“Oh, I understand.” Mina smacked me on the thigh hard enough for me to wince. “Don’t wanna say anything in front of yer lady friend.” She leaned in then, covering her mouth conspiratorially, which was doubly strange because she was about crotch level. “But you should know, once you go dwarf, you won’t ever be the same again.” She looked up at me, eyes a bit brighter than she should be as she slowly licked her lips. “Now then, inside we go. And remember what I said, hands to yourself.” She smacked me on the ass again. “Now get a move on.” She did it again. “Hurry, hurry.”
“Ouch, stop,” I said, covering my ass with my hands as I headed toward the gate while Annabeth waited for me unhelpfully. While her words had somewhat intrigued me, I found it incredibly hard to believe the dwarf was that good in bed.
“Stop what? Just givin’ you a little taste of what you can expect.” The dwarf grinned widely. “Little pain never hurt no one.” She sniggered. “Now get inside.” She smacked one meaty fist down on the button beside the door.
The huge stone slabs creaked and groaned as they opened, revealing a long, dark hallway lit with glowing red torches, making me think we were about to descend into Hell. You know, if we weren’t already in Hell.
As we stepped inside following Mina Bloodbeard down the narrow corridor, I noticed the doors were opened with a set of springs. They had been coiled up before but were now fully extended to hold the huge stone doors open. It seemed a bit of an odd design since if the mechanism failed, it would cause the doors to open, but then again, I guess you didn’t want to get trapped inside a mountain.
Still, as I turned my eyes back to the cavern, half caught in the marvel of all the dwarven pictographs lining the walls like hieroglyphics, I kept seeing that same dragon from the doors. What’s more, the pictures seemed to be showing how the dwarves had battled it over and over again only to have their lives ended with a fiery, bloody death.
“So, uh, what’s with the dragon?” I whispered, leaning in close to Annabeth in an effort to not have our guide hear. I wasn’t quite sure why I kept it from her, only in that it was probably common knowledge, and I didn’t want to seem dumb.
“Yeah, about that,” Annabeth said, shrugging. “There is a dragon who lives in the heart of the mountain. It was once part of the dwarven city, but you know dwarves and their gold, and if there’s one thing dragons like, it’s gold.”
“Wait, there’s an actual dragon living in this mountain?” I exclaimed aloud, suddenly concerned. I mean, I’d dealt with dragons a couple times before, but they’d always been on my side. I’d seen the creatures decimate entire armies of Darkness warriors. If there was one here that didn’t bode well.
“Of course, there’s a dragon,” Mina said, glancing at me over her shoulder. “Why else would we agree to help you?” She began to laugh.
“What do you mean?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at the dwarf.
“You’re supposed to get rid of it in exchange for our help.” The dwarf smacked her hands together. “That was the deal your goblin struck since she didn’t want to pay with money. The only other option is services.” She gave me a lascivious grin. “And not that kind either, though they might render you a bonus.”
As I watched the dwarf eye fuck me, I felt my stomach sink with dread. If what Mina said was true, Buffy had signed me up to fight a dragon without so much as telling me. That was total bullshit, and when I got back, she and I were going to have a word. After all, we’d dealt with dragons before, and even had a way to tame them.
“No wonder she didn’t want to come,” Annabeth murmured, and a quick glance in her direction let me know she’d been as surprised as me. “Next time I see that goblin, I’m gonna wring her damned neck.”
“You and me both,” I said while the dwarf leading us into the depths of the hellish mountain stopped in front of a huge stone door and picked up what looked like a pair of black sacks.
“Now, if you’d be so kind as to put these bags over your heads. You won’t be able to look at the inside of our beloved city without first speaking to the princess.” Mina smiled. “Standard procedure of course.”
9
While part of me wanted to go back to the Graveyard and yell at Buffy, most of me didn’t see the point. For one, that wouldn’t change the fact that the dwarves wanted us to kill a fucking dragon. For two, well, I knew my pleas would fall on deaf ears. If there was one thing I knew about Buffy, it was that she valued money above all.
Not only were the dwarves offering to help me learn whatever I needed to do, but there were countless other rewards outlined in the contract I couldn’t read.
“So, you’re saying that we’ll be entitled to all of this metal if we slay the dragon and recover the treasure?” Annabeth asked. She was sitting next to me at a large wooden table, her elbows propped up on it as she studied the contract. “As well as a percentage of said treasure?”
“Yes,” the dwarf at the head of the table said. “I swear it on the silky beard of my grandmother, Queen Amaya.”
“Right, I dunno what the beard thing means, but I get it, princess. We kill the dragon, you help us.” I sighed. “There’s just one problem. How do we kill the dragon?”
“That’s easy, ya daft boy,” the princess scowled at me before looking toward Mina. “I thought he was supposed to be smart.”
“I thought so too, but alas, the cute ones never are.” Mina shrugged. “Guess that’s why you just look at them.”
“I suppose you’re right,” the dwarven princess said, stroking her blonde beard as she leaned back in her chair. Then she kicked her booted feet up on the table and held out her hand. “Bring me my pipe. I’m not nearly high enough to deal with his idiocy.”
“Coming, princess,” Mina said, turning toward the back counter of the room where drinks, snacks, and various other items were arranged. We’d been offered none of them, which struck me as a bit lacking on the hospitality side. Then again, they were dwarves, and manners didn’t exactly seem to be their strong suit.
“You didn’t answer my question about the dragon,” I said while Mina busily packed a bone-white pipe full of a gray mossy substance.
“By the hair on Satan’s black hairy ass, you stab it in the face.” The princess snorted. “How else would you kill it?”
“And why haven’t you killed it yet?” I asked, glancing at Annabeth who merely shrugged. Part of me wished I’d read up on how to kill dragons, but I just hadn’t had the time.
Instead of replying, the princess took her lit pipe from Mina and took a long drag on it. Then she exhaled a cloud of blue smoke into the air as her eyes glazed over. “That’s a long story, starting with the grandmother of my grandmother’s grandmother.” She turned her glassy eyes to me. “And it involves a lot more talking than I’m willing to do without an ale or three.” She sighed. “But the long and short of it is, well, it’s a really big dragon. Has teeth the size of a grown woman and breathes flame strong enough to melt the skin off your bones.” She clapped her hands together while shifting the pipe from the left side of her mouth to the right. “And I don’t mean your flimsy whimsy human bones either. I mean dwarven bones.”
Then, like she felt the need to demonstrate, she put her hand into the candle burning on the table between us. I instinctively cringed away, but I needn’t have bothered because her flesh didn’t burn. Hell, it didn’t do anything at all.
“Well, um, what have you tried so far to beat it?” I said, my eyes not leaving her hand as she played with the fire.
“I’m not done yet,” the princess snapped, pulling her hand back before drawing on her pipe. She blew a ring of smoke into the air. “This dragon has got scales hard enough to blunt the sharpest sword and can see in the dark.” She waggled her fingers. “Which I suppose is why it keeps all the lights off, and its hearing? Better than its vision.” She smiled then, revealing a mouthful of bone white teeth. “And don’t get me started on its sense of smell. Puts the other senses to shame.”
“Sounds like we�
�re pretty much fucked,” I said, turning to Annabeth and raising an eyebrow. “Unless you have any ideas.”
“I could try to sculpt something.” She flushed. “I know it’s probably not helpful, but I’m not exactly combat trained.”
“That’s okay, dearie,” Mina said, placing a mug of dwarven ale in front of the princess. “Just give it the old one, two.” She threw a pair of punches at the air. “That’s what I’d do.”
“Well, why don’t you come with us then?” I asked, a bit more hope in my voice than I’d have liked. I mean, I was pretty sure I was as good as dead, but this way at least I’d take a dwarf with me. Besides, if it came to it, I didn’t need to outrun the dragon. I just needed to outrun the slowest person, and I had no doubt both Annabeth and I were faster than the short-legged Mina.
“Alas, she would, but the contract clearly states we’re not to render aid of any kind.” The princess pointed to the contract in Annabeth’s hand. “You’ll find it in section six, subsection F, clause three.” She shrugged. “Besides, Mina is the smelter who will be training you, should you succeed. She’s the best we have.”
“I thought she was just a royal guard?” I said, confused. After all, Mina had been watching the gate, not smelting.
“That she is. One of our best guards,” The princess nodded. “You’ll be very impressed with her should you not die a horrible fiery death.”
“All dwarves take a turn at the guard station. Helps us not to take those guarding us for granted, dontcha know?” Mina added helpfully. Then she gestured at the table. “I’m also a chef.”
“And a sommelier,” the princess said, draining her mug. “Speaking of which, my thirst hungers.”
“Coming right up, princess,” Mina said, voice so cheery I thought I was going to lose it. This whole scenario was beyond ridiculous.
“How is being a sommelier helpful in any way?” I asked, getting to my feet. “I feel like you’re just fucking with us.”
“It’s a very valuable skill in the Underdark where the black grapes grow.” The princess looked at me like I was the crazy one. “We need someone to pair the wine made therein with our fantastic array of cheeses.”
“Cheeses?” I asked with a sigh. “Let me guess, she knows how to make cheese too?”
“Not really. I spent a summer trying, but I just couldn’t find my whey.” Mina snorted. “Get it, whey?” She waggled her eyebrows.
“Right,” I said, looking to Annabeth for help, but she was back to studying the contract in earnest. It made me wish we had Buffy, Mammon, or Gwen to help us. No, instead, they’d sent the wandering sculptor and me to deal with these crazy people. “Guess we’ll get on with the dragon then. Where is it?”
“First you must enter through the stone gates of blood at the bottom of the mountain. There you will descend through the belly of the beast into the lava plains. Should you survive that, you must cross the gemstone bridge before you reach what was once known as Wrath’s plateau. The name will make sense when you get there.” The princess waved a hand as if to say ‘it is what it is’ before continuing. “Beyond that, you will find the wall of fire, and be forced to travel across the burning desert within while falcons circle overhead to reach our castle where the dragon sleeps.”
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” I said, getting to my feet. “How do you expect me to do all that with only a sculptor to back me up?” I glanced at Annabeth. “No offense.”
“None taken,” she said, staring at the princess wide-eyed. “I agree with you. I’m the worst possible person to help you with this.” The sad thing was, as much as I wanted to comfort her about it, she was agreeing with me. Besides, doing so would only hurt my argument, which was the last thing I wanted to do right now.
“Hey, if you’re mad about the terms, tell it to your goblin.” The princess finished her pipe and laid it on the table between us. “The original contract offered a contingent of blood smiths led by one of the royal family, a hobbit guide, and an aged sorceress, but the goblin took them out in exchange for an additional six percent.”
“Six percent you say,” I deadpanned, ready to kill Buffy dead.
“Six.” The princess met my eyes. “Now if you don’t have anything else, Mina will put the bags back over your head and lead you down to the gates.”
I turned, glancing at the bags hung on the wall behind us. I did not like this place one bit, but there was no use arguing. We’d gotten royally fucked by Buffy. All I could do was lie in the bed she’d made for me.
“No, go ahead and bag me,” I said, sighing.
10
As we stood before the Stone Gates of Blood, Annabeth squeezed my hand. Mina stood just a few feet away, watching us with a bored look on her face while I tried to psyche myself up.
“I’m glad you’re here,” I said, turning to look at Annabeth and trying to smile. It was true in so much as I was glad I wasn’t going alone. “But you can still back out.”
“No.” Annabeth shook her head. “I recognize I’m not going to be as helpful as Sheila or Gabriella would have been, but at the same time, I still want to help, even if all I can do is die alongside you.” She returned my smile. “Please don’t make me do that though.”
“I’ll do my best.” I swallowed hard and looked back to the stone doors. They were perhaps ten feet tall and black as night. The entire face of them was carved with a humongous twelve-armed dragon. In each hand he held a screaming dwarf while he blew a gout of fire into the sky. Spines covered his back, jutting from his armored plates like katanas.
“Can you two go inside already? I have a date with a beer.” Mina shuffled behind us. “It’s more of a threesome really.”
“Aren’t you going to open the doors?” I asked, turning and looking at the dwarf. It was hard to see her since she was backlit by red-flamed torches, but even with darkness shrouding her features, I could see her scowl at me.
“That wouldn’t do you any good,” Mina huffed, coming forward. She shouldered past the two of us and squatted down next to a silver bowl I’d not seen before. “To open the door, you must put blood in the bowl.” She drew her thumb across her throat. “And only those who contribute blood can enter.” She stood and looked at me. “Honestly, this is pretty standard stuff. How do you not know this?”
“Did you know this?” I asked, ignoring the dwarf and her illustrious beard and looking at Annabeth. “Because I didn’t.”
“I did not.” Annabeth took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I’m not all up on dwarven stuff. The last time I came, it was with the dwarven master Inoia. We didn’t have to deal with all this nonsense.”
“Wait, you know Inoia?” Mina asked, and the tone of her voice had taken a dark edge. “That bitch owes me fifty coins.” Mina held out her hand. “As her apprentice, you’re obligated to pay on her behalf.”
“There’s no way I’m paying that.” Annabeth laughed so loud, I couldn’t help but smile. “Inoia is a drunk and a cheat. Of course, she owes you money. Good luck collecting on that debt. You’d sooner squeeze blood from a stone.” Annabeth snorted. “And even if you want to try to make me pay it, you’d have to go through the sculptor’s guild, and something tells me you’ve tried that already.”
“Worth a shot,” Mina groaned before producing a knife. “Now who’s first? I always like the cutting part. Don’t worry, I’m an expert surgeon.”
“Of course, you are,” I said, rolling my eyes as I extended my hand to her. “How much blood is needed?”
“Not so much,” she said, snatching my wrist and pulling my hand toward the bowl. She stabbed my index finger with the point before squeezing my finger as hard as she could. Pain shot through me, and for a second, I thought my finger was going to pop like a balloon. A single blood drop welled on the tip. As it slipped off my flesh and splattered against the empty bowl, creaking filled my ears.
The sounds of gears and pulleys ratcheting to life echoed throughout the cavern as the doors slowly began to open. Only ins
tead of revealing a doorway, they revealed a blood red sheet of rippling energy. Sparks leapt from its surface to bounce off the opening doors with a snap, crackle, pop.
“Let me guess,” I said as Mina released me and grabbed Annabeth’s hand. “That’s to keep out those who don’t give blood.”
“Yep,” Mina said as she repeated the process on Annabeth. When her blood splashed into the bowl though, I noticed she began to glow with soft red light.
“Whoa, you’re glowing,” I said in astonishment.
“You are too,” Annabeth said, nodding to me. “Didn’t you notice?”
I looked at my own hand and found she was right. A similar glow had enveloped my hand, and I had half a mind to pretend I was an apparition. I didn’t, but let me tell you, it was only because I was sleeping with the girl next to me and wanted to continue to be able to do so. The last thing I needed was for her to think I was a dork. Then again, she had wanted to sleep with me, so how sound could her judgment really be?
Mina crossed her arms over her huge chest as she looked at the two of us. “You should take this more seriously.”
“You’re right,” Annabeth said, nodding sagely to the dwarf. “Next time I’m about to walk through the Stone Gates of Blood to almost certain doom, I’ll remember to be calm and collected.” She smacked her head with one hand. “Silly me.”
“Good. I’m glad you’re treating this as a learning experience,” Mina intoned, smiling like a teacher with a prized pupil. “Now, off with you. As I said, I have a couple lovely blondes and a nutty brunette waiting for me.” She made a shooing motion.
“Guess now is as good a time as any,” I said, putting my gauntlets on before pulling my sword free of its sheath. I took a deep breath, focusing on the sword, and as I did, I decided it was time to give the thing a name. After all, it was, for all practical purposes, my main weapon now.
“Seure,” I whispered, and as I said the word, I used it to summon this sword’s version of armor. As the ethereal energy coalesced around my body to form plate mail that was both light as a feather and stronger than steel, I couldn’t help but miss Clarent a little.
The Builder's Pride (The Legendary Builder Book 3) Page 6
