Black & Ugly

by Styles, Toy

  ~~~~

  The banging on my door sounds like it could be the police for real until I hear Miss Wayne yelling, "Get up, bitch!"

  BANG, BANG, BANG.

  "The mothafuckin' pep squad is here." BANG, BANG, BANG.

  "Open this got-damn door."

  BANG, BANG, BANG.

  I walk to the door wanting to cuss all of them out

  'cuz when he says pep squad, I'm sure Parade and Sky are with him, too. But if you know my friends, you'll know that cussing them out won't work.

  "Yes," I say as I open the door.

  "Hey, girl. You okay?" Parade asks as she hugs me with her hair still in place and lookin' cute.

  This is different because Parade is hard on hairstyles. She doesn't know how to keep them for too long.

  They don't last on me, either. That's why I always rock ponytails.

  "Damn, bitch. Turn some lights on in here," Sky says as she opens up all my blinds.

  I close the door and tie my robe.

  "Damn," they all say when the light reveals my 76

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  filthy apartment. I'm a little ashamed.

  "Do you ever clean up, girl?" Sky asks. "You ain't pregnant, are you? I ain't ready to be no god mommy."

  "And just what makes you think you would be the god mommy, bitch?" Miss Wayne says as he jumps in her face with his plum-smuggling jeans on.

  "And what makes either of you think you would be the god mommy?" Parade proclaims as she pushes both of them. "'Cuz Daffany knows I'm the only one with good enough sense to take care of the baby. Tell

  'em, Daffany," Parade says as she looks at me. "Tell them who'd be the god mommy. It's only right they should know now anyway."

  "Well luckily for my unborn child, I'm not pregnant." I smile at my friends who were going back and forth in front of me. "Now I'm feelin' what you guys are doin', but I really want to be left alone. Please."

  "How did things go with that guy last night?" Sky asks. "He came over to see you? That's why you tired?"

  "No," I respond as I start to cry.

  "What's wrong?" Parade inquires as she runs over to me. "What happened?"

  "Let's just say it's true, you can't make a whore your housewife." My own words make me sick to my stomach.

  "Fuck that mothafucka. He betta recognize that most housewives are whores anyway, chile. They fuck, suck and do anything else they can so these mens will take care of 'em," he continues, glancing at Parade.

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  You ain't no different. You just ask for yours up front." In a crazy way, he has a point.

  "I feel you, Miss Wayne, but I'd really like to be alone right now."

  I hate seein' the looks on their faces, but they'll be worse if I attempt to entertain them because although I don't want to admit it, Ed really fucked me up and it's hard to shake the feeling of not being wanted.

  When people already know I trick and say it, I'm not fazed because it is what it is. But he believed I was a businesswoman. He believed I was a woman just doin'

  the damn thing until somebody, knowing about my past, hated on me. Maybe I should just be who the fuck I am and stop worrying about what people think.

  "Look, go in there for now and go to sleep. Let us take care of everything out here. Leave the door open, too," Miss Wayne continues, breaking me out of my thoughts. "We wanna get in there next." He pushes me toward my bedroom.

  "No, serious guys," I say as I walk out. "I really want to be left alone."

  "Bitch, get in that damn room," Sky yells. "We got this shit under control and you gonna thank us for it later, too."

  "Yeah get in the room, whore." Miss Wayne laughs.

  He's trying to make light of something he knows is bothering me, but hearing the words leave his mouth still hurts. I walk into my room then lie on my bed feelin' bad about sleeping while they clean my house and for being bad company, but the sound of them moving 78

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  around helps me go to sleep because I know they care about me, no matter what.

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  9

  Sky

  THE NEWS HAS EVERYBODY STUCK. I wish I had never turned on the TV, but it won't change shit. First we were playing Taboo after cleaning Daffany's apartment. Now we are watching the results of a crime that I committed. Coming back into the living room I hear:

  "Sources are calling this a robbery gone bad.

  Apparently, the suspect attempted to rob the victim but killed her when she refused to comply. Sources also say Melony Walker was an active member of society, having contributed to six charities in the Washington, DC

  area by donating funds and volunteering her time. She is mourned by her husband, Tyler Walker, and infant son, Chandler."

  I abruptly turn the TV off before they see or hear more.

  "Why you do that?" they all scream.

  "'Cause we were playing a game, so let's play it."

  "But we were lookin' at that," Miss Wayne says.

  "I want to play the game," I whine, taking my orig-80

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  inal place on the couch. "We can watch TV at home."

  "I didn't know it was so serious," Daffany responds, remaining on the subject. "I wonder what happened," she continues as she looks over at me.

  I know she's wondering if I had anything to do with it. And since she knows I don't go for disrespect, she's probably sure I had everything to do with it. But I ain't sayin' or admitting to shit and Parade betta not either.

  "I don't know, but all I got to say is if she was so nice, she wouldn't've been at Donna's party. Everybody knows what pops off at her things," I observe.

  "What does that say about us?" Daffany asks. "We went, too."

  "You know what I mean."

  "No, I don't. So what ... she deserved to be killed?" Miss Wayne probes as he clutches the top of his shirt.

  "Please tell me you're not that cold, Miss Sky."

  "Wayne, stop being a drama queen. All I'm saying is that the media lies, and that people are soooo fake.

  Why is it that when a person's alive she gets on everybody's nerves but when she dies, she is sorely missed?

  It's bullshit!" I yell.

  "Did you know her, Sky, or are you sayin' it was okay for her to die? Because I don't understand what your point is," Daffany interrogates.

  "I'm not sayin' that it was okay for her to die, Daffany. Stop putting words in my mouth. I'm not sayin' shit about her deserving to die. I just know the media loves to make someone look like Mother Theresa when they're dead, instead of what they were really T. Styles

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  like. The media should be honest. If she donated to the Red Cross one day and gave head the next, tell the full story. No offense, Daffany."

  "And none taken, bitch."

  "When I die, tell the truth," I continue.

  "Don't worry, honey. We'll make sure everybody knows what an evil bitch you were. That will definitely be taken care of," Miss Wayne adds.

  "Good, just as long as it's the truth, I ain't got shit to say about it."

  "You won't have shit to say about it anyway, baby,

  'cuz you'll be dust," he says as he pokes his lips out.

  "Everybody needs to calm down," Parade interrupts. "A lot of shit has happened, and we shouldn't let that ruin our friendship just because we were there. I feel bad about what happened to her, too, but we can't get into a fight fest with each other 'bout it either."

  "Miss Parade is right. Guurrl, when you start telling us what to do? I kinda like that shit though. Command us, honey," he says as he reaches over and hits her on the leg.

  Parade may have said that shit, but I ain't buying her little friend
ship comment. I'm just hopin' she can keep my secret. Still, I haven't gotten around to finding out if she's really into Jay. Honestly, I don't want to give her the satisfaction of thinking I really consider her an option. But if I find out she's fuckin' Jay, I'll be stabbing her ass next.

  "I just hope that whoever that mothafucka is gets exactly what's coming to them. It's because of the bas-82

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  tard that baby doesn't have a mother anymore. That's tragic," Miss Wayne says.

  What the fuck is he talking about? As usual, he is making a scene and being overly dramatic. Her baby probably didn't even know her fuckin' ass.

  "I agree, Miss Wayne. Whoever the bitch is who killed that girl deserves to fuckin' die," Daffany says as she looks at me again.

  I know she's talking 'bout me. And since she wants it that way, I decide I don't need to be around them. I know one thing, I coulda been doin' something else today besides cleaning her funky-ass apartment.

  "Well I'm outta here," I state as I stand and grab my purse.

  "Why, Sky? We were having a nice time before all this happened," Parade asks. "Let's talk. Don't leave like this."

  "Yeah, we were having a blast," Daffany says, all nonchalant and shit.

  "Is that why you called me a bitch?" Everybody is silent.

  "That's what I thought. It's obvious that I've irritated everybody just as much as y'all irritated me, so let me go somewhere where I'm wanted - home."

  "Good night, Miss Thang," Miss Wayne chimes in.

  "Good night, Wayne," I retort, deleting the Miss that I know he loves.

  I'm on my way out the door and I get angrier. Since Parade is so concerned with friendship, I wonder if she knows what it means. I give that dirty black bitch T. Styles

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  everything - clothes and money when we hang out -

  but my man is off limits.

  "Parade, can I use your cell phone? I want to call Jay real quick," I ask, looking for specifics to see if she has really been with him.

  "Ummm, you can use my phone, Miss Sky. And Miss Daffany's phone is working, too," Miss Wayne jumps in.

  "No, I want to use Parade's phone. Daffany doesn't like her number being given out and he might not recognize yours because I've never used it before, so hand me your cell phone, Parade," I demand.

  "You know you can use my phone, Sky. Stop being a bitch," Daffany responds. "It's not a fuckin' problem.

  You act so spoiled when you can't have your way."

  "No thank you, honey. I'd rather walk up the block to the store on the corner than use your precious phone."

  "Isn't that odd, since your apartment building is right behind mine? Somehow that corner comment makes you sound really stupid, doesn't it?" Daffany says.

  "Fuck you, Daffany. I want to use Parade's phone because I've used it before, and he'll answer it if he recognizes the number."

  "Well, the girl doesn't want you to use it so stop makin' a big deal and use mine instead," Miss Wayne says.

  "Wayne, shut the fuck up and let Parade talk.

  Parade, can I please use your phone?" 84

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  "Uh ... my battery is dead, Sky. You really should use Miss Wayne's. I'm sure Jay'll answer it even if he don't recognize the number," she utters as she begins to sweat and stutter.

  "So what? You tellin' me about my man now, Parade? How would you know any fuckin' thing about my man?"

  "I don't, Sky. Where is this coming from? I didn't do anything to you," Parade replies.

  "Look, say yes or no. All that other shit you talkin'

  is bullshit."

  "I'm sorry, Sky. Please don't be mad, but I'll have to say no."

  "You a sneaky bitch! I'm not fuckin' with you no more, Parade. I better not find out that you fuckin' wit'

  me either," I say as I run out the door, not wanting to alert anybody else that I am worried about her taking my man.

  I walk to my building with my suspicions confirmed that something must be going on between Jay and Parade. What I didn't understand is how? He hates dark-skinned girls and Parade ain't even attractive. I never expected Miss Wayne to be in on it, too.

  Suddenly, the cool air overtakes me and I realize I left my jacket, but I ain't going back into that apartment. My friends have stabbed me in the back, and I don't want anything else to do with them.

  I try my hardest not to cry, but as I turn the corner I can't hold back my tears.

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  10

  Smokes

  "DON'T WORRY 'BOUT QUINCY MANOR. Everything's cool," Silver says on the phone. "Just do you, and if there's anything you need, I don't even give a fuck, I'm down wit' it. You know I got your back. No problem." Smokes is silent. He's pondering whether he can count on Silver to handle the business around the way, let alone anything pertaining to his wife. Thinking more about it, he realizes that dealing with Silver, on the level where things need to be done and done right, is not a good idea.

  "What I need can't nobody give me. And that's my mothafuckin' wife back. Can you do that?" Silence.

  "Exactly. So what you sayin' right now, I'm not trying to hear."

  "I can't bring Melony back, man, but I can give you the bitches who had somethin' to do wit' it. That should take care of a lot of the problems for you, right?"

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  "Not really," Smokes answers, being more difficult than he originally intended when their conversation first started.

  "What you mean?" Silver asks.

  "I mean somebody took my fuckin' wife away, so killin' a mothafucka ain't gonna fix the bigger problem."

  "I know, man," Silver says, sensing there is nothing he can say that will help the situation.

  "Naw, you don't know, youngin. Don't tell me you know 'cuz you ain't got a kid, and you don't know what the fuck it feels like to have his mother gone."

  "I feel you, man."

  "Oh, you do?" Smokes sarcastically responds. "Do you know how fucked up shit is when a kid grows up without his mother? I want 'em to suffer, Silver. I want whoever did this brought to me and tortured. I don't want no fuckin' mistakes." He pauses to allow the severity of his desires sink into Silver's consciousness.

  "Now what's the information you have for me?"

  "Well, we found out that three bitches and a faggy left the party real quick. My mans said they got the fuck out of Dodge."

  "Everybody was leavin' that mothafucka. How you know they had somethin' to do wit' it?"

  "My mans says Sky, Jay's bitch, had blood all over her pants. I think at the very least she knows who did it, if she ain't do it herself." Smokes can't believe what he's hearing. He doesn't know Sky personally, but he knows exactly who she is.

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  He fails to understand why she would want to kill his wife but does know she's a spoiled little bitch. That's the extent of his familiarity.

  "Something ain't right wit' that. I don't want no guessing wit' this situation, man. I need to know for sure that she did it. No guessing! I wanna know that the money I put on whoever's head is money well spent."

  "You got it," Silver says, excited about possibly getting put on. He knows Smokes pays good money for slinging in the hood, so a hit will be worth way more.

  "Now give me the number of that nigga from Texas you use," Smokes commands as he quiets his baby.

  "You hear this shit, right?" Smokes interrupts before he can get the info. "My son's been crying nonstop since his mother didn't come home. Yeah ... Yeah ... I need this shit handled."

  "I don't know 'bout using Eclipse, man. I only use him for out-of-town jobs. I do everything else myself," Silver insists, trying to hint around that he's mo
re than capable of doing the job. "Plus, Eclipse's real expensive and he moves too slow. He analyze too much shit for me instead of goin' in a mothafucka blazin'."

  "Well, that's what I need. Somebody to do the shit right."

  "I know some niggas that'll find them bitches and murder them tonight for half the price."

  "Who you talking about? Your fuckin' family mem-bas?" Smokes asks, already knowing he's referring to his people.

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  "Naw," Silver replies, lying. "Uh ... they do live in the Manor, so for real, it ain't nothing but a thing."

  "No thank you, nigga. Mothafuckas are already lookin' at me and if they're from the Manor, that shit's too close for comfort. They sittin' 'round waiting on me to do somethin' now. All I need is the feds gettin' a hold of a local nigga and blowing my spot up. I'll just stick with the out-of-town cat," Smokes persists with his mind made up.

  "I'm telling you, Smokes. These niggas are -"

  "Did you hear what the fuck I said, man?" he interrupts. "My kid is growin' up without his mother. I ain't tryin' to have him growing up without a father, too!" He yells so loudly that he wakes up the baby who went to sleep just minutes ago. "Rosa!" Smokes yells. "Come get Chandler and put him to sleep." The nanny takes the baby and leaves the room and Smokes continues his conversation. "Like I said, I want this shit done right. Every time I use you and your brother to take care of somethin', the nigga next to him ends up dead. I'm not fucking wit' you or any of them other stupid-ass niggas you run wit'. I want you to get in contact with that dude, tell him the situation and have him call me back."

  "You got it," Silver reluctantly responds.

  "I'm out."

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  11

  Miss Wayne

  "LISTEN, CHILE, I DON'T FUCK around when it comes to my money. And I know you know this!" I say in a high-pitched voice. "It would be ungood. Trust me, honey."

  "Bitch, you always think somebody fuckin' with yo'

  shit. Now I got you everything you asked me to get and then some."