by K. A. Linde
“I didn’t want your pain to be about me.”
All the tension left her body. “Really?”
“Everyone grieves differently. Everyone’s pain is different. I could be here for you, but I couldn’t console you. Because no one could console me when Holli took her own life. They could be there for me, but nothing could change what happened. No one else’s stories made me feel better.”
“Exactly,” Sutton said. She reached out and tenderly, deliberately touched my arm. “Tell me what happened.”
My throat closed up at the thought of talking about Holli. I’d told the story before. It had been nearly fifteen years before, and still, it choked me up. “It was a week before school got out our sophomore year of high school. Nothing was wrong. Holli had always been…dark. Like she saw the world as bleak. But I’d known her my entire life. When it looked bad, she always got help. Then, suddenly, it was as if everything was finally better. She was really doing well in school, she had all these plans for summer break, and she’d finally gotten her first boyfriend. Then, I got a call from Holli in class. She’d skipped that day, but it wasn’t out of the norm. I didn’t answer. An hour later, her mom found her with a bullet between her forehead and blood down her white walls.”
Sutton gasped and threw her hand to her mouth. “Oh my God. That’s awful.”
“It was. Holli was really more like my only friend. She was smart and funny and quirky. She liked to play lacrosse and video games. She doodled on all of her notebooks. She could wear high fashion in one breath and ratty sweats the next and still look effortless. She had everything going for her, and she’s still gone. And there’s nothing I could have done to stop it…except answer that phone call.”
“You don’t know that.”
“And, fifteen years later, it still haunts me.”
Sutton nodded at me, understanding blooming in her eyes. It was like we understood each other completely for the first time. Something passed between us then that I’d never felt in my life. I’d felt connected to Sutton from the start. But having it out in the open, what had happened with Holli, seemed to change everything in a way I’d never thought possible. I’d wanted to keep it to myself so as not to burden her or try to redirect the conversation about her grief. But it was clear that telling her what had happened and why I was so attuned to what she was going through had opened her eyes.
“I don’t remember the last thing Maverick said to me,” she confessed.
“Does it kill you?”
“Yes. I try to remember constantly, but it’s just not there.”
“Holli didn’t even leave a note.”
Sutton sighed. “That’s horrible. I can’t imagine how that must have felt.”
“I think you can.”
“Different,” she conceded. “Thank you for telling me about her. She must have been very special to you.”
“She was. I would have liked to see the person that she grew into.”
“I know what you mean.”
We stood in silence. No longer walking down the golf course path. Just standing in the shade of a tree and looking at each other. We’d come to a mutual understanding, and I liked that we could stand together without it being awkward. With the weight of our pasts not weighing us down, but lifting us up.
“Can we start over?” Sutton finally asked.
“I think I’d like that.”
“I think I let my fears dictate my life. I don’t want that. I still have fears, but I want to live. I shouldn’t have let that hinder me in such a way, and I definitely shouldn’t have lashed out at you.”
“It’s okay. I knew where you were coming from,” I assured her.
“Thank you for understanding, but it’s not fair for you to have to deal with that.”
“I’m not dealing with it. It’s part of who you are. You can’t change how his death affected you.”
“I know,” she said softly. Then, she stepped forward, very close to me. “But I can change how I let it affect other people. I don’t think that it’s too soon for me to date. I think I’m ready.”
“You’re sure?”
She nodded. “I know you’re not a danger to Jason. I think maybe…we should keep our romantic relationship to a minimum to begin with and see how it goes.”
“That sounds reasonable to me. I would like to be his friend though, if that’s all right.”
“Oh, yes,” she said with a broad smile. “He can always use another friend.”
“You know what?” I said, moving my hand to her waist and tugging her a little closer.
“What?”
“I think I’ll take that kiss now.”
She giggled. “Oh, yeah? Think you deserve that kiss?”
“Come here,” I growled.
I nipped her bottom lip and then melded our mouths together.
I had come to this party, thinking that the worst that could happen was an uncomfortable conversation or maybe getting kicked out. I’d never thought for a second that Sutton and I would somehow get on the exact same page. And, now, here we were. My butterfly was spreading her wings.
Nineteen
David
I stepped into Death by Chocolate at a quarter past noon. The place was packed with students who were already trickling back in before the start of the semester. I already missed the summer quiet that I’d found to be my favorite time in Lubbock. College towns had their ebbs and flows.
Sutton was scurrying back and forth behind the counter, filling orders and handing them to the thin Latina girl, Tessa, running the register. Sutton glanced up at me when I approached, and a toothy grin split her face.
“You’re late,” she said.
“You’re busy.”
“Exceptionally so.”
“Should we cancel?” I asked. Though it was the last thing I wanted to do.
“No way. Let me finish these orders, and I’ll be out for the day.”
I nodded at her and took a table near a pair of hipsters who looked out of place in the pastel interior. Kimber found my table and passed me a piece of her famous chocolate cake.
“You’re stealing my star employee!” she accused.
I laughed. “I guess I am.”
“Girl needs a life, so I don’t begrudge you.”
“I’ll come work a shift to make up for it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh dear Lord, that would just be great for the kitchen.”
Sutton appeared and then flushed, holding a box of goodies. “I’m ready. Sorry about that.”
“Have fun, Sutton. See you tomorrow.”
“Bye, Kimber,” Sutton and I said together.
“Shall we?” I asked, taking the box from her.
I tried to get a sneak peek, but she smacked my hand.
“Not yet!”
“All right, all right. Let’s go, so I can eat these.”
She followed me out to the Ferrari. I was excited for this lunch I had planned. It meant I got time alone with Sutton before she left for Emery’s bachelorette party, and it was during the time that Jenny already had Jason. So, as long as I got her back by five thirty, we were golden.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”
“That would take all the fun out of it.”
She wrinkled her nose at me but didn’t ask again. It was only about ten minutes later before she clearly realized where we were going. It wasn’t the best-laid surprise since she’d lived here a lot longer than me. But, with the time permitting, it was the best I could do.
“Ransom Canyon?” she guessed. “Did you talk to Jensen?”
“Yep.” I dangled a key in front of her, and she shook her head.
“You wrangled the cabin key from him? Amazing.”
Jensen had a lake house in the canyon that all the Wrights used. They went there most holidays to hang out, go boating or tubing, and get drunk in a safe place with lots of bedrooms. Even though I’d been there a couple of times myself, I hadn’t thought that Jensen would l
et me take Sutton there alone.
Ransom Canyon was about twenty minutes outside of downtown Lubbock, and it looked like a world of its own with giant mansion-like cabins along the water with docks and boats and Jet Skis. The property became more manageable, the higher up the canyon rim. And it was absolutely gorgeous.
Riding down the canyon walls in a Ferrari was not so great though. It was the first time I really thought that I should give in and get a truck. But a truck really wasn’t me.
We parked out front, and I popped open the front trunk. It didn’t hold all that much to begin with, but I’d managed to fit a picnic basket in there. Sutton opened the cabin door ahead of me as I carried the basket. She grinned at me like a fool.
“This is a fun,” she told me.
“And you haven’t even seen inside the basket.”
She tried to open the basket a pinch, but I quickly put my hand over it.
“No cheating.”
“Ugh! Fine. I’m horrible at surprises. I’ll have you know, I used to open gifts at parties while people weren’t looking.”
“Color me shocked,” I said sarcastically.
“I bet you were a good little boy and waited until you were allowed,” she teased.
“I waited for you.”
Her eyes were bright as she leaned over the kitchen counter. “Is that so?”
“Of course. You were worth waiting for.”
She tapped my nose with her finger and winked. “Well, no more waiting now.”
“Thank God.”
“I’m going to go change into a suit. Thank God, I have one at the cabin.”
“Yeah, Jensen mentioned that.”
She stuck her tongue out at me. “Then we can eat because I’m starving, and I want to know what’s in that basket!”
She skipped away to a bedroom while I changed into my swim trunks in the bathroom. I gathered towels and sunscreen from a closet, stuffed them in a bag, and was ready to go when Sutton appeared in the doorway.
She wasn’t wearing the cute pale yellow suit she’d worn to Landon’s pool party earlier this week. Now, she was in a black barely there bikini with lace-up bottoms and a strapless bra-esque top. It looked really fucking hot on her, and all thoughts of lunch disappeared from my mind.
“What?” she asked as if she didn’t know.
“You look amazing.”
She tugged on the string of her bikini. “I haven’t worn this thing since college. It doesn’t look ridiculous?”
“Ridiculous?” I scoffed. “No, not at all.”
“You don’t look so bad yourself,” she said with a playful wink.
I laughed and then moved to where she was standing. I wrapped an arm around her bare waist and pulled her in for a kiss. Her smile was infectious. I could have stayed there all day if it wasn’t for her stomach grumbling.
“Food it is,” I said instead.
I took her hand, and we carried everything down to the dock. After laying out the blanket, we set the picnic basket down and took our seats. Sutton carefully applied a layer of sunscreen to her body while I opened the basket.
My first item made her eyes round with excitement. “Sangria!”
“La Sirena sangria.”
“What?” she gasped. “How did you get that?”
“Morgan is obsessed with that place. I had her call in a favor because I know you love it.”
“This doesn’t seem like a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of date.”
“Well…it’s not. I might or might not have already been planning this when we had our falling-out.”
“Aww, that’s so sweet.”
“I’m glad that you gave us a second chance so that I hadn’t called in all these favors for nothing.”
She laughed. “You’re cute. Now, food!”
I’d brought a cheese plate and sandwiches along with strawberries, raspberries, and peaches. We laughed and chatted while we finished off our lunch. It was so nice and peaceful. The lake was quiet on a Thursday afternoon, even with kids out of school. It felt as if she and I were the only two people in this silent canyon in West Texas. And I liked it that way.
“Dessert now or later?” Sutton asked.
My eyes swept her body, and I knew exactly what I wanted for dessert. My head was a little fuzzy from the sangria, and my mouth didn’t catch up with my mind. “Now.”
And the way I’d said it made her blush and nearly trip over herself. “You don’t even know what’s for dessert.”
“I could guess.”
My guess was probably not Kimber’s famous chocolate cake.
Sutton giggled. I didn’t even know how we’d finished all of that sangria, but it was making her giggle, and, God, I loved that giggle. I loved every time she laughed. Genuine laughs were so rare from her that it was like a delicacy that needed to be savored.
“I think your mind is in the gutter.”
“Me?” I gasped, coming to my feet. “Never.”
“Uh-huh. I have three older brothers. I know what you mean by dessert.”
I helped her to her feet and took a step forward, moving into her space. She didn’t back away or back down. Her smile only grew.
“I’m merely curious about what you brought me for dessert. You put all the time and effort into your…treats. It’s only fair that I taste-test them.”
She chewed on her bottom lip, clearly reading my double meaning in all of that. And then she burst out laughing.
“I will never look at lemon bars the same again,” she accused. Then, she couldn’t seem to hold any of it in, and she laughed so hard, so unabashedly that she snorted. She covered her mouth in horror and tried to stop herself from laughing anymore, which did absolutely nothing, and she snorted again.
Fuck me, she was even gorgeous when she snorted.
“I think I’d like that lemon bar now,” I said with my own laugh because it was impossible not to laugh when she was giggling like this.
“You’ll have to get there first.”
Then, she turned around and raced for the cabin. I watched her lean legs race down the dock. She glanced over her shoulder once to see if I was following her, and I took off. I could easily catch her. I ran miles and miles every morning, but this wasn’t that kind of chase.
This was her laughing uninhibitedly as she stumbled up the slope back to the cabin. This was her hair whipping in the wind, nearly yanking it out of its ponytail. This was the look of sheer joy as she saw how near I was.
She dashed into the house, and I heard a click just as I reached for the handle. Locked. Damn it!
I watched through the glass as she went to the kitchen, returned with the box of desserts, and removed the lemon bar from the box. She took a giant bite out of the tart. A triumphant smile split her face.
“Oh, you’re going to get it,” I told her with a shake of my head.
She put her hand to her ear, as if to say, What? I can’t hear you.
Then, she flipped the lock, and I barreled in after her. She shrieked and dashed toward the kitchen with the box in hand. I caught her round the middle and swung her around to face me. She held the box over her head, but she was so much shorter than me that it wasn’t over my head.
She was panting from exertion and giddiness and anticipation. Her smile was electric and magnetic. She was as warm as a Texas summer and twice as vibrant. When I dropped my lips down on hers, she tasted like lemons. And nothing had ever been so sweet.
Twenty
Sutton
“Did you make this tart?” David asked against my lips.
I nodded breathlessly and slowly brought the box down between us. “For you. Want to try?”
He nodded.
I picked the lemon bar back out of the box, dropped the box onto the counter, and then held the treat before him. He arched an eyebrow at me and then opened his mouth. I watched him take a small bite out of the lemon tart. When he closed his eyes and groaned at the taste of it, it set me on fire.
“Dear God,
this is heaven.”
“Uh-huh. I think they’re my signature.”
He took the tart from me and dropped it back down into the box. My heart was in my throat when he tugged me closer again and started kissing his way up my neck.
“I think I’ll have you for dessert instead.”
“Is that so?” I asked breathily.
“Mmhmm.”
My heart was hammering away in my chest, and my body was giving off mixed signals. Yes, I wanted this. No, I wasn’t ready. Yes…yes, I was.
I wanted this moment with David.
I wanted and needed to be okay with this.
I’d chosen him.
He was choosing me.
David nibbled on my earlobe, dragging it between his teeth. I sighed and leaned into him. He took that as an invitation and swirled me around so that I was against the kitchen island. He had me pinned with his hips, and it was pretty obvious where his thoughts were.
I was just standing there, enjoying the attention, but I was an eager participant. Suddenly, I remembered what I was supposed to be doing with my body…my hands. I ran them down his solid chest, letting my nails trail across every ripped ab until I hit the V at his waist. He sucked in a deep breath at my advances, and it only emboldened me further.
After a moment of hesitation, I slipped a finger under the hem of his board shorts. He pressed harder against me. My pulse quickened as I felt his length through our thin clothing. He was…big. Fuck, I could tell that, and I hadn’t even touched him or seen him or fucking anything. And, instead of feeling fear or pain or uncertainty, I felt only desire.
My body was hot. It was a primal need that my fingers and toys at home couldn’t come close to sating. It had been a long, long year alone. I was too young to be alone. And I knew then that I didn’t want to continue like this. I wanted David. Physically, emotionally, mentally. I wanted every bit that he was willing to give to me, and I wanted it all right now.
He cupped my jaw in both of his hands and tilted my face up to look into his golden eyes. “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.”
I blushed, and he left no room for a response before he thoroughly kissed me again. My hand slipped down the front of his shorts, and a moan escaped us both as I grasped his cock in my hand.
