by Laura Farr
“Am I hurting you?” He panted, stilling inside me.
I shook my head. “No, please don’t stop,” I begged, wiggling my hips in an attempt to get him to move. He laughed and started thrusting again, but gentler this time. “Harder Josh,” I moaned and he increased his movements, his body smacking against mine. Reaching between our bodies, his thumb began circling my clit, and as his movements became more urgent, he dropped my leg and leaned down, his tongue flicking once over my nipple before he moved his head next to mine.
“You look so beautiful when you’re about to let go. Come for me baby.” He breathed into my ear. He pinched my clit and I screamed out, my orgasm hitting me in waves. His hips continued to thrust against me as his breathing became more labored. I felt him swell inside me before he shouted out my name, collapsing to the side, his breaths coming out in pants.
We both lay wrapped up in each other until our breathing calmed. Josh turned his head to mine and smiled. “That was amazing, again Sav…” He trailed off, looking nervous. “It’s never been this good, the way I feel when I’m with you…” he whispered.
“I feel it too Josh,” I kissed him gently on the mouth. “Like anything’s possible.” He nodded, and after a few minutes he climbed off the bed and padded to the bathroom, returning with a washcloth and gently wiping between my legs.
“I’m just going to lock up, I’ll be back in a minute,” he said, kissing me softly before pulling the comforter over me. I turned my head as I watched him walk butt naked out of my bedroom. I couldn’t take my eyes off his pert ass and thick toned legs. “Pervert!” he exclaimed with a laugh as he walked out the bedroom door, obviously sensing that I was watching him. I giggled and rolled over, snuggling into the soft pillow. With the comforter tucked under my chin, my eyes felt heavy and I closed them, succumbing to sleep.
Minutes later I felt the bed dip, and warm arms circled my waist as I was pulled into Josh’s embrace, his scent enveloping me. He brushed a kiss across my hair and I smiled, knowing that for the rest of my life, there was nowhere else I’d rather be.
I woke up Tuesday morning, nervous for my prenatal appointment. My mom had bought me a book on pregnancy and labor, and I had read that this scan was to check for any abnormalities with the baby. I was terrified to think that something might be wrong, but I knew logically that I was young, fit, and healthy, and that the chances of them finding anything was slim. Still, I worried. Josh had me pinned to the bed, one leg thrown over mine, his arm across my chest. Usually, I loved waking up with his body plastered to mine; on that day, however, I felt rough, and as my stomach rolled, I pushed on his shoulder in an attempt to get him off me.
“Josh move!” I shouted as a wave of nausea washed over me. Startled awake, he quickly moved his arm and leg, and I flew from the bed to the bathroom, making it just in time to throw up in the toilet.
“Savannah?” I heard Josh shout worriedly as he ran into the bathroom. Heaving over the toilet, I gestured for him to leave the room, waving my hand wildly. He took no notice and sat down on the floor next to me, one hand scooping up my long hair while the other rubbed my back. Finally, I was able to stop heaving, and I slumped back on my heels, tears running down my face like they always did when I was sick. He stood up, grabbed a clean washcloth from the vanity, and wet it under the tap. “Here, wipe your mouth with this,” he said gently, handing me the cloth.
“Thank you,” I said quietly, my eyes dropping to the floor. “You can wait in the bedroom, I’ll be out in a minute.”
“I’m not leaving you while you’re being sick!” he exclaimed, looking at me like I was crazy. “I want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I don’t want you to see me when I’ve got my head down the toilet, it’s embarrassing,” I groaned, playing with the edge of the washcloth.
“Why are you embarrassed? It’s just me,” he said gently, reaching for my hand.
I sighed and stood up slowly, reaching for the vanity. I turned the faucet on and splashed my face with cold water. Sighing, I met his worried eyes in the mirror. “You could have any woman you want,” I whispered. “Instead you’re with me, someone who’s getting fatter by the day and occasionally throws up everywhere! Surely you can’t think that’s sexy, or even remotely attractive.” I reached for my toothbrush to get rid of the horrible taste in my mouth.
“You don’t get it, do you?” he asked, his eyes on me in the mirror. “Even though I keep telling you.”
“Get what?” I asked as I rinsed my mouth and spat into the sink. Grabbing a towel to wipe my face, I turned to look at him.
“That you’re the only woman I want. I’ve tried dating other girls, but no one compared to you. You were always in my head and my heart, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t let you go.”
Tears formed in my eyes and I knew in that moment, I had to talk to him about my fears about why he was with me. “And if I wasn’t pregnant?” I asked, dropping my eyes from his. I felt his fingers on my chin as he gently lifted my face until my eyes met his.
“Honestly?” he asked, and I nodded, afraid to hear what he would say. Nerves bubbled in my stomach, and I could feel that I was holding my breath as I waited for him to speak. “We probably wouldn’t be together.” I gasped and tried to move away from him, but he held me tightly, one arm wound around my waist. “Wait, hear me out,” he demanded, and I stilled as I waited for him to continue. “Savannah, I have always loved you, even when I was 12 and you were 10.” I looked at him in confusion and he chuckled. “You were 10 when you broke your arm right?” I nodded, still not knowing where he was going with this. “Me and Brody took turns climbing the tree behind the ranch house. You’d been watching us from your bedroom window and you came out full of attitude, adamant that you could climb higher than us. We warned you not to, but you being you, you didn’t listen, and then you fell.”
I nodded, the pain of the accident flashing through my mind. “What does that have to do with—”
“Just listen, please,” he begged, his fingers on my lips, and I nodded. “Brody ran straight to get your parents and I sat next to you on the floor. I pulled your head into my lap and stroked your hair as you cried. I remember a strange feeling in my stomach as you cried, and I knew I never wanted to see you cry again. That probably wasn’t the first time I’d seen you cry, but somehow, that time seemed different. I wanted to take your pain away, but I couldn’t. By the time your parents arrived, your cries had stopped, and you were whimpering in my lap. I didn’t want to hand you over to your dad, wanting to keep you close. I didn’t understand it at the time, but looking back, that was the day I fell in love with you.”
Tears flowed down my face as I listened to him. Growing up, I would have given anything for him to have noticed me the way I wanted to be noticed, and knowing that all along he had made my heart swell.
“A couple of years after that, my parents sat me down and explained about the leukemia and the treatment, and what it meant for me. When I finally realized how I felt about you, I decided I loved you enough to let you go. What I didn’t realize was how hard it was going to be to watch you love someone else.”
I shook my head and buried my face in his neck, breathing him in. His arms tightened around me and after a few minutes, I pulled away. “When I told you how I felt, you acted surprised—did you know?”
He nodded. “As we got older, I’d see you watching me. I’d watch you too, but only when I knew no one was looking. I couldn’t risk Brody seeing—he was so protective over you when it came to his friends. He knew we were assholes around girls, and he didn’t want that for you. I’d never let you see me watching you because I didn’t want to give you false hope that we could be together.”
“And when we were out in a group, and I danced with a guy…?” I trailed off.
“I wanted to rip his head off. No one was good enough for you, and the truth of it was, I couldn’t stand to see someone else touching you. I wanted so badly for it to be me whose arms were w
rapped around you, for it to be my mouth on yours. I know I acted crazy most of the time, and I knew I was sending mixed signals, but I just couldn’t help myself. I don’t know how Brody never picked up on my feelings for you, but it didn’t take Mason long. We’d only been out twice as a group before he asked me what was going on with you.” He laughed and kissed me on the head. “I denied it of course, but I think after one too many drinks, I ended up telling him how I felt about you. Like I said, he’d already figured it out.”
“Did he know about the leukemia?”
He shook his head. “No, I just went for the obvious reason—that you were my best friend’s little sister and I’d be crossing the line of friendship if I were to go after you. He seemed to buy it, and never tried to push me.”
“So, when you found out I was pregnant?” I asked, trying to bring the conversation back to where it had started.
“I was shocked, but it was a wakeup call. All I could think of was that you could have been in a relationship with someone else, a happy relationship, and I would have lost you forever. Other than the odd guy you would dance with when we went out, I’d never seen you with a boyfriend.”
I shook my head. “I dated occasionally, but I was so consumed with you, it never worked out,” I confessed, giving him a small smile. “I could never see myself with anyone but you.”
“I decided I didn’t want to wake up one day and realize I’d missed my chance with you. I knew I wouldn’t be able to see you living your life with someone else, and suddenly you had the one thing I could never give you. Now that you had that one thing, it made me hope that maybe, just maybe, I would be enough for you.” His eyes bore into mine and fresh tears ran down my cheeks as I listened to him.
“Josh, you were always enough, always,” I whispered as his thumbs wiped away my tears.
“Us being together would always have happened, Savannah. This…” He gestured between us with his hand. “This is meant to be, we are meant to be. If you hadn’t gotten pregnant, I would have realized when some jackass decided he wanted to make you his. In my head, I knew I should stay away and let someone else give you what I couldn’t, but like I said before, I couldn’t defy gravity, and that’s what it felt like I was trying to do when I tried to stay away.”
“I love you Josh Miller,” I said, the tears still running down my cheeks.
“I love you too baby, always know that,” he said in reply. “I also love that I can tell you that whenever I want, and I especially love how I can do this whenever I want.” His eyes dropped to my lips and his mouth crashed against mine, kissing me like he might never kiss me again. He completely consumed me, my heart beating wildly in my chest. After a few minutes, he pulled out of the kiss and reached his hand down, tucking my hair behind my ear.
“Let’s go see your baby,” he said excitedly.
“Our baby,” I said apprehensively, biting down on my bottom lip as I waited for his reaction. I watched as his face lit up with a breathtaking smile and I smiled back, squealing as he picked me up and swung me around.
“Let’s go see our baby,” he said, laughing.
An hour later, Josh, my mom, and I were on our way to the obstetrician’s office in Marble Falls. My mom wasn’t sure she should come now that Josh was coming, but I was scared and wanted her there. Parking the car, Josh held my hand as we walked the short distance up to the clinic, squeezing it occasionally in an attempt to reassure me.
At the desk, I gave my name to the receptionist and she smiled warmly at me, telling me to take a seat. Like the last time, the waiting room was full of women at different stages of pregnancy, and I saw Josh glancing around, his eyes going wide when he saw the woman opposite us who looked like she was ready to give birth any moment. His eyes dropped to her swollen stomach and then he looked at my stomach before his eyes met mine. I nodded and smiled.
“Yes, I’m going to get that big,” I whispered, knowing from his face what he was thinking.
“You are going to look so beautiful when your belly’s that swollen,” he whispered, his hand coming to rest on my small bump.
“I’m not so sure about that Josh,” I told him with a laugh.
“Not sure about what sweetheart?” my mom asked me.
“Oh, just that Josh thinks I’m going to look amazing right before I give birth—more like
a beached whale with swollen ankles!”
“Don’t be silly,” she scolded. “Josh is right, you are going to look beautiful.” I shook my head at her and before I could respond, I heard my name being called. I looked up to see the nurse from my previous appointment standing in the hallway, waiting for me. I felt bad that I couldn’t remember her name, but my last visit had been a bit of a blur. Josh took my hand and we made our way over to her.
“Hello again Savannah, how are you?” the nurse said with a smile before turning and leading us down the hallway.
“Hi, I’m good, thank you,” I replied as she led us into one of the consulting rooms.
“Dr. Johnson will be with you shortly. You can change into the gown that’s on the bed, and I’ll be back in a few minutes to take some blood and do some other checks,” she said, glancing at Josh, who was still holding my hand. She smiled at me before leaving the room.
I quickly changed into the gown and sat on the bed. A moment later, a knock sounded on the door and the nurse came back in. “Right, let’s start with your blood pressure.” She reached for a machine and strapped a cuff around my upper arm then pressed some buttons on the machine. While she wasn’t looking, I sneaked a look at her nametag, and as soon as I saw her name—Aubrey—it came flooding back. The machine beeped and the cuff on my arm tightened and then relaxed. “That all looks fine,” Aubrey said, noting down the numbers. “Now for the blood test.” She prepared the needle and quickly took some blood. “Have you had any problems since your last appointment?” I quickly filled her in on my visit to the ER and my low blood pressure, and she made a note of it in my chart for Dr. Johnson. “Okay, just relax and I’ll be back in a minute with the doctor.” I nodded as she left, and Josh came to my side.
“You okay?” he asked, leaning down to kiss me. I nodded, watching his face as he looked around the room, his eyes widening as he found the poster of the different stages of labor. He looked a little pale as he looked back at me, and I chuckled. There was a knock on the door again, and Aubrey and Dr. Johnson entered the room.
“Hello again Savannah,” Dr. Johnson said cheerily, giving me a warm smile as she made her way to where I was sitting on the bed. “How are things?”
“Really good.”
“That’s great. Has the nausea eased up?” she asked, glancing at my chart.
“It’s there occasionally, but not like it was.”
She nodded, her eyes finding Josh, who was holding my hand. “And are you Dad?” she asked him. He glanced at me and I smiled.
“This is Josh,” I told her, answering for him. “And this is my mom.”
“Well it’s nice to meet you Josh, and you too Mom.” She looked over at where my mom was sitting. “Right, let’s have a little feel of your tummy and then we’ll do the scan.” She pulled a sheet over my lower half and pulled the gown up, exposing my skin. She felt around, pressing gently on my stomach. “Everything feels fine Savannah. Let’s have a look at baby, all right?” I nodded as she set the ultrasound machine up. Taking the probe, she squirted cold gel on my stomach, swirling it around and gently pushing down on my stomach. “So, you’re just over 21 weeks now, a couple of weeks further along than normal for this sonogram, but some of the checks we usually do at this appointment were done at the last scan.” She paused and glanced at her screen. “Like last time, if you look at the screen, baby should be appearing right about now.” She pushed some buttons on the machine and the screen lit up, the clear outline of a baby visible.
I felt Josh grip my hand tighter and I glanced at him; his eyes were fixed on the screen, a smile on his lips. My mom’s eyes were also transfixed
on the screen, and I was sure I could see a tear rolling down her cheek. Dr. Johnson pushed another button and the room was filled with a loud whooshing sound. “Heartbeat is nice and strong.” I watched as the baby moved all over the place. I couldn’t believe I couldn’t feel anything with the amount of wriggling that was happening.
“When will I be able to feel movements?” I asked Dr. Johnson.
“Any time now. It will feel like little flutters at first. Did you decide if you wanted to find out the sex?” she asked, looking at me and then Josh.
I looked at him and smiled. “No, we’re going to wait,” I told her, my eyes fixed on him.
“Are you sure Savannah?” Josh asked. “I thought you wanted to know?”
“I thought I did too, then someone told me it was probably the best surprise I’ll ever have, and I think they’re right.”
He stood up and kissed me on the head. “Thank you,” he whispered. Dr. Johnson was quiet while she took various measurements and the longer she stayed quiet, the more worried I got. I kept staring at the screen and glancing back at Josh and then over to my mom; both of them smiled reassuringly.
