by MK Harkins
Our bodies are touching; I can feel his warmth through our clothes. Jeremy has both of his hands on my face as our kiss becomes deeper, almost desperate. He grasps my hair tie, pulls it free, and starts to run his hands through my hair. His warm, moist lips move to kiss the base of my neck as he inhales deeply. I move closer—I can’t get close enough. Everywhere he touches me, I feels as if my skin is going to burst into flames. I have never been kissed like this.
I hear him groan as he runs his hands down my back. I don’t want this to stop, but I need it to. I break away suddenly. We are both out of breath. I see Jeremy shaking his head. He asks, “What the hell just happened?”
I answer, “I think we lost a little bit of control.”
He seems shocked. “A little bit, Mattie? No, that wasn’t a little—for me that’s huge. I am so sorry. I really did intend to watch the movie—only watch the movie. I don’t want you to think I invited you over for anything else. Have I offended you?”
I smile as I lean back into Jeremy and say, “I’ll only be offended if you don’t kiss me again!”
He shakes his head while moving away from me. “I don’t think I can. Next time, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.” “Let’s get the popcorn and put on the movie.”
This makes me giggle. I like the fact that he doesn’t have control with me. I ask, “Not one? Not even a good-night kiss?” Now I’m teasing him, and he knows it.
“Yes, we can, but only with you in your car, safely belted in.”
I say, “That works for me!
I help Jeremy finish up with the sandwiches and pack them away for tomorrow. We make some popcorn and settle onto his comfortable sofa to watch the movie.
The good-night kiss doesn’t go as planned. We start out right: I am safely seat belted into my car with the window open. Jeremy leans in for his two-second kiss.
I didn’t know if it would happen again, but it does. His lips are so soft and warm. As soon as they touch mine, I can’t help the sound of delight that comes from me. I hear a low moan that comes from deep inside Jeremy’s throat. His hand reaches around, and he holds on to the back of my neck, pressing our lips closer. After a minute, I feel the seat belt clasp releasing next to me. Jeremy has his hands under my arms, and he lifts me out of the car through the window, barely breaking the kiss. He’s holding me, pressing me back into my car. I can feel every inch of his body as he draws me closer. The door handle digs into my back, but I don’t care. I feel him deepen the kiss even more. The sensation of his touch sends electricity sparking through my body. I put my arms around him and sigh into his mouth. This feels so good. I know it’s getting out of control again, so I need to stop it. I know of one guaranteed way to do it.
I pull back; Jeremy is reluctant to let me go. I don’t want to let him go either, but he needs to know something. “Jeremy.”
He groans. “I know, I know. Mattie, you’re going to have to stop me. I can’t seem to do it.”
I laugh softly. “I want to tell you something.”
I can tell he’s trying to concentrate. “Yes, what is it?”
“I’m a virgin.”
That stops him in his tracks. He takes a step back. I can tell he’s trying to figure out if I’m kidding or not. “How can that be?” he asks.
I have to laugh again. “Well, Jeremy, I’ve just said no to those who’ve asked. It’s pretty simple, really.”
He looks confused. “What have you been waiting for?”
I think about my answer for a moment. I say, “I think I’ve been waiting for you.”
Jeremy
I’m losing control; I can feel it slipping away. I’ve tried to hide my control issues from the women I’ve dated, but Mattie figured it out right after she walked through my door. My house reflects my life—clean and orderly. Ever since I was a child, I’ve needed everything to be in its place, including relationships. I know this is something I need to work on. This feeling, though, of being in total control and then having absolutely none, is unsettling.
I look over at Mattie watching her favorite movie, Pride and Prejudice. She has a faraway look on her face, and she’s smiling. I haven’t been paying very much attention to the movie; I’ve been too consumed with the kiss we shared earlier. My body is burning for her. I want to touch her so much, it’s taking everything in me to stay on the other side of the sofa. I ask myself again, What is happening to me?
Mattie looks over. “Do you want some popcorn?” I’ve been caught staring at her, again. I wonder what she’s thinking.
“No, I’m good.” I don’t trust myself to get any closer to her.
She smiles back at me and asks, “So, do you like the movie?”
I’m not sure how to answer this question; I think I’ve listened to about two sentences so far. I say, “Yeah, it’s great.” I’m telling the truth; I do think it’s great—I just haven’t seen much of it. She looks happy as she continues to watch.
I have a plan in place to make sure I don’t get carried away again. I’m not going to touch Mattie until she’s safely in her car. I have her securely belted in, her window open. I look down at her beautiful blue eyes sparkling with mischief. She’s waiting for her kiss!
I repeat to myself, Make it quick, make it quick. I really don’t want her to get the wrong impression of me. I have such strong feelings for her, much more than physical.
I lean down and plan to press my lips lightly on hers. I do, but as soon as our lips touch, Mattie lets out a sound. It’s between a moan and a sigh. That sound does something to me. I need more. Before I know what I’m doing, I have my hand around the back of her neck, deepening the kiss. Her tongue reaches out tentatively and touches mine, just slightly, but it could have been a jolt of electricity by the way my body reacts.
Forget reason. Forget control. I unbuckle her seat belt and lift her effortlessly out of her car. Right now, all I need is to feel her body against mine.
I have her up against her car in the most all-consuming kiss of my life. I know I need to stop, but I can’t. She’s going to need to do it, because there is no way I am going to be able to end this.
Mattie takes a step back. I reach for her—I don’t want to stop! Shit! I’ve done it again. I’m giving myself a mental lashing, and I realize that she’s talking to me.
I lose focus for a minute before I hear the words “I’m a virgin.” She did not just say that. How could this be? I ask her bluntly and she laughs, telling me something to the effect of just saying no. I want to know why—what was she waiting for?
Her next answer erases any doubt about my feelings for her. She replies, “I think I was waiting for you.”
I watch as Mattie’s car disappears around the bend in the road. I am feeling a mixture of desire and frustration. I think this may be a long wait.
I walk into the house and head toward the shower. I’m going to need it cold again. Thinking of Mattie, I smile as the realization hits me. For the first time in my life, I don’t mind waiting. She’s worth it.
Chapter 6
February
Mattie
“Spa day! Wake up, Sarah!” Sarah groans as she pulls the covers over her head. “Why did you have to make it so early?”
I laugh. “It’s not early. It’s nine o’clock a.m., and our appointments are at ten. We have a full day of pampering. Let’s get started!”
I called last week and booked the Circle of Beauty package at the Sedona New Day Spa. We’ll be treated to an ultra-moisturizing body wrap, a hydrating collagen facial, a manicure and pedicure, and the Sedona Secret Garden treatment. It will be five hours of bliss.
I decide that jumping on Sarah’s bed for a few minutes, followed by a steaming cup of coffee, is the perfect way to get her going. She laughs at my antics and finally rolls out of bed.
We make it to our appointment right on time. We enter the beautifully appointed facility and give our names to the impeccably coiffed girl working at the front desk. The perks of working at a spa!
/> As we wait for our first treatment, the body wrap, I look over at Sarah. She still looks a little tense to me; I hope she enjoys today and is able to relax. I ask, “So, how is work going?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “I guess okay. I think they’re happy with my work so far. I haven’t had any complaints.”
I smile back at her. “I knew they’d love you. How could they help it?” She smiles. There it is, finally. Sarah has such a beautiful smile. I knew this day would be good for her.
I lean over and give her a hug. “It’s good to see you happy.”
She shakes her head. “Everyone can’t be like you.” I look at her, surprised. She continues, “It’s just that you always seem to be happy, even if things are going wrong. I’m a little more realistic with my moods.”
Oh. Well, I guess I need to tone it down a bit. “I hope I’m not annoying you.”
Sarah looks at me, pauses, and says, “Of course not. You’re my best friend. Being around you does help me. You won’t let me stay in a bad mood for too long. We’ve always complemented each other that way.” That’s good. I was worried for a moment. Sarah’s moods can be dark sometimes. I don’t mind, though—we’ve been through a lot together. We’ll always be there for each other.
We separate for our individual treatments. Yes, I think I’ve gone to heaven. I don’t know how Sarah feels, but I’m loving this.
When we meet in the garden room for our manicure and pedicure, I ask, “How did your treatments go?”
“Wonderful,” she replies. It’s just the answer I hoped for. I relax as the nail technician starts on my toes.
Sarah looks over at me. “So, you haven’t been talking about Jeremy. Does that mean you’ve come to your senses?” Oh no, I do not want to have this conversation now. The reason I haven’t mentioned Jeremy to Sarah is that the topic seems to stress her out. This day is all about relaxing and enjoying ourselves.
I answer, “Let’s not talk about that right now. Can we just agree to disagree for now?”
Sarah straightens up. “What do you mean? Oh my God, Mattie! When you stopped talking about him, I assumed you dumped him. Have you gone out with him again?”
I take a deep breath. We had four hours to relax. Hour number five is not looking too good. “Yes.”
I see her shaking her head. I can tell she’s trying to calm herself. I have to stop this before it becomes a big issue. “Sarah, I know you’re upset because you care about me. I feel protective about you too. I’ll be careful, I promise. Please don’t worry so much about me.”
Sarah answers, “This isn’t going to end well—you know that, right?”
I feel my stomach drop. No, I’m not going to let her influence me. I reply, “How about we just enjoy the rest of our day?”
Sarah looks frustrated. “You usually listen to my advice. Why aren’t you this time?”
I consider her question. “I’ve never felt this way, Sarah. It’s hard to explain. I’m feeling things with Jeremy that I’ve never experienced before. I think I might be in love with him.”
I know my answer might make things worse, but I want her to know because she’s my best friend.
Sarah leans back, putting her hands over her face. “Jeremy is not the man for you. I know you like to try to fix things, especially people. You can’t fix a cheater. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You are letting things go too far. Mattie, you need to break things off now.”
I’m upset. “How do you know that Jeremy is a cheater? Office gossip? So, are you telling me that I should base my future on what someone says, not what I know? I’m not going to end this relationship because of a rumor.”
She looks at me with concern. “I wanted to warn you before it’s too late.”
I know deep down what my answer will be. “It’s already too late, Sarah.”
Chapter 7
February
Jeremy
We plan our next date at the new water park that opened last month. Big Water Sun Splash is one of Mattie’s biggest clients, so she really wants to go check it out. This is the perfect opportunity for her to meet my sister, Kaye, and my two nephews. Kaye and I are extremely close, and I’m really looking forward to introducing her to Mattie. Unfortunately, our parents are traveling around Europe, so I’ll have to wait on introductions until they get home in a few months.
We enter the water park and look around. This place is huge, and very crowded. It looks like Mattie’s ad campaign is a whopping success.
Just as I’m starting to think that I’ll never find my sister, she appears with my two nephews—Justin, age eight, and Jordan, age eleven—in tow. They are beyond excited. They each grab one of my arms and try to drag me to the big slide.
“Hold up a minute, guys! I can’t go until I introduce you to Mattie.”
They look over at Mattie and shout, “Hi!” then turn to me and say, “Can we go now?” It looks like we’ll need to do the proper introductions after a few trips down the slide.
Mattie laughs and says, “Go on! Have fun. We’ll see you later.”
I turn to my sister. “Kaye, this is Mattie. Mattie, Kaye.”
I have enough time to shout, “Sorry!” as I’m being dragged away.
Mattie
As we enter the water park, I immediately start searching for Jeremy’s sister. It’s our fourth date, and I’m already meeting his family—well, part of his family. The weird thing is, it feels like a natural progression because our relationship has moved so quickly in such a short time. If we aren’t on an actual date, we’re talking on the phone, emailing, or texting.
I scan the crowd for a woman with two children. I know she has to be a knockout, with a brother like Jeremy. I see two young boys making a dash toward Jeremy. They’re yelling, “Jeremy, Jeremy, let’s go on the big slide!” He is laughing, trying to stop them from dragging him away. He tries to introduce me to them, but I don’t get much more than a quick “Hi!” before they try to pull him away again.
Jeremy was right: these boys are going to love it here. He turns to a short, plump Asian woman and introduces us quickly: “Kaye, this is Mattie. Mattie, Kaye.” Wait, did he say Kaye? He apologizes quickly as he’s being dragged off.
Kaye looks at me. “He didn’t tell you, did he?” I’m so embarrassed; I must have been staring at her.
I shake my head. “I was expecting a girl version of Jeremy.”
She laughs hard. “Oh, Mattie! This must be such a shock! I can’t believe he didn’t tell you. I honestly think he forgets sometimes that we’re adopted.”
This is news. “You’re both adopted?”
She nods. “Jeremy left us alone, so I’m assuming he’s okay with my filling you in. He knows how much I like to talk.”
“I’m all ears!” I reply.
She takes me by the arm, and we go sit at a table in the shade. She looks serious. “Mattie, I want you to know that I’ve never seen Jeremy so happy. He can’t stop talking about you.”
I love hearing this. I nod and say, “We’ve become close really fast. The chemistry between us feels so natural.”
She smiles. “That’s good to hear. I really love Jeremy. I feel very protective of him.” I sense that she’s sending me a message: don’t hurt my brother. She looks a little older than Jeremy; I’m guessing she’s around thirty-three. She’s probably been looking out for him their entire lives.
I wait anxiously, eager to hear more. “Our parents adopted us when I was ten and Jeremy was five.” That surprises me. Jeremy was five when he was adopted? Whom did he spend his first years of life with?
She can see the questioning look on my face. “Jeremy’s mom gave him up for adoption because she couldn’t provide for him. His father was never named on his birth certificate. She was trying to raise him alone. They were homeless most of Jeremy’s life before he was adopted.”
I feel tears stinging my eyes. Oh, Jeremy. This explains so much. All the pieces are coming together. He needs control and order because his life
was out of control for so long. He gives back to the homeless because he knows what it feels like.
I form a picture of a five-year-old Jeremy. I can’t even imagine how hard it would have been for his mom to give up her beautiful little boy. It must have broken her heart. I ask, “Whatever happened to his mom?”
Kaye looks sad. “She died when Jeremy was six. Apparently, she was crossing the street and was hit by a car. They didn’t stop.” Oh no. It was horrible losing my parents in a car accident at seventeen; it must have been even worse for Jeremy to have this type of loss as a young boy.
“Jeremy hasn’t told me any of this. Do you think he’ll mind that I know?”
She shakes her head. “Not at all. He was much younger than I was when he was adopted. He has very few memories of his childhood. Surprisingly, he doesn’t have much emotional baggage from what he went through. Well, except for the fact that he’s a clean freak. You know about that, right?”
I laugh. “Yep. I’ve seen the evidence for myself!”
Kaye looks thoughtful for a moment. “There’s more. It isn’t anything terrible, but I do think you should know.” I nod my head in encouragement. “Jeremy is very focused. He dives into everything he does with incredible determination.” That sounds like a good quality to me. “I don’t think Jeremy’s had a long-term relationship before because of his dedication to his career.” She studies me. “He works too hard. He spends countless hours at work. Are you going to be okay with that?”
My answer comes quickly: “No!”
She laughs. “Perfect.” She continues, “This is the last thing, I promise. I really don’t believe that Jeremy has any significant abandonment issues, but he does tend to hold on to things and not let go. When he falls in love, I worry that he might become too attached.”
I look at her; I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to give her the impression that I would encourage any unhealthy behaviors. But the thought of Jeremy being too attached to me is making me smile. Oops, Kaye’s caught me. She smiles back at me. “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem with you, is it?” My face flushes as I shake my head no.
