by Sarah Hegger
She wished she knew a way to make him speak to her.
Finally, after another two hours, a nurse came in. “You can see her now.”
They followed the nurse into a small room with an observation window.
Jane lay in the bed, bristling with tubes. Her skin looked waxy and unreal. A respirator huffed and sighed as it breathed for her. Around the bed hung bottles and bags filled with fluids draining to and from Jane’s body.
And Elizabeth nearly lost it.
Dad choked and had to draw in a steadying breath. Elizabeth took his hand in hers. He didn’t clasp hers back, but he didn’t break the contact either.
A monitor beeped the steady rhythm of Jane’s heart.
“We have her heavily sedated,” the nurse said, keeping her voice low. “We don’t expect her to wake until tomorrow morning.”
Dad cleared his throat. “But she’ll be fine, won’t she?”
“She’s young and she’s healthy.” The Nurse gave him a sympathetic smile. “And those are the best things in her favor.”
Jane’s hand lay inert on the pale-yellow bedding.
Needing the connection, Elizabeth touched Jane’s hand. “Hey, Janey. It’s Elizabeth. Dad and I are here.”
“She can’t hear you,” Dad said.
Elizabeth didn’t care. “I’ve called Mom and she’s on her way. But you need to get better, Jane. You need to fight and get better again.”
Jane had been the sweetest baby and so much younger than Elizabeth. She had helped Mom feed and change her. The baby had fascinated her, and she had spent hours playing with her.
Each phase of Jane’s growth and development had been more fascinating than the last. They’d all spoiled her because she had been cute and pretty and so delightful when she got her own way.
Until she’d hit her mid-teens, and then things had changed. Jane had grown demanding and hostile. As she grew older, her petulance when she didn’t get her own way had bloomed into rage-filled rants.
If only she’d been firmer with Jane about this road trip. If only she’d made more of an effort to impress on Dad how worried she was about Jane’s willfulness.
But no, she’d been obsessed with Sam and their burgeoning relationship. She’d taken all the energy she used to pour into her family and lavished it on her relationship with Sam.
It wasn’t her fault Jane got hurt; she knew that. But since she’d been seeing Sam her life had undergone a rapid series of changes. Look at her job.
Those changes had consequences, and she hadn’t been prepared for them. Things had moved so fast that she had been playing catchup the whole time.
She didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like. It made her second guess everything that happened with her and Sam. It made her unsure and insecure.
And her preoccupation had put distance between her and her family. She’d promised Mom she would watch out for Jane.
Well, she’d failed. Spectacularly.
* * * *
Guy drove Sam to the hospital, breaking several traffic regulations along the way. Who knew Guy even had it in him?
The entire drive, Sam kept trying Lizzie’s cell, but she must have turned it off because he kept getting voicemail.
He had been trying since he’d checked his messages after his matinee game against New York. Eventually in frustration, he’d tried Maddy and she’d broken the news to him.
Guy drew up outside the entrance. “Go.”
Sam barely heard him, as he was already moving, ducking and weaving through people as he went.
Lizzie would be desperate, and her fucking father would be useless.
Dammit!
This was the downside to his job. Family events got missed, important occasions unmarked, and you were not always there when those you loved needed you most.
Chris had told him Jane was in ICU, and he stopped a nurse to ask.
She pointed him in the right diction. “Hey! Aren’t you—”
“Yup.” Sam leaped into the lift as the doors were closing.
The occupants stared at him. A few had no idea who he was, but to his left a couple had their gazes glued to him.
Any second now they would get up the courage to ask.
“Umm…excuse me?” It was the woman who found her voice first. “Are you Sam Stone?”
“Yes.” He focused on the floor numbers above the lift door.
The man leaned forward. “Great game today.”
“Thanks.” He forced a smile. Fans didn’t know what was going on in his life and sucking this shit up was part of the job. “The team played well.”
“Yeah.” The guy chuckled “But you got a hat trick.”
He had. His fourth of the season, but he couldn’t give a crap about that. He needed to get to Lizzie.
“Is everything all right?” The woman looked at him with concern.
“No.” He didn’t have it in him to invent a lie. “My girlfriend’s sister has been hurt. I didn’t know until the end of the game.”
“Lizzie?” The woman’s face dropped. “Oh, I’m so sorry. We’ll be saying prayers for her, Sam. And for you.”
This was the thing with the fans, sometimes they were so damned kind. “Thanks.” Emotion choked his voice. “I’ll let her know.”
The lift door opened on his floor and Sam sprang for the gap.
He pushed through a set of double doors into ICU. The first thing he saw was Lizzie standing outside a room looking so fucking forlorn and brittle it broke his heart.
“Lizzie.” He reached her in three strides and got his arms around her. He kissed her temple. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
“Sam?” She stiffened, and then she relaxed and slid her arms around his waist. Her voice hitched. “S-Sam.”
Sobs shook through her and Sam kept her as close to him as he could. He felt so helpless and useless. He could take on a two-eighty-pound enforcer and slam him into the boards, but he couldn’t take any of the pain from this woman he loved.
All he could do was hold her. So, he did until the worst of the sobs stopped, and she grew calm. She peered up at him. “You came?”
“Of course, I came.” He wiped her tears away with his thumbs. “Can you tell me what happened?”
She led him to a sterile, pitiless waiting room as she told him about Jane. It didn’t sound good, but Sam kept that to himself.
Paul stood when he entered. “Sam.” He frowned. “We didn’t expect you.”
“I came as soon as I could.” He sat down next to Lizzie, wrapping his hand around hers. “How you holding up?”
Paul shrugged and looked down at his clasped hands. “It’s not ever really something you expect to happen.” He looked up. It was hard to believe it sometimes, but in that moment, Sam could see how much Paul cared. “They say she’s young and strong.”
“That’s good.” Sam didn’t know what else to say. He kissed Lizzie’s hand. “Do you need anything?”
“No thanks.” She shook her head. Then she took a deep breath. “Could I talk to you outside?”
“Sure.” He kept hold of her hand as she led him out of ICU into the corridor beyond.
“Thanks for coming, Sam,” she said in a stiff little voice that sounded nothing like his Lizzie.
“Now you sound like your dad.”
“God forbid.” She forced a strained laugh.
Sam’s nape prickled like it did when he knew he was about to take a hit on the ice. “You holding up okay, Lizzie?”
“Yes. No.” She gave a half sob, half laugh and looked up at the ceiling. “I can’t do this, Sam.”
“This?” He hated what his gut was screaming at him. “You mean Jane being hurt? I don’t think anyone—”
“No, Sam.” She lowered her eyes to him, and tears flowed down her face. “I mean us.”
Even sensing where she was heading, it still hit him like a truck. “Is this because I couldn’t get here sooner?”
He’d heard the other players talk in the lock
er room about when things got difficult with their families.
“No.” She choked the word out. “It’s not that, because that’s a symptom of a bigger problem.”
Oh, he got it all right. “The bigger problem being what I do for a living.”
“Not just you.” She dropped her gaze. “It’s that and how it affects me. What it means for me. What it does to me.”
He reached for her. This fucking hurt, and he couldn’t let her do this to them. What they had was awesome. “Lizzie, baby, you’re not thinking straight. Jane has been hurt and you’re—”
“No, Sam.” She fended off his hands. “I’m thinking straight for the first time in weeks. I’m sure there are people who can do this, be with famous people, but I’m not one of them.”
“But you have been doing it.” He wanted to yell at her. He wanted to shake some sense into her. He wanted to hold her until she stopped talking shit. “We’re good together, Lizzie. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
She flinched. “But this is not the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Fuck!” That sucker punched him, and he had to take a deep breath to absorb the blow.
“Not because of you.” She touched his arm. “Because of me. I’m not strong enough, Sam. I’m not big enough.” When she dropped her hand, he wanted to howl. “My life is small, contained and I need it to stay that way, or everything goes out of control. I’m out of control now.”
“Lizzie?”
“Please, Sam.” She folded her arms and hunched her shoulders. “I can’t do this. Let me go.”
What choice did he have? Her sister was lying in ICU, and the woman he loved was begging him not to make it difficult for her.
The ICU doors swished shut behind her.
“Sam!” Guy ran down the corridor. He caught sight of Sam and stopped and paled. “No, don’t tell me she’s…”
Like a dead man walking, Sam approached Guy. “Jane isn’t dead.”
He picked up pace as he headed for the elevator.
“What is it?” Guy dropped into place beside him and grabbed his shoulder. “What happened?”
In a wooden voice he managed to respond. “I’m not good for Lizzie. My life is too big for her, and she doesn’t like being out of control.”
Guy’s face fell. “Shit!”
Sam pressed the elevator call button. “Oh, I think this definitely qualifies as a fuck.”
Chapter 35
The next forty-eight hours were the longest of Elizabeth’s life. She didn’t allow herself to think about Sam and focused all her energy on Jane.
Jane had made it through the first night, which was encouraging. Somewhere in the middle of the next day, they lowered her sedation, and a few hours later, she woke for the first time.
After he’d seen her, Dad went to the canteen for something to eat, and Elizabeth stood on her own in the corridor outside the waiting room. She didn’t know what to do with herself. Part of her was so relieved Jane would live, and another part was still cycling through all the things that could still go wrong.
The ICU doors opened, and Mom rushed through them. Face drawn and anxious, Mom went straight in to see Jane, leaving Elizabeth alone with Danica.
Danica had the same blue eyes as Sam, but the rest of Sam must have been inherited from his father. He’d been a pro athlete who hadn’t quite made it to the pros. He now lived in the States with a new family. Sam had once tracked him down but hadn’t made any effort to further the relationship from there.
“How is she?” Danica put her arms around Elizabeth. “We came straight here, but we had to jump around from one flight to the other.”
To her horror, Elizabeth’s facade chose that moment to crumble and her voice trembled as she replied, “Jane is much better today. She has a long way to go, but she might be out of the woods.”
“Lizzie.” Danica pulled her into a hug. The only other person in the world who called her Lizzie, and Elizabeth broke.
As she sobbed into Danica’s shoulder, Danica murmured soothing words and rubbed her back. “There now. It’s going to be okay.”
Only it wouldn’t.
Elizabeth managed a smile for Danica and sat down in the waiting room to give Mom a chance to see Jane alone.
Jane might have residual damage from her accident.
And Sam was gone.
She hadn’t heard a word from him since she’d broken things off. Not that she blamed him. He’d told her he loved her, and she’d told him goodbye.
When Mom came out of Jane’s room, she looked pale and exhausted. She dropped into the chair beside Elizabeth. “God.” Her voice shook and she buried her face in her hands. “We nearly lost her. Dear God, I can’t…”
This time Mom collapsed, and Elizabeth held her. She cried a bit more with Mom until Dad entered the waiting room.
When he caught sight of Mom, he stopped. “So you came?”
“Of course I came, Paul.” Mom sighed as if she couldn’t be bothered to get into it. After thirty years, Elizabeth didn’t blame her. “Our daughter got into a car accident and her life was in danger.”
Dad grunted and found the remote for the television. A hockey game flickered on the screen.
“Oh!” Danica pointed. “It’s Sam’s team.”
That went right though Elizabeth like a rusty razor blade, but she didn’t have the right to pine over Sam now. Jane was lying in a hospital bed, still fighting for her recovery.
Mom took her hands. “How are you, darling?”
“I’m fine.” Elizabeth dragged up some composure. The last thing Mom needed right now was to worry about her. “Of course, this thing with Jane…but I’m fine.”
“Hmm.” Mom glanced at Danica who glanced at the screen. Then Mom turned to Dad. “How did this happen, Paul?”
“What do you mean how did this happen?” Dad scowled at her. “Your daughter got into a car with a group of her friends to go on a trip I’d forbidden and got into an accident.”
Mom sighed and turned back to her. “Did you know?”
“She wanted me to persuade Dad to let her go. I said no.” Guilt took a vicious jab at her. “I should have known she wouldn’t listen.”
Dad grunted.
“Jane doesn’t like being told no,” Mom said. “And you’re not her parent. I should have checked her behavior long ago, before the consequences got this serious.” She rubbed a hand over her face. “God, I should never have left her when she was like this.”
“Mom.” Elizabeth took her mother’s hands. “You needed to take the opportunity. None of us knew Jane would go this far.”
“Didn’t we?” Mom gave a hollow little laugh. “I think it was more a case of none of us wanted to believe she was this out of control.”
“You shouldn’t have left her,” Dad said. “A girl needs her mother when she’s at the phase Jane is. You left.”
Danica gasped and stared at him. “She didn’t leave Jane; she left you,” she said. “And Jane has two parents.”
Dad threw her a look of disgust and went back to the television.
“Anyway—” Danica crouched at Mom’s feet. “I don’t think you two taking the blame for Jane’s actions is helping. Aren’t we partially in this situation because Jane never takes responsibility for her own actions?”
Dad made a noise like a growl and stalked out of the waiting room muttering something.
“Let him go.” Mom waved a hand in his direction. She turned back to Elizabeth. “How bad has he been?”
“He’s been okay.” She forced some light into her voice. “You know what he’s like. He—”
“Elizabeth.” Mom took her hands. “I know he’s your father, but you don’t need to make excuses for him. How has he really been?”
“The same.” Her pretense crashed around her. “Horrible enough to me to make me want to leave in the first place, and then angry with me for not staying.”
Mom stood and went to the window and stared out.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking while we were away.”
Danica took her place beside Elizabeth.
“I’ve taught you to be your father’s whipping post.” Mom hunched her shoulders.
Elizabeth hated her mother thinking that. “No, you haven’t. You put up with him for years.”
“Exactly.”
“Besides, Mom, shouldn’t we be concentrating on Jane right now?” Elizabeth didn’t like Mom taking the blame for any of it.
“I should have left years ago,” Mom said. “I should have left when he first started treating me like I didn’t matter. But I thought I could change him. I thought I was doing the right thing, making the marriage work and all that.”
“Weren’t you?”
“No.” Mom turned to face her. “The truth is that I was too frightened to get out. I didn’t want to be a single mother with two children to raise, and I didn’t trust Paul not to cut me off without a cent.”
Elizabeth didn’t want to have that conversation. Her mother’s honesty had consequences she wasn’t ready to face. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does.” Mom dropped into place on the other side of her. “When things like this happen, it’s a reminder that life is short. If we don’t say these things when we should, the moment passes, and they never get said.” She cupped Elizabeth’s cheek. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I’m sorry for showing you how to try to please someone who can’t be pleased, and I’m sorry for not standing up for you when I saw him doing the same things to you as he did to me.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Elizabeth didn’t want to cry, didn’t want to be any bother. Inside her, a little girl whispered not to make more trouble for mommy and not to make mommy sadder than she already was.
“Because you need to know before you make a very big mistake.” Danica took her hands. “I spoke to Sam.”
“Oh.” Then she realized the full impact of what Danica had said. “Oh.”
“He’s hurting, Lizzie, and he doesn’t understand why you left him.”
The idea of Sam hurting carved a piece out of her already raw insides. “I didn’t want to hurt him.”
“But I do understand what’s going on,” Mom said. “I think you’re scared, darling. You don’t know what a good relationship looks like and you’re scared Sam will become your father.”
