Chapter Nine
It is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things. ― Thoreau
Austin pushed open the door to By the Book and felt his anxieties start to fade away. There was something about the old bookstore that reminded a person there was more to life than punching the clock, fighting for a promotion, and bringing home a paycheck. Much more than trying to put your best foot forward, to never disappoint your family, and to hide all the skeletons in your closet. There was a treasure on these shelves, available to anyone who took the care to look. It seemed as if the real world wasn’t outside those glass windows at all, but rather in here, between dusty leather covers.
As he started across the foyer, he didn’t notice Charlie at first, then a small sound drew his gaze. She was slumped in the red overstuffed armchair near the front door, wearing an old green sweatshirt and jeans. She was watching him, curiosity in her dark eyes. He wondered for a moment why she didn’t get up but then he saw the little person tucked against her. Of course Charlie would have stood up for a customer but Austin wasn’t a customer. He lived upstairs. Changing course, he walked toward her. She put a finger to his lips and he nodded.
“Alice went out to lunch with Paul. Can I help you with something?” she whispered.
“I was wondering if she’d chosen any more books for the lending library,” he said, feeling awkward for bringing it up. It sounded too eager to wait for Alice to decide which books she was willing to bring to the center, when in actuality he had simply wanted to come visit Charlie. He felt his face warm and jerked a thumb toward the back of the store. “Don’t get up. I’m just going to go browse. Alice thinks I play Ultimate Voyager all night but I do read, especially after a hard day at work.”
The corner of her mouth pulled up. “Looking at these stars suddenly dwarfed my own troubles and all the gravities of terrestrial life.”
“H.G. Wells,” he answered. “I never thought about it that way. Maybe I love science fiction because it takes my mind of my own troubles.”
“I think all reading is that way,” she said and started to sit up. He held out a hand and for a moment she stared at it, confused. Then she grasped it, letting him pull her straight out of the chair without disturbing the baby.
“She’s utterly beautiful,” he said, peering closer.
Charlie cocked her head. “Men don’t usually gush over infants.”
“Don’t they? Am I gushing? I don’t think I really noticed them until my cousin Emily had her little boy. We came to visit them in the hospital and he was so…” He held out his hands about six inches apart. “But it wasn’t just his size. I kept looking at my cousin, then at this little human, and couldn’t believe she had grown him inside her, so perfectly, so completely.” He looked up, hoping that didn’t sound lame. There was something about Charlie that made him say the most ridiculous things.
“I always thought babies were the combination of two people, but then I met Aurora and realized how she’s her own person. Even inside Alice, she was dependent but completely separate, all her own DNA, fingerprints, blood type. It’s mind boggling.”
“We’re an impossibility in an impossible universe,” he said.
“Ray Bradbury,” she said, and laughed, a sound of such loveliness that he stopped for a moment, surprised that he was the cause of it.
“I have more,” he said, hoping for another laugh.
“Alice quotes a lot of old poetry. I really miss talking science fiction with someone.” As soon as the words were out her mouth her smile started to fade away.
Maybe she thought he would assume she wanted to make it a regular conversation. He didn’t mind, but apparently she did. Of course she hadn’t meant him, personally. “I bet you miss your college friends. Gideon told me you’re taking a semester off.”
She was glaring now. “I didn’t realize my school schedule was such a topic of curiosity.”
“I― no, he just mentioned― because Alice told Henry, who said to…” His voice trailed off as he realized it sounded as if they were gossiping about her.
If she could have shot death rays from those dark eyes, he had no doubt she would have. She clutched Aurora to her like a shield. “I don’t have to explain my choices to anyone.”
“You don’t. I agree.” He wished he could go back two minutes to when she was laughing and not angry with him.
The fight seemed to go out of her. “I’m sorry. I don’t need to be snippy with you. You’re not the root of the mess.”
He wanted to ask who that unlucky person was, but he was too relieved it wasn’t himself. “It’s okay. No problem.” This was the moment all his studying came into play. She was clearly in seven different kinds of pain. He should ask probing questions, ask her to sit down and tell him the whole story. He couldn’t seem to open his mouth. She deserved someone who could really help her, not a parrot.
She met his eyes and he could see a struggle there in her gaze. Uncertainty, fear, desperation, and finally courage. “I know you’re off the clock…”
Here it was. She was going to tell him the tragedy that had happened and he wouldn’t really know how to help. “Not for you,” he said. “There’s no clock for you.”
Smiling a little, she straightened her shoulders. He had a fraction of a second to pray for wisdom and then she said, “I need your help.”
“Anything.” He wouldn’t dare say that to most of the people he met. They were takers who reveled in getting as much for free, as often as they could. Very few people struck him as so independent that they’d rather suffer in silence than ask a stranger for help.
“I can’t pay my rent,” she said.
For a moment, he couldn’t quite process the words. He’d been expecting a tale of love gone wrong, school issues, or even generalized anxiety that left her afraid to leave her dorm. Rent. His brain took a few seconds to switch gears. “We have several emergency aid funds available through a community resource program. I can bring the forms―”
“I don’t want Alice to know.” Her cheeks had gone dark but she met his gaze steadily.
“Okay. You can fill them out at the center. It takes about a week to process the papers. They’ll need a bank statement, renter’s agreement, the landlord’s address, and the amount.”
“I can do that.”
“What about food? Do you have groceries?” When people couldn’t pay the rent, they usually couldn’t pay the rest of their bills, either.
“I…” He could see her struggling. She looked out the window at the people on the sidewalk, tourists busy with their shopping trips, families headed for lunch at The Red Hen café down the street. He was used to dealing with people who had been poor for a long time, even coming from generations of poverty. It wasn’t any easier to take the charity, but they got used to asking. They put away their pride and jumped through the hoops, filling out forms and waiting for approval.
“Charlie, we just met. We’re barely friends. Don’t think of me as Gideon’s brother. Ask for what you need.” He considered for a moment. “Or you could talk to Cora, if that would be easier.”
“The gas is so expensive and the only apartment I could find is way over across the river. I was doing okay with a roommate before I moved but I just can’t make it on the part time job here. I asked Alice if I could stay on, but I feel strange being here forty hours a week when there’s not that much to do. Of course she’d pay me whatever I need, but I’d have to explain why I needed the money. My parents would help me but they’d ask where my savings went. I’ve been looking for another but I need something close.” Her tone was defensive and sad.
Something had definitely happened, something bad enough to leave her broke and ashamed to tell anybody. Except for him. “I’ll bring the food stamp forms, too. We’ve also got a job center where you can go through the positions available.”
“Thank you.” There was such relief in her tone that he wanted to reach out and fold her into his arms. How long had she been carrying thi
s worry? And why wouldn’t she ask Alice and Paul for help? Then again, he understood how complicated relationships could be. His brother was a priest whose job was to counsel the troubled and he couldn’t seem to ask him for advice.
For a long moment they stood there, smiling shyly at each other. Then she glanced away. “I should go…” He wasn’t sure what she was going to say. There were no customers and there wasn’t much she could do with the baby in her arms.
“I won’t bother you anymore. I’ll go lurk in the science fiction room.”
“It doesn’t get many lurkers these days. The poetry section gets a lot of action, though.”
“Alice has them convinced Langston Hughes is better than Heinlein. Maybe I’ll get one his collections and find out she’s right.” He was just turning away when he thought of something more. “Do you need a ride down to the center? I’m headed back to the office in a little while. I can wait for Alice and Paul to come back then give you a ride.”
She chewed her lip. “But what will we tell Alice? Won’t it be odd for you to take me along?”
“Let’s organize the lending library. We’ll pick out some books, and you’ll come with me to help set it up.”
“I think that will work.” From the moment he’d met her, Charlie seemed like she was carrying a burden. Worry, irritation, sadness. Some of that seemed to be fading away. Not all of it. Some. And that made him unbelievably happy.
***
Charlie looked out the passenger seat at the passing streets and thought of how much her life had changed in one day. Less than a day, really. Early this morning she was staring at a PopTart for breakfast and now there was a chance that soon she might be able to buy some fresh food for cooking. The woman who helped direct people to different assistance programs had said there was even a voucher to the local farmer’s market. The rent that was due two weeks ago would likely to be paid as soon as her application was approved. It was the hardest decision she’d made in a long time but if it meant the difference between getting evicted and living in her gas-less car, or asking a state agency for help, she was glad she’d asked for help.
Looking at Austin, she realized how easily it was to be quiet with him. Most of her life, she’d gauged the attractiveness of a guy on how much he made her laugh, or whether he kept her attention in a world that came with 3D graphics and moved at the speed of light. With Austin they could talk, or not. While they stacked the new books in his office, they’d exchanged recommendations for favorite authors and then lapsed into silence. It hadn’t felt awkward at all. In some ways he reminded her of Alice, who could talk for hours about her favorite books, but then just as easily move about the store without saying anything at all.
He glanced at her, one brow raised and too late, she realized she’d been staring. “Okay?”
“Okay.” Then she laughed.
“John Green,” they both said at once.
“I liked that book,” Austin said, eyes back on the road. “I know a lot of people hated it because it didn’t have the happiest of happy endings but it was pretty genius to me.”
“Some infinities are longer than others,” she quoted, agreeing. “It changed the way I looked at love, at friendship.”
He turned onto the bridge to cross the river. The water flowed underneath, the surface hardly rippling. “And before?”
She looked across the bridge to the far bank, remembering how the only time she’d crossed this bridge was to go to the mall, never thinking of the people who lived in apartments and modest houses near the industrial section. “Before… I was shallow. I was easily impressed by power, famous friends, any show of popularity.”
“I think we all are.”
“No, not everybody.” Not Alice. Or Paul.
“You’re too hard on yourself,” he said.
“You don’t really know me.”
“I know you enough to know that.”
Shrugging, she looked out at the familiar neighborhood. The historical section was miles long and the old buildings were as familiar as her own hand. She wanted Austin to think the best of her but then she’d be right back where she started, hiding to make someone like her. “What if I told you that I hurt people close to me, just so I could impress someone else?”
He stopped at a light. “That’s awful.”
“I know,” she said, shame choking the words.
“But haven’t we all?”
Maybe that was true, but it didn’t make it any better. “What if I said I was a thief and an imposter?” She could hear the bitterness in her voice.
“Thief? You’re a bit of an underachiever at your chosen profession, then.” His lips were turning up in a smile. “Why not just steal some money? Why go through all the effort and embarrassment of filling out those assistance papers? Surely Alice has some money lying around.” The light turned green and he started the car forward. “A girl with your tech skills could clean out a few accounts without anybody noticing.”
“Without Paul seeing it?” She let out a noise of disbelief. “Wait a minute…” Charlie felt shock travel through her body. She pressed her hands to her cheeks. “Oh no…. no.”
“What? What happened?” Austin shot her a look then pulled the car over to the curb. “Charlie, talk to me.”
She couldn’t speak. How blind she’d been. All this time she’d been hiding from Paul and he’d known from the beginning.
Austin reached out and gently touched her shoulder. “What is it?”
Dropping her hands, Charlie turned to him. “I did something bad. And I thought nobody knew about it, but I think they all know about it and were just waiting for me to confess.”
His eyes widened. “Are you sure?”
“No… yes… I think so. I don’t know!” She wanted to jump from the car and run away, but there was no place to go. She’d already run from her troubles once. She’d thought she was safe in the little sleepy little tourist town.
He took her hands in both of his and turned toward her. “Charlie, listen to me. Whatever happened, it’s not the end of the world. Everybody makes mistakes. You should see the kids that come through the center. They’re picking themselves back up after a stint in prison and they have to get the courage to go straight.”
“Prison,” she groaned. Why hadn’t Paul had her arrested? Out of respect for her parents, probably.
“I didn’t mean you should be in prison, or did anything to deserve prison.” He sounded a little panicked. “I’m not saying this right at all. Maybe you should talk to Tom. He’s good at this kind of thing. Or Gideon. He’s had to come back from some really bad choices.”
“No, no.” She couldn’t imagine involving any more people. “And aren’t you good at this kind of thing? Isn’t this what you do for a living, tell people how to give up their life of crime?”
He blinked. “Life of crime? What have you been doing?”
And then without even thinking it through, she started at the beginning and told Austin everything.
Chapter Ten
She with one breath attunes the spheres, and also my poor human heart.—Thoreau
Charlie started her story way back when she’d created an avatar that was male because it didn’t really matter and who cared anyway, it was just a game. Then it was more than a game and she made friends and built a group. The group evolved several times until it included some pretty clever programmers that traded sly little codes that could sneak into anywhere and do anything. They formed a guild in Ultimate Voyager and they were her family, closer than anyone she knew in real life. Especially one boy who was smart, funny, and dedicated to living dangerously. Everything Tyler did was thrilling. She fell hard for him and even though they’d never met face to face, he had her heart as surely as Paul had Alice’s. Whenever she needed him, he was there, no matter the day or the hour. Not physically there, and not even by video chat, but in other ways. They talked on the phone, texted constantly, and they were together online more hours than most married couples saw ea
ch other in a day.
Then everything had gone wrong. They had a fight. It was over something silly and when he wouldn’t let it go, she’d laughed at him. Tyler hated to be laughed at. He could stand almost any other kind of slight, but laughing at him was unforgivable. He told her it was over. Within hours his number didn’t work, her messages were blocked, his facebook account disappeared. She thought he’d cool off, get over it, come back and say he was sorry he’d been such a hothead. A day later― an eternity in their relationship― he was nowhere to be found. Charlie mourned as if he’d died and went to take comfort in her online friends.
Charlie paused for breath, looking down at Austin’s fingers interlaced with hers. “I logged into Ultimate Voyager and saw that my guild had attacked all my resource gathering plants, destroyed all my defenses, blew up our stores.”
“And disbanded?”
“Right. I was alone. And I know the character is portable. I know I could just pick up and move somewhere else if I had the courage. I would lose some of the special battle suits and things we’d won on our raids, but I still could have just joined another guild…” Sadness clogged her voice.
“Except you were grieving.”
“Grieving. I suppose that’s right.” She was focused on their hands, his hands. She’d never touched Tyler. He lived in Florida. Or so he said. Nothing he’d said about himself checked out later and she felt like a fool for how trusting she’d been. “But it was more than that. The head of my department called me into his office. Someone had sent him dozens of pages proving that I’d cheated on all my projects and papers, pulling them from the internet.”
His fingers tightened on hers. “You were kicked out.”
“No, I fought back. I tried to show them that all those internet sources were recently created, that someone was trying to set me up.”
Only Through Love: A Cane River Romance Novella Page 8
