It was more statement than question. “Of course.”
He was still buttoning his coat as he marched out the door, as if he couldn’t get away from her fast enough. Was he angry because her refusal of his proposal had robbed him of the opportunity to end his bride hunt early?
After all, it wasn’t as if he really cared about her in a romantic sense. She was just a known quantity; convenient, nothing more. Holding firmly on to that thought had made it easier to refuse him.
Of course, even if he’d uttered the most romantic proposal in the world, she couldn’t have accepted. She’d kept her secrets buried for too long and had no intention of revealing them now.
Especially knowing he would no longer want her if he knew.
Janell carried her cup to the sink and stared out the window. The sun had risen without her noticing. The children would be up soon. Time to get their breakfast ready.
But she didn’t move.
Not until Alex came pitter-pattering in from the parlor a few minutes later, rubbing his eyes.
“Is the storm over?” he asked.
She gave him a smile that she hoped didn’t reflect any of the turmoil she felt. “It is.” She held a hand up to her ear. “Hear that dripping sound? The sun is up and the ice is already starting to melt.”
“Is breakfast going to be ready soon?”
She moved toward the pantry. “I’m getting to work on it right now. Why don’t you go get dressed and then get Chloe up so y’all can set the table?”
Grateful for something to occupy her mind, Janell went all out, cooking them a grand breakfast.
But even that wasn’t enough to stop her traitorous mind from screaming at her that she’d made the wrong decision.
* * *
Hank brought down the ax on the fallen limb with unnecessary but extremely satisfying force. Should he have waited a few more days before he proposed again? Had his impatience cost him his chance to win her heart forever?
They’d talked for a long time last night, the room lit only by the flames from the fireplace as they’d exchanged stories from their childhood. Hers had been a happy one. As he’d suspected, her family was well-to-do. Her father owned several fancy hotels and enjoyed pampering his wife and daughters. Whatever had alienated her from her family had happened later in life.
The talk had tapered off and Janell had finally drifted to sleep. She’d slumped toward him as she slept and he’d wrapped a supportive arm around her shoulders.
But as he’d held her, listening to her soft breathing, feeling her nestle against him so trustingly and inhaling the floral fragrance that was uniquely hers, something inside him shifted, warmed. He found himself wanting to cherish and protect her, to be able to hold her like this every night.
As soon as he realized where his mind was going, it had scared him badly. He wasn’t supposed to fall for the woman he married; he was just supposed to be able to work with her. He’d carefully released her and positioned her on the sofa. He’d covered her with a blanket and then fled to the kitchen. He’d built up a fire in the stove to chase the cold from the room, but it hadn’t chased the chill from his mind.
He’d tried to distract himself by making a pot of coffee but it hadn’t worked. It seemed his plan to romance her had backfired on him.
He told himself he wasn’t really in love. The feelings that had hit him with such force were due to nothing more than the atmosphere or her closeness.
A little time and distance would clear his head and give him the perspective he needed.
Then, as he sipped on the hot cup of coffee, he’d had a change in perspective.
Why was he treating this like such a catastrophe? The fact that he found her company pleasant wasn’t such a bad thing. After all, if they were to marry, they would be spending the rest of their lives together. Under the circumstances, getting along with her would make their partnership much easier.
And he’d picked up on a number of signs last night that she wasn’t indifferent to him, either. It looked as though everything was finally coming together.
He’d planned to wait at least a few more days before he proposed again, but when she’d walked into the kitchen, still shoeless and tousled from sleep, the words had left his mouth almost of their own accord.
How could he have so misread her?
He understood her refusing his first proposal. After all, she’d barely known him. But this time it was different. True, it had been just over a week since his return from Colorado, but he felt as if they’d developed a strong friendship that had nothing to do with time, but with mutual goals, mutual respect.
Well, he’d definitely got the message now. She wasn’t interested—her refusal had been immediate and firm.
It was time for him to move on and find someone who was open to accepting his offer.
And the sooner, the better.
* * *
Janell glanced out the window. Hank still hadn’t returned. Should she hold lunch for him? Or go ahead and feed the children?
Had her refusal of his proposal upset him so much that he was deliberately staying away? Or was it that there was so much cleanup work to be done that he hadn’t had time to take a break yet?
Maybe she should bundle up the kids and take a short walk outside to judge the extent of the damage for herself.
Before she could make up her mind, the door opened and Hank stepped inside. He stomped his feet a few times on the rug by the door to knock off most of the mud, then came the rest of the way into the kitchen.
“You look tired.”
His shrug was slightly hampered by the armload of firewood he carried. “It’s been a long morning.”
Without another word, he set some of the wood near the stove, then headed for the parlor, apparently to add more wood to the fireplace.
It seemed he had not yet forgiven her. How long would he keep her at a distance this way?
A few minutes later Hank returned to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee.
For a moment he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, weariness carved into every line of his face. He must have pushed himself quite hard. And she’d guess he hadn’t got much sleep last night.
A moment later his lids flew open and he was staring straight into her eyes. There was no emotion there. No affection, no contempt, no admiration—nothing.
It sent an uncomfortable shiver skittering across the back of her neck.
Janell turned back to the stove, more to get away from that gaze than because the food needed her attention. But she could still feel his eyes on her.
Finally, she couldn’t stand the silence any longer. “How bad was the damage to the church?” she asked.
“One of the windows is broken and there’s an area of the roof that’ll require patching, but we have everything covered against the weather for now.”
He took a sip from his cup. “I looked at the schoolhouse and there’s some large limbs scattered about the school yard, but no damage to the building itself that I could see.”
“That’s a relief.” Perhaps he didn’t hate her completely. “Is there any other major damage around town?” The question felt stilted, but she wanted to keep him talking to her.
“Reggie Barr’s carriage house has a bit of damage but her photography wagon is okay. And the roof over Mrs. Halverson’s back porch is down, but the house itself is okay. Otherwise, at least here in town, the majority of the work is going to be repairing fences and clearing the fallen limbs.”
Silence reigned for another few moments. Janell almost wished the children would join them, just so it would relieve some of the tension in the room.
Finally, he got up, set his cup in the basin and crossed his arms over his chest. “Have you made any progress with the names on my wife-candidate lis
t?”
So they were back to that. He certainly didn’t seem to be harboring any lingering feelings for her. “A little. But trying to be both discreet and thorough takes time.”
“Then perhaps we shouldn’t worry so much about discretion and just focus on thoroughness. Keeping secrets is a lost cause in this town anyway.”
Not true—so far she’d managed to keep hers. “If that’s your wish, then of course I’ll do what I can to speed things up.” He was right. The sooner he had a wife, the better, for both of them.
“I need to establish a normal household for Alex and Chloe as soon as possible. They’re already getting too used to having you around—it’ll be difficult for them when another woman takes your place.”
The words takes your place stabbed at her with a keenness that surprised her. She’d known that was what would happen; she had, in fact, encouraged it. So why did it hurt so much?
Then another thought drew her up short. Was that why he’d proposed to her this morning—because he didn’t want the children upset again? It was a noble reason, but he could’ve been more honest with her.
“As I said when we started down this road,” he continued in that same hard voice, “I want this matter of a wife settled by Christmas, if not sooner. If you don’t think you can accomplish that, I can always go back to my original plan and try to do it myself.”
“I promised you I’d handle it and I will. I’ll move forward with more vigor in the next few days.”
“Very well.” He pushed away from the counter. “It looks like lunch is ready. I’ll fetch the kids and get them to clean up and set the table.”
As he left the room, she slumped over the kitchen counter. How had things between them changed so abruptly—from the sweet companionship of yesterday to the cold distance of today?
She closed her eyes.
Please, dear Jesus, help me to get through this. I know I don’t deserve another chance at marriage, but I don’t want to lose this good man’s friendship and respect.
* * *
There’d been very little fallout from Janell’s unexpected overnight stay at Hank’s place. Mrs. Ortolon made a few sly comments when Janell returned to the boardinghouse late Sunday afternoon, but no one else did, at least not to her face.
It seemed she wasn’t the only one who’d been trapped away from home by the ice storm, and since the two kids had been in the house as well, most folks seemed to feel sympathy rather than be scandalized at her predicament.
To be on the safe side, though, she sent a note to the mayor, explaining what had happened and offering to meet with the council to answer any questions they might have for her. She wanted to make it clear she had nothing to hide, at least in this matter, and was willing to account for her actions.
By the time school was called to order Monday morning, there was very little trace of the ice storm remaining, other than some fallen limbs and trees that had yet to be cleared. It was cold, but well above freezing and all the ice had completely melted away.
Hank didn’t so much as stick his head inside her classroom when he dropped off Chloe and Alex. Was he deliberately avoiding her, or was he rushing off to the sawmill because the winter storm had generated some extra business?
It took a while to settle the children down—everyone was abuzz with stories about the ice storm.
After recess, when Verity showed up to conduct music class, Janell asked Mitch to take care of the students who were practicing for the play while she ran an errand.
She took advantage of that time to visit with Edith Lawrence, the next name on Hank’s wife list. Edith, who had just turned twenty, heard Janell out, then shook her head.
“I understand why Mr. Chandler wants a wife, ma’am, and I ain’t saying as he won’t make some woman a fine husband. But to be honest, when I get hitched I’d prefer it to be to someone closer to my own age.”
That took Janell aback. This was the first objection she’d heard to the man himself. “But, Edith, Mr. Chandler is far from old. In fact, he’s not yet thirty. And he has a lot to offer a wife—a home of his own, an established business, good standing in the community.”
“Exactly. He’s built his life just the way he wants it and is probably set in his ways. I want to marry someone who I can help build a life together with.”
She wanted a boy when she could have a man, a good man. Janell just didn’t understand. But Hank could definitely find someone better suited.
“Besides, after what happened the first time, well, one can’t help but wonder...”
Janell sat up straighter. “First time?”
“Yes, ma’am. The first time he tried to get married, I mean.” She traced a circle on the table with her finger. “It might be wrong of me to think this way, but I just got to wonder about why his fiancée ran off and left him that way, practically at the altar.”
Janell’s thoughts whirled as she tried to process what Edith had just told her.
Edith apparently noticed something in her expression because she launched into an explanation. “Oh, I forgot—it must have happened before you moved here. I was only about eleven or twelve at the time myself, but I could tell something big was going on. Mr. Chandler was engaged to Agnes Insley. They grew up together and everyone thought they were the perfect couple—it was quite romantic. Then, the day before the wedding, she ran off with another man.”
Janell’s stomach twisted and her heart stuttered painfully. Poor Hank. That must have been so terrible for him. How could a woman who supposedly loved him have done such a thing? Janell wanted to go find him and hug his hurts away.
Only she had no right to do so.
“It was all people talked about for weeks afterward,” Edith continued. “There were lots of rumors about what happened but I don’t reckon that anybody knows for sure. And Agnes and Barry have never returned to town in all that time. Like I said, it just makes me wonder if maybe there was a reason she changed her mind about marrying him.”
“Based on what I currently know of Mr. Chandler, I think it’s safe to say he did nothing to drive her away.”
Edith shrugged. “Well, I do wish you luck in helping him find a wife. I know those two little kids need a mama something fierce.”
Janell made it back to her classroom just as Verity wrapped up her lessons. She tried her best to focus on what she had to teach the rest of the afternoon, but her mind kept tugging Edith’s disclosure to the forefront.
Should she say anything to Hank when she saw him this evening—let him know that she knew? Or would he prefer to not have it dredged up again?
Of course, this information wasn’t really a secret. It seemed everyone who’d lived here at the time knew what had happened. And unlike her, he’d stuck around to face the gossip and the uncomfortable scrutiny. He’d probably consider her a coward for the way she had acted.
And he wouldn’t be wrong.
Chapter Twenty
Hank said a quick hello to Janell when he got home from the sawmill, then headed for the parlor, where he could hear the kids playing. He’d dug out his old checkerboard and checkers yesterday and given it to them. It was a game they could play together and one where being deaf was not a disadvantage. They’d played dozens of times since he’d pulled it out. He had to admit it was gratifying to have got this, at least, right.
They looked up when he entered the room and he discovered something else to be gratified by.
Alex greeted him with a big grin. As for Chloe, she wasn’t as enthusiastic as Alex, but she no longer seemed as belligerent or closed off. He considered that definite progress.
“Who’s winning?” he asked. At the same time he signed the question to Chloe. It wasn’t as graceful or quick as Janell would have done it, but he felt a sense of accomplishment in knowing he’d done it properly without referrin
g to the book.
He stayed with the kids, watching their games, occasionally testing both his and their signing skills and just getting them used to seeing him in a relaxed setting.
He would like to think it was all for the kids’ sake, but he knew that at least part of it was because, for his own peace of mind, he was avoiding being alone with Janell. Much as her refusal had frustrated him, he knew deep down that this was not her fault. She’d been nothing but generous in helping him and the kids. It wasn’t her fault she didn’t love him.
But he’d tried to make her feel it was.
He owed her an apology.
And putting it off wouldn’t make it any easier. Hank stood and left the children to their game. But before he could cross the room, Janell appeared in the doorway.
“Supper’s ready,” she announced.
The kids popped up to join him and the moment was lost.
Later, as they ate their meal, Hank could sense something was troubling Janell. Was it because he’d proposed to her again? Or because of the way he’d acted when she turned him down? Regardless, he had to put an end to this before the kids noticed something was amiss.
Hank had talked to Glenda about setting up a regular schedule between now and Christmas for her to watch the children while he walked Janell home. In return, he’d provide her family with a half cord of firewood.
So at six thirty Hank and Janell stepped out his front door, and he was secure in the knowledge that the kids were being looked out for.
Hank gathered his thoughts and his courage, then cleared his throat. “I believe I owe you an apology.”
Her head swung around and he saw the surprise in her eyes. But she didn’t say anything, just waited silently for him to continue.
“I didn’t react well when you refused my suit. In fact, I was an oaf, and if that caused you any distress, then I am most sincerely sorry.”
She nodded slowly. “Thank you.” Then she took a deep breath. “But perhaps I’m not totally blameless, either. It wasn’t my intent to mislead you, but if I did, then you have my apologies.”
The Holiday Courtship Page 17
