by S. L. Siwik
His eyes widened, looking outrageously hopeful. “Every single day.”
I bit my bottom lip. I couldn’t let him know yet. Brian loved surprises. He’d really love this one.
“Can I have some time to think about it?” I asked. He nodded.
“So, what are you doing today?” I could hear the hope in his tone.
I shrugged. “Hanging out with my boyfriend.” My eyes flickered to his. “Right?”
He grabbed my face with both hands planting a kiss on my cheeks. I blinked in surprise- that cup of coffee hadn’t kicked in yet- and he rested his forehead against mine.
“I love you,” he whispered.
I tilted my head, kissing his lips. “I love you, too.”
“Annie, you thought we were great as friends. I swear, it was just the beginning. I’m going to make you so happy…or die trying,” he said, his lips hovering over mine.
I pressed my lips to his again. “I know you are.” I rested my head on his chest. “I’ve tried fighting these feelings, ignoring them, burying them. Nothing has worked. The only option left is to explore them. So, let’s see where they take us.”
Brian leaned over, taking his key ring out. He slipped a key off his ring.
“In case you change your mind. I don’t want you unable to be there. As far as I’m concerned, you already live there, so you can come and go as you please.” I tried to fight back the smile as I took the keys and slid them onto my ring.
**
We spent the rest of the day cuddling on the couch, watching movies. My hangover was too severe to do much else. He kissed me constantly, his mouth always searching mine, his arms wrapped around mine as though if he released me for even a second, I’d vanish. It was comforting to be showered with kisses and affection, but I was disappointed that I missed church again. No drinking next Saturday, I told myself, so I could make it to service. After eating take-out for dinner, we cuddled in bed.
Finally, I swatted his arm, “I’m trying to go to sleep here. It’s impossible when you keep kissing me.”
“I can’t help myself,” I could see his eyes shining through the dark.
“Do I need to go sleep on the couch?” I teased. I had no intention of getting out of bed.
He sighed long and hard before resting his head on my chest.
“No.”
I kissed the top of his hair before drifting off to sleep.
**
The next morning, he nearly assaulted me with kisses. “Good morning, my beautiful, intelligent, amazing girlfriend.”
I giggled at his praise. He tried kissing my lips, but I covered my mouth, shaking my head. “I’ve got morning breath. Let me brush my teeth.”
He rolled his eyes, scoffing at me. “I can’t believe you’re going to make me wait to kiss you,” he groused.
I tumbled out of bed. “You know what they say, “good things come to….”
“Yeah, yeah, I know the saying.” He smiled brightly.
We started our morning routine just like every other day- one disgusting green shake, one muscle aching jog, and one beautiful skyline to watch sitting next to my boyfriend. All in all, a pretty spectacular way to start a morning, I’d say. After showering- Brian peaking several times while I was inside- and dressing, we were ready to leave. He walked with me to the train station, and left me a kiss so long and intense that I tingled down to my toes. Thankfully, we needed to take different trains, so he thought nothing when he hopped on the train, and I waved him goodbye.
I took out my phone and called my boss, telling her that I woke up with a stomach bug and couldn’t come in. After she hemmed and hawed for a while, I finally hung up having the day off from work.
I then called Ben.
After several rings, he answered groggily, “What do you want?”
“I need to call in a big favor,” I said.
He let out a long, exaggerated sigh, and I rolled my eyes in response. It didn’t matter that we were on the phone; he knew what I was doing.
“What do you need, Princess?” he asked.
“Alright, Brian just got on the train to go to work. He thinks that I am about to, too. I just called out of work. I want to move everything of mine completely out of the apartment today and then decorate Brian’s apartment so he knows that I’ve moved in officially. Then I’m going to cook him his favorite dinner.”
“I can’t cook, Princess, but I can sure as hell eat,” he replied in Ben’s typical smart ass way.
“I need you to help me move stuff out. There really won’t be a lot at all, but just in case there’s something a little heavy. You have the car, and those muscles, and…I know for a fact that you don’t take classes on Monday.”
“And what will I get in return?” he asked. I knew that meant yes.
“We can have lunch at that place with the really skanky waitress. My treat,” I bargained.
“The one who wears her shorts so short, the bottom of her ass hangs out?” he asked.
“Yup.”
“Meet ya at your apartment then. I’m getting dressed as we speak.”
I tossed my phone into my purse, smiling as I walked off the train platform, back towards my apartment. I couldn’t help the excitement I felt, the butterflies flapping around in my stomach. There was nothing in the world that Brian loved more than surprises.
**
Outside my apartment building, Chuck sat cross legged.
“I’m going to miss you,” I said to him.
“You going somewhere?” he asked.
I nodded. “I’m moving out today for good. I won’t be coming back.”
His eyes held resignation and sadness. “You don’t know how sorry I am to hear that.” I gave him a sad smile before I started making my way into the apartment building. “I wish you’d give him another chance.”
With my hand paused on the door, I shook my head.
“I can’t do cheating.”
He frowned. “I know, but after everything that he’s gone through in life, he deserves a good girl like you.”
My head cocked sideways. “How do you know about his life?”
He sighed, suddenly looking years older. “My name is Charles Kindall.”
My eyes grew wide. “You’re Ryan’s father?” I pointed at him. “You were dating Ryan’s mother for years before you raped her and she wound up pregnant with Ryan. She took you back for a few years, and then you finally split when Ryan was a toddler.”
Charles glanced down in shame. “I left from the guilt. I had a horrible temper when I drank. I loved her; I never meant to hurt her. Ryan was better off without a father like me.”
“What a cop out answer! You could have at least sent money for the child you created,” I spat. “When I get back down here, you better be gone, or I’m calling the cops. And you’re right. He was better off without you.”
It’s scary how little you could know about someone right underneath your nose. By the time I reached the top of my stairs, I decided not to tell Ryan that the homeless man outside our building was his father. He didn’t need that in his life. He also definitely didn’t need to hear it from me.
**
When I opened the door, I found Ryan sitting there at the dining room table drinking a beer. I was surprised to find him drinking again. Ryan never drank this much before. Then again, neither did I. I ignored him, walking into the bedroom to collect my things. I’d be thorough this time; this was the last time I ever wanted to come back to this apartment. Everything needed to be out. I found random things, here and there, and collected them, throwing them into a backpack.
“So, you’re packing up, huh?” Ryan asked me from the doorway, bottle in hand.
“Yeah, I’m leaving. I have someone already working on getting me out of this lease.” I tossed a few more items into my bag.
“So, I’ll be stuck paying for everything?” he snapped.
“You can easily slip out of your lease. You aren’t working anymore.”
My head pounded from my hangover and lack of caffeine. I walked into the kitchen to brew a cup of coffee. I inhaled the aroma deeply hoping it would help waken me up from my morning fogginess. As it percolated, Ryan walked over. I tried to ignore him, focusing on what I was doing. He pressed himself against me though, his hands holding on to the sides of the counter, keeping me there.
“Why are you leaving? You know this isn’t over between us yet,” he murmured in my ear while pressing himself hard into my rear, shoving my body against the counter. Panic rose as I became uncomfortable with what he was doing.
“Ryan,” I said in a clear voice. “I don’t know how many other ways to say this. We are so over. I’m with Brian now.”
“Ah, so he was finally able to win you over with daddy’s money,” he said, his words filled with venom.
“I don’t care about the money, Ryan, I never did,” I replied to him, still struggling against him in vain.
“Oh, no?” he snorted. “You would have never even considered marrying me if I hadn’t handed you a Tiffany’s box. I was never enough for you, never good enough.” He grabbed a handful of my hair yanking it as he shoved himself into me hard.
What do I do? I remembered Jack’s self-defense class, though, and remembered the steps. First, I needed to try and diffuse the situation.
“Ryan you don’t want to do this,” I told him. “This isn’t who you are.”
“Who I am is irrelevant. I want my Annie back. I want to feel how I always felt when I was with her,” he said as his hand moved to the front of my blouse. He slipped his fingers in between my shirt and skin, and dragging his hand down, popped all of the buttons of my shirt. I heard the clinking noise as some bounced across the floor to their final destinations. His overly warm fingertips now moved up the skin he exposed. I inhaled sharply through my nose as my body shook violently. I felt paralyzed with fear. My blood froze in my veins turning to ice from my neck down to my toes.
My eyes searched the counter for any knives, but I kept it devoid of anything save the coffee maker. The pot was out of reach from this position, so I couldn’t splash it on Ryan’s face. The coffee gurgled as it finished percolating my chocolate flavored coffee. Ryan’s fingers traced the outline of my bra. His hands finally left me….Thank God….as fresh tears made their way down my cheeks. I heard the sound of his jeans unzip and realized that was why his hands left my body. Suddenly, fury took over me, and thawed out the ice in my body, instead boiling my blood.
I screamed at the top of my lungs channeling my rage as I smashed the heel of my shoe into his foot. I jabbed him in both ribs hard, then head butted him as hard as I possibly could. He stumbled backwards, hitting into the other kitchen counter. I took his abandoned beer bottle and smashed it over his head. He dropped to the ground, screaming profanities, his hands moving to his head. I began kicking him viciously in the back. He tried to move away from me and get back up, but I realized that I needed to keep him there and unable to yank me down with him.
It wasn’t enough though and he was too strong, coming up way too fast. He grabbed my legs out from underneath me, lifting me up with him, and I found myself slammed against my upper kitchen cabinets, my butt now on the countertop. He backhanded me across the face. He wore a ring and the room spun as I felt blood start trickling down my cheek. Come on, Anne, keep it together. Don’t let him win. Think.
I could smell the coffee calling to me, and I reached my hand out to grab the pot, smashing it and the hot coffee against the side of his head. He screamed as the glass shattered against him, scalding liquid burning him, and I brought my arm up to keep my face from being burned as well. I kicked him hard in the stomach and he fell backwards into the opposite kitchen counter. I didn’t have enough time to get away before Ryan pulled his arm back, punching me in the right eye. My head slammed back into the cabinet, and I could feel my eyelid begin to swell, blurring my vision. He looked furious. “You’re going to leave me?” he spat the words at me, “I don’t think so.”
I clenched my fist. “Believe it, you son of a bitch. I’ll go down fighting.” I yanked the drawer open beneath me, and pulled out a utensil, I have no idea what, and threw it at him. It missed, but distracted him long enough so that I could lunge at him, ramming my elbow straight into his face. I picked up two more beer bottles sitting on that counter, and broke both over his head at the same time. With the one broken long neck, I shoved its jagged edges as hard as I could into his stomach. He finally fell to the ground with a gasp, clutching his stomach.
Only two truths existed for me in that moment as I was brought to a place of pure animal instinct. Ryan needed to stay down, and I needed to stay alive. No matter the cost.
I was afraid that he was going to get back up, considering that Ryan was strong and could take a hit. He was too busy on the defensive to hit back, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t strike out at me soon. Despite the alcohol making his reflexes slower, it also dulled his pain. I was afraid punching him wouldn’t be enough to keep him down. So, I did the only option I felt that I had left. I ran like hell.
As I sprinted down the hallway screaming at the top of my lungs, I found myself strangely thinking about how glad I was that I now ran with Brian every day. No way could I have sprinted at this pace before while yelling. No one was coming out of their apartments, however, and I assumed everyone on this floor was either sleeping or already at work. My heart pounded in my chest so fiercely that I could hear it in my ears as I leapt down each flight of stairs faster than I had ever moved in my life. I didn’t sigh in relief when my feet touched the ground floor and the apartment building door was in sight. I still ran as if he was chasing me. For all I knew, he was. Sunlight warmed my already overheated skin and without thought, I turned left and ran down the sidewalk screaming for help, my open shirt flapping as I ran.
I saw him then a block away, and I had never in my life been more relieved to see anyone in my entire life. He felt like a godsend at that moment. Ben had just parked the car, tossed coins into the meter, and ashed his cigarette onto the side walk. With his butt now pressed between his lips, he strolled down the sidewalk towards my apartment building, his eye caught by a scantily dressed woman walking by in the opposite direction.
“Ben,” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Help me!” When he didn’t hear me, I screamed again, “Ben!”
My second shout caught his attention, and he looked at me barreling towards him with my upper body on full display for Hoboken. I watched him staring at me in complete and utter shock, his eyes wide. As his mouth opened wide, the cigarette butt fell from his lips, landing on the cement sidewalk beneath him. I didn’t stop running until I slammed against his body, and he took a faltering step backwards before bracing both our weights. He steadied me by bracing my arms as a hundred questions ran through his eyes simultaneously.
“What the hell happened?” he asked me, glancing down at my exposed skin bewildered, then back up at my eyes. I blinked, staring at him. He held my arms tightly and forced eye contact. “Annie, I don’t give a shit what you did. But, you need to tell me the truth, so I can cover it up,” he explained low in my ear. I barely understood the words from my heart still pounding loudly in my ears. I blinked again, staring at him quizzically. He wanted to protect me by covering up what I did? Shouldn’t he be pissed at me for ruining his day or dragging him into this mess? He didn’t even look annoyed.
“Ryan tried to rape me. He had no idea that I wouldn’t go down without a fight.” My voice sounded hollow and distant in my ears. The fury was gone and cold emptiness washed over me, taking its place.
