by Lacey Silks
“Do you know where you are?” he asked, and I nodded. My fingers were still wrapped in his shirt. I clung like a newborn chimp to its mother. “Do you want me to stay with you?”
Cold beads of sweat dripped down my spine. I wanted him to be with me. I didn’t want to leave the sanctuary of his arms just yet, but I smelled like I’d spent the last week or two without a shower, so it probably wasn’t such a good idea.
“I need to wash up.”
Without saying another word, Ace lifted me up into his arms and carried me to the bathroom. He turned on the tap in the oversized tub and poured, what I assumed was bubble bath, underneath the stream. The water foamed and carried a vanilla scent. I inhaled and the aroma enticed me to relax. He then held a towel up for me as I removed my t-shirt and panties. I should have asked him to leave, but with my head still spinning from the nightmare, I preferred to have him nearby. I felt much safer standing naked beside Ace than any other man I had serviced during the last two years. Knowing deep down I should have, because Ace was… different. He was one of the good guys, and his muscled body, dazzling smile, and kind heart were only a bonus.
Or maybe I felt that way because nothing mattered any longer. I was stuck in a long life of torture and I couldn’t even find a way to care. All I wanted was to survive until the next morning. For a long time I thought that at least I had the nights when I slept alone to myself. But then the nightmares began, and Infinity stole even my dreams. Could it all be stopped? How long could I go on like this? Just when I thought they’d broken me down into a million shards, another one chipped off.
Once the tub filled, keeping his gaze behind the towel, Ace helped me in and crouched at the side of the tub. Soft bubbles floated everywhere, providing coverage above my cleavage, while some drifted into the air. A scrub grazed over my back, my shoulders, and neck as he washed me.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“You’re welcome.”
“Do you think I can really leave Infinity?” I asked.
“I’ve been working with Cross Enterprises for a long time. We’ve gotten pretty close to bringing them down, but not quite. If you want me to be honest, I don’t want you anywhere near them. But would it help to have someone on the inside who’s brave enough to take them on? Yes.”
He thought I was brave? Boy, did he ever have that wrong. Did he even realize how many times I had thought about running away or about killing myself? The only thing that stopped me was knowing that my family would have been in bigger trouble.
“Have you made this offer to other women?”
“Over the past six years, we found only a few strong enough for the job.”
“And what happened?”
I saw the answer in his eyes before he spoke. They were filled with disappointment and failure.
“They refused, and we put them in the witness protection program. Some…”
He stopped. Pain shadowed his face and contorted his jaw.
“What?”
“They disappeared.”
Or were made to disappear.
“And Infinity continues to exist.”
“Yes. I can’t force anyone to help us. It won’t work that way. It needs to be done of one’s own free will. Once we’re in, we can’t take the chance that one of us will back out.”
“I think I used to be strong enough. But I’m not sure about that now.” I sighed. It felt like Infinity had been draining my blood, drop by drop, since the moment I had touched that pen to sign the contract.
“They’ve changed you. They took away more than your free will. I can see it in your eyes, Zoey. They stole your will to live. You’re still afraid they’ll go after your sister if anything happens to you. That’s why you give in to them.”
“I need her to be safe.”
He rested the sponge right over my knee. “What if we can do something to ensure her safety?”
Could he do that?
“Would it make you feel better if she had someone to protect her? To lean on?”
“I doubt she’d agree. She’s sworn off men.”
“Even my brother?”
That could work.
“I thought you weren’t too crazy about the idea of the two of them together.”
“I was upset. I just think she should know about you and how much you’ve sacrificed for her.”
“Well, it’s not your place to make that decision. Besides, I’m not sure she’d welcome him with open arms. She’s been weird lately.”
“I can guarantee you she will. Once Scar is in her life and you see her happy, do you think you could take your mind off your sister? As much as I don’t like playing matchmaker, I know that Scar will look out for her while we figure out how to destroy Craig Harper. He’s the only one I trust to do this, and I think your sister would trust him as well.”
“You say it like taking Infinity down is easier than flipping a burger.”
“It’s not, but you’re my best shot.”
Could I really do it? It was either that or… well, I didn’t see how things could get any worse for me. If my family was safe, perhaps it was worth taking a chance. I wouldn’t have agreed if it were anyone else but Ace at my side.
“Okay, I think we can try. But not yet. Let me see if I can convince her to go out in the first place.”
“Sounds good. Do you want me to wash your hair?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
I leaned my head back and felt the warm water pour over my head. His fingers gently massaged the shampoo into my scalp, and the tension drained from my shoulders. I haven’t had anyone care so much for me in ages, and now the man I’d cursed for so many years was helping me bathe. How did I get to this point? And was it really possible that the hope I’d felt slowly returning to me was real? Could I, after Infinity was taken down, have a normal life?
“I’d wash the rest of your body, but I’m afraid if I touch your perky boobs or between your legs, I’ll lose control.”
His words brought me back to the present. “Ahm, I think I should manage that for now.”
Ace squeezed the sponge and set it aside. He tucked a wet strand of hair behind my ear, saying, “I want you, Zoey, but not until you’ve healed.”
What?
“I won’t kiss you again until you make the first move. I won’t put my fingers inside you without your permission—ever. At the hotel, I didn’t know it was you. I had to act like a member. I’m sorry.”
“What would you have done if it wasn’t me?”
“Don’t ask me that.”
Why was I afraid to hear the answer? Why did my gut tell me that Ace would have fucked the girl the exact way he had promised? The sick feeling was too much.
“Hey, look at me.” He brushed the back of his hand over my cheek. “I hate seeing you so sad. It was a job. I could run through so many scenarios I could run through about that night if it weren’t you, but none of them matter. Zoey, I want to be a man worthy of you. The one who takes that fear I see in your eyes away. Forever. A man you will never be afraid of.”
Ace was talking like a relationship between us was possible, and the problem was that he was beginning to make me believe it. How could he? How could Ace fill me with hope so quickly? It hurt so much. My heart had forgotten what it felt like to be cared for.
“You’re so positive that one day I’ll be free.”
“You’re already free.”
Chapter 8
Zoey
Freedom. Such a simple word; such a complicated state of being. With the tracker removed from my arm, I should have felt like a bird who had grown a healthy pair of wings. Yet I didn’t. I was trapped in a small cage where only a few feet of flight were possible. For the first time in two years, I shouldn’t have been looking over my shoulder, expecting someone to terminate me at any given moment because of a complaint from an unsatisfied member, but I did. I let fear consume me.
Where does one go when they are no longer bound to sexual contracts and promises
? It seemed that everywhere I looked I saw XXX and GIRLS signs; secret entrances to brothels and sleazy hotels only the wickedest of our society were aware of. I wanted to get away from it all, but I ended up taking a cab downtown, finally deciding to grab a bite at a restaurant.
By myself.
On a Friday night.
Even if I wanted to feel sorry for myself, I couldn’t. There were girls in worse situations than I’d been in, and they didn’t have Ace.
The past three days I’d spent with Ace had been perfect and scary and exciting at the same time. We’d talked about our families and caught up on the past six years. He was becoming the friend I had always wanted in a man… and much more. In fact, I couldn’t stop staring at his physique, admiring the way he walked around the guest house shirtless with his jogging pants barely hanging onto his hips. My fingers itched to touch him and to trace the outline of the rose tattoo covering his arm. My skin grew tight around him and my stomach felt like I had just dived off Mount Everest in a free fall. There was so much energy around that man, I had a difficult time analyzing what it all meant. I couldn’t deny that I was attracted to him. Hell, that was definitely an understatement because each time he walked by, lust evaporated off his skin, drugging me. My mouth would water and I’d get that ache between my legs that I hadn’t thought about in years.
For the first time in two years, I actually began believing that I could have my life back. It wouldn’t be easy, but if I could pull off this sting that Ace and Emma were planning, then maybe there was a chance. The previous morning, when I had told him I had to go back to living in my own apartment, I felt a new power and confidence. He appeared proud and sad at the same time. But if I was going to war with Infinity, then I needed to regain my strength and courage, and I had to do it on my own. Would it last long enough to bring me infinite freedom?
Just as I was about to enter the restaurant, my cell phone rang with the word Mom.
Crap. Mom. I hadn’t thought what her reaction was going to be when she found out that I was in touch with Ace Wagner. Maybe I should keep this secret to myself a bit longer?
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, sweetie. I’m just stepping out from a late manicure and thought I could visit.”
“Oh, sorry, I’m not home, and Julia’s at work.”
“Oh, too bad. I really wanted to talk to you about your sister. She’s been avoiding me lately.”
Julia had every reason to. Our mom, even though she’d led a frivolous life ever since deciding to leave our father, liked to butt into our business and lecture us about men every chance she got. It was her way of mothering us. She was trying to make up for lost time, from having dated countless men after finding herself newly single.
“She’s just working long hours.”
“Where are you at?”
Crap, crap. “About to grab a bite.”
Maybe I should get our rendezvous out of the way now, so that I could have some free time for the next few weeks while we formed a plan to destroy Infinity. I looked up at the restaurant’s sign.
“I’m at Sir John’s.”
“Oh, good, I’m five minutes away. Can you order sparkling water with lime for me?”
“Sure. I’ll see you soon.”
And that’s how minutes later I found my supposed newfound freedom stripped away as I sat in a restaurant booth across from my mother. We’d been there for five minutes, and I was already lost in my thoughts, trying not to hear her as the words “Kama Sutra” and tales about Sid not being flexible enough flew in one ear and out the other. Could she really blame me for tuning her out? Sid was her husband; a much younger husband who could have been my brother. I was happy for her. I mean, after living for so many years with a husband whom I could easily qualify as a loyal cheater, who had betrayed her right in front of her face, she did deserve happiness. And if that came in the form of being a cougar on the hunt until she found Sid, well, who was I to judge? I’d been sleeping with men just to survive; at least she was having fun.
Part of me was beginning to be excited that I could potentially leave this secret life behind. No more long nights out; freedom to go shopping whenever I wanted to. Maybe one day I’d be ready to date again, and even find a real job that I loved. Maybe earn enough to fix that empty studio downstairs. Ideally it’d be something for dancing. Would Ace still be in the picture then?
“So you think you could help?” she asked directly, interrupting my daydream.
“What?”
“Zoey Blakely, haven’t you heard a word I just said?”
“Mom, sorry, but the moment you mentioned your husband and sex, my ears shut down on their own.”
“What, you think we only hold hands and kiss?”
“That’s what I’d like to pretend, at least.”
“Zoey, I imagine myself as a sexually active woman for as long as my body will function.”
“What if your bodily functions choose to have their own mind when you’re old?” I teased.
“That’s not going to happen. I’ve been doing my Kegels every morning and every night. Sid even said he can feel my muscles get stronger each time he’s ins…”
“Mom, stop. For heaven’s sake, please. No more sex talk.”
I wondered if she would have been so open about her sexuality if she knew that one of her daughters was an ex-sex addict and the other one an escort.
“So, you think you could help Sid?”
What? My confused look was probably enough.
“With flexibility. You’re a dancer, and I remember you stretching on the living room floor day and night.”
“Is Sid contemplating taking up dance?”
“No, so he can try position number fifteen.”
“Seriously? You want me to get Sid flexible for sex?”
“Well, he doesn’t have to know that it’s for sex. I can tell him you need someone to practice new choreography on, or something, and I’m sure he’ll help.”
“That’s the worst idea I’ve heard from you in a long time, Mom.”
“Just think about it.”
“Okay, I will.” Just to get you off my back. “But please don’t mention that it’s for your sexcapades.”
“Good. Now, how is the job hunt going?” she asked.
Great – from one bad subject to another.
Ever since my priorities had changed due to constant requests from Infinity, so had my concern about finding a new job. If it weren’t for that contract, I wouldn’t have let my studio fall prey to dust – and every so often, homeless men. Sometimes it felt like I was leading a double life with two different personalities, but with Ace walking back into my life and giving me a spark of hope, I would try to reconnect with that feisty, confidant, and frivolous woman everyone thought I was. I wanted to leave my life of a caged bird with clipped wings behind.
“I’m taking a little break.”
“Zoey, you have a wonderful talent as a dancer. I would hate to see it wasted.”
I had let my talent fly away the moment I signed that contract. I was no longer a dance teacher. I no longer worked at a prestigious studio, and I couldn’t find enough spare time or money to fix the one I had bought. But even beyond that, how could I look into an innocent child’s eyes, knowing the world they were born into was corrupt and evil? How do you forget the corrupt life you’ve been exposed to? I could never find the right time to break the news to my mother that I would never dance again, and so I postponed the conversation each time she brought it up.
“It takes time to hire professionals to renovate.”
“Even if you renovate, Zoey, you won’t make a decent living.”
“It would be enough.” The mere possibility made me happy. But I wouldn’t dare go down that road just yet.
“If you need help, I know someone on Broadway. I’m sure they could fit you in as a choreographer in one of their productions.”
“Did you date him?” I asked.
“Touché. No, I didn’t. He was
a good friend I could always count on before I met Sid.”
Or lie underneath him.
“Mom, don’t worry about it. I’ll find a job soon.”
“It’s been almost two years.” That was right. It had been two long years of selling my body. “Let me just take care of it, okay?”
“All right. So, is there anyone special in your life?”
Thankfully, the waitress returned to take our order before I had to answer her question. What would my answer be, anyway? That I could never commit to anyone? That the man she had kissed, who caused friction between her and Sid, had stepped back into my life to help me not be a whore? She would definitely not like that. I couldn’t tell her the truth about why Ace was back in my life. Besides, I didn’t know how long he would remain with me. Deep inside, I wanted us to have that chance we were never given, but that was wishful thinking. As much as I wanted to be that normal girl he knew, the one who could date and be free, I wouldn’t dare entertain the thought until Infinity was history. I couldn’t risk giving myself too much hope.
As expected, though, when the waitress left, my mom brought up the subject again.
“You know, if I’m ever going to have grandchildren, you and Julia will need to find someone special to share your life with. The clock is ticking.”
Where was this maternal instinct coming from? Ever since my mom had snapped after Father’s cheating, she had been an advocate for women’s freedom to explore as many male bodies as possible. That was, until she met Sid.
“Mom, I’m not ready for that.”
“Well, they say it’s healthy to have your first child before you’re thirty, and there’s not much time left.”
Just over a year, to be exact. “Are you saying I’m old?”
“No, I’m saying that time has a way of speeding up the older you get.”
“I’m not sure I even want children.”
“Zoey, don’t say that. You and Julia are the best decisions I’ve made in my life.” She reached across the table for my hand. Yes, my mother had definitely been drinking some maternal juice.
“I know I haven’t always been there for you the way you’d want me to, but after your father—”
