by Vicky Owen
And who keeps finding excuses to touch me.
I try to relax and stop thinking about it. Mustn’t let myself get drawn into something that can’t happen. It’s just the rush of emotions from getting reacquainted with a close friend. That’s all it is. Teenage feelings rushing back and hitting me hard. They’ll settle down soon.
Feeling more confident, I reach over and grab the bucket out of his lap as the trailers start.
‘Hey!’
I grin and stick my tongue out. This is more like it. Friends.
He responds by taking my hand back in his.
I don’t even try to pull away.
‘YOU’VE AT LEAST got to admit that the special effects were pretty spot on.’
I’m still finding bits of popcorn stuck to me. ‘No argument there, but the plot was just so predictable.’
‘Of course it was!’ Jake reaches for the remains of his drink in the cup holder as he indicates right at the lights. I pass it to him. ‘Thanks.’ He takes a sip. ‘So it was a little formulaic. But it was an action film, not some art house experimental bullshit. Still good though.’
‘You just liked the costumes.’
‘They were good too.’ He puts his drink back into the cup holder.
‘I’m referring specifically to the catsuit,’ I tease.
He laughs. ‘Maybe so.’
Before I know it we’re pulling up outside my building. My spirits dip slightly. Well, there’s no way to misinterpret this. If he was really interested we’d be back at his place.
I had fun. That’s what matters.
‘We should do something next week,’ he’s saying as the car comes to a stop.
I still can’t help wondering if he’s ashamed to be seen with me, but I try to push my insecurities away. He wants to see me again. That should be proof enough that he still likes hanging out.
‘Yeah. Okay, that sounds good. Text me.’ I smile at him, taking in as much of him as I can before I get out of the car. As I turn to leave, I feel his hand on mine.
‘Cerys,’ he says, his voice low. The sound of my name in his mouth sends dark feelings down my spine, and he gently cups my cheek with his other hand, turning my head to face him.
My eyes meet his and we’re closer than I thought we would be. In fact, I’ve never seen him so close. The blue in his eyes is flecked with amber streaks and his breath is gentle on my lips. Soft. Sweet. He strokes my cheek with his thumb. Once, twice. My lips part slightly and I fully expect him to kiss me.
Maybe I’ve been wrong. Maybe this is more than just friends seeing a movie. He was never this touchy-feely when we were teens. Maybe Lexi is right.
He’s looking down towards my lips. I look down at his own mouth and dare myself to close the tiny distance between us. To allow our lips to meet. I’ve never wanted to kiss someone so badly.
Before I can find the courage he looks back up, into my eyes. It’s too much. Adrenaline floods my veins and the sound of my pulse fills my ears. I need to leave.
I pull back and open the door of the car. ‘Okay, bye!’ I call back as I slam the car door and hurry towards the flat.
His car doesn’t leave until the building’s front door closes behind me.
And I have no idea what just happened.
Jake
‘THE BASS IS a bit much.’
‘You can never have too much bass,’ Harry winks at Gethin. ‘It’s why I get all the women and you’re stuck with just the one.’ Gethin narrows his eyes at him. Harry, unfazed, continues: ‘And I get laid every week, while you’re stuck with phone sex.’
Gethin takes a deep breath. ‘I’ll take my one girlfriend over your multiple floozies any day.’
We’re in Harry’s basement, expanding on the bits and pieces Harry and I were tooling around with the other day.
‘Hmm, one girl with crazy jealousy issues versus dozens of hot women just looking for some fun.’ Harry grins as Gethin’s expression grows less and less impressed with this conversation. ‘Admit it Geth,’ he goes on, ‘you must be a bit tempted.’
Gethin is, without a doubt, not the cheating type. His irritation with Harry is becoming visible on his face though. I look to Luc to see if he’s watching all this, but he’s still sitting at his kit, absent-mindedly thumping the kick drum while playing with his phone.
‘It’s knowing I’m in a band with you,’ Gethin replies slowly, ‘that probably makes her insecure about all the women who follow us around.’
‘Or maybe,’ says Harry, looking down at his bass and gently brushing at the strings, ‘she’s insecure because she’s been unfaithful herself.’ He looks back up, his face suddenly serious. All the humour is gone. ‘Maybe it’s the guilt.’
Gethin takes an aggressive step forward and I immediately put myself in between them. ‘Okay, that’s enough.’ Fuck knows if Harry is right, but I’m not dealing with Gethin’s temper if there’s a way to avoid it. He’s a good guy, but far too overprotective sometimes. ‘The bass is fine.’ Neither Gethin nor Harry look thrilled with my weak feedback. ‘And,’ I continue, ‘maybe we should sort out some gigs to test the new material out?’
At this, Gethin perks up a bit. ‘Already sorted, mate. Tram House. About two weeks away.’
‘Nice one,’ says Harry, putting his bass down. He turns his attentions to me. ‘Hey, you could bring your friend.’ The cheeky grin has reappeared.
‘Friend?’ Gethin looks confused.
‘Yeah, some sexy thing Jake’s been spending all his time with this week.’
Great. I’m being punished for diffusing the tension. I realise Luc has stopped tapping the bass drum and is watching with interest.
‘You talking about that girl in Low?’ Gethin frowns.
‘It’s no one.’ I can tell by Gethin and Luc’s expressions that they’re not buying it. I try changing the subject back to what’s important: music. ‘So, Tram House? What date?’
‘Look,’ Harry says, getting his phone out. He taps a few things in. ‘See, here they are together.’ He hands the phone over to Gethin. ‘Luc, get over here and check out Jake’s hot new girlfriend.’
‘Harry, for fuck’s sake, she’s not my girlfriend.’
‘Oh, so you won’t mind if I get her number then? Maybe invite her back here?’ I know he’s just trying to wind me up. It’s fucking working, too. Don’t bite.
Luc joins Gethin looking at the phone. Gethin’s expression changes. He looks up at me with a raised eyebrow and a knowing look. ‘Cerys?’
‘Cerys?’ Luc asks. The question could be directed at either of us.
‘Hang on, you already knew about this?’ Harry is clearly feeling a bit out of the loop all of a sudden. Makes a change from his usual cockiness.
‘It’s nothing,’ I say to Gethin, ignoring Harry. ‘I bumped into her in Low after you guys all left. We’ve been catching up, that’s all.’ Hate being put on the defensive like this. ‘It’s nothing.’ I repeat.
‘Nothing?’ Gethin knows too much to believe me. He was at school with us.
Luc and Harry look from Gethin to me and back again. Harry’s not even smiling this time.
‘Who even is she?’ Harry interjects. Gethin looks at me, waiting for me to answer. When I don’t, he answers for me.
‘She’s a girl we were in school with. They were close. She definitely had a thing for Jake—’
‘This is all in the past,’ I say, really wanting this conversation to end. ‘What is this? Sex and the City?’ The reference makes Harry smirk.
‘—and he was really shit to her.’ He turns back to me. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Told you already. Catching up.’ I grab my jacket from the chair I slung it over when I entered.
‘Is this something to do with Ana?’ Luc asks.
‘Jesus, guys, for fuck’s sake! Not everything is about Ana.’
‘You wrote a song about her,’ says Harry. ‘This month—’
‘What? No. And yes I know th—’
‘Y
ou feel responsible for what happened to Ana, so now you’re trying to fix things with Cerys,’ says Gethin.
‘That doesn’t even make sense,’ I say, ‘and so what if I am trying to fix things? Is that so wrong?’
‘Is this a good idea?’ Luc asks.
‘What?’ This feels like a fucking intervention.
‘For you to be getting involved with someone?’
I actually don’t know how to respond. Because of what happened to Ana, I shouldn’t get involved with anyone ever again?
Gethin looks at me. His eyes are intense. Serious. ‘Just don’t lead her on. You were a real cunt to her.’
Luc and Harry say nothing. The blood pumping through my ears is deafening. Really need to get out of here.
‘Whatever, man.’ I shrug my shoulders into my jacket and walk out of the basement.
Less than a minute later, I’m opening my car door. I get in and turn they key in the ignition. An unpleasant thought enters my head. What if they’re right?
I run my hand through my hair and pull away from Harry’s. I failed one girl. Maybe I should just stick to one night stands. That was always the plan anyway.
Cerys deserves better.
Fuck’s sake.
Cerys
‘TEA?’
Lexi gets up from the other sofa, setting her laptop on the floor before walking over to the kitchen area.
‘No thanks,’ I say, not taking my eyes off my own laptop’s screen. This lab report has a three thousand word limit. I’m already at four thousand words and have yet to start summing up.
‘I think you need a break.’
‘I need to get this report finished.’ I also needed to not think about Jake and this is probably the best way.
‘Sam told me it’s not due for two weeks.’
I frown at Lexi and purse my lips. ‘Sam, you traitor,’ I mutter.
Lexi laughs. ‘I’m making you tea. You need to relax.’ She gets out two mugs and grabs two English Breakfast teabags. ‘And you can tell me all about your date with Jake Norton the other night.’ She turns and winks at me.
Please no. ‘It wasn’t a date.’ Technically true. The only person who’s used that word at all in reference to that night is Lexi.
‘Of course it was. You and some hot guy went to see a film—’
‘Don’t italicise it like it’s some euphemism!’
‘—and you were looking all casually sexy in your boots and skinny jeans and your red lipstick, and he picked you up in his car—’
‘The red lipstick was your idea. And we did see a film, after which I came home. Alone.’
‘You know,’ she says, filling the kettle with fresh water, ‘it’s bad enough that I can’t tell anyone about it, but now not even you want to talk about it.’ She places the kettle back on its base, flicking it on before turning back to me. ‘And after you promised to give me all the details when you were leaving on Friday.’
I close my laptop. ‘I made no such promise.’ Maybe I did, but I don’t remember it.
‘It’s been nearly a week.’ She comes back over and sits opposite me, crossing her legs. ‘So what happened?’
‘Nothing really. Saw a film. Had some popcorn. Came home. That’s it.’
‘Are you seeing him again?’ No one gets more excited for her friends than Lexi.
‘Maybe. I don’t know. He said he’d text, but I haven’t heard from him.’
‘What’s he like?’
Hot. I stretch out my legs in front of me. His lips so close to mine. His eyes looking right into me. I let the memory linger for a moment before shrugging it off. ‘I don’t know. He’s just Jake. Tall?’
‘Can we tell Mylo?’ Lexi grins.
‘No!’
‘But you said you’re not even dating,’ she teases.
The kettle starts to boil. Lexi wanders back over to the kitchen and gets some milk out of the fridge.
‘I don’t even know any more.’
‘Want to talk about it?’ Lexi returns with two hot mugs of tea.
‘Yes. No.’ I rake both hands back through my hair and take my glasses off. ‘I don’t know.’ This is hard. Opening up.
She sits on the sofa and crosses her legs again, taking a sip out of her cup. I’ll never understand how anyone can drink something so hot. I have to leave mine cooling for what seems like an age so as not to destroy my tongue.
‘And I don’t even know what he wants, anyway.’
Lexi puts down her cup. ‘Sweetie,’ she says gently, ‘what about you? What do you want?’
‘I don’t have time for this, for dating. There’s so much work this year. There’s no room to slip if I’m going to get funding for next year. I just…’ I sigh and slump back.
‘Maybe you could just hook up now and again, on your terms. You could probably, you know, use the distraction.’ She raises her eyebrow and half smiles at me. ‘Could be good for you.’
‘Cheeky bitch!’ But I can’t help laughing. Of course that would be Lexi’s suggestion. And it’s pretty much what I’d been thinking of doing with Liam.
Oh God, Liam. Forgot about him.
But Jake’s not Liam. Everything is different with Jake.
‘Well?’ Lexi interrupts my thoughts.
I take a deep breath. ‘Need to finish this report.’
I TWIST THE shower tap on and let the hot water wash over me. Could Lexi be right?
The water rushes over my face as I tilt my head back and close my eyes. Steam rises in the small shower cubicle and I run my hands through my hair to help the water soak through.
Maybe it could work, I think. It’s just lust, right? Surely…
My hand finds the shampoo and I massage a dollop into my scalp and roots. The scent of orange blossoms fills the air as the lather builds.
Is it even something he’d be interested in?
As the lather rinses off me, running down my back and over my hips, I wonder what it would be like. How it would feel to have Jake up against me. To be naked with him.
Despite my teenage crush and the wave of mixed emotions I’ve been experiencing since he crashed back into my life, I’ve never let myself go so far as to think about him as anything more than a friend. It felt forbidden. Still does.
Forbidden and pointless.
But now…and with the way he seemingly kept finding excuses to touch me. And holding my hand. Hand holding is one of the most intimate things you can do, at least for me. Tiny movements that feel huge when your fingers are interlaced. Feeling every thumb stroke, every almost-imperceptible tightening of grip between the two of you…
I lean back against the cool tiled wall and I suddenly wish he was here. Right here, in the shower with me. Naked. Hard.
The thought sends heat between my legs and a pleasant ache threatens to grow inside me.
Fuck, he hasn’t even kissed me and I’m thinking about him in here with me, pushing me up against the wall.
I stretch my head back for a moment before rubbing my neck with my left hand and then moving it down to my breast, teasing with the tips of my fingers.
Oh God, the memory of his scent enveloping me, and the way his arms felt around me…
My other hand slowly creeps towards my pelvis as the ache becomes real.
I briefly wonder if I locked the door.
The sound of his voice and the way he says my name. I imagine him whispering it in my ear as he lifts me up against the wall.
I finally let my fingers slip between my legs. I’m swollen and so wet, and not just from the shower. The sudden contact against my clitoris sends a jolt through me. I tease myself with my fingers and allow myself to slide down against the wall, until I’m sitting on the floor of the shower, as thoughts of Jake inside me take over.
It’s no use. I give in to need, closing my eyes and teasing before letting my fingers sink into me, imagining it’s Jake.
The intensity grows until I’m balancing on the brink of climax. I hold on for as long as I can in that m
oment of of sweet nothingness before letting myself tip over the edge. Wave after wave of pleasure washes over me and I sink back, satisfied.
I stay there for a few minutes as hot water continues to stream down on me. Any stress I’d been feeling, I realise, has gone.
Maybe Lexi’s idea isn’t so bad after all.
CHAPTER 8
Jake
‘AND FOR YOU, sir?’
‘Sorry?’ The question takes me by surprise. It shouldn’t—I’m in a restaurant. But my eyes had glazed over long before the waiter started taking our order, and my thoughts were worlds away.
I focus on the menu. ‘I’ll have the, uh’—my eyes quickly scan the dishes on offer—‘steak.’ I close the menu and hold it out to him, smiling. He doesn’t take it.
‘Which steak, sir?’
Oh. Right. I open the menu back up. ‘Rib-eye. Rare. Thanks.’ I smile and offer the menu to him again.
‘And what salad and dressing would you like?’
I narrow my eyes before opening the menu once more. ‘Caesar.’ For a third time I offer the menu to him.
This time he takes it and leaves.
‘Right, so where were we?’ Red—or rather Kirsty, seeing as I know her name now—leans towards me from the other side of the table. The angle maximises her cleavage and the look she’s giving me makes me think the move was deliberate.
Where were we? I don’t know. I don’t care. Only basic politeness, instilled in me from a young age by meticulous parenting, keeps me here. That and Harry’s insistence that I at least go on a date with her.
That and Gethin getting all overprotective about a girl he hasn’t seen since school. Maybe he’s right—I don’t want to hurt Cerys.
But I’m the person who can keep her from getting hurt.
‘Oh yeah,’ says Kirsty, smiling and interrupting my thoughts, ‘you were telling me where you get your inspiration from.’
‘What inspiration? Inspiration for what?’ What is she talking about?
She takes a sip of white wine before reaching her hands across the table and touching my fingers, smiling at me.
