by Devon McKay
Besides, it was impossible not to want to kiss her. Jessie taunted him to distraction with the underlying sensuality she was unable to conceal. She couldn’t hide that part of her, not from him. Knowing it pushed him over the edge.
He kissed her back, no longer the soft kiss of before as his tongue explored her mouth.
Out of breath, Jessie pulled back and turned away from Nate’s muscular, bare chest. The way his bronze skin tapered into the low hung jeans tattooed in her memory. She hadn’t been able to sleep with him invading her every thought. And now a kiss like this. Nate had given her one more reason not to sleep.
Damn him.
Jessie picked up a rock and turned it over in her hand, liking the smooth coolness in her palm. She tossed it into the creek.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” he whispered into her ear, his body brushing up against her back.
His scent washed over her, triggering thoughts of the intimidate day they’d shared at the creek. The feeling of vulnerability returned full force. Images of him, his naked torso, hands searching hungrily flashed before her. Even her memories were invasive.
Jessie picked up another rock, needing the distraction. “Like the plague,” she agreed, throwing the stone into the body of water. The loud plop highlighted her admission like an exclamation mark.
“I can’t seem to get away from you.” The candid announcement was more like a confession than an attack. “Not even in my sleep. You don’t even have to be around and I can’t escape you.”
Jessie stood with her back to the campfire, her backside chilled with his absence. Picking up a stick, she began to stoke the fire. He neared the warmth, kicking at the bright embers with the toe of his scuffed boot.
“I know I should keep my distance. You’ll only hurt me again.” She turned, facing him. “And you did, Nate. When you left, I thought I was going to die.” Unshed tears threatened, blurring her vision and stinging her eyes.
He stepped forward, but she held him back with the palm of her hand on his bare chest, ignoring the jolt running through her.
She inhaled a deep breath. The whole intent of coming to the creek had been to think clearly. She needed to figure out a way to deal with everything...with Nate. But there wasn’t an easy answer. The only thing Jessie could come up with was to leave him before he could hurt her again.
“God, how stupid does that make me?” She brushed the tears away and gazed into his eyes. Fighting her internal turmoil, Jessie stepped closer to him, folding into the hot temperature of his skin. He wrapped his arms around her, and the heat of his bare chest melted through her thin T-shirt, warming her insides.
She should walk away from him now. Or run. Especially after seeing the hesitation in his stare. However, knowing and doing were two different matters all together.
“I deserve more than you can give me.” The thoughts in her head continued to batter her heart. To turn away from him and go would be the sensible thing to do. In fact, leaving now would be the smartest thing she’d ever done. “I know I should stay away from you...but I can’t. So, I was willing to take anything I could from you, Nate. Even, if it was just sex.” As the confession left her lips, Jessie knew she’d succumb to his touch.
At this point, it didn’t matter. He was like a drug, dangerous and intoxicating, and although her head told her it was stupid to love this man, when it came to Nate Walker, she was defenseless.
“My heart just won’t listen to my head.” There wasn’t a choice. Not really. Either she would have to let down her guard and take the chance of his breaking her heart again, or she would have to walk away from him forever.
I can’t do it.
Jessie allowed the truth to take control. She could never walk away from him. Not now. And certainly not forever.
Chapter 24
After making love, Jessie kissed him gently and peeled herself away from Nate the moment his steady breathing indicated he had fallen into a deep slumber. From the creek, she rode Lilly over to the east side of her property and walked along the fence line.
The darkness of the night prevented her from actually seeing any broken or snared barb wire, but that didn’t stop her from checking. She needed something to help clear her head.
It wasn’t as if she could sleep anyway...not with the charged emotions their lovemaking had inspired. And the tiny glimmer of hope which had been ignited.
Glancing up to the sky, she saw the beginning streak of color indicating dawn’s approach. She’d have to get back to the ranch quickly before anyone woke and noticed her absence. The last thing she needed was to be greeted by Rosita’s sly, knowing smile as she snuck into the house.
Jessie rushed home and led Lilly into her corral. After unsaddling the horse, she gave her a handful of oats before brushing the animal down. Sweeping the brush over Lilly’s coat, she questioned her relationship with Nate.
Did they really have a chance after all? Maybe...just maybe. She smiled as her heart skipped a beat. For a moment, she allowed the memories of their lovemaking free reign as her mind wandered.
A small sliver of light shone into the barn, reminding her of the time. She headed into the house and up to her bedroom without a sound. Had last night been just a dream? Her skin still burned where Nate’s mouth had been. Her traitorous body shivered just thinking about him. The ache below began to build again, reminding her the only man who could stop the need would be right outside her window any minute. Probably half-dressed and wielding a hammer. She shuddered. The image the thought provoked vivid and enticing.
Jessie peeled off her clothes and jumped into the shower, setting the water at a cool temperature, which helped the last time. After an extra-long shower, she wrapped herself in a towel. The sound of hammering caught her attention, and she peeked out the window. Several workers had already begun.
She slipped into a short pair of cutoff jeans and a tank top. Perhaps she could actually get some work done in the field, now that there was sunlight to see. Around noon or so she could jump into the creek and cool off.
The creek.
Again her mind flooded with thoughts of Nate.
What the hell, maybe meet him there and have another amazing afternoon. Jessie scoffed at herself. She couldn’t go ten minutes without thinking about the man. So much for her new resolution. All of her heart or walk away? Well, she wasn’t walking. Not now. Not ever.
Jessie tilted her chin, studying her reflection in the mirror. She straightened her shoulders. This was the right decision after all. Giving herself a quick nod of approval, she left her room, venturing downstairs.
Rosita was in the kitchen, humming a familiar tune while cooking breakfast. Jessie snatched a crisp piece of bacon off of the plate she was filling.
In mock anger, the housekeeper tapped her hand with a pair of tongs. “No, you are going to sit at the table and join us for breakfast this morning. Besides, we are going to have us a family meeting.”
Jessie knew better than to argue with that demanding tone. Usually, she was up and gone before anyone else had risen. Or in this morning’s case, sneaking into the house before sunrise. A guilty smile tugged at the corner of her lips.
After snagging another piece of bacon, she and the housekeeper joined her family already gathered around the dining room table. A steamy platter of country biscuits and sausage gravy sat in the middle. She stared at the hungry group, their plates full, each of them armed with a fork and looking prepared to use it at any cost.
Gage was in the process of describing to anyone who listened how honey was so much yummier than gravy. Jade, on the other hand, antagonized her brother by waving a large spoon of the thick, brown gravy in the air.
The precarious child froze as soon as she saw her mother. The spoon dropped from her hand and fell into the thick gravy with a loud plop. Jessie spared a glance at Rosita. From the exasperated expression on the housekeeper’s face, she could tell her daughter had been more naughty than normal.
Jessie’s entrance also g
arnished William’s attention, who shifted his weight in his chair. She stared at her father, who in turn focused on the lone biscuit on his plate. He’d been quiet since his return from the hospital. His behavior was odd, but not enough to be too concerned.
She pulled out a chair. “Okay, what’s up? Can’t a girl sleep in once in a while?” she volunteered, opening the conversation. She grabbed a biscuit, slathered it with butter and took a big bite before sitting in the padded seat. For several minutes, no one made a comment.
Jade broke the silence. “Daddy’s gone,” the child broadcasted in a shaky voice.
Jessie’s head snapped toward her daughter, who wore a dark and doleful expression as tears threatened to spill from the pools of her large, green eyes.
“What?” Jessie choked on the mouthful of biscuit. “He left?” she heard a distant voice ask, realizing it belonged to her. A chilling awareness swept through her, and she dropped the biscuit.
“Ah...Nate called while you were in the shower, said he had an emergency,” William interjected. “He asked me to keep an eye on the boys. To...ah, keep an eye on you.”
Stunned, she stared hard at the foreman, not wanting to believe the news. Her mind raced with excuses of where Nate could’ve went, favoring an early morning trip into the city.
“You mean he went to town,” she stated in a matter-of-fact tone, refusing to believe differently.
“No, Jessie,” William started again.
“Daddy left,” Jade declared again. The sad expression affirmed her announcement. Her lower lip protruded and began to tremble as the damn broke and tears raced down her cheek.
Unable to bear the pain, Jessie raced to her daughter’s side and cradled the child in her arms as Jade cried, her small body shuddering from the heavy emotion. Soothing away the hurt, Jessie whispered shallow promises that everything would be okay and hugged the child to her chest tightly.
Although, she had her doubts. Her daughter’s heart was broken...shattered into tiny fragments only time could heal. Who knows that kind of pain better than me?
“He didn’t even say goodbye,” Gage said in a grave manner.
Her head shot up the moment she heard his voice. The boy’s face was blank. He held his emotions together, more somber than his sister, although she couldn’t mistake the edge of anger in his tone. He didn’t meet her gaze, focusing on smashing the prongs of his fork into the biscuit instead.
Her heart broke all over again. Gage, usually so calm and passive, seemed determined to take his wrath out on breakfast. Damn, Nate. Damn, him. Fury boiled in her veins, overpowering the heartache.
Of course, he’d gotten scared and left, leaving her to pick up the pieces. But this time, he’d hurt the two people she loved more than life itself. His empty promises meant nothing. They never did. Not to her. Or her children. Why hadn’t she learned by now? Loving Nate had no safety net.
Jessie had known better than to trust him or think he had changed. He was still the same—a leopard didn’t change its spots. When it came to the man, her head told her no. Why didn’t she listen? Her heart was always wrong.
“It’s my fault. I told him to go, Jess. I told him we could take care of the boys...of you,” William admitted.
She heard the feet of his chair skid across the hard wood floor as he came to her side. There were more words. Perhaps they were comforting. At this point, she wasn’t sure, hearing the noise fade in and out.
“I don’t think Nate wanted to go. In fact, he was real tore up about it. Said he’d come back as soon as he could,” William continued, but it no longer mattered.
Nate was gone.
And again he had left a gaping hole where her heart should have been. She was a fool to think her love could keep him. Or even sex for that matter. Her new resolution coming just in time. Ironically, she had chosen both...she’d given her all and he’d walked away.
Nate wasn’t just gone...he was long gone. Stupid...she was such a fool! And she had talked herself into believing they actually had a chance!
Jessie handed her daughter over to Rosita with deadened senses. Her legs refused to move, but, needing a moment to herself, she forced the retreat. Jade and Gage might be devastated now, but they were young; time would heal their wounds.
Hers, however, were a different story.
Making her way into the barn, she started the tractor, determined to throw herself into work. It had helped before, adding more blocks to a wall already close to invincible.
Chapter 25
Nate revved up the bike’s engine. This was normal. He was born to run. After nearly five hours on the road, his head was starting to clear. The endless highway, the sound of tires slapping pavement. This was what he was accustomed to. Life on the road. Alone.
He went over his conversation with Sandy for the fiftieth time, dissecting bits and pieces of the frantic phone call. How could Doyle be in the hospital? She said he’d been breaking in a rogue horse when the animal bucked him off, headfirst. So severe, he was in a coma, and the doctors weren’t convinced such a traumatic blow to the head wouldn’t cause further complications. Assuming, of course, he even came out of the coma.
According to Sandy, the hospital was doing their best. Their best? Was their best good enough? Not when it came to his friend.
He struggled with the guilt overloading his brain...his responsibilities to the boys...to his kids...to Jessie. But Doyle meant just as much to him. Hell, the man was more of a father than his own had ever been.
The need, the itch to run had resurfaced, hitting him harder than ever before this time. His thoughts directed back to Jessie, and Nate gunned the engine as if more speed would erase his blameworthy departure. Hadn’t he earned this? Hadn’t he merited the right to join the other lost souls who had done their time on this stretch of pavement?
What he didn’t deserve, however, was Jessie or her trust. Or the love he saw in her eyes. A pang of guilt pierced his chest. He’d seen the unguarded emotion. It was only for a moment, replaced with a veil of uncertainty and doubt. The worst part was, she was right.
He hadn’t gained her faith, her belief in him, not yet, not with all the damage he’d left in his wake. Twice now.
He was a runner. She knew it. She couldn’t trust him with her heart. He’d seen that clear as day. And when she needed some kind of reassurance, Nate hadn’t been able to give it to her. Maybe she was right. Maybe he wasn’t meant to stay.
Proving it, he pushed the bike, the speedometer hitting eighty.
She would never be able to trust him. Never. Hadn’t her leaving before he woke been proof enough? He cursed himself for contemplating marriage. What kind of union could they have without trust?
Yet, she had trusted him. For one split second, she had been completely invested. The memory of her at the creek clouded his vision. Soft and vulnerable, her hard edge gone.
To him, she’d never been more beautiful. The silky, smooth feel of her body, the erotic, enticing floral smell of her skin. Those intense green eyes of hers, hazy with passion, her lips parted with desire. He remembered it all. What they shared had been incredible. Words certainly did little justice to describe the electric heat shared between them.
But she would never trust him.
Nate pushed the thought out of his head along with his other memories, fighting the resilient images imprinted in his brain, which refused to go away.
He neared his exit, hesitating before he turned right off the highway. He could just keep driving and ignore the persistent pictures of Jessie and the kids.
Guilt slammed him in the stomach and he headed the direct route to the hospital, fighting the strong urge to do a U-turn and head back onto the open road.
No, he wouldn’t run any longer. Not from his kids or the woman he loved. And not from the brutal reality Doyle might not make it. He pulled into the hospital parking lot, angry at himself for even toying with the idea. He had more people counting on him now than ever before, and he didn’t plan on lett
ing any of them down. Not again.
The sterile, bleach smell of the hospital hit him full force, as did the blinding, bright lights, even through the dark brown tint of his sunglasses. The receptionist, a bubbly blonde in her early twenties pointed him in the direction of Doyle’s room.
Walking down the maze of hallways, he tried to prepare himself for what he might see, his imagination working overtime. So far, he expected the worst, prayed for a miracle.
The worst was mild compared to what he saw.
Tucked in a hospital bed, his friend, frail and weak, was quite a contrast to the man he knew. Underneath the well-lit room, his face was a nondescript, pasty white color. His eyes, once so full of life, stared blankly at the ceiling before shutting again.
There were wires everywhere, all of which came out of Doyle at one part of his body or another. Two nurses checked a loud beeping machine above his head, and he heard the one mention a feeding tube.
“He looks good,” Sandy said, her voice cutting through his thoughts.
Nate turned to find her beside him. She brushed an unkempt wave of hair off of his forehead, and he tucked her into his arms. She hugged him back, tight, before letting her arms drop and stepping away.
“Now, he does anyway. The doc even said he was responsive.” Sandy shrugged. “Whatever that means. But we still aren’t out of the woods.” She released a non-humorous chuckle. “Right now, though, you look worse than he does.”
The sound of laughter rattled out of her chest like dry paper rolled into a ball. Dark, shadowed circles highlighted her swollen eyes. She’d obviously been crying. Appeared as if she hadn’t eaten either. Yet, true to her nature, she was still trying to take care of him.
“C’mon, I’ll buy you a cup of coffee,” Sandy said, slipping her arm through his. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
