“Did you seriously think I had done something to you last night?” His voice isn’t confident the way it normally is. With every question he asks, there’s more anguish in his deep voice. And I did that to him.
“I didn’t know what to think. It was all messed up, waking up next to you but not remembering anything and then I didn’t have shorts or a bra on, and well, you’re Cowboy, the man every woman takes for a ride.” Tipping back my glass of water, I drink until my stomach hurts, hoping it will do something to erase the acrid taste in my mouth. I’ve never been good at talking about myself, especially when someone gets close to talking about my insecurities.
“There’s so much wrong with that,” Colby seethes, standing abruptly, knocking over the beer bottle on the coffee table. He rushes to get a towel as I work to save a stack of magazines from becoming saturated in the amber liquid. “The very least of which is your assumption that I’m a fucking man whore.”
His jaw is tense when he comes back into the living room and he refuses to make eye contact with me. “Come on, Colby! Even you have to admit that you love screwing a different woman every weekend. I’ve watched you play your games for years now, making a girl feel like she’s the only person you see so you can get her in your car. And somehow, you manage to convince them that it’s okay to be a slut because one weekend with you is better than nothing.”
And I would know, because I’m the queen of nothing, I add silently. Or at least I hope I didn’t blurt that out. Given the way my day has been going, nothing would surprise me at this point. I refuse to let myself cry because I’m not going to destroy our friendship by showing Colby how much his antics bother me.
“Do you seriously think that little of me?” The pain in his voice has been replaced by raw anger. “When was the last time I brought someone home? When was the last time I wasn’t with you when we’re out? Think about that for a minute!”
When he walks out of the room, I begin to panic. His bedroom door slams and I jump. As the minutes tick by, I heed his words and I start to think. He’s right. I’ve created this nightmare in my mind where he’s having sex with as many women as possible, but the truth is that I can’t think of when he’d have time.
“So why act that way if you’re not going to do anything?” I ask when he finally returns. My words cause him to change course, joining me on the couch instead of sitting in his recliner.
He sits closer to me this time, reaching for my hand. Part of me wants to lean into him, take in the calming scent of his body wash and feel his warm body against mine, but I can’t. I won’t. Not after divulging more to him than I ever intended on sharing. “Do you want to know why I flirt with a different girl every weekend? Because it’s safer than going after the one girl I feel something for.”
I feel his index finger under my chin, urging me to look at him. There’s something different about his honey gaze tonight. It’s not playful, but rather contemplative. Longing. Needy. “Because the girl I wish I could be with once told me that I need to follow my dreams and she was right. But in order to do that, I would have to leave her behind because she has a life here. And I would rather piss that one girl off and make her see that she’s too good for me than watch her crying as I pull away.”
My hand flies to my chest, clenching the fabric of my tank top as I try to get control of my racing heart. Squeezing my eyes tightly, I take a moment to try to process what he just said to me. “Colby…I don’t…are you saying…” I stutter, unable to form a single coherent thought. There are so many things I need to ask him because my heart won’t survive this leap if I’m wrong.
Colby’s long fingers trace down the length of my arms before falling to my hips. He turns me on the cushion so we’re staring into each other’s eyes, mere inches separating our faces. “I don’t sleep around, Lea. I never have and I never will.”
I snort in a most unladylike fashion. While I’m starting to understand that he’s not the whore I’ve made him out to be, this is all so new. It’s going to take a while to comprehend the fact that he’s nothing more than a colossal flirt.
“Ask any of them,” he challenges without shifting his gaze. “They all know there’s someone else that I can’t hurt that way. The furthest I’ve gone with any of them is some heavy petting in my car.”
“Why?” I whisper, struggling to catch my breath. With every word he says, I’m falling deeper in love with him and that’s going to be the death of me.
“I told you, I know what I want to do with my life, and I know that’s not going to happen if I stay here.” He lifts his left hand to brush his thumb across my cheek, smiling weakly at me. “Your life is here. I can’t ask you to leave with me anymore than I can get in my car and drive away, knowing that I’m breaking your heart.”
If I wasn’t so intoxicated by the feel of his hands taunting my skin, I would be more focused on how upset I am with him right now. Even if he had noble intentions, it doesn’t change the fact that he robbed us of years that we could have been together. Or, quite possibly, a few good months followed by years of missing one another when things didn’t work out. Isn’t that why I never told him how he made me feel?
A plan starts to form in my mind to take control of this new development. If he’s going to use my fragile emotions as the reason we can’t be together, I’m going to show him how wrong he is. Now, I just have to hope this works. “Enough of that for now. Truth or dare?” I ask, my voice rising to a nearly annoying pitch on the last word. He leans in so our foreheads are touching, his slightly almond-shaped eyes never blinking.
“Dare,” he sighs, pulling back just far enough that my eyes are drawn to the sight of him licking his lower lip. “I don’t have any right to, but dammit, I want to kiss you, Lea.”
My entire body heats with his desire, my mind at war with my heart. The idea of his lips crashing against mine consumes me, but that’s not how I want this to be for us. I’m not interested in a hormone-fueled night of what will most definitely be mind-blowing sex, I want the whole package. If he truly feels the way he says he does about me, I want to put him to the test. It’s one of the most immature thoughts I’ve had in a while, but no one accused me of being logical when my emotions entered the picture. Reluctantly, I pull away from him, immediately missing the feel of his warm, minty breath against my skin.
“I dare you to take me on a date tonight,” I say with more confidence than I feel. Squaring my shoulders, I give him the terms of the dare. “The summer we met, you made me tell you about my dream date. Tonight, I want you to give me that night.”
The little voice in my head tells me it’s not going to mean as much because I am pressuring him to do this, but that doesn’t stop me. Worst case scenario, he gets it wrong. Or he gets it right and tonight is a one-time occurrence. Best case, he remembers the date I said I always wanted that made him double over in laughter. It’s unconventional, I know, but I’m not the wine and roses type of girl.
“Deal,” he says, holding out his hand to me as he stands. When our hands connect, he pulls me from my seat with enough force that I crash into his firm chest. He’s not stacked, but his body is toned and lean, perfect for burying my face in as I enjoy the feeling of being so close to him, knowing that I’m the one causing his heart to beat a furious tattoo against his ribs. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he warns me, his forehead resting against mine, our fingers intertwined between our bodies.
This is something I’ve thought about so many times, and yet, now that the moment is here I have no clue how to react. I giggle, immediately feeling my cheeks flush with embarrassment. There’s still an awkwardness between us, but this time I think it’s more fueled by the knowledge that, once our lips connect, nothing about our lives will be the same as it is now. I run my hands across his biceps until my arms are draped over his shoulders, pulling him closer to me.
“I want you to kiss me,” I assure him. He needs to be the one to close the distance between us, to give me the peace of mind knowing
that I’m not pushing this on him.
Colby wraps his arms tightly around my waist, pulling me to him so there is no space between our bodies. There is also no mistaking the bulge pressing into my stomach as he claims my mouth in a ravenous kiss. This is the kiss of a man who has waited years for the ability to claim his prize. Our tongues tangle as our bodies writhe with need. I pull away from him, unwilling to go any further right now. He leans in, begging for more, brushing his nose against mine, cupping my face in his hands.
“Be ready in an hour,” he commands before pressing his lips to mine once more in a lingering kiss laced with emotion.
As soon as Colby releases me, I begin to shiver. Whether from the absence of his heat surrounding me or anticipation of the night to come, I’m uncertain. He grabs his car keys off the entry table, turning to wink at me before disappearing through our front door.
Chapter 8
Colby
I’m in my car, turning toward a small, local market before I realize what it is that I’m doing. Four years ago, I did ask Lea about her dream date. At the time, I thought I would grow a set of balls and ask her out and this was going to be my ace in the hole. Little did I know how long I would hold onto this knowledge until she was the one who pushed me to make her dreams come true.
She was embarrassed when I finally got her to tell me about her dream date. It’s not the type of thing most girls her age would say they wanted, but nothing about Lea is typical. She said she would love it if, just once, a guy picked her up in a convertible and they could drive through the country at night with the top down so she could look up at the stars. Then, she said, he would take her to Veteran’s Hill, where she would curl up next to him while they watch the planes taking off and landing, flying so low you could almost touch them.
Lucky for me, Robby’s dad loves me and owns a convertible. It’s not anything fancy, but I don’t think she’ll mind. After so much time has passed, I’m hoping I’ll get bonus points for remembering any of the details.
“Hey, putz, I need a favor,” I say as soon as Robby answers the phone. As quickly as possible, I fill him in on how we got to this point and tell him what I need.
“Dude, if I didn’t love you like a brother, I’d ask to see your vagina, because that has got to be one of the most pussy things I’ve ever heard of any guy doing.” He laughs heartily and I know he’s just giving me shit. “But it’s about fucking time!”
“What’s about time?” The female’s voice is muffled in the background, but it almost sounds like Amanda.
“I’ll tell ya later,” he informs her. “Yeah, I’m sure Dad will let you take the car out tonight. Just remember to put gas in it when you’re done and don’t crease anything. The keys are upstairs on the hook.”
As tempting as it is to ask Robby about the girl in the background, I know I’m on shaky ground and would prefer to retain possession of my man card for the evening, so I let it drop. “Thanks, man. He going to be cool if I bring it back tomorrow? I’d rather not have to deal with all that tonight.” I can just imagine taking Lea on her ideal date after all but telling her I’m madly in love with her and then having to ask if she minds a quick detour on the way home so I can drop off the car.
“Yeah, that’ll be cool,” he says in a rush. “Look, unless you need something else, I gotta run. You know, hot date and all…”
Hearing his companion for the night giggling in the background makes me wonder what in the hell I’ve been thinking for so long. Seeing the conviction in Lea’s eyes when she issued her dare for tonight has filled me with a sense of confidence. I no longer feel as if I have to choose between my dreams and hers. I will stay in town, stashing away as much money as I can until Lea graduates and then we can see if there are any jobs for her in Nashville. If not, we’ll figure out what we’re supposed to do.
Before I can thank Robby again for his help making tonight happen, the line goes dead. Definitely going to give him shit for cutting me off like that. What if there had been something else I needed from him? There’s not, but that little punk just put me out for a chick.
**
Fifty-six minutes later, I carefully guide Mister Coy’s Volvo C70 into my parking stall beneath the building. The thing is tiny compared to my Cutlass, but I have no doubt that the old man would whoop my ass if I put a single scratch on it. There’s no time to wait for the elevator, which I’m sure is the slowest in the city, so I take the stairs two at a time up to the fourth floor.
If it was anyone other than Lea playing bubblegum pop music at full blast from inside my apartment, I’d be pissed. But as I reach for the knob, I can almost picture her dancing her way from room to room, holding the brush in her hand as if she’s Katy Perry. The biggest difference between the two would have to be the fact that Lea can’t carry a tune to save her life. But what she lacks in substance, she more than makes up for in style, so I sneak inside, slowly closing the door so I can enjoy the show before she realizes that she’s been caught.
My head falls back as I fail miserably in my attempt to keep from laughing at the way she screeches when her eyes open and she’s less than two feet in front of me. “Colby! You scared the shit out of me!”
When I reach for her, pulling her in for a quick kiss, it feels as if we’ve been doing this forever. Lea’s lithe body sags against mine, moaning quietly as my tongue swirls around her sweet mouth. God, I could stay here like this all night if not for the fact that I have a dare to complete. “Are you just about ready?” I ask, resting my hands on her hips, not ready to let go.
As I watch her walk to the front door, I realize what a fool I’ve been. The girls I’ve messed around with have nothing on my girl. Fuck, I hope she’s okay with me calling her mine, because as far as I’m concerned, this bullshit of us avoiding one another ends. Now. Regardless, those girls are polished, fake and everything they think I want. Lea’s at the complete other end of the spectrum, is dressed in jeans, a simple black tank top that accentuates her toned arms, and cowboy boots. Classic, simple, comfortable, and drop dead sexy.
“Yep, just have to grab something for later tonight.” She ducks into her bedroom, returning with a flannel shirt tied loosely around her waist. It seems like such a small thing, but the way she can be so at ease, not freaking about whether or not she fits into some arbitrary mold is a huge part of what has always drawn me to her.
Placing my hand on the small of her back, I lead her out of the apartment, never breaking contact as I fumble with the keys to lock the door. As we wait for the elevator, I wrap my hand around the braid at the nape of her neck. “You look amazing,” I say, tugging gently so her blue eyes are looking into mine. “Thank you for not freaking out.”
“About?” she asks, looking confused.
“Me telling you how I feel.” Fuck, putting a voice to my biggest concern makes me feel like a punk. Lea hates weak guys. I know this, and yet I’m standing here getting all sappy about the fact that she didn’t slap me or tell me I’m an idiot. “I just…”
She silences me by covering my mouth with hers. As her tongue slides between my lips, I feel my cock stirring to life, and I wonder how I can get out of this date and take her back inside. It’s too soon for us to be together, I know that, but I want to have the opportunity to explore her sun-kissed skin. I want to kiss her until her lips are swollen and her body is flushed. I just want her. Fuck, maybe I am a punk.
“I’m still thinking about freaking out,” she says, working a bit too hard to keep her expression stern. When I begin to fidget, she rests her hand over my racing heart. “You could have told me this a long time ago but you didn’t. I thought you didn’t like me that way…”
Whatever I’ve done to make her feel that way, I vow to figure it out so I can never do that again. Even if I was busy being an asshole, trying to keep her from wanting me, that doesn’t mean I wanted her to feel as if she wasn’t worthy. That’s one of Lea’s biggest problems; she’s used to being the unpopular girl, so she can’t see why a
nyone wants to be around her.
“Hey, I’ll probably be fucking this up a lot. So you should probably get used to hearing me say I’m sorry.” I try to make light of the situation because I can see her starting to think and that’s not allowed tonight. We step into the elevator and I move us so her back is pressed to my chest in the corner. “It was never about not wanting you. Never.”
For the first time in as long as I can remember, I rush ahead of Lea so I can open the door for her. After all the talk I made about Bowie being a dick and her deserving a man who would treat her like she’s the center of the world, I have to make sure I live up to that standard.
Neither of us speak as I make my way out of the city. We’ll eventually loop back to Veteran’s Hill, but first, I have to make a quick stop. It’s probably a date-night event that would wind up on some list of worst dates ever, but Lea knows me well enough that I have faith she’ll understand why I need to do this. She glances over at me nervously when she realizes where we’re going, tenderly reaching for my hand without saying a word.
I haven’t been here since the day we buried Paulie. Reaching in the backseat for a six-pack, I open Lea’s door. “We fought about you that night,” I tell her sullenly as we walk between rows of stone markers. This is the first time I’ve told anyone, even Lea, why I have carried so much guilt about Paulie’s accident.
“About me?” She chokes on the words, almost as overcome with memories as I am.
“He knew,” I admit, kneeling in front of the simple headstone. “He and Robby have known since the beginning. And Paulie…fuck, I think he loved you almost as much as I do. He said I was an asshole for trying to tell myself I was staying away from your for your sake. After a few too many drinks, he unleashed that night because you saw me kissing Toni and I made you cry. I told him to fuck off and he left.”
Swallowing hard, I take a minute to compose myself because I really want to cry all of the tears I never allowed myself after the accident. I was the one who could have stopped him. I should have stopped him. But I was so pissed at him for pushing me, I watched him walk out the door. Robby and Eric followed him out to his car, where he managed to convince both of them that he was fine to drive. “After he was gone, it was even harder for me to admit what I felt because it would be like saying Paulie was right. If I had said that that night, he’d still be here.”
Truth or Dare Page 5
