by Natavia
It will never be about me and how I’m really doing. Everything is always about school and getting to know people in higher places. My parents are more concerned about Jaz than me, I thought.
“He’s actually sitting next to me,” I replied.
“Well put him on. Your father wants to speak to him,” she replied. I rolled my eyes before I handed Jaz my phone. He squeezed my leg and told me to behave. It was a small gesture, but it was a little aggressive. Jaz was slowly turning me onto him. After he hung up my phone he passed it back to me.
“What’s up with the Huxatables?” I asked Jaz.
“They invited me to dinner. I still need an invitation from you though. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he said.
“Well, I’ll go with you since you can benefit from it. I want the best for you too, and I know how much this would mean to you,” I replied. He was ready to lean in and kissed me, but I held my hand up. I didn’t want to kiss him anymore because I was still aroused from the first one. I had to ask myself if I was able to take that next step with Jaz.
“Wait a minute, nigga. Let me get myself together,” I said.
“Girl, stop playing and give me another one,” Jaz spat. I gave him a quick peck and he laughed.
“I really like you, Adisa. It was something about you the first time we met,” he said.
“I like you too, but we are moving slowly with whatever this is. I’m too focused on school right now to get another heartbreak. We can date, but that’s it,” I said.
“As long as I get to sit next to you,” he flirted.
“So, are you seeing anyone else around campus? I need to know now,” I said.
“I have done a few things, but it wasn’t special,” he admitted.
“A few things like what?” I asked.
“Don’t make me say it,” he said.
“Boy, you better or else I’ll go home,” I replied.
“I have fucked a few girls this school year, but that’s all it was. How about you?” he asked with his eyebrow raised.
“Nope, my pussy has been closed since summertime,” I said, and he chuckled. Jaz knew my mouth had no filter.
I’m really starting to like him, but is it too soon? He’s even finer than he was when I first met him. What should I do? I thought.
9. Emeka
I sat on the floor inside of Adisas and Samiah’s apartment drinking a glass of wine. I text Zadik, but he wasn’t responding. I felt like he was becoming distant. After basketball practice, he hung out with his friends. He stood me up several times on our date nights. Zadik was the star on his basketball team. I heard rumors spreading around campus about him and different girls. I wondered what happened to my Zadik from next door. College life changed him and it was almost like he didn’t know me anymore.
“What’s the matter with you?” Samiah asked me.
“I think Zadik is seeing someone else,” I finally admitted.
“Girl, he’s the basketball star. The groupies are trailing behind him waiting for him to get drafted,” Samiah said while Adisa roller-wrapped her hair.
“What does that mean? See, that’s nigga’s problem now. They forget where they came from. He was all about her and helping her with her grandmother before college. Now, he wants to show his ass because he’s in college and feeling himself. All you have to do is fuck another nigga,” Adisa said.
“Don’t listen to this hoe. Just talk to him and see what he says,” Samiah replied.
“I’m not ready for the truth,” I replied.
“I’m not trying to be in your business, but are y’all fucking on the regular?” Adisa asked. Zadik and I had sex a total of fourteen times. Six times before college and eight times during college. I didn’t want to think it, but Zadik was screwing around on me.
“No,” I replied.
“Talk to him, and if you need your space let him know,” Samiah said. Her phone rang and she smacked her teeth.
“Who is that?” I asked.
“Zu,” Samiah replied.
“What does he want?” Adisa asked.
“To know my whereabouts. He hates that I’m dating Kyan now. I mean he really hates it. Him and Kyan got into it at a party a few weeks ago. That muthafucka’ had a baby on me, but wants to control my life,” Samiah fussed.
“Well at least he’s fighting for you,” Adisa said sadly. The room got quiet afterwards because Adisa was still trying to get over, York. She was dating Jaz, but we all knew it wasn’t the same.
“What time does, Faraji, get off?” Samiah asked me.
“Ten o’clock,” I replied.
“Where does she work at again?” Adisa asked me.
“I don’t know myself,” I replied honestly.
Faraji was starting to become too busy for me. I found myself always being around Adisa and Samiah. Since Faraji and I knew each other longer, you would think our bond was stronger than that. It’s almost like I didn’t know much about her anymore.
“She’ll tell us. Faraji just likes her peace and nothing is wrong with that.” Adisa said as if she was reading my mind.
“Yes, that is true,” I replied.
“Me and Jaz are going to this boring ass party Saturday. Remind me to smoke two blunts before I go around those damn people.” Adisa said talking about her parents.
“Girl, hush. They are not that bad,” Samiah laughed.
“I barely know those people,” Adisa replied.
While they were going back-and-forth, Zadik, called my cell phone.
“Hey, I’m sorry I missed your call. I was in training,” he said.
“Yeah I know,” I replied.
“Don’t be like that. I’m ready to pick you up. Be in front of your building in ten minutes,” he said. After he hung up, I went inside of the bathroom to freshen myself up. I fixed my hair and applied lip gloss on my lips.
“See, you did all that worrying for nothing,” Samiah said.
“I guess I can chill out, but I’m still asking him,” I replied.
“And bust him upside his head if he gives you the wrong damn answer. You let that nigga know that you are too fly to get trampled on, shit. Who do these niggas think they are?” Adisa asked getting hyped.
“Now you done got her started. Take her ass with you,” Samiah said. Adisa stood up on the couch and popped her ass out.
“Look at me bitches! All this ass,” Adisa shouted.
Adisa’s spirit always got us through the day. I waved them goodbye before I walked out of their apartment. While I was standing in front of the building a black Lexus pulled up. The passenger side door opened and Faraji stepped out of the car. I couldn’t see the man’s face, but I knew he was white. She waved at him before he pulled off.
“Where have you been?” I asked checking out her outfit. She wore a trench coat with knee length boots. She looked tired and I could tell she was drinking.
“I was working and my boss brought me home. What are you doing standing outside in the cold?” she asked.
“Waiting for, Zadik. Answer my question, Faraji,” I said.
“Okay. I work at a bar, but I’m not supposed to tell anyone because I’m underage,” she said.
“We are your friends,” I replied.
“I know, but I just wanted it to be low-key,” she said. Zadik pulled up to the building seconds later. Faraji waved at him and he waved back.
“Have fun. I’m going to take a nice long bath before I go to sleep,” she yawned.
“Okay goodnight,” I replied. I walked towards Zadik’s car after I made sure, Faraji made it in the building safely.
********
My eyes felt heavy and I wanted to lay on a pile of clothes in the store at work and just sleep. Zadik and I stayed up all night talking, and I only had one or two hours of sleep before work. I don’t think I would had been able to confront him if I hadn’t had those two glasses of wine before he picked me up.
I asked him was he cheating on me, and he told me they were jus
t rumors. Jersey chasers saw dollar signs when they saw him or any of the other basketball players on his team. Zu ended up surprising me with two train tickets to the facility my grandmother was in. He always knew how to cater to me without having to be told what was needed. I didn’t know how bad I needed to see my grandmother until he handed me the tickets.
Relief washed over me after our conversation and my mind instantly stopped thinking the worst about me and Zadik’s relationship.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and pulled me from my thoughts. I couldn’t answer it because one of the managers was working with me. I became anxious because my phone vibrated non-stop. I waited until I clocked out to return the missed calls. Carl called me thirty times because my grandmother was acting out again, but there was nothing I could do. I guess the facility contacted him when they couldn’t get a hold of me. I was a few hours away from her. I told Carl to let the nurses handle what they were getting paid to do. I didn’t mean to sound harsh, but it was reality.
“Before you go I need to ask you something. Have you spoken to your mother? She hasn’t called me in a few months and I am worried about her.” I didn’t know why he was worried about her because she didn’t care about him.
“No, I haven’t seen nor talked to her in almost five months now.”
Carl helped me move into my apartment with Faraji. He gave me the furniture from my grandmother’s house because he sold it. My mother didn’t know he was selling the house because she was never really there, but she wasn’t happy when she figured out our plans. I changed my number to escape the threatening calls from my mother because she couldn’t live rent free anymore.
“Just let me know if you hear from her or need anything.” Carl told me before we hung up. I cursed underneath my breath because Carl had spoke her up. I went months without seeing her. I stood by my car in the parking lot of the mall and waited for her to address me. I wasn’t backing down from her.
“Emeka bring your stupid ass over here I know you saw me calling you before you changed your fucking number on me,” Chloe yelled but I didn’t answer her. I decided to leave because she was too rowdy and I didn’t want to lose my job. I opened my car door, but I wasn’t fast enough.
“Bitch you heard me talking to your ass.” My mother screeched. People were starting to stare she would’ve made the scene worse if I didn’t stop.
“Yes, mother.”
“Don’t call me that.” Chloe hated when I let it be known to the public she was my mother.
“Why did you call your uncle and pretend like I wasn’t taking care of you and your grandmother. Your ass owes me because I know my brother gave you a cut from the sale of the house. I’ll sue the both of you for not giving me a thirty-day notice.” My mother grabbed me by the arm tight enough to leave a bruise and snatched me away from my car.
“I asked you what plans you had for your MOTHER when I went off to college, and you never told me. There was no way I was going to risk my grandmother’s safety and health by leaving her there alone. You had me taking care of her since I was a child and I couldn’t do it anymore. It was time for me to spread my wings and get grandma the help she needed so I called her son.” I finally told her what I had building up inside of me since middle school. I hoped she understood every word I said to her.
“You are a selfish little bitch! I sold my ass to take care of you and this is the thanks I get. And there was a plan in place for your grandmother. You were supposed to watch her when you were at home and hire someone when it was needed.” She lied and only heard what she wanted as always.
“You didn’t sell your ass for me. I have never seen a dime of that money. Grandma bought my clothes from thrift shops, even when I lived with you; up until the time, I was old enough to pay for my own clothes. And the government’s assistance paid the rent, so don’t give me that bull.”
“I am your mother! Don’t you dare disrespect me with those lies. If it wasn’t for me spending that abortion money your father gave me, you wouldn’t be here. Just be lucky that I spotted that dress before I made it to the abortion clinic. Your damn father didn’t want you because you were a disgrace to him and his family. You were three years old when he saw you. He took one look at you. One damn look and never came back! He would’ve given me another life if I didn’t keep you. I sacrificed it all for you,” she said. The bitch actually sounded hurt.
There were times when she hinted my father was apart of a political family that went back generations.
When I was younger, I would look through my neighbor’s old newspapers to see if there was a resemblance between me and anyone in politics in my state and surrounding states. That was my daily routine until we moved out of our roach-infested apartment and into my grandmother’s house.
I was fed up with her presence, so I headed towards my car.
”You don’t have a mother anymore just remember that. If you see me on the street, walk the other way or I’mma beat your ass like you’re a stranger on the street unless I get my money. Wanna’ know why I never let you call me Mom in public? Well, I’mma tell you anyway, it’s because you’re ugly and I don’t want to embarrass myself by claiming you. I don’t know where your looks came from because it wasn’t from me nor your father. I should’ve swallowed you. Speaking of swallow, I’mma make sure your boyfriend becomes one of my clients and pay for this pussy. Once he gets a taste he’s not going back, just like your little friend Faraji.” She only mentioned Zadik and Faraji because I cared about them. It wasn’t worth me questioning them because Chloe was a stone-cold liar.
I would never give Chloe the satisfaction of seeing me cry, but I did on my way home. I hated the hold she had on me because deep down she knew I yearned for a mother.
She was the reason I didn’t open up to people right away or barely talked. She used to shut me up when I talked to her. Imagine being a four-year-old child getting yelled and cursed out at for wanting to talk to your mother. It did something to my communication skills when I got older. Zadik made me realize that Chloe emotionally and verbally abused me. It was never my fault why she didn’t want me. Something was wrong with Chloe, but sadly I didn’t care anymore. I hope the bitch rotted in hell.
I wiped my tears away and blinked my eyes until my vision was no longer blurry. I had to get to the one person I knew could calm me down before I drifted back into that neglected little girl.
********
I banged on Zadik’s dorm door because I needed to talk to him—it was urgent. He didn’t answer the door because the music was too loud. I turned the knob to see if it was unlocked. I should’ve tried it at first because Zadik had an issue with locking doors. As long as I’ve known him, he always forgot to lock the door. When I walked in, clothes were thrown around; I began to panic. I felt pressure on my chest when I noticed two bodies underneath the comforter. Tears stung the brim of my eyes because he lied to me. He lied about everything he told me. He pretended that I was the only one, but I wasn’t. The rumors around campus were true and I should’ve gone with my gut instinct. How silly of me to think Zadik was different from the other hot athletes. I unplugged the radio.
“Liar!” I yelled. The two bodies fell off the bed, I snatched the comforter off them. I gasped when I realized who it was. Not only was Zadik cheating on me, but he was fucking his roommate which was his teammate. Zadik was gay and hid it from me. I should’ve known something was wrong from the lack of sex we had. I covered my mouth and cried.
“Nigga, I told you to lock the door!” his teammate Roderick yelled at him.
“Muthafucka you should’ve! I didn’t think my girl was going to pop up,” Zadik replied.
They were going back-and-forth as if I wasn’t standing there. I picked up one of Zadik’s trophies and fought him with it. His teammate hurriedly got dressed and ran out of the room. I almost threw up when I saw Zadik’s dick covered with a condom. He was the giver and it pissed me off even more. He took my virginity with the same dick he was sticking inside of
men. Zadik pulled me down and laid on top of me.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t want you to find out like this, Emeka,” he cried.
“Why did you do this to me?” I screamed. I pushed him away from me. Tears fell from his eyes as he sobbed.
“Please, Emeka. Just listen to me for one second,” he begged.
“How long?” I asked.
“I always felt it, but I knew it wouldn’t be accepted in the NBA. Roderick is the only boy I did anything sexual with. I promise I won’t do it again. When I get drafted, you know I’m going to take you with me. Everything will be all yours just ride it out with me. I will get some help. I will do whatever you want me to do. Please, don’t tell anyone about this,” Zadik begged.
