But Lucinda knew that Chance was the sort of man who would never back down from a fight. If she made him aware of Richard’s threats, he’d make it a point to confront him. Chance was a strong, physical man, but that would hardly keep him safe from a psycho with a loaded revolver!
“I know that you’re trying to seduce me,” she murmured.
A grin parted his lips and exposed the edge of his teeth. The sight reminded Lucinda of how it had felt to have them nipping and tugging at her nipples, how it had felt to have a knot of desire burning inside of her.
“I’m trying to do that and a whole lot more,” he said.
Drawing on every ounce of self-control she possessed, Lucinda brought her hands up against his chest and pushed him away. “I can’t do this, Chance. I told you—”
He grabbed her hand and jerked her back to him. “You’ve told me a lot of things! None of which are the truth.”
As she looked up at his grim face, everything inside Lucinda froze. “Like what?” she asked.
“Like you saying you didn’t want a relationship with me or any man.”
“That wasn’t a lie,” she shot back. “After what I’ve been through—” She stopped, horrified that she’d very nearly spilled the truth. “I don’t want a man telling me when I can take a step, or eat. Or breathe. Or sleep!”
The vehemence of her words shocked him. “You think I’d be like that!”
No, she didn’t really believe it. Chance would be a kind, passionate, loving man. She’d come to that realization some time ago. But it would be simpler to let him go on thinking otherwise.
“I don’t know. I don’t know you,” she lied, her eyes carefully avoiding his.
“Then stay here and get to know me!”
Her eyes swung desperately back to his face. “I can’t stay here and have an affair with you. Or whatever it is you want from me!”
Groaning with frustration, he shook his head. “You think I want you to have an affair? My God, Lucy, hasn’t anything I’ve done or said registered with you?”
She swallowed in an attempt to free her throat of the painful knot choking her breath and stinging her eyes. “You don’t understand, Chance. And I can’t begin to explain—”
“No. You don’t understand.” Folding his hands around hers, he tugged her warm body up against his. “I’m asking you to marry me, Lucy. I want you to stay here on the ranch with me. Be my wife and the mother of my children.”
She gasped softly as the impact of his words hit her. “Ma—marry you?”
His hands closed over her shoulders. “Lucy, I know you want to continue on with your career. And I know I’d be asking a lot of you to stay here, but—maybe you could ship your designs to sellers in the cities.”
“You want to marry me?” she repeated in an awed whisper.
“Why are you so surprised? I’ve been trying to tell you—show you how I felt.”
Dazed, Lucinda shook her head. “But after everything you told me about Jolene, I thought you never wanted to marry again.”
“A week ago I would have cursed a blue streak if someone had told me I’d marry again. But you’ve changed me, Lucy. You’ve changed everything.”
So had he, Lucinda thought desperately. A week ago, she’d had nothing on her mind but getting away from Richard’s threats and starting up her career on the West Coast. She was still plagued with Richard’s harassment, but everything else in her life had changed. For a short time, she’d seen what it was like to live within a family. She’d seen what it could be like to have a man really love her. Not possess her. As for her career, compared to her love for Chance, it was inconsequential.
“I—I’m glad that you feel differently now,” she said as a lead weight began to fill her heart. “You’re a wonderful man. You deserve to be happy.”
His eyes delved gently into hers. “If you want me to be happy all you have to do is say yes.”
With an anguished groan, she turned her back to him and bit down hard on her lip to keep from crying. “I—can’t do that. I can’t marry you, Chance.”
Chance closed his eyes and told himself to be calm and patient. “Why? You don’t want to be my wife? Are you afraid that if you become pregnant with my child, you’ll die like Jolene did?”
Sick that he should think such a thing, Lucinda whirled back around to face him. “No! I don’t think that at all!”
He shrugged. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I believed that very thing for years.”
“Well, I don’t! Jolene’s death was never your fault. I want you always to remember that.”
Groaning, Chance drew her to him, pressed his cheek against hers. For a moment, Lucinda gave in to the pleasure of touching him, of filling her head with the scent of him. Soon the memories of these moments would be all she had. It wasn’t fair. But then she’d learned years ago that life rarely was.
“I don’t understand then, Lucy. Why can’t you marry me?”
Why did he keep questioning her? she wondered miserably. Why was he going to force her to lie to him, to say something that would break her heart into a thousand tiny pieces?
Knowing she had no other choice, she pushed herself away from him and stared with burning eyes out the window. She’d been right when she’d told Chance that Santa never visited her, she thought. And obviously this year wouldn’t be any different.
“I can’t marry you, Chance, because I—I don’t love you.”
Chance felt as if someone had whacked him in the heart with an ax. He’d come to Lucy tonight eager to tell her how he felt about her and sharing the rest of his life with her. But now he was sick and angry for ever believing the two of them could have a future together as man and wife.
“Well, I—” A self-mocking laugh took over his words. “I didn’t lie when I said I wasn’t used to being around a woman. I guess I let my imagination run away with me. I thought last night was—it wasn’t an act.”
“It wasn’t an act!” she whispered fiercely as pain began to seep through every inch of her body.
“I thought your gift today meant more than just a thank-you,” he went on, his voice angry and accusing.
“It did mean more!” Dear God, he would never know how much more, she thought sickly. He would never know how much she wanted to fling herself in his arms, cry out how much she really adored him and how much she wanted to give him children, to love him for the rest of her life.
“If that’s true, then no amount of time would be enough to figure you out. I sure as hell don’t understand you, Lucy!”
Clenching her hands together to keep them from shaking out of control, she looked over her shoulder at him. “A woman can feel close to a man without loving him.”
A cold, stoic look hardened his features. “Well, you’ve certainly proved that to me, Lucy. Besides showing me what an ignorant fool I am!”
“Chance—”
Before she could say more, he turned and strode angrily toward the door. Lucinda hurried after him and managed to grab his arm before he turned the knob to open it.
“Chance, you’re not a fool!”
His head turned back to her and Lucinda suddenly realized she’d never really known what it was like to love someone until now. The pain she saw in his eyes was tearing into her, wounding her so deeply that she knew she would never heal.
“Then what am I, Lucy? What am I to you?”
She couldn’t stop the rain of tears that began to pour down her face. “A wonderful man,” she whispered hoarsely. “Always remember that.”
With a muffled oath, he jerked her to him and kissed her with desperate, furious passion. Then suddenly he was out the door and slamming it behind him.
Lucinda fell against it, sobbing and shaking and wondering how she would ever survive to see tomorrow.
*
The next morning after breakfast, Lucinda went down to the horse stables to fetch Caesar. No matter what Chance thought of her now, she still wanted the kitten he’d given her.
Once she’d settled the animal into a cardboard box that he could travel comfortably in, she loaded it onto the front seat of her car, then went back into the house for her suitcases.
Her movements were stiff and automatic, her eyes dry and achy as Dee and Sarah Jane followed her outside to the waiting car.
“Lucy, this is crazy!” Dee exclaimed as Lucinda pushed the cases into the small back seat. “You’d already planned to stay for Christmas.”
Lucinda slammed the door shut, then turned to face her friends. “I thought about that, Dee, and I’ve decided that it will be better if I leave now. Christmas is a time for family and I don’t want to intrude on yours.”
Looking around, Dee was relieved to see Chance approaching the three of them. “Thank God, you’ve shown up! Tell her not to leave, Chance. Tell Lucy that she is a part of this family.”
He glanced at Lucinda and the look in his eyes dared her to admit to his mother why she was really leaving. If the whole thing hadn’t been so horrendous, Lucinda could have laughed. Neither Chance nor Dee, would ever know the real reason she was leaving. They would never know how much she loved them all, how much she was willing to sacrifice, everything she’d ever wanted or dreamed of having in life, just so they would remain safe. And it was the right thing to do. That was the only thing holding Lucinda together now.
“Lucy knows what’s best for her, Mother. And we have to respect that.”
Dee stared incredulously at her son while Sarah Jane went to Lucinda and put her arms around her. “Lucy, we all love you and want you to be with us to celebrate. And to help us cook,” she added jokingly.
“That’s right,” Dee spoke up. “Turkey and dressing. Pheasant and pumpkin pies. Lord, we’ll never get it all done if you don’t stay and help.”
A quivering smile touched Lucinda’s lips. “I’m betting you will. And I’ll think about you. All of you,” she added, her eyes going to Chance, “on Christmas Day.”
His expression remained as stiff as it had been when she’d first looked at him this morning over the breakfast table. Unable to bear it any longer, Lucinda turned and climbed into the car.
“Goodbye now. And thank you for everything.”
“Write to us,” Dee called as the car engine sprang to life. “We’ll send you pictures of the wedding.”
Lucinda nodded and waved, then pressed down hard on the accelerator. She couldn’t let them see that she was breaking apart.
It’s all for the best, Lucy, she fiercely told herself as she guided the car away from the D Bar D. Once she left Texas behind, Chance and his family would be safe. And maybe, if she was lucky, she could dodge Richard long enough to make it across New Mexico. She’d take it one state at a time until she made it to California.
Once she got there, Lucinda was going to carefully change her looks and try to lose herself in the masses of San Diego. But then what? What was she going to do? How was she ever going to forget Chance and the love he’d offered her?
By the time she reached the end of the lane, Lucinda’s eyes were so blurred with tears she was forced to pull to the side of the road and stop. With her forehead resting against the steering wheel, she sobbed so violently that her shoulders shook, tears drenched her face and soaked into the neck of her sweater.
She was so lost in her misery that she didn’t hear another car pull up beside her, or the click of the driver’s door as it swung open.
“Lucinda, this is all wrong. You sitting here crying, wasn’t what I had planned, at all.”
Icy fear shot through Lucinda as her head whipped around and she looked straight into the face of her darkest nightmares.
“Richard!”
A snarl on his face, he grabbed her arm and began jerking her out of the car. “It’s high time you learned where you belong, little woman.”
*
Chance had hoped that once Lucinda drove out of sight he could put her from his mind. But it wasn’t working that way. He’d never felt so empty and lost in his life and the sad looks on the faces of his mother and sister weren’t helping at all.
“I can’t understand it,” Dee said as she piled dirty dishes into the sink. “I was sure Lucy was enjoying herself here on the ranch. Then suddenly this morning she up and says she has to go.”
Chance took a bite of a blueberry muffin, but it lodged in his throat like a wad of cotton. Cursing, he threw the rest of it into the trash and went to pour himself a cup of coffee. The hired hands were waiting on him down at the barn. They were going to have to doctor that damn bull again today, but at the moment Chance couldn’t bring himself to go back outside and behave as though nothing were wrong.
Lucinda’s leaving was all wrong. And he’d never be normal again.
“I feel like I’ve lost my sister,” Sarah Jane said glumly as she plopped down at the breakfast counter. “Do you think she’ll write to us?”
“I think so,” Dee answered. “She’ll surely want to know how the clothes for your honeymoon turned out. By the way,” she added, “Lucy left the fabric and everything in a box in your room.”
“I’ll take it to Margie after Christmas,” she told her mother, then with a thoughtful frown, she asked, “I wonder if Lucy remembered to take her flowers with her?”
Dee began to scrub the dirty breakfast plates. “I don’t know. But her getting those flowers out of the blue like that still seems a bit odd to me.”
There were a lot of things that seemed odd to Chance, he thought, as he carried his coffee over to the plate glass door and stared absently down at the barns.
Lucinda had said she didn’t love him, but the look on her face and the tears in her eyes had spoken just the opposite. She’d said she hadn’t been acting that night they’d come close to making love. She’d admitted the spurs were more than just a thank-you. What had she really been trying to say to him? That she loved him but was just afraid to admit it? But why? he wondered as frustration clawed at his insides. Why should she be afraid to love him? She’d said he was a wonderful man. To always remember that.
Suddenly, like the flashing frames of a movie, Chance’s mind was filled with scenes of Lucinda. Her first night here and how frantic and desperate she’d been to get back on the road, the terror on her face when she’d first seen Troy and his patrol car. She was afraid of policemen, she’d told him. Because Richard had been a policeman. When Chance broke all that down, he realized she’d simply been saying she was afraid of her ex-fiancé.
“Damn!”
Dee turned around to see Chance slamming his coffee cup down on the dining table. “Where are you going?” she asked as he started out of the kitchen.
Ignoring his mother’s question, Chance hurried to Lucinda’s bedroom. He found it neat and everything in its place. She hadn’t left a thing behind that might give him a hint as to where she was headed. Even the Christmas bouquet he’d seen last night on her dresser was gone now. Or was it?
Jerking up the small wastebasket beside the bed, he found the red flowers shredded to tiny bits. Even the little stuffed bear had been torn into several pieces and tossed in with the rest as though it were all nasty garbage.
This wasn’t like Lucinda at all. She was a woman who loved beauty in any sort of form. She wouldn’t deliberately destroy a gift. No, this was an act of helpless desperation.
“Mother! Mother!”
Hearing the urgency in her son’s voice, Dee raced down the hallway and met her son coming out of Lucinda’s bedroom. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Did anything strange or different happen to Lucinda yesterday? Or last night?”
Not sure how her son’s mind was working, Dee looked at him blankly. “Something strange? What do you mean? Why?”
He let out an impatient breath and took his mother gently by the shoulders. “Did she get a letter, or a phone call? Anything?”
“She got flowers. But you knew that,” she said, then her brows puckered together as something else registered. “Now that you mention
it, she did get a phone call right before supper. She said it was a friend from Chicago.”
“Did she say anything else? Please, Mother, think! It’s important!”
“Well, all that I remember is that she was pretty shaken after she’d hung up the phone. She said something about it being bad news but that everything was going to be all right.”
“That’s it!”
Spinning away from his mother, Chance jogged toward the front door. “Call Troy and tell him to head toward the ranch. If he sees Lucy along the way, stop her!”
Stunned, Dee stared at him. “Stop her? But Chance—”
“Just do it! I’ll explain later,” he shouted, already halfway down the steps.
Right now he had to find Lucinda, he thought desperately, as he raced toward his truck. He had to find her before she drove into danger. Before Chance lost her forever!
Chapter Twelve
The moment Richard attempted to shove Lucinda into his car, she went at him kicking and clawing for all she was worth. Cursing a stream of threats at her, he wrenched her arm behind her back and bent her head towards the open door.
Knowing she’d never escape if he got her inside the vehicle, Lucinda called on every bit of strength she had in her and slammed her knee into his groin.
The unexpected pain caused his grip to loosen just enough for Lucinda to wrench herself away from him. Her breaths coming fast and labored, she raced down the muddy graveled road in the direction of the ranch.
Before she had traveled twenty yards, Richard caught up to her and tripped her from behind. She fell face forward, her hands and belly grinding into the rocks and mud and gravel.
When Chance drove up on the scene, Richard was jerking her up by the arm and a handful of hair at the back of her head.
Wild with fear, he stomped on the brakes, sending the pickup into a sideways skid. It had barely come to a stop in the middle of the road before he jumped out and ran toward Lucinda and her attacker.
“Let go of her, you bastard!”
With a death grip on Lucinda’s arm, the crazed man reached into his coat and drew out a revolver.
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