ll drive you. Because I want to,” he added quickly.
“And I believe you.”
As she said it, she felt it. And along with that, she felt a kind of happiness that was foreign to her. She wouldn’t have long with this. Wouldn’t have long with him. But she would take it for as long as it lasted. And maybe, when it was over, she would feel like there was something tying her to the earth. A connection back in Copper Ridge with a farm boy that she knew she would never forget.
CHAPTER EIGHT
CASEY HAD BEEN staying at the farm for one week. If his mother had noticed the sleeping arrangements, she had said nothing. More likely than not she hadn’t noticed. Josie Crawford had a way of ignoring all manner of things she didn’t want to see. Like the state of the farmhouse she lived in, the financial state of the farm they operated, and the state of her marriage. As far as Aiden’s mother was concerned, her husband was not a cheating alcoholic. He drank a little bit too much and sometimes he stayed out all night, but that was what men did.
She didn’t see things clearly, because she didn’t want to. As a result, Aiden had never had the luxury of burying his head in the sand.
Someone had to look around. Someone had to see things for what they were.
He closed his eyes, thinking back to last night. To every night spent with Casey since she’d come to stay. He wasn’t sure he was exactly living in reality at the moment. But didn’t he deserve a break? A little bit of release before he went right back to the grind. He had given up everything to save this place. And he was no closer to saving it. Not really.
Instead he had destroyed a friendship, the only real relationship he’d ever had, and lost the down payment he’d saved to get his own place. No wonder he was a lot happier retreating into the fantasy of Casey every night than he was facing the actual situation.
She had the day off work, and had told him she was going to spend that time exploring the farmland. Part of him was afraid she was just going to take off.
She will eventually. You need her to. This is a vacation, but that’s all it is.
He finished shoveling out the stall he was cleaning and wiped his forearm over his brow. It wasn’t an exceptionally hot day, but it was sunny out and the work was warm. There was more to do, but he had his mind on Casey, and that meant until he got a glimpse of her he wouldn’t think of anything else.
He did his best not to ponder the implications of that as he leaned his pitchfork up against the wall and headed out of the barn. Casey didn’t have a cell phone or anything like that. No way to text her and say that he wanted to know where she was. No way to let her know that he needed to see her so that he could be sure she wasn’t gone.
He walked down the dirt road that led back to the cabin, thinking back on the conversation they’d had in the tractor a week ago. The story of her past made him hurt. But not for the reasons she seemed to think. Someone should have been there for her. Not some prick teenage boy who treated her like a convenience when she was in desperate need of someone to care for her. Not the foster mom who had blamed her because it had been easier.
He couldn’t fathom how she had walked through so many lives, so many homes, without someone feeling connected with her. Without her feeling connected to someone. From the moment he’d first seen her in the bar he had felt something burn into his soul. No, he knew she couldn’t stay. Knew that there was no kind of future between the two of them, two people who were so messed up they didn’t know from functional. But maybe he could just give her something without expecting anything back.
Superman complex?
Maybe. But if he wasn’t saving people, then how would he keep from focusing on himself?
He walked through the front door of the cabin and noticed a small, square piece of white paper sitting on the counter.
“Went swimming.”
He frowned, grabbed the note and walked back out
the door. A river ran through the property, but he hadn’t taken her down there. But she very often worked evenings so she spent a good portion of the day by herself. She probably knew more about the property than he did. He had a trail worn from his house to his parents’ and the various barns and fields. He didn’t just explore anymore. Not like he’d done when he was a little boy and the farm seemed to run itself, and his dad seemed to be able to do anything.
The path to the river was overgrown, weeds curving in over the trail that had been so well traversed by him as a child. He could dimly remember them going on picnics as a family. But that was before. His dad had always liked to drink. And they would go down with cases of beer. But it hadn’t stolen who he’d been yet.
He pushed away the memories—they were as useless as his old man. Casey didn’t have roots, but he did. Deep underneath this earth, so enmeshed with the farm that he wondered if he could ever escape. And he wondered if being a drifter might actually be the better option. What did roots matter when the ground they were planted in was poison?
He pushed through a knot of pine trees at the end of the path and walked across rocks that had been rounded when the river had been higher and the current stronger. The air smelled like wood and water, that cold, fresh smell that was unlike anything else. Not even the ocean.
The water was still and dark in this section, and in the center of it he could see a bright blond head and pale shoulders sticking up above the surface.
“Casey?”
She ducked beneath the water, and he could make out her pale form swimming toward the shore. She resurfaced, extending her legs out in front of her, and rolled to her back. She was naked, a smile on her face. She seemed perfectly at ease in her skin, never ashamed of her body. And yet, she seemed so ashamed of everything inside. He wished that she could see that her beauty radiated from in there. Sure, her skin was beautiful, and he liked it a whole lot, but it was what was underneath that captivated him.
“You’re lucky I’m the one who came down here looking for you,” he said, shamelessly taking in the scenery. By which he did not mean trees and mountains.
“Am I?” She readjusted herself so that she was treading water again. “I just would’ve stayed out there. You’re the only one worth swimming ashore for.”
She wore that flirtatious, sassy persona that came so easily to her. But even though he knew it was kind of a put-on, it affected him. He was never quite sure what he was going to get when it came to Casey. The vulnerable woman who was desperately seeking a connection, or the sassy bar waitress. He honestly liked them both.
“Well, that’s nice.”
“Are you going to join me?”
“I have work to do,” he said.
“Swim with me,” she said, smiling such a beautiful smile that it wasn’t any trouble to look up at her face rather than down at her body.
“You’re crazy.”
She moved a little nearer to the shore where she could touch instead, water sluicing down her bare skin, the drops rolling over her bare breasts, down her slender waist. “Yes. I am a little bit crazy. But don’t tell me you don’t want a piece of this crazy.”
“You’re going to start something we can’t finish.”
“Who says we can’t finish? I came prepared.”
“Oh, really?”
“Of course. I left you a note, didn’t I? I knew you would come down here. I knew you would come find me.”
Her words settled between them, heavier on impact than she had likely intended for them to be. “Of course.” His answer landed heavily, too. But whatever meaning was woven deep into the fabric of it, it was the truth. If she needed him to, he would come find her. For all the good it would do her to have some burned-out farmer’s son come for her. But it was all he had to offer, so he would offer it.
“Big talk for someone who’s kind of leaving me hanging right now.”
Without thinking he stripped his shirt over his head, then made quick work of the snap and zipper on his pants and tugged them down his legs, along with his underwear. He kicked his shoes off, too, looking behind him just to make sure no one was coming. Casey might be comfortable with outdoor nudity. He was not.
“Now, that’s the best view I’ve seen all day,” Casey said, a smile curving her lips.
“Are you going to admit that I make you blush yet?”
Telltale color flooded her cheeks and she sank back down beneath the water, paddling away from the shore. “No,” she said.
“Why not?” He stepped into the water, getting in as quickly as possible, breath hissing through his teeth as the cold hit him with the force of a tractor-trailer. “Damn.”
“I didn’t even think about all of the man problems this could present.”
“Such as?” he asked, making his way deeper in, the water going up over his chest now. He was afraid it might stop his heart. If she didn’t stop it first.
“Shrinkage is a thing.”
“Nothing is shrinking over here, babe.”
She laughed. The minx laughed at him after implying his dick was going to shrink. And it made him smile. “I like it when you talk dirty to me, hayseed.”
“Well, I’ve never done it before, so I’m glad it works for you.”
“How is that possible?”
“How is what possible?” He dipped forward, swimming toward her, wrapping his arm around her waist and tugging her against him, making the most of their height difference, since he could still touch the slightly slick bottom and she couldn’t.
“How is it you haven’t dirty-talked your way into a hundred beds? I’ve been a lot of places. Met a lot of guys. Let me tell you...you’re the only one who’s ever tempted me.”
“How is that possible?” he asked, echoing her question.
“I’ve never been with a man just because I wanted him,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck, her legs tangling with his. “I always wanted a bed. Or a ride. Or just to not feel so alone for a month or two. But you... I just wanted you. There was nothing but want. You were like chocolate.” She leaned in then, kissed him gently. “Something I can’t usually afford,” she said, her mouth still pressed to his. “But you’ve been so worth it.”
He didn’t feel worthy of that compliment. Didn’t feel like he’d risked a damn thing to be with her when he could feel that this was costing her. And what the hell was he giving her?
He got to hold this wild, spectacular creature, if only for a moment, and she just got him.
“I think we should get to shore, don’t you?” he asked.
She nodded. He kept his hold on her, drawing her tightly to his chest, gathering her in his arms and walking them both toward the shore. “Towel,” she said, pointing feebly toward a sandy patch off to the left.
He walked in that direction and laid her down on the towel, positioning himself over her. He looked to the left and saw the brightly colored packet partially hidden in a patch of grass. “Well,” he said, “you did come prepared.”
“I told you I did.” She smiled, completely pleased with herself. There was something joyful about it, different than the types of smiles he was used to seeing from her.
“Yes, you did.”
“Wait just a second,” she said, wiggling herself into a sitting position. She kissed his neck, his chest, lower. He knew exactly what she was going to do. She was pretty generous when it came to handing out pleasure, and he never refused.
But now, it didn’t seem right. Not when she was so beautiful and perfect, a gift that he didn’t deserve. She should have torrents of praise lavished on her. Should be worshipped like the goddess she was. Her life had been void of indulgence, and all he wanted to do now was indulge her. If this was their time-out from the harsh reality of life, then he was going to make it the best damn time-out anyone had ever had.
“No,” he said, capturing her chin in his hand, “you wait.”
She slipped her tongue between her lips, slipped it over the edge of his thumb and a li
ghtning bolt of pleasure shot straight to his cock. Testing his resolve. Testing his control. But no, here in this perfect storm of recklessness, he would act with intention. Even though pleasure raged inside him, even though he felt like he was caught in the middle of a hurricane, he would hold steady. He would give her everything.
“Lie down,” he said, his words a command, leaving no room for argument.
She obeyed, lying back on the towel, lifting her arms up over her head, crossing her wrists and lacing her fingers together. It was a pose of complete submission, one of supplication. She took in a deep breath, her breasts rising with the motion as she let her thighs fall open. He put his hand on her stomach, then slowly slid it down lower, between her legs, testing her readiness. Her skin was cold from the river, but her center was molten hot. Ready for him.
She gasped, moving restlessly beneath his touch. “You tease,” she said as he flicked his thumb over her clit.
“A little bit,” he said, “but I think this hurts me more than it hurts you.
“I doubt it.”
“Be good,” he said, lowering his head and kissing the soft skin just beneath her belly button, “or I won’t give you what you want.”
She shuddered beneath his lips. “Is that a threat? I didn’t think nice boys made threats.”
“When I’m with you I don’t feel very much like a nice boy.”
“Oh, really?” she asked, gasping as he began to trace the trail down with the tip of his tongue. “What do you feel like?”
“Just a man. A very, very hungry one.”
He turned his head, kissing her inner thigh and earning himself a harsh moan, and a short curse. He had never behaved this way with a woman before. Had never teased, had never said things like this. Things had never been this light, or this heavy, with Caroline. He wasn’t sure how that was possible. That being with Casey could make him laugh and make him shake. That he could feel relieved, perfectly at peace, while feeling like everything inside of him was being torn apart.
