"Chase, I—I don't know...Here, you take her," I begged, holding Jessica out to him.
"No way. It will be good practice for you. You've got this." He grinned.
I could feel the panic starting to climb inside of me when we heard a booming hello from behind us. I turned in time to see Hunter come around the corner and shake hands with his brother. They exchanged a few words, while I stood paralyzed looking down at Jessica.
"Hey, Sophie, how you doing?" Hunter asked.
"I'm good, and you?"
"Good. Sorry, it’s pretty crazy around here today. Are you ready to eat? Autumn has been cooking all day."
"Starved," I said, repositioning a wiggling Jessica in my arms just in time for her to throw up right down the front of my shirt.
"Oh, God, so sorry about that," Hunter said, stepping in and taking her from me as I fought back puking myself.
Autumn came out of the kitchen carrying two bowls and took one look at me. "Oh, dear...come with me. I will get you another shirt." Autumn set the bowls down on the table and signaled for me to follow her as she started climbing the stairs.
Chase smiled at me and nodded as I followed Autumn upstairs. By the time I had gotten to the top of the landing, she had already found me a T-shirt, grabbed a towel from the hall closet, and showed me to the washroom. "Come on down when you are ready. I am so sorry about that. She has been feeling unwell for a few days."
"It's okay, no worries."
Autumn smiled at me and went back downstairs. I walked into the washroom and shut the door behind me and turned to look at myself in the mirror. My hands shook as I undid the buttons of my blouse. I ran the cloth under the water and cleaned my chest, then I filled the sink with warm water and soaked the blouse, working at the spot to get it clean. I slipped the T-shirt Autumn had loaned me on, rang the blouse out, and looked at my reflection in the mirror.
Who the hell was I kidding? I had no clue what the hell I was going to do with a baby. I was completely uncomfortable even holding her, and if I couldn’t even hold a baby, what the hell was I going to do with my own. I slammed my hands down on the counter and without warning the tears began to fall. I closed my eyes, and for the first time ever I began silently praying that I didn't end up getting pregnant.
A knock on the door startled me. I swallowed hard and turned the tap on, filling my hand with water and taking a sip. "Be out in a minute," I called, wiping the tears from my cheeks.
"Sophie, it’s just me. Everything okay?" Chase called out. "You've been up here a while. Everyone was getting concerned."
I took a deep breath and opened the door. Chase stood there, smiling, looking sexy as hell. As soon as he took a look at me and saw I'd been crying, the smile disappeared from his face. "What is wrong?"
He pushed me back and stepped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him to give us privacy. As soon as he turned back to face me, I lunged forward, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his neck.
"Hey...hey...what is it?" he soothed as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him, trying his best to comfort me.
I couldn't answer him. My throat was tight, and all I could do was cry. I cried because, no matter what anyone said, I was going to miss having Chase around the house. I was going to miss our nights together, our days together. I couldn't truthfully say I'd miss him because he was my best friend and he would always play a strong part in my life. I was more upset with myself, that I had allowed my feelings to take hold, and that in some strange way, I had fallen for him, and somewhere in those few minutes that I had held that baby, the realization came to me: I had decided to have a baby and deny that baby his father. Even though he said he wanted no part of it, I still didn't feel that it was fair. Regardless, Chase held me while I cried, and when I finally pulled away, he looked down into my eyes.
"Are you okay?"
"I will be. Sorry, I guess I was just feeling a little panicked. I was embarrassed," I lied.
"Hey, no problem. I get it. Hunter and Autumn get it. But I came up to tell you dinner is ready. So come on. You can leave your blouse soaking and come up and get it afterward."
"No, no, it’s okay. I will just fold it up and ask Autumn for a bag. You'll have to return her shirt to her."
"No worries. Come on." He waited until I folded my wet blouse, took my hand, and together we walked downstairs.
We drove back from Hunter and Autumn's in silence. We had enjoyed a great meal and talked for hours afterward, ending the evening with a game of cards. Chase pulled into the parking lot and cut the engine. He climbed out of the car and came around to open my door.
"Come, I'll walk you to the door," he said, holding his hand out for me to take. We walked hand in hand, and when we stopped outside the main door, I leaned in and kissed his cheek.
As soon as I backed away, he quickly stepped in and met my lips, kissing me hard. He was supposed to be going home tonight, but instead it only took me a few moments before I invited him up for a good-bye drink. As soon as the elevator opened on my floor, I found myself pressed up against the wall and Chase pressed into me. With his hands in my hair, his lips on mine, I eventually guided him down the hall and into my condo. The minute the door was shut, he took over, pulling my shirt over my head, picking me up, and wrapping my legs around his waist and carrying me to the bedroom.
I lay on my left side staring out at the lights of the city. We had made love long into the wee hours of the morning. I still hadn't slept—I couldn't—and I glanced at the clock to see that it was almost five. I would have to get up soon.
Chase lay beside me snoring gently, his one arm under my neck, his other resting gently across my waist. I hadn't been able to stop thinking about the feel of his hands as they caressed my body, or the way he gripped me tighter as he sank himself deeply into me. I couldn't forget the way he looked at me, the words he had whispered or the way he called my name as his muscles tightened, for the first time, as he came.
I smiled to myself at the memory and laced my fingers between his, bringing his hand up to my lips, kissing him. He stirred and pulled me closer to him. "What is it? Everything okay?" he whispered, placing a kiss on my bare shoulder, pulling me back tighter against him.
"Yes. Go back to sleep," I whispered, snuggling against him. Within seconds, he was breathing against my shoulder, lightly snoring again. As soon as I said those words, it hit me like a train.
In a few short hours, we would be over. Even though I knew the single Chase, I also knew that no matter what type of relationship he was in at the time, he was totally committed. I started wondering what it would be like to be with him like this forever. Every night coming home after a long day and curling against him. I couldn't help but watch him with his nieces tonight, how much they loved him, and how much he loved them. He had gotten down on the floor with them after dinner and allowed them to crawl all over him until Hunter had finally called them off.
I wondered what he would be like as a father, wondered if he would change and be like his brothers if someone really caught his eye. I let out a deep breath. There was no point in wishing it were me who caught his eye because it would never become reality. We had made the agreement. There was no going back on it now.
In the morning, Chase would be gone and our lives would return to normal. He would go back home, back to his single life, and to the women who waited for him. I would go back to tax returns and boring dates, and perhaps in nine months the pitter-patter of tiny feet. I had no right to be sad; this was what I had wanted. Yet when I closed my eyes, I had to fight all the thoughts out of my mind and try to get at least a half hour of sleep before I had to get up and start my day.
18
Chase
It had been six weeks since I had left Sophie's. Life had returned to a new normal for me. I sat in my office, files sprawled all over my desktop. I was trying to work my way through the pile before I left for the afternoon. I had been busy and had spent the better part of the last f
ew weeks in client meetings. I had been in contract negotiations with two clients who seemed to take joy in not being able to agree on anything.
"Fuck," I said out loud with a huff as I slapped the file down on my desk, hung up my phone, and checked my watch. I'd have loved to blame my clients for all of my stress, but that wouldn't have been fair because they weren't the reason I was stressing. As a matter of fact, I should be thanking them because they had kept me busy enough to keep my mind off the true stressor: Sophie. I had been thankful at first, but now it seemed both were getting on my nerves.
I got up and shut the door to my office. It was loud in the hall, and I was just about to make a call to my three o'clock appointment to reschedule, since I still didn't have all of the information from them that I had requested. I had just begun to dial when someone knocked on my door.
"Come in," I called, sitting the phone back into the cradle.
"Hey, man. How are things?" Hunter asked as he sat down across from me.
"They're fine, I guess," I answered, letting out an irritated huff.
"What's wrong? Is it the case you're working on?" he asked, spinning the file around and taking a look.
"That and a few other things. I swear these clients just revel in agreeing to disagree, and the other ones haven't provided me with all the information I asked for over a week ago."
"Come on, you aren't new. You know what people are like. If everyone agreed, we wouldn't have a job. As for the information, just keep billing them for every hour that they waste. They will eventually get tired of paying your fee and get you what you need. However, I don't think that is the only thing that is bothering you." He spun the file back around and sat back in his chair.
"It's not."
"Well, what is it?"
I let out a breath and put my hands behind my head. "How long does it normally take to find out if you're pregnant?"
Hunter let out a laugh. "It’s not something you should be worrying about, Chase. You won't ever be pregnant."
I looked at Hunter as he continued to laugh at his own poor excuse of a joke. "You know what I mean. Shouldn't Sophie know by now? I mean her medical appointment was this morning, and it’s been almost four weeks."
"She might know, she may not. Have you asked her?"
I shook my head, running my hand over my face. "No."
"Well, instead of sitting here torturing yourself, you should try that. In my experience, that is the best way to get an answer. What are you doing for lunch?"
"I already ate. I ordered in."
"All right, man, I'll talk with you later. Call her, ask her, and put an end to your suffering."
"Yep, I'm calling," I said, picking up the phone.
Hunter waved at me and shut the door behind him, leaving me with a quiet office and my own thoughts. I dialed her cell phone and sat there listening to it ring. "Come on, pick up," I whispered. I jumped when I heard her voice, but the excitement eased when I realized it was her voice mail requesting that I leave a message and she would return my call within a day. I threw my cell phone down on the desk and ran my hand over my face. Fuck, I couldn't wait a day. I dialed her home line instead, only to arrive to the same conclusion—a damn voice mail.
I let out a huff, picked up my coffee cup, and made my way down the hall to the employee lounge. A fresh pot of coffee had just finished brewing, thanks to my wonderful assistant, and I poured myself a fresh cup.
"Hey, Chase. How have you been?" I heard a familiar voice ask.
I turned in time to see Chelsea walk into the lounge and sit down at the table. Chelsea and I had dated once or twice over the past year—nothing serious, just a fun romp or two when we were both lonely. Not one of my wisest moves, since we had a rule at our firm that we didn't mix business with pleasure.
"Good, thanks. Yourself?"
"I'm good. Listen, Chase, I have a family event to go to in a couple of weeks. I just broke up with my boyfriend. My mom and dad are expecting a plus one, and I was wondering if you would be interested in accompanying me? I promise I will make it worth your while."
I turned and met her eyes, but the only person who ran through my mind was Sophie. "Um, I, ah… I can't. I have a prior engagement," I lied.
"But you don't even know what weekend it is," she laughed.
"I said I am busy." I picked up my coffee cup, pushed by her, and left the room, walking back to my office.
I walked into my office to find my cell phone vibrating on my desk. I set the mug down and picked up the phone. I saw a message from Sophie was waiting for me. She had texted to tell me that she was just now getting to the doctor. I'd gotten the appointment time wrong.
I blew out a breath and instantly the need to know calmed. I was just about to text her back when reception buzzed my office to let me know my next appointment was waiting for me. I dropped my phone and left my office to go meet my clients. Sophie would have to wait, and this would help me pass enough time to hopefully keep my mind off the news.
Soon one appointment turned into two, and the next thing I knew, it was almost six. I had shut off my laptop and grabbed my cell and checked the last messages exchanged between Sophie and me. It was still the same: she hadn't said anything more, but I was sure she should know by now.
I grabbed my jacket from the back of the door, shut the lights off, and made my way down to the parking lot. I pulled out of the parking lot, my wheels spinning, and began the drive across town to Sophie's office.
19
Sophie
It was a little after four-thirty, and I sat in the waiting room flipping through one of the parenting magazines that sat on the table. I was still waiting for the doctor to call me in for my results. I glanced at the clock. I was glad that I had canceled my appointments for this afternoon. This was taking far longer than I had originally thought it would.
I shifted in my seat, trying to get comfortable again. I picked up my cell phone, glancing at the messages Chase and I had exchanged, trying to figure out what I could say to him to ease his mind.
"Sophie," I heard my name being called and looked up to see the same nurse who had taken my blood work earlier standing waiting for me.
I smiled. I could barely contain my excitement. I already knew that the answer was going to be yes. I could feel it. My period was two weeks late, I was bloated, and call me crazy, but I could already feel the life of my unborn baby boy or girl living inside of me. I hadn’t told Chase, but I'd taken a drugstore pregnancy test and gotten a positive result and figured I should see the doctor just to be sure. I quickly folded the magazine and placed my cell phone in my purse, zipping it closed.
I followed her as she led me down the hall. I stopped abruptly when she stopped outside of one of the exam rooms and opened the door. "Just have a seat. The doctor will be with you shortly."
"Thank you." I walked in and took a seat, once again pulling out my cell phone to figure out what to message to Chase. I read over his last few messages and was just about to let him know I would call him as soon as I got home when the door flew open and the doctor came flying into the room.
She smiled and took a seat across from me, quickly signing into the computer. "Sorry to keep you so long, Sophie. The lab was behind. It's been a crazy day here today," she said, blowing out a breath and typing yet another password into the computer.
"It's not a problem, really. I booked this appointment more as a formality than anything. I'm pretty sure I already know the answer anyways."
"You do?" she said, looking over at me. "Well, why don't you tell me then, and we will see if the power of intuition is right," she said, leaning forward and placing her arms on her knees.
I smiled. "Well, my period is a week late. I am so bloated and tired all the time. I finally broke down and took one of those drugstore tests and it came back positive. I mean, I didn't really need to because I already know I am pregnant. I can already feel him or her inside of me," I said smiling, resting my hand on my belly.
"I s
ee. Well, I always tell my patients that those tests at the drugstore aren't always accurate, and that is why I suggest popping in for a visit too. I am glad to see you took my advice." She sat back and flipped across a couple of screens, reading over what I guessed were my test results. She looked over to me and back to the screen before saying anything.
"Yes, I'll agree with you, all the symptoms line up, so I wasn't really surprised when I got a positive response on the test."
I smiled.
"Sophie, hon, I'm afraid your test results have come back negative."
The room spun as her words hit me like a punch to the stomach. "That's...that's impossible. I mean, I have symptoms. I have all the symptoms."
"Sophie, you have symptoms of many things, not just pregnancy. You said on the intake form you have been feeling very stressed, your diet has been off, and you haven't been sleeping well. Those three things right there will make your period late."
"No." I sat there biting my bottom lip. "No, are you sure you have the right results? Dammit." I closed my eyes tightly, trying to fight off tears.
"Sophie. It's okay to be upset." She placed her hand on my knee.
"Dammit, just tell me, are you sure?"
She nodded. "Yes, Sophie, I'm sorry. There is no baby." She was silent for a couple of minutes. "You know, sometimes, when we want something so bad that we—"
I held out my hand up to stop her. I didn't want to hear any more. "Well, then, I guess there is no reason for me to take up..." I swallowed hard. "Any more of your time." I grabbed my coat and purse and was just about to head out the door when my eyes began blurring and my head began throbbing. I stopped and pinched the bridge of my nose.
"Sophie."
I inhaled deeply, turning and looking towards her, nodding through tear-filled eyes, and took off down the hall. I rushed out of the office and down to the parking lot, taking the stairwell so that I didn't have to be in the elevator at the same time with anyone for fear I couldn't hold back the flood of tears that I felt coming on. There was no way I would be able to look at anyone. I ran across the parking lot to my car, quickly unlocked the door, and climbed in.
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