Exiting the covered wagon, Mattie found that others had been awakened, too, and now milled around the dying campfires. She didn’t stop to speak to any of them as she moved toward the Dawsons’ wagon.
A lantern burned inside, illuminating the canvas covering, but she could see nothing of what was going on within. It was left to her imagination to supply the details. Not one of the mental pictures brought her ease.
She wished for Josiah’s presence. Though he could be of no practical help in the situation, he would have calmed some of her fears simply by being near. But he had a job to do.
As did she.
Walking to the end of the covered wagon, she didn’t hesitate before she climbed inside.
Elias glanced over his shoulder at her entrance. “It’s time. Come and sit by Rebecca’s head and hold her hand.”
Mattie did as he’d bidden. Rebecca’s grip was painful, but Mattie didn’t protest.
It seemed as though there was a lot of blood. Mattie had no way of knowing if that was out of the ordinary, and she didn’t want to bring it to Rebecca’s attention by asking Elias about it.
The doctor was steady and strong as he worked to deliver the baby, remaining solid as a rock for his wife in her time of need. But as the minutes passed, his expression became more and more grim.
It worried Mattie. There was nothing she could do but pray.
Finally, the child arrived, screaming a protest against being ripped from a warm, dark little cocoon to be unceremoniously thrust into this cold and glaring new world.
“Here, take the baby,” Elias demanded, practically shoving the infant into Mattie’s arms once he’d cut the cord. “Take it outside and clean it up.” His use of the impersonal pronoun made it evident that he hadn’t even taken a moment to determine whether he had a son or a daughter.
That, more than anything else, spelled out just how dire the situation had become.
Sparing a quick glance at the child, Mattie bent to whisper in her friend’s ear. “You have a beautiful baby girl, Rebecca.”
The other woman smiled weakly at the words, but her small show of joy quickly faded.
With one last look back, Mattie exited the wagon and lowered the canvas flap on the scene inside.
Rebecca had looked frighteningly pale and listless. And she hadn’t made any attempt to stop Mattie from taking her baby from her. Those were not encouraging signs.
A few women approached with happy expressions on their faces, but their good spirits slipped away as they realized all was not well.
Without being asked, the preacher’s wife volunteered to get water to wash the child while Edith Baker went to retrieve some milk to quiet the babe’s cries. Mattie gratefully accepted their aid.
As the baby girl was cleaned and fed, Ruth Carpenter, the wagon master’s wife, tentatively suggested that someone should return to Rebecca’s side to assist the doctor. But Mattie believed it best not to interrupt unless Elias called for them to come. And the others accepted her judgment.
Once the child was swaddled in a cotton blanket, everybody except Mattie dispersed to give the Dawsons some space. But the other women were only steps away if their presence should again be required.
Mattie watched as the newborn drifted off to sleep, clearly tuckered out from her recent activities. With one finger, Mattie gently caressed the delicate skin on the infant’s cheek.
Though tiny, she was perfect, with ten fingers and ten toes. And no visible indications of any health issues brought on by her early arrival.
Shifting her gaze, Mattie focused her attention back toward the wagon where the baby had been born. What was going on inside? Surely, if Elias needed another pair of hands, or anything else, he would have called out.
But all was eerily silent.
Though she wanted to believe everything would turn out all right, she had a sinking feeling in her stomach. Turning her eyes to the heavens, she sent a prayer to the Lord that He would heal and restore Rebecca, delivering her from pain.
The other woman had a brand-new daughter depending on her. An innocent babe who needed her mama.
* * *
Josiah returned from guard duty in the dark hours just before dawn and found Mattie pacing outside, with a newborn clenched in her arms. Though she wore her father’s oversize coat, her white nightgown was visible beneath it.
Something was obviously not right. Her dishabille, as well as the expression on her face, told him that much.
Lantern light revealed deep lines of strain marring the skin between her eyebrows, and her mouth turned down at the corners.
When she spotted his approach, she rushed to his side. Shifting the baby to one arm, she wrapped the other about his waist and burrowed her face against him, her hand gripping the back of his shirt.
His arms automatically closed around her, returning the hug. “What’s wrong?”
She kept her head tucked beneath his chin as she answered. “I don’t know for sure. But after the baby came, Elias sent me away while he saw to Rebecca. And he hasn’t come out yet. It’s been too long. I feel something terrible has happened.”
He tried to move back so he could look at her, but she refused to loosen her hold. “You haven’t checked on them?”
Her cheek rubbed against the front of his shirt when she shook her head. “I couldn’t. I was too afraid to face it. As long as I don’t go in there, the possibility remains that Rebecca’s just fine.”
Josiah shifted his gaze to his brother’s child, who slept serenely, unaware of the conversation’s significance. “I’ll go.”
Once Mattie released him, he walked to the covered wagon. Hoisting himself onto the tailgate, he hoped for the best—but braced for the worst—as he pushed aside the canvas material.
Elias turned toward him, his face devoid of emotion. “She’s gone.”
It felt as if a stone was sitting on Josiah’s chest and his throat closed up, making it difficult to breathe. He mourned for a life ended too soon. For the loss of a woman he’d come to love like a sister.
And his heart wept for what his brother was going through. Elias had been all alone when his wife passed.
Josiah felt immense guilt over that. He had failed his brother. After years on the receiving end of the older man’s unwavering support, Josiah hadn’t been present when Elias needed him the most.
I should have been here, Lord, he silently cried out.
But he was here now. Moving to his brother’s side, he put an arm around the older man’s shoulders.
Elias sat stiff and unyielding, refusing to accept the comfort offered. Staring blankly at his wife.
Rebecca’s lowered lashes formed dark crescents against her pale cheeks. One might have mistaken her stillness for slumber if not for the blood staining the white fabric of her nightgown.
Josiah noticed rust-colored streaks on his brother’s clothing, as well.
Elias’s hand fisted against his thigh. “It wasn’t meant to be this way. Maybe if I had done something differently, I could have... She wasn’t supposed to give her own life for her child’s.”
Josiah gave his brother’s shoulder a consoling squeeze. “You did everything you could.”
“It wasn’t enough!” Elias shrugged off Josiah’s hold and slumped in defeat. “It wasn’t enough,” he repeated in a softer tone.
Josiah wished there was something he could do to ease his brother’s suffering. It wasn’t in his power, but it was in the Lord’s. “Let’s pray.”
Bowing his head, Josiah asked for strength and guidance to accept His ways, though they couldn’t understand them now. For the Lord to watch over the ones who had been left behind. To comfort them and give solace for their loss.
“We know Rebecca’s in a better place now, Lord—she’s with You. And we’ll see her a
gain one day, when You call each of us home. Bless us, Lord, and keep us safe. Amen.” He raised his head and discovered that Elias hadn’t joined in.
Instead, the other man remained focused on his wife’s body. Had he heard a word Josiah spoke? Judging from his demeanor, it didn’t seem as though he had.
Josiah wanted to lighten his brother’s burden in some way, but so far Elias had blocked him at every turn. He wouldn’t give up, however.
His mind shifted to practical matters, and he placed a hand on Elias’s back to gain his attention. “I’ll get some of the woman to attend to Rebecca.”
“No. I’ll do it myself.” He didn’t glance in Josiah’s direction.
“All right.” Arrangements had to be made. “I’ll speak to the preacher.”
Elias didn’t acknowledge the statement.
“Don’t worry about the baby. Mattie’s looking after the little mite.” Josiah realized he didn’t know if the child was a boy or girl.
Elias’s closed expression didn’t invite inquiry. And mention of the newborn hadn’t roused any visible emotion in him.
Josiah was at a loss as to how he could help his brother. Perhaps the other man simply needed a bit of time alone.
Leaving the wagon, Josiah looked toward Mattie. Tears streamed unchecked down her face. He opened his arms to her, and she flew into his embrace.
* * *
Gut-wrenching sobs shook Mattie’s slight frame as Josiah rubbed her back. “You heard.”
Too choked up to speak, she simply nodded.
She’d tried not to cry. But the door she kept her emotions locked behind had been breached. One thing after another had piled up against the barrier until it was too much for her to withstand. She’d lost too much already. And her grief, too powerful to be contained, had burst through.
These were the first tears she’d allowed to fall since her father’s death, and now that the floodgates had been opened she couldn’t seem to stop the surge.
Josiah gathered her close and rocked her in his arms, with the sleeping baby nestled securely between them. His low tone was a soothing whisper in Mattie’s ear. “Rebecca’s with the Lord now. Her pain is gone. She’s at peace.”
When there were no more tears left, she pulled away from Josiah and wiped the traces of moisture from her face. Straightening her spine, she drew her mantle of control back around herself. “I’m sorry I fell apart like that. It won’t happen again,” she assured him.
“You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s not weakness to admit when you’re hurting or in need of help. There are others more than willing to lend a hand, to prop you up when you falter. If you’ll only let them.”
She recognized that he was talking about himself, first and foremost. He had never forsaken her, through all the ups and downs of their unconventional association.
But she couldn’t become used to leaning on Josiah. He wouldn’t always be around. Only until the end of their journey.
* * *
The preacher began the funeral service for Rebecca at the side of the trail, just as dawn was breaking in the east. The rising sun seemed a fitting tribute to a woman who had brought joy to countless others during her short time on earth.
Sunrise usually filled Mattie with a sense of renewed optimism. But on this morning, though the sun cast a radiant light over the gathering and painted the sky above in stunning shades of orange and pink, her mood was dark and despairing.
Clinging to her elbow, Adela sniffled softly and pressed a handkerchief to her tearstained face.
Josiah’s arm encircled Mattie’s waist, and she stiffened. He didn’t draw back. Remembering his earlier words, she relaxed her stance and leaned into him for support. Just this once.
She held Rebecca’s daughter cradled against her, taking comfort from the infant’s warm weight. Looking down into the baby’s sweet face, pain filled Mattie’s heart at the thought that this little girl would never know her mama and would grow up without Rebecca’s loving care. It had been snatched away from her while she was too young to comprehend the magnitude of the loss.
But it was not for Mattie to question why a young mother was taken from her child and family.
She glanced up at Josiah and saw moisture shimmering in his blue eyes. Scanning the small crowd, she noticed there were only a handful of dry eyes. Surprisingly, one set belonged to Elias. He wore a stoic expression on his face. But though he didn’t show any outward signs, he must feel deeply bereft. How could he not? The woman he loved was gone.
Brushing a tear from her cheek, Mattie focused on the preacher’s words.
“Find joy in whatever time we have together on this earth. However long or short a time that may be given to each of us. Whether counted in days, weeks or years—all time is precious. We cannot predict when we might be separated in body.
“But though we mourn the loss of Rebecca’s physical presence, she is with us still. ‘For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’ John 3:16.”
It amazed Mattie anew, the ways of the Lord. How He could deliver the exact message she needed to hear to strengthen her. Reminding her that she should focus on His blessings, and not on what was gone.
The preacher offered a final prayer, ending with, “We ask that You protect us, Lord, and lead us on the path of righteousness as we continue to journey west to our new lives. Amen.”
“Amen,” Mattie echoed along with the rest of the group.
After offering their condolences, the others trickled away until only Mattie and Josiah remained by Elias’s side. The baby had been handed temporarily into Adela’s keeping.
Several minutes passed in silence.
Finally, Josiah put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “It’s time to go.”
Everyone else was already back at the covered wagons preparing for their continued exodus. The Dawsons had no choice but to do the same.
Despite the recent tragedy, they couldn’t stop to grieve. The group had to get back under way. To push on and keep moving forward. As they had with the other passings, which had come before.
God willing, there would be no more.
A short time later, Miles Carpenter gave the order to move out. Mattie looked back at the fresh mound of turned dirt on the hillside and the lone wooden cross silhouetted against the vast and endless blue skies.
“Goodbye, my friend. Until we meet again, I’ll keep watch over your daughter.” Her whispered words were carried away on the wind.
But Mattie knew Rebecca heard them, and smiled.
Chapter Sixteen
“I need to speak with you, Josiah.”
He released the horse’s hoof and patted the animal as he straightened to face his wife. “Sure. What’s on your mind?”
Mattie was frowning. “A small wooden chest appeared in my wagon this afternoon. A chest filled with baby things Rebecca stitched. And I’m guessing Elias was the one who delivered it.”
Uncertain where she was heading, he gave a noncommittal response. “That’s a fair assumption.”
Reaching up, she whisked an errant lock of hair off her face. “I didn’t mind taking charge of the baby for a few days. But I hadn’t expected it to become a permanent arrangement.”
“It’s just for a little while.”
“So, you knew about this?” Her frown deepened.
“Yes. Elias thought it best that a woman continue to care for the newborn for the time being. But if you don’t want to do it, I’m sure we can find someone else who’s willing. Perhaps Tessa Linton.”
She propped a fist on her hip. “It’s not a matter of wanting to or not. Elias is her father, and he’s choosing to ignore her.”
“He’s in a bad place right now.
”
Crossing her arms, she narrowed her eyes. “And that makes it acceptable for him to shunt his child aside?”
“Of course not. But he’s not himself, and I’m willing to make allowances when he lost his wife less than a week ago. Please, try to understand.”
She abandoned her militant stance and confusion took the place of anger on her face. “But why wouldn’t he wish to have the baby near? Shouldn’t she be a comfort to him during this time?”
In all honesty, Josiah was worried about his brother’s behavior—toward the baby and everyone else. Except for the few words Elias had uttered in the covered wagon after Rebecca’s passing, he’d been close-mouthed about his feelings and had kept his emotions hidden, bottling them inside.
“Everyone deals with grief in their own way.” And who was Josiah to tell his brother the proper way to do it?
God alone knew how Josiah would react if he were in the other man’s shoes. Though Josiah had also lost the woman he’d loved, it hadn’t been to death. She simply hadn’t wanted to be with him, had never truly been his. But his pain was tempered by the knowledge that she was alive and well.
And if it had been Mattie—no, he refused to even think along those lines. Though he didn’t love her, he wouldn’t tempt fate by playing a morbid game of what-if.
And it wasn’t a fair comparison in any case. Elias and Rebecca had been devoted to each other, while Josiah’s marriage to Mattie was nothing more than a temporary arrangement.
“Elias needs our patience and forbearance. Can I count on you to look after his daughter until he’s himself again?”
“Of course. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
“Thank you. I want to make this situation as undemanding on him as possible, but I can’t do it alone.”
“You’re a good brother.”
“He would do the same for me. I was truly blessed the day he reentered my life. It was just after my mother died, and I thought I had no family left who was willing to acknowledge me. Then Elias appeared, the older brother my mother had told me stories about, but whom I’d never known.”
Wed on the Wagon Train Page 19
