by Melissa Marr
"I can already see them, Seth," she said impatiently. She caught herself—took a deep breath—and grabbed a cookie from the tin beside her. "Why would I need herbs?"
"I might be more help if I can see them too…" He wrote another note: Look for more recipes. Paste? Tea? How use herbs for sight? Chamomile tea for Ash.
"Chamomile?"
"Helps you relax." He leaned over and stroked her hair soothingly, pausing to let his hand rest on the back of her neck. "You're snapping at me."
"Sorry." She frowned. "I thought I was keeping it together, but today…If Donia hadn't been there…But that's the thing. She shouldn't have been there. I've seen them my whole life, but they never paid attention to me. Now it's like they've all stopped whatever they were doing before to watch me. It's never been like this."
He stood there, twirling one of the studs in his ear, staring at her. Then he grabbed the book and sat down in the chair across from her. "Wearing daisies is supposed to keep kids safe from faery kidnapping. I don't know if the daisies work once you aren't a kid."
He dropped that one and flipped open the last book. "Carry a staff of rowan wood. If they chase you, leap over running water, especially if it's flowing south."
"There's one river here, and I don't see me jumping over it unless I sprout springs in my feet. None of this helps much." She hated how whiny she sounded. "What do I do with a staff? Hit them? And wouldn't they know I saw them if I did these things?"
Seth took his glasses back off and sat them on top of a stack of books on the floor. He rubbed his eyes. "I'm trying, Ash. It's only the first day I looked. We'll find out more."
"What if I don't have time? The rules are changing, and I don't know why. I need to do something now." She shivered, remembering the strange stillness of the faeries when she passed them. It was frightening.
"Like what?" He still sounded calm. The more anxious she got, the calmer he sounded.
"Find them. Talk to the two that started it—Keenan and Donia." She put her hand over her mouth and took several breaths.
Calm down. It didn't help much.
He leaned back in his chair, rocking it so it teetered on the back legs. "You sure that's a good idea? Especially after those guys—"
She interrupted, "Faeries, court faeries, are following me. What they could do is a whole lot worse. They want something, and I don't like being the only one who doesn't know what it is." She stopped, thinking about what the faeries at the library had said. "The faeries—when they weren't lusting on you—called Keenan the 'Summer King."
His chair thunked down, back on all four legs. "He's a king?"
"Maybe."
He looked worried then—a flash of something like panic crossed his face—but he nodded. "I'll see what I can find out about that title tomorrow. I'd planned to check online while I wait on the other books."
"Sounds good." She smiled, trying to keep her own panic in check, not wanting to think about the possibility that not just court fey but a faery king was following her.
Seth watched her the way you watch a person standing on a ledge, not sure if they're going to go over or not. He didn't ask her to think further on that dangerous possibility, didn't ask her to talk about it. Instead he asked, "Are you staying to eat?"
"No." She got up, rinsed her cup, and took another deep breath. Tucking her hands into her pockets so he wouldn't see them shaking, she turned and—before she could back down—told him, "I think I'm going to see what's out there walking tonight. Maybe one of them will say something like the ones at the library. Come with me?"
"Just a sec." Seth opened an old steamer trunk labeled textbooks and pulled out several cigar boxes of jewelry. Inside were leather bracelets with big metal rings, delicate cameos, and velvety jewelers' boxes. As he rummaged through the cigar boxes, he sat several pieces to the side, including one of the leather wristbands.
He dug around a little longer and pulled out a can of pepper spray. "For humans, but maybe it works on faeries, too. I don't know."
"Seth, I…"
"Just stuff it in your pocket with the salt." He grinned. Then he held up a necklace and bracelet of thick chain links, very much his style. "Steel. It's supposed to burn them, or maybe just weaken them."
"I know, but…"
"Look, it makes sense to use whatever you can, right?"
When she nodded, he came over and motioned for her to turn around. He brushed her hair to the side, piling it over her shoulder. "Hold that."
Silently she did. It felt weird, too close after the earlier tension, but she stood there while Seth draped a necklace around her throat.
Maybe he's right. She could use whatever help she could get. The idea of looking for faeries went against every rule she'd ever learned, but she was going to do it, to try it. It was better than waiting. I need to try something. Do something.
Even now she could see more faeries outside the window: one was perched on top of a hedge that couldn't possibly hold him up, but did.
Seth hooked the heavy chain around her throat, let it fall against her skin. Then he kissed the back of her neck and walked past her to the door. "Let's go."
CHAPTER 9
The "fair folk" were most skilled in music, and…of the great enchantments and allurements to stay with them was their music.
— Notes on the Folk-Lore of the North-East of Scotland by WalterGregor(1881)
As she tried to make sense of the earlier events—Why would mortals attack Ash? Was it mere chance? — Donia walked. She passed the vagrants leaning against the faded redbrick buildings, the group of young men with their too-loud comments on her "assets," the unconcealed exchange of cash for crack between two skinny guys.
In all Donia's decades, Beira had never broken the rules. No one knew why, but there was plenty of speculation. Centuries past, Beira had meted out especially cruel punishments when a group of winter fey had tampered with the game. No one interferes. But the odds of the park being clear of all fey…it couldn't be random. Either Beira willed it or allowed it.
As Donia walked, she let the glamour fade away, becoming once more invisible to the mortals. Unfortunately she couldn't hide from the fey as easily.
She fought to keep her voice even, but it never seemed to work with Keenan, today even less so than usual. "What do you want?"
"Happiness. Beira to grow a conscience. Forgiveness." He leaned in to kiss her cheek.
She moved out of reach, stepping into a puddle. "Can't help you."
"Not even on the forgiveness?" Absently he blew a gentle breeze toward a couple of shivering crackheads, not changing his stride as he did so.
She kept her silence, debating how much she could omit without lying.
He was as impatient as always, though, questioning her before she could get her thoughts sorted. "Did you see her?"
"Yes."
"Talk to her?" He held out a hand to carry her bag, always solicitous, even now with his eyes glimmering over thoughts of her, of Aislinn.
Donia clutched the strap of her bag, then felt foolish for being petty, and held it out.
Sasha ran toward her at full speed, bounding over the debris. His tail was held high when he came to a stop beside her.
"Good boy." She bent to ruffle his fur—and check for any blood on his muzzle—before continuing down the street.
Across the street several of Keenan's guardsmen kept a discreet distance, winding their way around the people, leaning into the crumbling facades of the buildings in this part of the city, and somehow still managing to keep the edges of their long coats from dragging through any of the filth on the ground.
With a shake of her head, she looked back at Keenan.
And he smiled at her.
For an instant she forgot everything—his betrayal, her suspicions about Beira, the aching cold. He's as beautiful as he was when we met. I look pale and awful, but he's still gorgeous. She tore her gaze away and walked faster.
He stayed beside her adjusting his stride t
o match hers. "Donia? Did you?"
"I spoke with her." She thought again about what had almost happened, what could have happened if she hadn't been there. She didn't tell him. "The girl's kind, good…Totally too good for you."
"So were you." He kissed her cheek, singed it with his lips. "You still are."
"Bastard." She shoved him, ignoring the burning in her palm from touching him.
He put a hand on his shoulder, melting the ice that formed where she'd pushed too hard. It crackled under his touch. "Only because Beira murdered my father." Keenan kept pace with Donia until they reached the mouth of a barricaded alley. She said nothing, offered him nothing in the way of even the barest civility. Even after all these years, it still hurt to see the disdain on her face.
Finally he stepped in front of her, blocking her path. "You saw Beira."
She didn't answer him, but it wasn't a question.
"What did she want?" he prompted.
She stepped around him, going farther toward the railroad yard. "Nothing I can't handle."
She was hiding something. He could see the tightening in her hands, hear her breathing catch just a little.
He followed. "Seems odd for her just to stop by to visit. I didn't think you enjoyed being around her."
"It's not much worse than seeing you, but somehow I endure that." She stopped and leaned against one of the fire-blackened buildings outside the railroad yard, closing her eyes, breathing deeply. Sasha stretched out at her feet.
Since she'd been mortal once, being that close to iron wasn't as hard for her as it was for most fey, but it still hurt her. If it hurt Sasha, she wouldn't come, but the wolf was immune to it.
The guards were keeping their distance, but even being near that much iron had to be painful for them. Keenan motioned for them to pull back farther.
"Donia?" He reached out to take her hand, but didn't. His touch would hurt her more than the iron did. Instead he splayed his arms out on the wall on either side of her, palms covering part of the graffiti on the wall, making a prison of sorts with his arms. "Why do you come down here?"
"To remind myself of what I lost." She opened her eyes, holding his gaze. "To remind myself not to trust any of you.
She was utterly impossible.
He grimaced at her accusing look, at the decades-long argument. "I didn't lie to you."
"You didn't tell me the truth, either." She closed her eyes again.
Neither of them spoke for several minutes. Her cold breath mingled with his equally warm breath in the small space between them, rising like steam above them.
"Go away, Keenan. I don't like you any more today than I did yesterday, or the day before that, or the—"
He interrupted, "But I still like you. That's the beauty of this, isn't it? I still miss you. Every single time we do this, Don." He lowered his voice to try and hide how close it was to raw. "I miss you."
She didn't even open her eyes to look at him.
Any love she might have felt died decades ago. If things were different…but they aren't. He shook his head. Donia wasn't her. She was one of the girls he'd never have. He needed to think about how to get close to Aislinn, not about the one he'd lost and loved.
He sighed. "Are you going to tell me what Beira wanted?"
Donia did look at him then, leaning her face close enough that he felt her words on his lips. "Beira wants the same thing you do: me to do her bidding."
He took several steps back. "Damn it, Donia, I don't want—"
"Stop. Just stop." She pushed away from the building. "She wants me to convince Aislinn not to trust you. Just a little pep talk in case I forgot my job."
She was hiding something: Beira wouldn't visit her for that alone. Evan, the rowan-man who watched over Donia, had said she was terrified when Beira left.
Terrified. But she didn't trust him enough to tell him why. And why should she? He started to follow her, to try again.
"Please." Her voice wavered. "Not today. Just leave me alone today."
Then she walked away, closer to the railroad yard, as close as she could stand to go without collapsing. And there was nothing he could do to stop her, to help her. So he watched her until she ducked behind a wall and he couldn't see her anymore.
By nightfall Donia was composed again, but being down at the railroad yard had made her tired, so she'd stopped to rest by the fountain on Willow, a block over from Aislinn's house. She'd sent Sasha out to run, unwilling to ask the wolf to stay still when he wanted to roam.
The harsh streetlights reflected on the surface of the fountain, casting plum shadows in the courtyard. An old man with a well-loved sax played for the people who passed. Donia stretched her legs out on the bench, relishing the shadows, listening to the sax-man, and thinking.
In talking to the fey earlier, Donia had only learned that no one wanted to talk. Neither Beira's winter fey nor Irial's dark fey—who worked closely with the Winter Court— would admit to involvement. The solitary fey would only say they weren't comfortable in the park. The lack of answers was answer enough: by consent or directive, Beira had interfered.
She thinks this girl is different.
The sax-man played another mournful song. Donia shifted again, stretching out further, enjoying her solitude, cherishing the brief illusion of belonging with humanity. She'd never be that again—human. She didn't belong to their world, never again would. It still ached when she thought of what she'd given up for Keenan. Once the next girl lifted the staff, she would become just another faery— no allegiance to any of the courts, no responsibility, no place at all where she belonged.
She still wanted that, belonging. Once she'd thought she belonged with Keenan. When she met him—before she knew what he was—he'd taken her to hear his friends' band. He'd even bought her a dress—a short little number with strands of beads hanging everywhere, swaying when she danced. And did they dance!
The band was unlike anything she'd ever heard before— three tall, thin men made love with the songs they wrenched from their horns, while a woman with a sexy torch voice crooned to the crowd, promising everything with her words and her body. There were others, a heavyset man with fingers that stroked the piano keys like he was caressing it. When they played, gods, it was like they funneled pure emotions into the instruments. Nothing had ever felt as good as listening to them play—nothing except moving across the floor in Keenan's arms. Nothing ever would.
Shaking off the longing, she closed her eyes, listening to the sax-man in front of her. His song was flat compared to the faery band in her memories, but blessedly mortal. There was no trickery in his song, no lie woven into the notes. It was flawed, and somehow lovelier for it.
She laughed aloud at the absurdity of it all: she could hear the most perfect music any day—fey with voices of unmatchable purity—but a half-talented old man playing for change in the park pleased her more.
From beside her, she heard Aislinn's voice, wary and thin, as the girl approached. "Donia?"
"Umm?"
She was wary, far more than Donia had ever been when the Winter Girl and Summer King had played her. She'll need something to even the odds, especially if she is the one he's been seeking.
"We were walking by and saw you. Sasha's not here, so I thought…" Aislinn's voice trailed off. "Did he come back?"
"Sasha is fine. Sit with me." Donia kept her eyes closed, but turned her head to smile in Aislinn's direction. Aislinn's mortal didn't speak, but Donia heard his steady heartbeat as he stood protectively by her side.
Aislinn started, "We weren't—"
"Stay. Relax with me. We could both use it."
And it was true. After Keenan whispered his hollow words, his protests and reminders of what they'd once had, what she couldn't have, she was always out of sorts. If it'd been true winter, he'd be unable to bother her, but spring through fall he was out and about, tormenting her with his very presence. Never mind that he'd tempted her with empty promises; forget the fact that he'd stolen her m
ortality. Until another girl was willing to believe in him, she was trapped—watching him make them fall in love with him, knowing that the girls who chose not to risk the cold shared his bed. And they'd all refused the risk—choosing instead to be Summer Girls, refusing to lift the staff. I love—loved— him enough to risk the cold; they didn't. Yet they had him.
"Ash?" The mortal—Seth—motioned to a group of equally pierced people who'd called out to him.
"I'll be right here," Aislinn murmured to him with a weak smile. She folded her arms tightly over her chest.
"When you're ready…" He looked like he'd rather stay beside Aislinn, but she motioned him off—watching him as he passed the fountain.
Inside it young kelpies were playing. Like most of the water fey, they cared little for the other faeries in the park. They were still disquieting to Donia in a way that most of the fey no longer were, preying on mortals when given the slightest chance, drinking down their last breaths, somehow making death a sexual thing. Not even Irial's Dark Court disturbed her the way the water fey did.
Of course, Seth—like most mortals—didn't glance at them, but as he passed them they stilled, watching him with that eerie hunger they had. They could see the passion in him, feel it somehow, or they wouldn't watch him so.
Aislinn watched him too. Her breathing sped up; her cheeks flushed. Her willingness to be separated from him seemed to be a show for his benefit. She didn't speak, didn't relax.
Only a few minutes had passed when she announced, "I can't stay here."
"Still feeling weird about the attack?"
Donia felt pretty unsettled about it too, but for quite different reasons. If Beira knew Donia suspected her of violating the rules, if Keenan knew that Donia suspected that this mortal was the missing Summer Queen…caught between them yet again. Nothing was simple anymore. It hadn't been in so very long.
Beside her, Aislinn shuddered. She stared at the fountain, or perhaps past it where her mortal stood. "I guess it freaked me out a little. Seems unreal, you know? And the sort of things that come out at night…"
