Josiah didn’t see her as a true partner and helpmate. And he never would.
Neither had her ex-fiancé.
Would she ever find a man who truly wanted to spend his life with her? A man who saw the person she was deep inside and loved her? Would she ever experience that kind of love, sharing a bond with another that went soul deep? As strong and lasting as the one connecting her mother and father?
It seemed she’d searched for it forever. Had run after it, only to find what she’d been chasing was nothing more than an illusion that had led her off course.
What if it simply wasn’t meant to be? Perhaps, it was time to stop searching. Time to let go of her impossible dream.
Sensible or not, her heart rebelled at the thought.
Chapter Eleven
“It doesn’t look like she’s learned who the boss is yet.”
Josiah pulled his eyes away from Mattie and skewered his brother with a glare. “What?” Belatedly, he noted the other man’s gaze was focused on Josiah’s mount, not his wife. “Oh, you mean the horse.”
The mare jerked her head up, attempting to pull the leather reins from his gloved hand. Almost as if she’d understood their words and wanted to show she was in charge.
He tugged on the reins to bring her head back down. “It will take a bit more conditioning before she accepts she’s not the one calling the shots.” Reining her in as she pranced to the side, he narrowly avoided a collision with Elias and the unhitched team of oxen he led. “The trick is not to break her spirit, only gentle her.”
He’d been working with all his horses, rotating which ones he rode each day. But this little piebald had a stubborn streak that brought a certain woman to mind.
Turning his gaze back to Mattie, he found she’d finished unhitching her oxen and now prodded them in this direction, toward the designated grazing area for the noon stop.
He was more than happy to do that job for her, as he’d told her several times over the past few days since their wedding. But she hadn’t backed down from her stubborn insistence on handling it herself, and always completed the task before he could get his horses settled and return to the covered wagon.
As she neared him, he swung his leg over the saddle to dismount. The horse sidestepped away from him unexpectedly. He lost his balance and dropped like a stone, instead of the controlled descent he’d intended. His right foot hit the ground hard, taking the brunt of his weight, and his ankle rolled. Pain lanced through it.
Grabbing the saddle horn to maintain his balance while on one foot, he tightened his hand on the reins and held the mare in place. “Whoa, easy,” he murmured when she tried to shift away, clearly displeased at him using her as a prop.
He glanced over the horse’s back, thankful to discover that neither Mattie nor Elias was paying him any mind just now, as both were occupied staking their respective oxen.
But they wouldn’t be kept busy for long. Best to assess the damage while he still had a few moments without an audience.
He put weight on his right leg to test it and immediately regretted the action. A hiss of pain slipped past his lips.
Elias straightened and turned toward him. Had he heard Josiah? Clamping his mouth closed, he blanked his expression.
The other man didn’t appear to notice anything amiss. “Hurry up and unsaddle your horse. Rebecca will have dinner ready soon, and we don’t have time to dawdle. Miles keeps a tight schedule.”
“You and Mattie go ahead without me. I’ll be there in a minute.” Josiah stood motionless, silently urging them on their way. But they didn’t move. “What are you waiting for?”
“I was just about to ask you that,” Elias returned, rounding the back end of Josiah’s horse.
Mattie’s eyebrows furrowed. “Is something wrong?”
He sighed, knowing neither would budge until he answered their questions. “I turned my ankle. But it’s no big deal.”
Elias gave him an once-over, taking in his one-legged stance. “If it’s no big deal, let me see you walk on it.”
Mattie moved to the mare’s head and took charge of the reins.
Left with no choice, Josiah released the leather and obeyed Elias’s order. He took a step with his good foot then another much quicker one with his other to keep his full weight off the injured ankle as much as possible. Normal step, quick step, normal step, quick step, he strode along and hoped his brother wouldn’t notice his uneven gate. “See, I’m fine.”
“Except for the grimace twisting your face and the fact that you’re limping around like a lamed horse.” Elias stepped forward and placed an arm around Josiah’s waist. “Come on, lean on me, and I’ll help you over to the wagon.”
“Wait. I need to tend to my horse first.” He made a move away from the other man.
Elias tightened his grip, but that didn’t deter Josiah.
At the same time, Mattie stepped toward him. At least she was willing to cooperate.
But instead of handing over the reins as he’d anticipated, she put her palm against his shirtfront, halting him in his tracks. “I’ll take care of the horse. You go with your brother. And do what he says.” She lowered her arm and led his mount away.
It rankled that he’d been ganged up on. “I could have seen to the horse myself,” he grumbled as he stretched an arm across his brother’s shoulders.
“And crippled yourself worse, no doubt.” Elias maneuvered them in the direction of the campsite, where Rebecca and Adela were preparing the noon meal.
Rebecca glanced up and saw them coming. Her eyes widened in surprise, and she quickly jumped into action, clearing off the top of a wooden crate. “Sit him down here,” she instructed.
Elias ducked out from beneath Josiah’s arm, but maintained a grip on his elbow to steady him. Hopping on one foot, Josiah positioned himself with his back to the seat, then braced his hand on the edge of the crate and dropped down onto the wooden surface.
Concern shone in Rebecca’s gaze. “What happened?”
Elias related the incident as he squatted in front of Josiah. “Let’s have a look and see what kind of damage you did.”
Josiah opened his mouth to protest it wasn’t necessary.
But his brother’s stern expression forestalled him. “If we don’t get this boot off before your foot starts to swell, I’ll be forced to cut it off.”
“You’d cut off his foot?” Adela gasped in horror.
“The boot,” Josiah explained. “Elias meant he’d have to cut off my boot.” He turned his attention back to his brother. “I’d rather you didn’t do that. I don’t have a spare pair.” Raising his leg, he presented his foot. “Have at it.”
Elias took a firm grip on the boot heel, then flashed a look of compassion at Josiah. “Sorry, but this is likely to hurt.”
“Just do it.” Gritting his teeth, he bit back a groan when the boot was tugged free.
As the other man probed and prodded, Josiah curled his hands into fists. Sweat popped out on his forehead, and he swallowed a gasp of pain.
Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Mattie’s arrival. But he didn’t glance fully at her. She’d already distracted him once today, and that was quite enough. He needed all his concentration to keep from visibly reacting to the torture his brother was inflicting on him.
“It doesn’t seem to be broken, but you have a bad sprain,” Elias pronounced. Finished with the examination, he lowered Josiah’s foot to the ground. “You’ll need to stay off it as much as possible until it heals. I’ll wrap a bandage around it to restrict movement and provide support for the weakened joint.” He stood up and headed to his wagon for the necessary supplies.
Staring down at his swelling ankle, Josiah berated himself for his stupidity. He knew better than to let his mind wander when he was working with a green-broke ho
rse. That moment of distraction would cost him dearly. How was he supposed to do all the things that needed doing with this bum leg?
He glanced up and found Mattie watching him, sympathy shadowing her eyes as if she’d read his thoughts. She moved past him and lifted the cover from the water barrel, then filled a dipper.
Returning to his side, she extended it toward him. “Have a drink.”
“My leg’s not broke. If I want a drink of water, I’ll get it myself.” He pushed the dipper away.
It slipped from her fingers and tumbled to the ground, sending water flying in all directions.
An expression of fear flashed across her face. While it was quickly masked, he knew he hadn’t imagined it, though he wished he could explain it away so easily.
What nightmares tormented her that his feisty Mattie would react in such a way to his momentary fit of temper? She had stood toe-to-toe with him during their previous disagreements, unafraid to challenge him.
But now she’d retreated several paces. “I’m sorry. I was only trying to help.”
His guts twisted at the knowledge that he’d made her feel even an instant of fear. “Please, don’t apologize, Mattie. I’m the one who’s sorry.” A sorry excuse for a man.
He tried to push himself up and go to her, but his injury hindered his efforts. Subsiding, he reached out his hand to her, instead.
She straightened her shoulders and placed her fingers in his without hesitation, as if the past few moments had never happened. But they were etched into his mind and not easily erased.
He drew her forward and guided her down to sit on his good leg so their faces were on the same level. Though she held herself stiffly, she met his gaze without flinching.
He prayed she would see the sincerity in his eyes. “I’m sorry I took my frustrations out on you. It was wrong of me, and I humbly beg your forgiveness.”
“Why?”
“Why should you forgive me?” He shook his head. “I don’t know. I certainly don’t deserve it. My behavior was uncalled-for and inexcusable.”
“No, I didn’t mean that. Why did you react that way over a dipper of water?”
His arm curved around her back as he rested his hand on his knee, next to her hip. “I was angry with myself and feeling a fool for making a mistake like a greenhorn his first day on the trail.”
She cocked her head to the side and pursed her lips. “I don’t recall any greenhorns in this group falling off their horses.”
He grinned at her sass, glad to see her back in fighting form. “Well, at least I didn’t knock myself on my rear, firing a rifle for the first time. I seem to recollect that happening to a certain greenhorn. Now, who was that again?”
“If you want her to forgive you, you’re going about it all wrong,” Elias butted into the conversation. “Apologies work better when they don’t involve digs against the person you’re apologizing to. You’ve already got one foot in your mouth, but I’m sure you could get the other to fit, too. I’d let you try, only I need to wrap your ankle first.” He hunkered down next to Josiah’s right side.
Mattie had relaxed into his loose hold, but she sprang off his lap at Elias’s last comment.
Josiah grabbed her hand before she could escape completely. “I was just teasing her,” he explained to his brother. “She can’t stay cross at me when I do that.” Waggling his eyebrows at Mattie, he tugged playfully on her fingers. “Isn’t that right?”
She shifted, giving Elias space to work, but didn’t pull her hand away. “Just because it worked before doesn’t mean it will work again now.”
“I stand corrected.”
“No, you sit corrected. Which is why I forgive you for roaring like a lion with a thorn in his paw. Now, let me go help Rebecca and Adela.” She wiggled her fingers, reminding him that he still held them in his grasp.
He didn’t want to let her go. And that simple fact had him hastily releasing her hand. Glancing past her, he spotted Rebecca giving them an indulgent look and Adela wearing a sappy expression on her face.
His own face heated at the realization that he’d been so focused on flirting with Mattie he’d forgotten the other two females present. They had clearly been an avid audience to the little scene he’d just preformed. He lowered his eyes to the ground.
Mattie drew his gaze as she bent to retrieve the dipper. Cleaning the dirt from it, she hooked the handle over the rim of the water barrel.
His mouth felt parched, and the muddy patches at his feet seemed to mock him. But he wouldn’t ask her to bring him another dipper of water after he’d behaved like a fractious child over her offering before. Going thirsty seemed a fitting punishment.
Though he wasn’t used to sitting still and doing nothing, surprisingly, the inactivity didn’t bother him. He watched Mattie helping Rebecca and Adela with preparations for the noon meal, her movements graceful and assured. He much preferred to see her working at domestic tasks rather than taking on a man’s job. Not that she couldn’t do it. But she shouldn’t have to.
She was a fascinating bundle of contradictions. Raised in an affluent household with servants, she’d still somehow managed to learn the skills necessary to tend her own mount.
Brave and daring most of the time. And yet he’d frightened her with a small, thoughtless action.
A rare and precious jewel, more fragile than he’d realized, she had facets he was only just discovering.
* * *
Mattie could feel Josiah’s eyes on her, tracking her every move.
What must he think of her? She had reacted to him as if he was a vicious blackguard when he’d done nothing to warrant such a strong response.
Glimpsing temper sparking in his eyes and his hand coming up, she’d flashed back to another time. The present had receded, and she was once again in a dark formal parlor, face-to-face with her ex-fiancé. His open palm swinging toward her face, a large ruby ring glinting on his third finger.
In the next moment, the image had vanished. She was back on the sun-washed prairie amid covered wagons. And feeling absurd for her overreaction.
She wasn’t ordinarily one to cringe and cower. Certainly not from a man whose honor and decency she trusted as completely as Josiah’s.
It was small comfort that it had been an involuntary reaction to flinch away from him. Remnants of the past bleeding into her present.
She’d left that life behind, but still it seemed to color her every thought and interaction with Josiah, no matter how unconsciously. All on the basis of another man’s misdeeds.
Although she had finally discovered that Josiah did have a flaw, it was far from what she’d suspected during their first few weeks on the trail.
He lacked patience with his own weaknesses and made no allowances for himself, though he was always forgiving the shortcomings of everyone else.
The knowledge didn’t diminish her opinion of him. If anything, it made her respect him more for the way he showed such consideration for his fellow man. Herself included.
She was reminded of how he’d rushed to offer an apology to her after his surliness. His strong arm had wrapped around her back, not letting her go until he’d made amends for the small fright he had unintentionally caused.
Within his embrace, she’d felt safe and protected. Comforted by his closeness and the steady beat of his heart, in those fleeting moments when she had leaned against his chest.
She didn’t want to think about why it was a bad idea for her to allow herself to feel such things around him. The thought lingered in the back of her mind as she worked, that he had the power to affect her.
The noon meal was a hurried affair, and once everything was packed back into the wagons, it was time to hitch up the oxen, then continue on the trail.
Elias indicated his intention to head to the grazing area and collect
his animals.
Mattie planned to be right behind him, but the sight of Josiah reaching for his boot diverted her. “What do you think you’re doing?” she queried.
He glanced up at her, one eyebrow raised. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m putting my boot back on, so I can saddle a horse.”
“Oh, no, you’re not.” She made a grab for his boot.
But he guessed her aim and moved it out of her reach. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She stepped back, refusing to be drawn into a childish game of keep-away. “Well, for one thing, you shouldn’t walk on that foot. And for another, you definitely can’t ride with it.”
“Oh, no? Just watch me.”
Crossing her arms, she proceeded to do exactly that.
He attempted to pull the boot past his swollen, bandaged ankle and grimaced with the effort.
“Having a little trouble?” she questioned sweetly.
A glare was her answer.
She waited. He’d have to give up eventually. Even she could see that he wouldn’t be able to force his foot back into the boot. It wasn’t going to fit, no matter how hard he tried. And he did try. For a solid five minutes. She gave him full marks for persistence.
Finally, he growled in frustration and dropped the boot to the ground.
By this point, Elias had returned with both sets of oxen, and Mattie moved her team into position in front of her covered wagon, while Elias did the same with his. Then he returned to help his brother climb onto the bench seat of Mattie’s wagon.
Josiah immediately balked. “Thanks, but no, thanks. I’ll ride one of my horses.”
Mattie opened her mouth to protest.
But Elias was quicker. “Those green-broke horses are high-strung and unpredictable. You try to ride one of them, and you’ll make your injury worse. Is that what you want?”
Mattie pressed her lips together, her gaze shifting back and forth between the two men. It seemed prudent to let the doctor handle his brother. Elias was bigger than her and able to move Josiah bodily, if necessary.
Wed on the Wagon Train Page 14
