by Gail Dayton
"Leyja Reinas hates me.” Goddess, could he sound more pathetic? The Tayo had hold of Padrey's feet, pulling off his boots. “Stop.” Padrey struggled, but didn't have the strength to break free. “That's not right. You shouldn't—"
"You shouldn't.” Torchay Reinas pushed Padrey back down with one hand. “We're all godmarked here, but you're the new one. And I'm the Tayo. So do what I tell you. Lay yourself down, get some sleep and we'll finish this in the morning."
It was obviously no use trying to talk sense to anyone tonight. And Padrey's head did hurt. Stomach too, though it felt better now he was still. “All right, fine.” He turned on his side and punched a pillow into submission.
"Keldrey, Obed, do you need me here?” The Tayo stood.
The tattooed Reinas shook his head. “Our new godmarked will not give us any trouble."
"Right then. I'm off.” Torchay Reinas gathered up a small kit. “Kel can't sleep anywhere without taking up all the room. I'll be with Vee and Joh—she needs someone on her other side."
Padrey closed his eyes, determined not to see or hear anything that was none of his business. Yes, he had watched from the tree, but that was in the embassy courtyard, where anyone passing could see. This was private. He knew the difference. Sleep caught him before he knew anything more.
* * * *
Kallista opened her eyes to see Keldrey's solemn gaze staring back at her.
"How you feeling?” He brushed back her hair with his long fingers, incongruous given his otherwise stocky build.
Daylight filtered through the sheer curtains over the doors to the courtyard. Bright, sunshiny daylight, not pinkish-gray early dawnlight. Kallista shoved Keldrey's arm up toward the pillows so she could lay her head on it. When she was snuggled in, comfortable and safe, she took inventory. How did she feel?
Groggy, not quite ready to wake up, for one thing. She yawned and pulled his other arm around her. Physically, she was tired and hungry. She'd heaved a great pile of magic around yesterday and it took a toll on her physical reserves. Her metaphysical muscles were tired as well, but not aching, as they would have been not so long ago. She was getting stronger. A few of her twinges made her smile and wriggle a bit closer to Keldrey.
"K'lista?” Keldrey kissed her forehead. “Are you awake?"
She hummed a little in her throat and let her hand slide down his naked chest to curl around another naked part of him. “Do I have to be?"
She could feel his smile against her face as he removed her hand. He pinned it against the pillows when he rolled above her.
"No.” The smile sounded in his voice. “Not just yet. Not if you don't want to be."
She made a place for him. “I don't. Love me, Kel."
"Is that what you really want?"
"Yes.” Kallista hooked a heel around one of his heavy thighs, curling her hips in an attempt to bring him inside.
"Even if I'm not marked? Even if I'm never marked?"
Her eyes flew open and she stared into his amber-flecked eyes, his expression serious, almost grim. She wanted to touch him but he'd trapped both her hands under his. She strained to lift her head and he brought himself down, let her give him the kiss she wanted. “Don't think like that,” she said. “It will happen. Give it time."
"What if it don't?"
Tears gathered and she fought to keep them from escaping. “It will, Keldrey. I know it will."
He looked away, his mouth tightening, expression going hard. "But what if it don't?" He turned back, flaying her with his gaze. “Am I out? Done up? Finished? Cast off?"
"Oh Goddess, this is about last night, isn't it?” Kallista struggled to free her hands, and after a moment, Keldrey let go.
He shifted as if to move off her and she tightened her legs around him, threw her arms around his neck and held on. The stupid tears got away from her, but Keldrey didn't.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” She repeated it again and again until some of the tension left him. Not all of it, but some. Enough that she thought he'd decided to stay.
"I shouldn't have done that. I never meant to hurt you.” Kallista dared loosen her hold on his neck enough to pull back and look him in the eye.
"No, you shouldn't have,” Keldrey agreed. “But you did. An’ I'm not talkin’ about my lip."
Goddess, he was going to make her talk about it. He was worse than Torchay about “clearing the air.” Keldrey never let her get away with anything either.
"I been part o’ this ilian for more than six years now, and I never minded bein’ the only one not marked. It's come in handy now an’ again, especially here. I told you I'm willing to take the mark. I offered. A hundred times, I've offered. A thousand. Kallista, I will do anything, I will give everything I have to protect this family. Up to and including my life.
"But, after so long with nothing happening, I got to accept the fact that my future prob'ly won't include a mark. I need to know if you can accept that too.” He paused, gazing into her eyes a long moment before looking away to clear his throat.
He swallowed down some emotion, his throat bobbing with the effort it took, before he looked back at her, determination in every line of his face. “I gotta know, Kallista. Do you love me enough that it don't matter?"
Chapter Twenty-Six
She nearly choked on the tears fighting to get free, unable to force words past them. She laid her hand along his cheek and he leaned into it.
"I know you don't love me as much as you do Torchay or Obed,” he said, his voice not quite a whisper. “Maybe not even as much as Joh or Fox or the women. But—"
"Shh.” Kallista stroked her thumb across his cheek to press it against his lips, hating that he might have worried for one instant that his place in the ilian, in her life wasn't secure. “It doesn't matter. It doesn't. I do love you, Keldrey. You've made your own place in my heart and I need you to fill it. Mark or no mark."
He pulled back, searching her face. “You mean that?"
Words weren't enough. Kallista reached between them, guided him into her body. He groaned as he pushed deep inside. “I love you, Keldrey Borr,” she whispered into his ear. “Love me."
"You know I do.” He withdrew and surged slowly, powerfully back into her.
Kallista moaned. He had no magic for her to grab hold of, nothing to help her hold back or hurry ahead. She was helpless under his sensual assault, wholly in the physical, the possibility of more lost to her, forgotten. Keldrey played her body like a master, coaxing sounds from her she never knew she could make with familiar sensations that felt somehow completely new. And he did it again, and again, and again.
Finally, they collapsed, limp and satiated. They couldn't have lain there more than half an eon, when Keldrey sat up. He gave her a sharp slap on her hip and bounded out of bed.
"Now you have to be awake.” He opened the wardrobe and rummaged through it. He looked at her over his shoulder. “What're we doin’ today? What do you wear for chasin’ demons?"
Kallista levered herself to a sitting position. How did he do that, jump up with all that energy after they'd just—
Torchay came into the room. Had he been listening, waiting for them to finish? Had she screamed? She couldn't remember.
"This will do for now.” Torchay tossed her a houserobe, handed a bundle to Keldrey. “Things have been happening while you slept."
Kallista frowned and pulled on the robe. Keldrey dressed in trousers and tunic, plain bodyguard's blacks. Why did he get clothes? What was he going to be doing that required them? Or she, that didn't?
"What things?” she wanted to know.
"Us putting you to sleep for one.” Keldrey didn't look up from tying his laces. “You were a bit hysterical, if you'll recall."
She nodded, hating the blush. She'd rather not recall, truth be told.
"I stayed with you,” Keldrey continued. He frowned at her. “Wouldn't have hurt if you'd slept till afternoon. Don't she look like she needs more rest to you, Torchay?"
"Ay
e, but we can't wait longer.” Torchay took over the tying of her robe. She had far too many ends to her belt and not enough fingers—or perhaps the other way round.
"Wait longer for what?” She asked the question idly, wondering whether breakfast would have those flaky, honey-layered pastry things. Until something about the looks her two bodyguard-iliasti exchanged got past her hunger.
"Breakfast's waiting.” Torchay took her elbow and marched her through the door.
"For what?” Kallista twisted in his grip, trying to catch Keldrey's eye. “What has happened?"
Keldrey didn't meet her gaze. Neither did Torchay.
Kallista pinched Torchay's side, hard. "What has happened?"
"Breakfast first,” he said grimly. “Stop fretting.” He ushered her into the dining room where Keldrey went to the sideboard to fill plates for both of them. “It's nothing bad, and you'll know soon enough."
"That does not relieve my mind.” Kallista glowered at him, then included Keldrey in her glower when he joined them.
He pushed her plate closer. “Eat."
"Torchay, what—"
Her red-haired ilias picked up a raisin bun and shoved it in her mouth. “Viyelle says the en-Kameral will ‘hear our petition’ at the first bell after noon."
"The whole group?” She talked around the food till she got it swallowed. Saints, she felt hollow with hunger. “Not just the governing council, correct? The whole en-Kameral will be there?"
"That's what I was told."
"Good. I don't want the council to be able to pretend we never said anything.” Kallista knew Torchay was distracting her from whatever they didn't want to tell her about yet, but she would allow it. For now. She needed to know these other things. “What about the complaint to the justiciars?"
"That went out already this morning, since the messenger had to go to the docks to collect Nur Truthsayer first."
Kallista paused half a moment in her eating. “Nur? Why?"
"Because he can deliver the altered blade without it passing through Adaran hands. And because he's a truthsayer."
"Kallista, slow down.” Keldrey caught her hand, the one with the fork. “The food isn't going anywhere. Neither is whatever's happened. I don't want to send for that healer-naitan because you ate too fast and choked."
She glared at him. But he was right, which was mostly why she glared. She set her fork down, picked up her cup of tea and sipped. “Can we use this complaint to get Habadra's slaves away from her? Since she's the one most likely to kill them rather than let them go, according to our spy."
"Don't ask me.” Keldrey got up to fetch more sausage. He gave one to Kallista, since hers had all somehow disappeared. “I'm no expert on law, Daryathi or Adaran. But I do know that Habadra woman wouldn't think twice about slaughtering ‘em all."
Kallista looked up to get Torchay's opinion. He met her gaze briefly, preferring the view in his teacup. “I know less about the law or the Habadra than Kel does."
What did happen last night? She ate the sausage Keldrey had brought her and the last half of her last raisin bun, and drank off her tea—except the bit with the leaves. “All right. Breakfast is over. No more stalling."
Torchay looked her in the eyes, medically intent. After a long, searching look, he nodded once as he stood. “It's time."
Keldrey took a last sip of his tea as he followed them to his feet, leaving the cup with a little clatter.
Curiosity and dread mixed in equal parts as Kallista strode down the corridor in Torchay's wake. What could possibly have him acting this way? She tugged her houserobe closer, trying to decide whether she wanted to turn back and put on clothes. She would feel less vulnerable, but it would take time.
Torchay nodded to a brace of bodyguards outside the family gathering room and they opened the doors. The rest of their ilian waited inside, but none of the children. So it wasn't something the children had done. Kallista looked around the room, confused. What in the wide world was going on?
And she saw him. Standing in the corner, in the shadows, his arms wrapped round himself, one who didn't belong. His eyes met hers for an instant and flinched away.
A sick feeling grew in the pit of her stomach and she reached for support. Hands caught hers and she threw them off, taking hold of good, solid, honest wood, the back of a chair.
"What we saw in the dreamscape last night—” Obed approached, but she wouldn't let him touch her.
"It was a marking,” Torchay said, his voice gentler than she'd ever heard it. “But it wasn't Keldrey being marked."
Kallista jerked round to look at Keldrey, saw the bleak expression on his face, and felt herself shatter inside. Only her skin kept the bits of herself from scattering to the winds.
"You knew.” She let out all of her anger and none of her pain. “And you said nothing. That's what this morning was about. Manipulating me—"
"No manipulation,” Keldrey growled. “You needed to—"
She turned her back on him. She didn't want his excuses, his lies. They had all lied to her. Every one of them.
Torchay reached for her. “Kallista—"
"Don't.” She slapped his hands away. “Don't you touch me. Don't any of you dare.” She took a step away from them, but all the broken pieces of herself grated against each other, threatening to burst through her skin in a screaming gout of pain, so she stopped.
She looked at him again, the interloper. His jaw twisted to the side when he frowned, the way he did now.
Her loss crashed over her again. He wasn't Stone. She remembered how Stone's link had stretched so impossibly thin before it snapped, slicing her to bits as it rebounded through her, leaving her empty. She staggered, grabbing for the chair, knocking away all the lying hands that reached to help her. They didn't care. How could they care and betray her like this?
But it was the One God's betrayal that bit deepest.
How could She send Kallista this as a replacement for Stone? How could the One force another stranger on her when Keldrey was already part of them? Hadn't she endured enough?
"No.” She shook her head, holding her skin tight together over her shattered self. “I won't have it. I won't have him."
"He has the mark, Kallista,” Torchay said. “We've seen it. We all miss Stone, but you can't—"
"I can.” A tiny piece of her vicious agony snarled out of her mouth, before she got the rest pushed back. “I can do anything I want. I am Reinine of all Adara. No one rules me."
She couldn't stay here any longer, couldn't keep holding her skin closed like this. Kallista spun and walked out of the room, ignoring the pain that raked through her at every step. It would be worse if she let it out. Her whole being was nothing but pain, and if she let it escape, the only thing left to her would be an empty, flapping skin.
"Kallista." Viyelle followed her. “Please. This won't help. You're not the only one who misses Stone. He shared my bed more nights than he did yours, but the—"
"He shared my soul.” Kallista whirled on the younger woman. Sparks hissed at her fingertips, called by the depth of her anger and pain. She shook them away and pressed her hands against the place in the pit of her stomach where she felt the links the strongest, trying to push away her anguish. “He was here, inside me. A part of me. I will not replace that with some—some grubby thief."
In her peripheral vision, she could see the thief in question, in the crowd that had spilled into the corridor, saw him wince at her description. She didn't care. He didn't matter. She walked away from the traitors.
"The demons—” Obed followed. They all followed, curse them.
"Put these on.” Keldrey thrust her gloves at her. He must have pulled them from Torchay's belt.
Kallista ignored him, hissed at him when he grabbed her hand and slapped a glove across her palm.
"Put them on now,” he ordered. “If you're so far out of control you're throwin’ sparks, I'm not havin’ you without gloves even were you the One Herself. Put ‘em on."
/> Snarling at him, Kallista pulled her gloves on with swift, sharp jerks, still walking. She hated him. Hated all of them. She would hate them forever.
At least—she wanted to. And she would. If she didn't love them so much. That's what made it hurt like this.
"Kallista, think.” That was Joh. Mighty fond of thinking, he was. “You have to look at this sensibly. If—"
"No.” She shook her head so violently, she lost her balance for a moment. “I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. I'm the Reinine. The Godstruck. Sense and logic and reason have nothing to do with this. It's magic.” Hurt and anger overcoming her, she spun and shoved Joh away, hard enough to send him stumbling back. He'd have fallen if Fox hadn't caught him.
"Go. Away,” she said, very calmly and coldly. “I do not want to hear anything you have to say. Any of you. I don't want to look at you. If I could pull these links out by their roots, I would do it.” She stopped the quiver in her voice before she got any more shrill, before more than the one sob could escape.
"You don't mean that.” The anguish on Obed's face reflected the broken pieces inside her and Kallista shuddered.
"No.” She shivered again, but warded off Torchay when he would have come to her. “I don't know. Maybe. Maybe I do mean it. I just—” She shook her head, deliberately refusing to look at the stranger in their midst. “I can't do this now. I can't—I just—I need to be alone."
She held up her hand again, forestalling protests. “I know. I'm the Reinine, I have to have bodyguards. But Samri and Bay—whoever's on duty. I need to be alone, without any of you."
"Kallista—"
She saw the plea in Torchay's face, felt their concern and worry through the links. Somehow, it made everything worse. "Please." She backed down the hall. “Give me this. I won't—but if I do, you know how to follow. Please, just leave me alone."
This time, when she fled, they let her go. She could feel them, standing bunched together there in the corridor, feel them getting further away. She bathed and dressed, trying to keep her mind busy with Reinine's matters, but it kept circling back to Godstruck things. Why had the One done this to her?
