“Why all the secrecy with the others?” Ellen asked.
“It wasn’t really supposed to be this big secret. Look . . .” Henry led her to the steps of the clinic and made her sit next to him. “You have to understand, you have Joe, he wanted Robbie out, but he didn’t want to make the decision. Everyone had something they wanted Robbie for. Frank, he was on council’s back every day and so, George, he had enough. He brought in Andrea to make the decision.”
“But how come I didn’t find out?”
“People can be a little frightened of you.” Henry leaned back, just in case Ellen lashed out. “It’s true, you scare people. Maybe they were just afraid to tell you they were going over your head. Or, what if you were right, we all know how badly you gloat. Anyway, in their defense. Their hearts were in the right place, and you really couldn’t give a logical reason why Robbie had to stay. Then there was the rumor why he was staying.”
Ellen shook her head. “That is entirely untrue, Henry. I have no interest in Robbie, or lust for him.”
“I didn’t hear that one. That’s a good one. I was talking about the one where you needed him for scientific experiments with Dean.”
Ellen laughed. She had too. Henry was so serious about his explanations. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, Henry.” She stood up.
“Hey, no problem. I’d be the same way.” Henry stood also.
“I better get back to work. Thanks, you’ve calmed me down about this.”
“Anytime.” Henry said his goodbye. He knew he had accomplished the near impossible. But of course he was Henry, he did fix things. He patted himself on the back, pictured himself being called ‘Saint Henry’, then walked proudly in to the clinic knowing he had saved another poor soul from experiencing what he almost received in full force.
***
Even from across the room, Ellen could see Robbie’s hands shaking as he occupied himself with the ‘safe’ survivors, the two children. He sat at a table playing cards with them, trying to look relaxed, but Ellen knew him for too many years. His rapidly blinking eyes told her his mind was elsewhere.
“Hey.” She whispered as she knelt down by his legs. “Robbie.” She laid her hand on his forearm. “I’m sorry.”
His eyes closed briefly as he turned his head and peered down to her. “No.” He gave an innocent smile. “It’s O.K.”
“Feel like talking?”
Robbie nodded, then motioned his head to the kids. “Maybe later though? We have to finish our game.”
Ellen smiled as her agreement, but just as she went to stand she heard the call of her name and her hand gripped Robbie’s arm.
“Ellen,” Joe’s crass call carried across the skills room.
She lifted her eyes to Robbie, gripping his arm. “I’m ignoring him.”
Again, Joe called. “Ellen.”
“My Dad?” Robbie snickered. “Watch.” Robbie softened his voice and imitated his father. “Ellen, goddamn it I’m talking to you.”
“Ellen, goddamn it I’m talking to you.” Joe neared her.
Ellen laughed, stood up then changed her happy expression to a bold one. She marched across the skills room right by Joe. “I am not speaking to you.”
“Oh really?” Joe followed her.
“Really.” Ellen moved to her office.
“Hold it right there, Missy.”
Ellen stopped. “Missy?” She turned around. “Missy? Did you just call me Missy?” She shook her head and went into her office.
“What the hell difference does it make what I call you.”
“How about naive? How about dumb? How about someone that everyone can push around. How about . . .”
“How about I leave.” Joe tossed his hands up. “I can see you and I are not talking about this rationally and I refuse to bow down and kiss your ass like everyone else.” He saw her gasp. “Yeah, open that mouth a little wider in surprise, Ellen. I’m not Frank, I’m not Dean and I’m not everyone else. I’m your father. I’m not gonna beg you to take my apology. You don’t want to talk to me. Don’t. You can’t ignore me forever.”
Ellen couldn’t speak when Joe walked out. Stunned, her mouth moved and she stepped to the door to be greeted by a snickering Robbie. “Do . . . do you . . .” She pointed to a leaving Joe.
“Dad.” Robbie said going into her office with her.
“Game over with the kids?”
“Yep.”
“You know . . .” Ellen leaned on her desk as Robbie stood before her, “I should have you come back and help. They respond to you.”
“I’d like that. I’ll comeback every day.”
“But they don’t have to be your excuse to stop by.” Ellen watched him exhale and sway his head to the side. “Robbie.” She lifted his chin. “You’re going to be just fine.”
“El, you’re the only one who knows about what I was like out there. You know whenever I was with a group of people too long I . . .”
“No.” Ellen laid her fingers on his lips. “No. I’ve been thinking about this. You will do fine. This is different. Wanna know why?” She waited for him to nod and then she held out her hand palms up. “Because when you feel like you’re slipping, when need to reach out. Any time, for any reason, you just grab on. I won’t let go.”
Without saying anything, Robbie grabbed on to her hand then he pulled Ellen into him. And just like she said, she held onto him, and she didn’t let go.
***
The clanking of the dishes and the sound of forks could be heard through the thin walls of Ellen’s office. It was the whistle to her, the end of the day signal that it was time to go home. Dinner was served to the survivors and Ellen would leave. She took time to clean-up her office, straighten it up to look presentable. Ellen leaned over the long end of the desk and blew from it the ashes from Joe’s cigarettes.
Running her hand over her desk, she heard someone approach. By the way they did, Ellen knew they were trying to be sneaky about it. Trying to walk softly, even though the she could hear keys jingling. Ellen knew exactly who it was. What was he up to? Why was he trying to be so quiet? Did he actually think she could not feel him standing so close in the doorway, not three feet from the edge of the desk where she stood. Ellen pretended she didn’t hear him, he’d fall for that. She wasn’t turning around at all. She kept on straightening up her desk.
A wild flower appeared under her nose, it bounced up and down in front of her. The hand holding on to the long stem, not visible. Revenge, sweet revenge, Ellen thought. Such the perfect moment. Ellen smiled, that corner of the mouth smile. “I told you I was still mad.” Ellen tried not to laugh. “But the flower is a very sweet jester. Thank you . . . Dean.” The flower dropped and fell to the desk.
“You should really know which of your men you are speaking to before you call out a name.” Frank spoke angrily.
“Oh Frank, I’m kidding.” Ellen turned quickly around. “I knew it was you.”
“You did?”
“Yes, I did. I heard you coming down the hall. God, you have like a thousand keys. I can hear you a mile away. Especially when you’re trying to be quiet. Sound travels Frank, remember that. Why are you here?”
“I just . . . I just need to know. Are we O.K. El?”
“We’re O.K. Frank.” She finally lifted the flower. “We’re O.K.”
CHAPTER TEN
Robbie slept. It was not a peaceful sleep, nor restful. The night seemed to drag on for him. He was pacing the floor well after everyone else had fallen fast asleep. He tried exercising, nothing helped. Robbie was anxious, frightened, and excited about leaving containment at first light. Like a prisoner being released. Robbie was going to be free.
What next? He had been told what would happen, but he had not been prepared. Would they expect more than he could give? Would they expect less? Was he making much too much over living in the community? He was told he would room with Paul. Paul was good. Paul could help him. Paul helped him on his sleepless night, of course he didn’t know
it. Robbie would pace, sit down, get up, and look at the monstrous watch Paul gave him, for the time. Finally, after many hours, Robbie felt like he could sleep. He lay down, stared at the ceiling for awhile, then he slumbered.
Robbie dreamt. Henry was in the dream, and so was George. They stood above him, as he sat on the ground trying to repair something. Henry and George laughed, a slow motion, deep laugh. Why were they laughing? Was he doing it wrong?
Then they began to get angry. When Robbie looked up at them they weren’t smiling anymore. Henry and George began shouting at him, and he couldn’t understand what they were saying. It was gurgled. Robbie was confused, he held up the object to them. They paid no mind. Robbie pleaded, “I don’t understand. Help me with this. Stop yelling, stop yelling.” Robbie dropped the object and covered his ears, rocking back and forth, blocking out their voices. Then without a warning, a cover came down over him. Thump-thump. The pain shot into Robbie’s side as he felt them kick and hit him. “No!” Robbie pulled out his knife. “No!” With surviving instincts, he sliced his way out of the blanket and emerged to confront them. He grabbed hold of Henry, yanked him close and braced his head. Against his chest, he could feel Henry’s beating heart through his back as the tip of his nose breathed heavily on Robbie’s forearm. Suddenly, reaching further around Henry, in a blind fury, he jolted Henry’s head to the left releasing a loud ‘crack.’
George began to back up, his eyes fearful as they stared back at Robbie. Robbie couldn’t let him get away. He took his knife and flung it toward George. Spinning end over end, the knife landed point first, point blank in the center of George’s throat. Robbie dropped Henry’s limp body to the ground. He breathed heavily at all the blood surrounding him. He knew he was dreaming, he had to wake up. He had to.
He struggled and struggled to burst back to reality from the depths of the horrific dream. A horrific dream he had many times before. Different people, same outcome.
Kicking, and huffing, and flinging his blanket across the room, Robbie awakened. He jumped from his bunk. Fearful of what he’d find, he looked around. His heart raced, his head spun as he looked at those who slept close to him. They were fine, they were sleeping, they were still alive. He thanked God.
Robbie couldn’t go back to sleep, he wouldn’t. He huddled onto the floor, brought his knees close to his chest, wrapped himself in his blanket, and prayed.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
May 9th
Robbie stood before the steamed up mirror in the shower room. He slowly wiped his hand across it, removing the steam in a streak. He looked at himself. He took a long hard look. He did not see the strong man before him that everyone else did. He saw a scared man. He was strong when he took the world, searching with his heart for his family. He beat the elements. He devoured those who tried to take him down. But as he stood there, wearing the loosely fitted jeans he was issued, he did not see that man of a week ago. He saw that boy, the same one who was afraid to go to high school, afraid of the military, afraid of living in the shadows of three older brothers who all did their family proud. Was it the same situation ? It was. He was following yet another brothers footsteps. Could he live in them, could he do better? Would he?
Robbie grabbed the tee shirt that Ellen left for him. They had laundered all of his clothes and gave him new ones. A new start, in a new world.
Fixing his hair, Robbie looked one more time in the mirror before leaving the showering room. He exited into the sleeping quarters, the room was empty. His gear, packed for him the night before, sat on top of his bunk. Robbie grabbed it, walked slowly out and turned to his left, to the door that led to his freedom. He saw the button on the wall, the intercom he was told to use. With a trembling hand he pressed in that button and spoke softly. “I’m ready.”
The door buzzed, and Robbie turned the knob and opened it. His father stood with Greg waiting on him.
“Robbie.” Joe reached out his hand, took Robbie’s bag, and with his other arm, placed it around his shoulder. “Welcome out.”
“Thanks.” Robbie looked around. “Where’s Ellen?”
“Probably getting her kids ready for school. I’m sure you’ll see her later. Come on.” Joe opened the door. “Welcome to Beginnings.”
Robbie stepped out into the cool morning. The streets were quiet. He didn’t even remember the community looking like what he was seeing. It reminded him so much of the military bases he lived on. Barrack type buildings. Row houses off in the distance. It wasn’t that bad. It was like he’d been there before, lived there once. A wave of calm came over him.
“I’m gonna walk you to your new home first. Then Paul has the honors of showing you around today. That’s pretty much all you’ll do today. Get to know the place.”
Robbie listened with a half ear. He was more in awe as they walked from what appeared to be the edge of the heart of town. “Then where will I be going?” He asked.
“We’ve given a lot of thought to that. We think you’ll be the new utility man. Mechanics mainly, but put you in the security, especially since you have flight experience.” Joe stopped. They had reached the last house in the second row. “Here we are. Home sweet home.” Joe immediately approached the door and opened it. “You gonna come in?”
“Yes.” Robbie took one more look around. Studying where he was. The last thing he wanted was to get lost his first day or two in the community. What an idiot he’d look like. He was feeling better. Listening to his father speak to him with such trust. He would venture out and learn all about Beginnings. Yet, Robbie was sure that no matter how much he thought he knew about it, there would always be something new he’d learn. He walked with confidence into his new home. He was gonna make it. And if ever he felt unsure of that, he knew he had someone he could turn to. He was not alone anymore in an uncertain world. He’d never be alone again.
CHAPTER TWELVE
They sat in the center of the social hall. Two tables joined together, drinks sprawled out across the table. Food, sat smack dab in the middle, half eaten. They laughed and talked loudly, the ‘originals’, as they gathered to welcome Robbie. Robbie was getting a welcome that no other had received, but of course he was family. It was a relaxed mood, not an unusual one. The ‘originals’ gathered often, like a family for Sunday supper.
Except for Dean, he didn’t attend the gatherings all that much. He preferred to stay home with the kids. He used them as his excuse, so as not to subject himself to Frank’s arrogance, and know-it-all-about-Ellen attitude. But for the Robbie welcoming, he joined them. Giving in to Andrea’s pleas, and letting Denny do babysitting detail so the grown-ups could hang out
Dean was enjoying himself in a quiet sort of way. Leaning in toward the table, sipping his water. Never alcohol, Dean had to be constantly ready for any emergency. He especially didn’t drink the alcohol they made. He tried it once, and couldn’t remember anything he did for three hours. Of course, Ellen and Frank said he was walking around town naked. He didn’t believe them. Or at least he wanted not to believe them.
He listened to everyone ramble on, and laughing. He would get annoyed with them when Paul was playing something nice in the background, and they got too loud. But he didn’t say anything, he just watched. He watched Ellen look pissed-off, her usual appearance, and occasionally crack a half smile. He watched Andrea and Joe break off into their own conversations that had nothing to do with anything. They’d argue briefly, then return to what everyone else was talking about. John Matoose stared at his wife Jenny mostly. It actually got kind of sickening, how in love they were. John would reach over, constantly touching Jenny. Henry and George listened to Frank be the big shot. Like always, Frank rocked back on the hind legs of his chair as he talked. He never could set the chair on the ground. Dean wished often Frank would tip right over.
Then there was Robbie. Robbie was quiet also. He was listening and watching everyone. Dean could tell by looking at him, Robbie’s mind was at work. Studying everyone, watching them, taking it all in. He
had that look on his face, as if he didn’t want to miss anything. If that was the case, Dean felt sorry for him. With all the babbling going on, Robbie’s head was probably spinning.
Joe clapped loudly, obnoxiously loud, with that ear piercing whistle he always did. “The boy’s good.” He referred to Paul as Paul finished the Frank Sinatra song Joe had requested early on. “Isn’t he good?” Joe asked of everyone at the table. “The only thing is, the guy could probably use some help up there. He’s gonna wear down doing all that singing. Ellen!”
Ellen snapped to attention. “What?”
Joe motioned his glass. “Go up and sing for us.”
Ellen shook her head. “Yeah right. Besides the fact that I sing badly, I’m terrible with crowds. I couldn’t imagine performing in front of anyone.”
Frank’s loud “Ha!” caught the attention of everyone. “Come on, El. That’s not true.” Frank rocked back, his hand clutching the drink between his legs. “You were great back in college when you were a stripper.”
With a loud gasping, “What?” Everyone turned to Ellen.
Ellen’s eyes widened, she stared harshly at Frank. “Oh my, God, I can’t believe you just said that.”
Frank crinkled his eyes so baffled at her. “What? Did I say something wrong?”
Ellen covered her face.
George laughed the hardest, he couldn’t help it. George never laughed that hard at anything. “Ellen, did you really strip?”
Frank answered for her. “Oh sure she did.”
“Shut up, Frank!” Ellen yelled from beneath her hands.
Frank ignored her. “Back in college. She’d do bachelor parties . . .”
“Frank!”
Frank continued. “She worked at this hotel in town. I was her body guard, she made really good money. It was fun . . . Oh!” He brought his hand to his head and began to laugh. “You guys have to hear this one. Once, Ellen decided to try tassels. She used the wrong body glue. We were up all night with nail polish remover. It was hysterical.”
The Big Ten: The First Ten Books of the Beginnings Series Page 50
