It wasn’t that she had a problem taking Tori to see their parents’ graves. What had her stomach twisting, her heart in her throat, was the fact that Jett and Mara were buried in the same cemetery.
She hadn’t been back there since the funeral. Everything inside her was screaming, throwing a worse tantrum than Mara ever had. She didn’t want to go. No one could make her.
Ani nodded anyway. “Of course.”
Chapter 17: Elegy
Tori was upset when she saw how overgrown her parents’ grave was. It was obvious Ani had buried them and never looked back. It seemed to be a reoccurring theme with her.
Ignoring whatever excuses her sister was spewing, Tori dropped to her knees and pulled at the weeds around the single headstone. After a minute or so, Ani sighed and kneeled beside her, helping her clear the weeds and grass.
They worked in silence because if Tori opened her mouth, she was going to start yelling. That seemed disrespectful in a cemetery. When they’d cleared away the greenery, she overturned her water bottle to wash away the excess dirt so she could see the writing of the flat granite clearly.
Eric Aaron and Chelsea Audrey Kane
She traced the words. Her fingers lingered over beloved parents. There was a raw ache at the center of her chest. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she held a mental impression of soft hands and tender voices that whispered sweet words. She’d been loved once upon a time, and these were the people who’d loved her.
Tori closed her eyes as she fought to keep her emotions in check. Feeling sorry for herself was one of the few things that made her more aggravated than her thousand mood swings a day. Anger was easier. She could concentrate on that—being angry at her sister for keeping her away from this spot for so long. Worse yet, Tori should be angry at Ani’s blatant neglect.
Their parents deserved to be remembered.
But the constant fury she carried, an extra ninety-pound dead weight on her shoulders, made her so tired. Sometimes it seemed that anger owned her, kept her bound with shackles around her ankles and wrists so she could never run free.
Surrounded by the loss of the childhood she had been denied, Tori found some perspective. After all, Ani had lost her parents, too. She’d lost her entire family once only to have it happen all over again.
Maybe it was her overactive imagination, but Tori felt a gentle admonition, as though her mother or father had a hand on her shoulder. Her bitter anger had no place here. This place knew only loss, and of all the people above ground and below, hers was probably not the saddest story. That day, for the time they spent there, Tori allowed her fury to take a backseat. When she spoke to her sister, her voice was softer than normal. “Can I maybe have a minute?”
Ani pushed to her feet and went to lean on the car.
A strange feeling came over Tori. It was part heartbreak, part twisting nerves, and all longing. She had the bizarre impulse to lie down, as if lying on the cool grass would be the same as resting her head on her mother’s lap.
She had sixteen years of things to tell her parents but no words in her head. And too many things she was ashamed for them to know.
“So, um. I guess I was thinking about the kids going in and out of the foster system,” she said, her finger still tracing her parents’ names. “I used to think they were idiots. A lot of them thought their parents were awesome, and that’s just dumb. I mean, how great could their parents be if they ended up in the system to begin with? Most of them weren’t like me. Their parents were out there. They were just assholes.”
Tori ran her hand over the grass, feeling the rough blades against her palm. “Guess I’m not much different. I don’t really know you. I didn’t get to know you. You’re kind of perfect in my head. No one is perfect in real life, right?”
But she still couldn’t help thinking she was wrong. Because she held her parents on a pedestal. She hated disappointing the image she had of them. They would have raised her to be better than what she was—a pregnant teen going nowhere fast.
One of her foster mothers, Mrs. Bui, used to tell her, “There’s no point in feeling sorry for yourself. It’s a useless thing. Two tears. Two tears is what you get. One for each eye. Then you’re done with self-pity and on to something more useful.”
Tori closed her eyes and let the tears that blurred her vision spill over—two tears in twin trails down her cheeks. Then she pressed her lips to her palm and her palm to granite. She split the flowers she’d brought in half, arranging them in the little holder provided.
“I’ll come back, okay? I promise.”
Climbing to her feet, Tori refilled her water bottle at the spigot nearby before walking back to Ani. “Okay. Where are Jett and Mara?”
Ani blinked at her. “What?”
Tori just waited, glancing at the flowers still in her arms, hoping her sister wouldn’t make her spell it out. All the blood drained from Ani’s face, but she started walking. They crossed the street to a shaded area beside a stone bench.
Mara and Jett’s graves sat side by side, their stones not at all dirty. There were already flowers in the provided pot. Mara’s grave was decorated with colorful pinwheels at each corner. These two had not been neglected. They hadn’t been abandoned because they had someone other than Ani to look out for them.
Sinking once more to her knees, Tori divided the remaining flowers between both graves.
Jethro Tyler Novak
Mara Jayne Novak
Beneath each of their names was a lyric. Mara’s was sweet—a few lines of a Billy Joel song, if Tori wasn’t mistaken. She didn’t recognize the words below Jett’s name, but they were poignant and full of love. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a few toy cars which she placed along the sides of her niece’s headstone.
“Hey, kid. I figured, as your aunt, I shouldn’t come empty-handed to meet you for the first time. I loved these things when I was little. I bet you would have, too.”
She didn’t know why it was easier to talk to the little girl she’d never known than the parents she’d wondered about all her life. The words tumbled out without thought, without effort. “You know, for the record, I think what happened to you really sucks. It should . . .”
Trailing off, she laughed wryly and shook her head. “People like to say it shouldn’t have happened. Like no fucking shit, right? Most useless sentence in the human language, isn’t it? It’s like, great. Thanks. So what you’re saying is stupid assholes shouldn’t come into someone’s home in the middle of the night and shoot little girls? Well, that’s a real consolation. Now that it’s happened, at least I know it shouldn’t have.
“Well, you know what happened to you. And you and I both know it sucks. There’s just no other word for it. You’d have been a really cool little person, I bet. Your momma would have made sure of that.”
Behind her, Ani gasped. Out of the corner of her eye, Tori could see she was weeping, swiping the tears off her cheeks as quickly as they fell. Tori wanted to say something. She wondered if she should go to her sister, but before she could, a little movement stopped her cold. It was a fluttering right at her belly. For a minute, she thought she had to be imagining it, but then it came again.
Tori put her hand to her abdomen.
“Are you okay?” Her sister was on her knees beside her in an instant. “Tori? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Tori answered. Her voice shook. “I think . . . I just felt the baby move.”
Ani’s eyes widened. “Oh.”
The atmosphere between them was heavy and strange. Tori didn’t know how to feel about the little alien doing flip flops inside her. She didn’t know how she wanted Ani to react, and by the look on Ani’s face, her sister didn’t know either. If they were other people, other sisters, maybe Ani would have hugged her. Maybe they would have squealed together, or Ani could have comforted her. Tori wasn’t sure which one she wanted—excitement or consolation.
But they weren’t normal sis
ters. This wasn’t a normal situation. There was so much loss surrounding them. Their combined loss and their history was a chasm separating them with a bridge that was broken down right at its center.
Maybe . . .
Maybe the foundation was still there. Maybe the bridge could still be mended. Rebuilt.
But Tori didn’t know where to start. She didn’t know if she was capable or if it was what she really wanted. The idea scared her more than a little.
As if they were, for once, on the same page, Ani held her arms out. Tori hesitated a second before she leaned in, wrapping her arms around Ani’s waist as Ani’s arms encircled her shoulders. Together, for maybe the first time in their lives, the sisters hugged and rocked each other.
Chapter 18: Grad Party
The last bell rang, and for the first time in thirteen years, Tori wasn’t a student.
She’d thought she was looking forward to getting out. She wasn’t going to be one of those people who looked back on her high school years with fondness. Fuck that. The other kids were assholes.
The thing about them was they all thought they had a handle on life because they had the whole high school thing down. They weren’t going to know what hit them.
High school wasn’t that difficult to figure out. Tori knew how to hold her temper with the teachers who thought they knew who she was—just another punk-ass kid with an attitude. She knew how to do just enough work to keep foster parents, Shane, and her teachers off her back.
Every day was one in a string of crappy days, but she knew what to expect and what was expected of her.
A boy shouldered past her and ran out into the sunshine with a whoop of joy. “Look out, bitches! Here I come.”
Tori glared at his retreating back, shaking her head as his friends cheered or laughed at him. She’d gained another title, like collecting life tiles in the game of Life.
Victoria Eleanor Kane—sister, orphan, high school graduate.
Tori straightened up, holding her head high as she made for the parking lot. She blinked, taking in more of the scene. Though there’d been nothing on it when she’d parked that morning, the car was now decorated with messages of congratulation written in soap.
Leaning up against the car, looking way too pleased with himself, was Raphe. When she was almost to him, he offered her an obnoxiously large bouquet of brightly colored flowers. “Well, look at you. High school graduate.”
“What an accomplishment.” Her tone was sarcastic, but she took the flowers, inhaling their sweet scent.
He caught her face in his hands, and Tori was too surprised to pull away. She found herself staring into his eyes, frozen by the intensity she saw there. “It is an accomplishment. You should be proud. And I’m proud of you.”
For a second, Tori was positive he was going to kiss her. She held her breath, waiting for it.
Wanting it.
When he leaned in, he only pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, his breath hot on her skin as he sighed, before he pulled away, dropping his hands to his sides. “To answer your question, I’m here to kidnap you. There are festivities planned, and no, you’re not getting out of it.” He took her free hand and tugged her over to the passenger side of the car where he held the door open. “Now hurry up. We have things to do.”
“This isn’t my car. You can’t drive it.”
He smirked. “Where do you think I got the spare key, hmm?” He dangled the key in her face.
She swiped at it. Always quick with his reflexes, he jumped back out of her reach. When she lunged for him again, he grabbed her by the wrist and twisted her so her back was against his chest and his arm was slung around her middle.
Laughter died on Tori’s lips when she found herself looking right into Ariel’s resting bitch-face.
The other girl scoffed. “There’s the answer to that question. You must be the one Vicky was slutting around with.”
The way her eyes raked over Raphe, like she was judging everything from his shoes to his hairline, made Tori furious. She took a step forward, but Raphe put his hand to her arm, stopping her.
Ariel grinned, knowing full well she’d succeeded in baiting her. “So, Rodrigo, isn’t it? This is what? Maybe your fifth baby I’d guess?”
“Shut your mouth,” Tori said. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” She let her lips curve up into a wicked grin. “I didn’t want to tell you, but you’re going to be a big sister.” She laid her hand on her stomach. “I just hope she’s not as ugly as Jeffery.” She frowned as if considering. “Or you, for that matter, but I think you got your looks from your mother anyway.”
Ariel’s features twisted in fury. “Filthy liar.”
“You wish.”
Ariel came forward, but she stopped short when Raphe stepped in front of Tori, holding his hand palm out.
Tori stepped to the side. “Aww, don’t worry, princess. You’re still gonna be Daddy’s little girl. You think I’m going to let your father anywhere near this kid?”
“Like you’re going to keep it. My bet? Your stupid kid is just going to be one of my parents’ foster brats in a year or two anyway. You’re a useless bitch. All you’re good for is whoring around, having babies someone else has to take care of.”
Raphe put his hands on Tori’s shoulders and squeezed. He leaned his head down, talking only to her, his words calm. “Take a good look at her, Tor, because one of the best things about graduating? You never have to see this pathetic girl again. So you take a good look at her, and when you go on to do amazing things, have a happy life, you remember this moment. This kind of ugliness doesn’t fade. When you look back, you spare a kind thought for her because ugliness is all she has, and that’s very sad.”
To Ariel he said, “I pity you. Really, I do.”
Then he turned his back to her, opening the car door for Tori. Shell-shocked from Raphe’s words and surprised his diatribe had, for once, shut Ariel up, Tori didn’t argue. She got in the car. They took off, leaving Ariel glowering in the distance.
“Is it true?” Raphe spoke the words as though he could barely get them out through gritted teeth.
“What?”
“About the baby and your foster father.”
“Oh. Ew. No. I was just trying to piss her off.”
Raphe let out a breath in a gust. “Jesus,” he muttered. “You scared the hell out of me with that crap.”
“Sorry.” She paused trying to remember what they’d been doing before Ariel bugged them. “Oh, right. You’re kidnapping me. And you got Ani’s help to do it.”
“No.” He glanced at her as they pulled to a stoplight. “Actually, Ani asked for my help.”
“For what?”
He just grinned, and whatever was left of the tension in the air faded away. “You’ll see.”
Tori wanted to be blasé about what Ani had done for her. After all, her surprise party seemed like it would be better suited for a seven-year-old, but she was too giddy to pretend.
Ani had paid for a weekend getaway of sorts. Raphe had done the research, made all the reservations, and gotten ahold of Emily and Brook. It was an all-expenses paid trip to Disneyland for the weekend. Two nights in a two-bedroom, four-bed suite for the four of them. Two park-hopper tickets each so they could go freely between Disneyland and Disney’s California Adventure. They had reservations for lunch or dinner on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and spending money so each of them could have whatever souvenirs and snacks they wanted. Ani had spared no expense.
“But Ani isn’t here?” she asked Raphe, trying not to bounce in place.
“She thought you might like it better if she didn’t come,” Raphe said.
Tori frowned. She didn’t know that she felt any warmth toward Ani, particularly not enough to want to hang out with her recreationally. Still, it felt wrong to be celebrating on her dime without her. And Tori did appreciate the gesture, even if it was over the top.
No one had ever done
something this kind for her, and Ani had gone out of her way to make sure Tori couldn’t turn her down. Brook was excited and hyper. Seeing the other girl so light and free for once made Tori’s day. Just for that, if nothing else, she wanted to hug her sister.
“You’re sure she’s not going to show up all of a sudden?” Emily asked when they were all sitting down at the Rainforest Cafe in Downtown Disney that night.
“She said she wouldn’t,” Raphe said.
“Good.”
Brooklyn looked between Emily and Tori. “I thought you said she was nice, V.”
“She’s fine. Emily’s just weirdly protective of me, that’s all.” The girl was odd, but Tori supposed it was a sweet notion.
“It was really nice of her to do this for you.” Emily said. “It’s just weird. It’s a lot. Like she’s trying to buy you off or something.”
“Well, she can buy me off if she wants,” Brook said, her tone chipper. “I like her already.”
Tori clucked and ruffled the younger girl’s hair.
It was a good night.
Emily and Raphe seemed to like Brook. They included her in the conversation easily. For that matter, Emily liked Raphe, too. He had both the other girls blushing and laughing in no time. He was charming when he wanted to be. Tori knew that all too well, but that night, it didn’t bother her. They were all having fun.
Midway through the meal, when Emily and Brook had their heads bent together, whispering, Tori felt the weight of someone’s gaze on her. She looked up to find Raphe staring. Her cheeks heated, and she ducked her head. “What?”
He brushed his fingers down her back sending a thrill down her back. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you smile like that, chiquita.”
She leaned back, trapping his hand against her chair to tease him. “I’m happy,” she said, realizing it was true.
Yanking his hand free, he tapped the tip of her nose, his eyes flicking to her lips before he looked up again. “Good.”
Finding Purgatory Page 15
