by Linnea May
"And who's this little lady friend?" he asks, taking a few steps toward her with his hand extended for a greeting.
Sara arches her eyebrows at his choice of words.
"I'm Sara," she mumbles, as she shakes his hand.
"You should have told me you're coming," I say, hating to talk to my best friend in this cold tone. Max is a great guy, but tonight his timing couldn't be worse.
He turns back to me, laughing awkwardly.
"I guess so!" he says. "Sorry if I'm interrupting anything, but you know it's not that easy, what with the feds still on my heels."
Sara gasps in shock. "The feds?"
Her eyes dart back and forth between me and Max, searching for an answer she doesn't want to hear.
"Nothing to worry about," Max interjects before I get a chance to say anything. "I know how to outsmart them. We're being more careful this time."
"We?" Sara asks, her eyes widening in horror, as she turns her gaze back to me. "Lux, what is he talking about?"
"Nothing," I say, my mind running wild.
I turn to Max, placing my hand on his shoulder.
"It's good to see you back," I say, acting as if the moments before haven't happened. "But not tonight. I'm busy."
Max laughs heartily, placing his hand at the back of his head in a gesture of embarrassment.
"Dude, so sorry about this," he says. "But I'm only gonna‘ be in town for like two or three days. And I didn't want to call you, because you know-"
"Yes, I understand," I interrupt him, before he says anything else that could unnecessarily stir up Sara. "We can talk tomorrow."
"About what?" Sara chimes in. She approaches me in wide, angry steps, her eyes flickering with fury. "What does he want to talk with you about?"
She glares up at me, her eyes piercing into me with such vibrant force that it almost feels as if she can read whatever truth she's seeking without me saying another word.
"Nothing," I say. "It's none of y-"
"You said you were not involved with this kind of shit anymore," she says, pointing at Max, who gasps with indignation by her insulting gesture. "And now this guy, a guy who's chased by the feds, shows up in the middle of the night, in your parking garage, congratulating you for being back on board and wanting to talk to you about 'nothing'? Do you think I'm fucking stupid?!"
"Hey, now come on!" Max tries to calm her down. "You're being kind of unf-"
"Shut up!" she yells at him.
I almost have to laugh at the scene. Max is flinching as this pint-sized girl yells at him, pointing her finger at him in an accusatory manner, all while she's trembling with rage. I had no idea she could be such a little firecracker.
However, I would find it more endearing and entertaining if I didn't have this icy fear forming inside me.
The fear of losing her.
Chapter XXVII
Sara
"Sara!" he yells behind me, as I stride toward the exit of the parking garage in wide angry steps. "Sara, wait!"
He must think I'm a fucking idiot. I try to get away from him, but he quickly catches up to me, grasping and holding me by the shoulder and forcing me to turn around to face him.
"Please, let me explain," he says, as our eyes meet.
"What is there to explain?" I ask. "You lied to me! You lied when you said you're done with this shit. You lied just a few minutes ago, in the car, when we talked about you not risking going back to prison. You lied when-"
"I didn't lie!" he insists, his voice echoing loudly through the garage.
"And you're lying now," I say, ignoring his interjection. "Please, Lux, don't take me for a fool. It's insulting."
He presses his lips flat, throwing me an angry look, as if I was the one who messed everything up tonight, even though he‘s clearly to blame.
"I want to go home," I say, my voice shaking as tears threaten to break the solid exterior I’ve put up to protect myself. "This had to end at some point, I knew that from the beginning. You just gave me a good reason to end it now."
Pain graces his handsome face, an odd expression that I haven't seen on him before.
"What?" he asks. "Are you serious?"
I gulp, suppressing the urge to cry.
"Yes, Lucas," I say, emphasizing his name. The name he asked me to never use again. The name he hates. "I'm done with boys like you. Whatever I want to achieve in life, whatever among the choices you laid out for me when we talked earlier - I'm risking too much by dating self-proclaimed renegades like you. I can't have that in my life."
His gaze darkens. "That's so fucking stupid..."
"What you're doing is fucking stupid!" I bark at him. "Just let me go home."
He sighs. "Sara, really. Why does any of this matter? It's not like we're-"
"It's not like we're what?" I cut him off.
Lux stares at me, biting his lower lip.
I knew it. We're nothing, we never would have been anything, and he doesn't have the guts to say it out loud, even now.
I take in a deep breath, followed by a sigh, as he helplessly shifts around on his feet. It's so pathetic, I almost want to punch him.
"Let me at least drive you," he says eventually.
"No," I insist. "I can make it on my own, thank you very much."
"Sara!" he yells anew when I turn around, once again trying to march away from him. But this time, he doesn't try to stop me.
I call myself a cab, something I would never do because it's way too expensive for me. But the prospect of facing public transportation all by myself, at night, traveling across half the city, is just too much to handle. A sting of regret pricks into my chest when I pay the driver and get out of the car in front of my apartment, my head low and my shoulders sunken in as I make my way up the stairs.
Olivia is home tonight, which is rare considering that she's usually either on stage or out partying with her friends. I hear music coming from her room, and for a moment I fear that she might have a date over. There's nothing worse than listening to your roommate fucking her date in the room next to yours when you come home with a broken heart after a break-up.
But can you really break up with someone when you were never officially a couple? Lux and I haven't shared much except for amazing sex, part of which I still cannot remember. Tonight's conversation may have been an exception. I felt closer to him than ever before, even despite the unsettling things he told me about himself, and the uncomfortable questions he posed about my career. But still... it was mostly sex.
Not just any sex, though. The intimacy we shared was beyond anything I've ever experienced.
"What are you doing home?"
Olivia's voice forcefully pulls me out of my thoughts, and I flinch in surprise, dropping my keys to the floor as I turn around. She's leaning against her door frame with her arms crossed in front of her chest. I didn't even notice the music getting louder as she opened the door because I was so occupied with thinking about Lux. She's wearing sweatpants and no make-up, which suggests that she has no guy keeping her company. Thank God.
"I thought you were out on a hot date with that club guy?" she asks, concern running deep in her voice. "What happened? Did he bail on you?"
I shake my head, picking up the keys and throwing them on a little end table next to our entrance before scuffing along the hallway, heading for my room. I don't know what to tell Olivia, and I don't feel like talking about things at all, but I know she won't let it go that easily.
"He didn't bail," I say, falling down on my bed. Olivia follows me into my room, joins me at the edge of my bed, looking at me expectantly.
"Things just went awry," I try to explain. "I had to go home."
"Had to?" she asks. "Why? What happened?"
"To be honest, I don't really want to talk about it."
Olivia sighs."Did you fight?"
I gather myself to sit up straight, avoiding eye contact with her. "Not really."
"Did he do something stupid?" she follows up.
&nb
sp; I huff. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."
"What then?" she probes. "What's so terrible that you had to come home?"
"It's complicated-"
"Oh, come on!" Olivia interrupts me. "Not that phrase! I'm pretty sure even Facebook doesn't allow that as a relationship status anymore."
I roll my eyes at her. "It really isn't that simple."
Olivia puts her hand on my shoulder, casting me an empathetic look. "Nothing is ever easy when it comes to men, Sara. Trust me."
Chapter XXVIII
Lux
"I'm sorry, man," Max says, after we clink the first of what I expect to be many beers tonight. "Didn't mean to cock-block you like this."
I glance at him from the other side of the couch, as I take the first sip from my bottle. There's nothing like a bottle of Yuengling with my buddy after such a long time, despite the unfortunate aftermath of his sudden appearance.
"Yeah, you could've told me," I say. "Dropping in out of nowhere like this. It never occurred to you that I might have other plans for the night?"
He laughs. "Yeah, that was dumb. I should've known, you old go-getter."
Max looks at me, raising his eyebrows. "She was a cute one, too. Bit clingy. I guess this wasn't your first night with her?"
"Well, thanks to you, it was certainly our last," I say, turning away from him, so he can't read whatever my face may give away about my inner turmoil right now. I don't want to dwell on losing Sara. Even more so, I hate the fact that this even feels like a loss.
"Pity," Max says, bringing the bottle up to his lips again. "Didn't know you liked 'em slender and tiny like that, though."
"She's a dancer," I say. "Ballerina at Anaheim."
Max lets out a low whistle, arching his eyebrows.
"Nice!" he congratulates me. "Bet she was bendy as fuck."
I growl as a reply, trying to come to terms with the unfamiliar anger his comment about Sara fuels inside of me. We've always talked about our conquests this way, judging their appearances, their abilities in bed, their overall value as a fuck toy. Our interest was always more focused on the girl's deep-throating ability than her eye color, let alone her career, or the way they walk depending on their mood.
Why the hell do I remember Sara's walk? Or the way she spoke, the way her God damn eyelashes fluttered when she was either flattered or nervously anxious.
"Right?" Max probes. "She was, wasn't she?"
I‘m startled, looking at him for a moment, before I remember that I owe him a thorough description of Sara's lithe and lissom body as she squirmed beneath me, details of how far I could spread her legs, allowing for extraordinary leeway and an image so arousing that my cock is twitching even now.
"Yeah, she was," I mumble, unwilling to elaborate.
"Oh, come on, bro, you gotta‘ give me more than that," Max complains, giving me a punch from the side. "It's been too long since I've heard naughty Lux stories about the little chicks he drags to his palace."
It takes all my power not to return the punch he just gave me with twice the force. I don't want to talk about Sara, especially not to him, and especially not like this. Why on Earth does he not get that?
Because I've never been like this with a girl before.
I never cared. I fucked them, I got rid of them when I got bored, and I never wasted another thought on them, even when they broke down in tears in front of me as I was casting them out of my life. It never got to me, none of them ever did.
Except for this one. Sara's blue eyes are still piercing into me, uncovering layer after layer with her silly concerns about me and my business decisions.
Fuck that.
"Didn't you come here to talk business?" I ask Max, trying to divert the topic to something less gut-wrenching.
Max regards me with a look, scanning me as if he's seeing me for the first time. I keep a straight face, my eyes narrowed and an expression of angry impatience on my face.
"Pussy," he spits at me.
I frown at him. "What the fuck did you just call me?"
He raises his hands in defense, shaking his head.
"Never mind, big guy," he says in a reconciling tone. "Let's talk business, if you're up for it."
"I told you, I am," I retort. "This whole doing-the-legit-thing is not working out for me. I want in on what you're doing."
"It's not working out?" Max asks. "Is it as hard as they say it is to make money as an honest man?"
I shrug. "I'm making money all right, but not as much as we did back then, and with far more trouble attached to it."
"Don't forget those damn taxes," Max says. "Glad I never had to worry about that shit."
I chuckle, shaking my head at his words.
"A lot of people share that sentiment," I say. "That's exactly what makes my company work at all, I'm afraid. Most of our clients use our security barrier to take advantage of loopholes for avoiding taxes."
Max laughs and raises his beer to me.
"Playing on the side of the good guys, but still supporting the true heroes," he compliments me. "I dig that."
"Leaving the shadows has its disadvantages," I add for consideration. "Not everyone likes you for it."
He nods. "Sure. But what would life be without a little risk."
That's not what I meant, but I'm not going to be dumb enough to bring Sara back into this conversation. She's gone. I've got nothing more to lose. The benefit that comes from this is the fact that I can go back to doing the things I really enjoyed, together with Max.
"I don't like risk," I object. "If we do this, I need it to be bulletproof. I don't want to end up behind bars again."
Max regards me with a skeptical look from the side.
"Won't happen," he says. "We won't get caught this time."
"What makes you so sure?" I ask. "And wouldn't it be safer to invest some effort into creating a back-up that will keep us in the clear, even if the feds turn their attention on us again?"
Max shrugs, a gesture that I don't like to see in response to what I just suggested.
"You never thought about it?" I want to know.
He lets out an irritated sigh of exasperation. "No, I haven't. Because we will not get caught this time."
"How can you be so sure of that?" I probe. "Tell me what you-"
"Lux, buddy, are you in on this or not?" he interrupts me. "Because you seem awfully wary for someone who was all over this just a few months ago. I don't want to get into details unless I can trust you to be on board with this."
"How can I be on board when I don't feel like you've taken the necessary precautions?" I ask. "You're a little too lax for my taste in regard to getting busted again. I'm not condemning your operation, I just want to be safer this time. More careful."
Max shakes his head and brings his beer up to finish the bottle.
"Call me a pussy all you want," I say. "But I'm not going to jail again."
"Maybe you really are a pussy," Max returns. "Is it because of her? The petite chick from tonight?"
A clamp tightens around my chest, causing my heart to run in a wild storm.
"She has nothing to do with anything," I say through gritted teeth.
"I'm not convinced. Something has changed you, man," Max says.
I finish my beer instead of giving him a reply. Maybe he's right, maybe I have changed. But I refuse to admit that it has anything to do with Sara.
"Okay, maybe I have changed," I agree. "But if anything, it was prison that changed me. Believe it or not, I don't need that thrill anymore. It's the prospect for more leeway and freedom that's attractive to me, not the excitement of possibly getting caught by the feds."
Max sighs. "You can't have one without the other."
I look at him, realizing that I'm showered in a sense of doubt that hasn't been there before. Do I really want this? Is the will to be different than my older brother, the desire to be the black sheep of the family, the bad son, really strong enough to jeopardize the things I have achieved? Does d
oing my own thing really have to entail the danger of imprisonment? Can you really not have one without the other?
"Maybe I can," I say, meeting Max's eyes as he turns to me with a puzzled expression.
Chapter XXIX
Sara
"Okay, girl, this has to stop."
Olivia is standing in front of me, arms crossed and her foot tapping impatiently as she watches me lounging on the bed.
"What?" I ask, confused at her accusatory stance.
"This," she says, waving her hand in a circular motion toward me. "This dwelling, moping, sleeping all day-"
"I'm on vacation!" I protest, causing her to laugh.
"You're on off-season, not on vacation," she objects. "And I've never seen you spend this much time in your room, season or not. You've got to get over this whole heartache thing you're into right now and get back to living life."
"Excuse me," I exclaim. "I'm not into any heartache thing right now. I'm fine! I'm just relaxing a little."
Olivia rolls her eyes in exasperation.
"Let's get real here," she says, lifting her hand motioning me to stay quiet as she explains what's wrong with me. "This is a classic display of a broken heart. And I know, you and this guy, what was his name again... Lion?"
"Lux," I correct her.
"Right, Lux," she says in a couldn't-care-less attitude. "I know you guys weren't like, serious or anything, at least you say so, but you're obviously hung up on him. I've never seen you this mopey, especially not right after a season ends, when you're usually out and about, doing all the things you don't allow yourself to do while season is in full swing. Heck, all you do is sit around in your room, binge-watch dumb TV shows, and head out to the studio once in a while, so your body doesn't rot completely."
I frown at her, pouting like a kid, as she continues to insult me with her description of my alleged behavior.
"You're exaggerating," I say, but my voice is lacking so much weight that even I don't believe myself. I know Olivia is right, but I don't want to admit it, not to her and not to myself.
