by S. L. Siwik
“No.” His eyes were hard. “We made an agreement. We’re going to honor it.”
I chuckled mirthlessly. “Hearing the word ‘honor’ come out of your mouth is hysterical after what I just witnessed this past weekend.” I stepped around him, and walked out the door with purse in hand.
**
There was only one man in New York that I knew who understood the legal document in my hand. I just really didn’t want to deal with him today, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.
As I walked down the sidewalk, I took my cell phone out and spoke: Call Ben.
His number dialed and after several rings, a groggy voice answered, “Hello.”
“Hey, Ben, I need to ask your father for a favor,” I replied while walking down the street.
“You alright?” Suddenly he sounded more animated, his voice worried.
“I just got into a huge fight with Brian, I nearly attacked Ryan, my apartment was trashed, I’ve moved nearly everything out of my place to Brian’s…It’s a big mess.” My voice sounded strained as the tears flowed. Seriously, how did I have any tears left after this weekend?
“So, you’ve been a busy girl in the last few hours,” he said unfazed by what I said.
I couldn’t help but laugh despite the tears. “You could say that.”
He took a deep breath, letting out the air. “Let’s meet up and I want you to tell me the whole story. I want to hear everything. Then I’ll see if my dad can help you.”
I heard a female voice in the background say, “Babeeeee, you’re gonna leave? But…” She huffed. “You promised me four orgasms today, and I’ve only had two so far…”
“I’m sorry, but my friend needs me. You’ll have to take a raincheck,” Ben told the girl.
She made squeals of protest, and I rolled my eyes at the phone.
I heard the sound of lips smacking together, then I heard her shout, “I better hear from you this week!”
“Sure, baby, sure,” Ben replied in a placating gesture as I heard the sound of a door click closed. “Sorry about that,” he told me. I could hear the sound of his lighter flickering followed by a deep inhale.
“You didn’t have to leave your afternoon activity for me. It could have waited,” I replied sarcastically.
“Naa.” He sounded bored. “I was just killin’ time anyways.”
“Well, that’s nice of you. I’m sure Miss Whoever would be thrilled to know that you thought of her as a way to waste time.”
He snorted. “She didn’t mind as her eyes rolled back inside her head. And thanks to you, I am yet again blue balling.”
“I said we didn’t have to meet now,” I insisted, feeling embarrassed and guilty.
“Eh, it’s alright,” He replied. “you will forever be my muse and my tease.”
“I am not a tease,” I insisted, not liking the insinuation that I play with men’s hearts.
But, he laughed loudly. “Princess, you are a tease with a capital ‘T’. There is no way around that as you walk around not quite a virgin, yet still fucking pure by New York standards. You don’t ask for men to respect you, you demand it. And you know what? That’s exactly why you get it.”
I rolled my eyes as I stepped onto the train platform. “Whatever. I’m in a bitchy mood, and I don’t want to fight with you.”
“So, meet me at Umi’s on Twenty-Second. And you better hurry up, or I’ll eat without you. I know how much you hate eating alone.”
“Damn you!” I growled in frustration. “Alright, I’m on my way.”
**
Twenty-five minutes later found me sitting at an outside table at Umi’s Chinese restaurant with Ben as I twirled around the ice in my cup of soda using the straw. Now that I was here, I didn’t know how to begin.
Ben pulled a cigarette out of his pack sitting on the table and pressed it to his lips. A waitress came over, touching his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t smoke in public anymore.”
He rolled his eyes, putting the cigarette back into the pack before glancing up at me.
“I’m getting older just sitting here, Princess.”
I shot him a pointed glare. “No, you’re getting older from those cancer sticks you puff.” He was right, though. I was stalling. “Alright, so here’s what happened.”
I began at the beginning and explained everything that happened from the moment he left the lingerie store the day before. He listened to everything I had to say as we chatted for hours with that analytical look about him. Whenever someone told something to Ben, it was if he heard something different from the rest of the world. I had always been a little confused about that. He only stopped me a few times to ask questions.
“So, why did you flip shit that they were screwing on the afghan? What’s its significance?”
“It’s an heirloom,” I explained. “Passed to the women in my mother’s family. When the women wore it, it signified that she was a maiden ready to marry. When the woman married, she put it away for safe keeping for her daughter. It also was believed to be blessed, that a holy man my great-great-great- grandmother saved from dying blessed it and every woman in her line. On my grandmother’s death bed, she told my mother to give it to me.” I sniffled, trying to hold back tears. “She told me she hoped that I wouldn’t need it for long. That I would find my husband soon.” I shrugged. “It’s one of the only things left I have of my grandmother. She was an amazing woman- a total firecracker. Everything else had to be sold off to pay for my grandpa’s medical bills. He had a long run with cancer. By the time he died, my grandmother was practically penniless; she had sold everything to try and save him. He was just too old, though. His body, I don’t think, wanted to fight anymore. My grandma moved in with us when he was gone, and I lost her five years later.”
His head tilted sideways, watching me for a moment. “A firecracker, huh? I have a feeling all of the women in your family are fire spitters. I think it just runs in your blood.” I smiled, but couldn’t help the slight tinge of pink on my cheeks. “I’m sorry I couldn’t meet her,” he said thoughtfully. “She sounds like she was a hell of a woman. And I bet she had stories.”
“She was incredible that’s for sure. When she died,” I shook my head. “I felt like the world had dimmed a little with her light now gone.” He nodded in understanding, and encouraged me to continue on with the story.
By the end of the tale and two sweet and sour soups later, Ben seemed to be forming his ideas.
Finally, he said, “Give me your apartment contract. I’ll take care of it.”
I took the paper out of my pocketbook and handed it over. “You sure?” He nodded in agreement.
“And just for the record, there is no amount of money that I wouldn’t have paid to see you literally twist Ryan’s balls.”
I shook my head. “I just lost it. If Brian hadn’t been there, I don’t know what would have happened.”
“So, what about tonight?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I’ll figure it out.”
He threw me a dirty look. “No. We figure it out together now.”
I sighed. “Alright, dad.”
He looked amused. “I am definitely not your father.” He leaned over the table. “But, if you want to call me daddy while I spank you, I’m alright with that.”
I glared at him openly. “Are you ever going to give up?”
“Sure,” he replied, “When you tell me to stop, or when you give in.” He shrugged. “Whichever one comes first.”
“Ben…” I apparently needed to address this now. “You and I.” I shook my head, trying to collect my thoughts as a ball of nervous energy settled in the pit of my stomach. I had never tried to nicely reject someone before, especially not a close friend. “Your friendship is too important to me to lose you over. I love talking to you, and seeing situations from your wildly different perspective. I respect you, and it drives me absolutely crazy when anyone badmouths your family, because they just don’t know you like I
do, but… “
He cut me off. “George told me about his meddling and your conversation with him in the store,” Ben replied calmly. He hid whatever emotions he felt well.
“I figured that,” I admitted, “But, I also thought you deserved to hear it from me and not George.”
My words caught him off guard as he did a double take on my face. The waitress came by, placing down a plate of dumplings. Ben nodded, thanking the woman as she walked away. He said nothing, and I waited quietly to see what he would do or say.
“Share these with me,” he said, so I picked up my utensil to join in. Before I even forked the meal, a car stopped at the light, its windows rolled down. The song Untouched by The Veronicas piped through the car’s speakers and without thinking I began lowly singing the words along to the song. I popped a dumpling into my mouth and groaned in appreciation. They had to be the best I had ever tasted. When I glanced up, Ben’s eyes smoldered in a way I had never seen before, liquid pools, and I felt the sexual tension practically vibrating off his frame. “Do you want another one?” He asked me in the huskiest voice I had ever heard him use with me. I wasn’t completely positive that we were still talking about dumplings anymore. I nodded wordlessly. “You should keep singing. It’s putting you in a better mood.” His tongue dashed across his upper lip quickly, so I glanced down quickly feigning ignorance.
I had the distinct feeling that I was making more of a mess now than I was before.
**
When the meal was done, I decided not to bring back up the conversation that Ben was avoiding. His actions would let me know how he felt in the days to come.
As he paid the bill, smacking my money away, he said, “So, tonight.”
I sighed. “I need to go make things right with Brian. I won’t be able to sleep with the way things are.”
“And if he won’t see you?” he asked. He shifted in his seat, moving closer to me, his eyes boring into mine with their intensity. “You cannot go back to that apartment tonight.” I tilted my head sideways. “Because you embarrassed him in front of Brian. His pride and ego are wounded. You also told him that he’d never see you again. To a guy like him, that translates to ‘try harder.’” He suddenly looked uncomfortable. “I’m not exactly sure what he’s capable of Annie. You just can’t go back there tonight.”
“Okay,” I said quietly. “If Brian won’t let me stay, I’ll go to a hotel for the night, okay?”
He sighed, frowning, but nodded. I thought Ben was overreacting a little, but I felt so guilty about what I said that I’d stay in the hotel for him tonight.
“Do you want the car to take you home?” He asked. “I could call for it.”
I shook my head. “Thanks, but I need the walk and the train ride to figure out what I’m going to say.”
“Are you sure about this?” he asked in the most tender voice I had ever heard him use.
I shrugged slightly, but my eyes told him that I wasn’t sure about anything anymore.
He leaned over to presumably give me a kiss. I placed my fingers on his lips, stopping him. His eyes questioned me.
“I know where those lips have just been.”
His eyes sparked with recognition at my words.
“If I had the taste of your orgasm on my lips, would you kiss me after?” he asked.
I leaned in, kissing his cheek. “I guess you’ll never know.” I stood up, walked away, and made my way towards the train. I could feel his eyes watching me the entire way.
**
Thirty minutes later, I stood outside Brian’s door, gathering my courage and collecting my thoughts. It was now or never. I let out a long breath, and knocked.
He opened the door; hurt eyes met mine.
“Thank God you’re alright.” I blinked, not expecting that response. “I was so worried about you going back to that apartment. I just…” He ran his hand through his hair.
“Can we talk?” I asked. He allowed me into the apartment fully. I wrung my hands and felt like I might throw up from how nervous I felt. I had no idea how this conversation would go, but for the sake of my mental sanity it needed to go well. “Brian, I want to apologize for what I said to you. I was completely out of line.”
He shook his head. “You said how you felt- what you’ve been keeping inside for two years. It needed to come out. I didn’t know you were that angry. I would have forced us to talk about it sooner. But, you don’t like to talk about things unless you’re ready.”
I swallowed hard. He remained silent just standing there.
“Are you in love with me?”
He looked down at me, resignation in his eyes.
“Yes.” He took a breath before his eyes changed, looking pained. “I’ve tried to stop loving you. I’ve tried everything.” He pulled at his hair in frustration. “Do you know how this feels? There is nothing more painful in the world. Do you know what is even worse?” His voice broke off to a whisper, “Sleeping with another woman while thinking about you.”
I came here to apologize, but I just felt angry all over again.
“Whose fault is that? You make it sound like I was the bad guy, deliberately trying to hurt you,” I shouted.
“I didn’t say that at all. I knew going into the friendship that I was the one with feelings. I just didn’t think it would take nearly five years for anything to come of it.” He grabbed my arms, staring into my eyes. “I love you just the way you are, because to me, you are perfect.”
“I…I think I need to sit down.”
I turned to walk towards his couch, but he grabbed my waist, pulling me to him. With his one hand wrapped around my waist, his other caressed my cheek. I opened my eyes to find his lips ghosting over mine.
“I need you to come the rest of the way, Annie. I need to know that you want this.”
I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his. I wasn’t naïve enough to think that we could be the same tomorrow. What we would be I couldn’t even entertain that thought. I did know, however, that we would no longer be just friends.
His lips pressed against mine- once, twice, three times. His tongue glided along my upper lip before taking my lower lip into his mouth, sucking it gently. I felt his teeth scrape across my skin and I whimpered in response. My hands slid along his rib cage, feeling the contours of his body as he released my bottom lip. The voice in the back of my mind screamed, “Stop this before you lose him!”
I pulled back quickly, stepping away from him. He let go of me as soon as he felt my resistance. My fingers wiped away his kiss as though doing so could erase the action from ever happening.
“I’m sorry. I…” can’t lose you. “just can’t.” I was such a coward that I couldn’t even look him in the eyes. He didn’t respond. I remembered that I came here to apologize, so I would at least do that. “I’m so sorry for what I said to you before when we were fighting. You don’t know how disgusted I am with myself,” I told him.
“Why don’t we go sit down?” he asked. I glanced up at his eyes that were encouraging, so I made my way for the couch. “Why are you disgusted with yourself?” he asked, frowning. His hands were crossed, his legs apart.
