Entering Dad and Leanna’s house always made me laugh. I couldn’t remember my father ever being very “fatherly.” He was a great dad, but from the time I was old enough to talk, it had always felt more like he was my best friend than anything else. He certainly never reminded me of the dads my best friends had growing up.
Our home had been a calm and orderly place. Rather than dolls or dress-up, we played puzzle games and did things like repair his old boat. While he was crazy about me, kids in general had never really been Dad’s cup of tea. The fact that he was now surrounded by them every second of every day and loved it was proof of how funny life can be.
“Silva.” He greeted me with a smile as I stepped inside. They all sat around the table eating breakfast. He held little Davy in his lap while the toddler gnawed on a piece of bread. “Come and join us.”
“I don’t need anything to eat, but I’ll come and sit with you guys until you’re done. Here.” I extended my arms to Davy and he reached toward me with his spare hand—his other was still occupied by the large piece of bread he was holding. “I’ll hold Davy so you can finish eating.”
To Davy more than any of the other children, my dad would always be his. Leanna’s first husband had passed away only weeks into her pregnancy with Davy, and Leanna and my Dad met when the child was only two months old.
Leanna, while undoubtedly in a state of constant exhaustion, hid it insanely well. She always managed to look effortlessly perfect. It was the only thing about her that made it difficult for me to like her. If I’d pushed out seven children by the age of thirty-four, especially in this century, I was quite certain that my tits would be down to my knees and every hair on my head would be as gray as the sky on a rainy day in Scotland.
“Did ye and Olivia manage to pack all yer things away?”
“We did.” I could see no sense in delaying the inevitable. “Leanna, when you get a chance, do you think the two of us could have a chat?”
Dad, seemingly sensing the importance in my voice, quickly stood and began rounding up the other children.
“Gavin, gather your and Madie’s food. I’ll get Saundra’s and Davy’s. It’s a warm enough morning. Let’s go and enjoy it in the grass out back.”
Eager for any excuse to be outdoors, the children quickly scattered, and Dad winked at me as the group exited.
“Ye have made me anxious, Silva. What is it?”
I stood and moved two chairs closer to her. “It is about Olivia.”
“Olivia? Is she in trouble? Ye know, I havena seen her since Thursday. The lass flits around here and there like a firefly. She is restless. She needs to settle down—’twould settle her soul a bit.”
Or crush it, I thought. Olivia was far too young to do any such thing. She knew too little about the world—too little about herself to attach herself to any place, or person.
“Leanna, I know I am not Olivia’s mother, but that is the last thing she needs. I’m leaving here now that Griffith is taking over my duties. I plan to settle on The Isle of Eight Lairds. Olivia wishes to come with me, and I really think you should let her go.”
Leanna looked horrified. “Why would ye leave here? Yer family is here. Yer da, me, the children. And why would ye ever think Olivia should leave here? Ye must know I wouldna allow it.”
“I can’t stay here. Since Ross passed away, I can’t seem to catch my breath here. There are too many memories, too many reminders of him everywhere.”
She lifted one brow and I knew precisely what she was thinking, although she said nothing. She, too, had lost a husband. She, too, still lived in the home they’d made together. She, too, had memories of him haunting her every corner.
“I could stay here like you, Leanna, but I don’t want to, and that’s my choice to make. And why, precisely, would you not allow Olivia to leave here if she wishes it? Olivia is smart and adventurous. She needs to figure out who she is in the world away from here. In this village, everyone will always see her as a child.”
“She is not a child. By the time I was her age, I’d been married for eight years and birthed three bairns. God rest little Rabbie’s soul.”
“Exactly, Leanna. Olivia is not a child. The decision shouldn’t be yours to make. If your own life had turned out differently, if you’d had the opportunity to leave here and explore other places for a while, wouldn’t you have taken it?”
She stared at me for a long moment and slowly, I began to hope. Something in her eyes seemed to be shifting. Leanna’s life had been filled with few choices, and I could see that she could see sense in allowing her daughter to have more than she ever did.
“O’course I would have. Ye must know ‘tisna customary. Until Olivia is wed, she should be here in our home. The only thing that makes it acceptable for ye to live alone is that ye are already a widow.”
I had to strain to keep from rolling my eyes. Customary anything could shove it.
“I know. Does that mean you’ll allow her to come with me?”
She sighed and rested her chin in the palm of her hand as she leaned into the table. “Aye, but, Silva, ye are taking all responsibility for her, do ye understand? If anything should happen to her, it shall be ye I will blame for it.”
That seemed rather harsh to me. She had to know better than anyone that Olivia pretty much always did exactly as she pleased, but I knew if I said anything of the sort that Leanna would revoke her permission.
“I understand. Everything will be fine.”
“It better be. Olivia is everything I never got to be. I couldna ever go on without her.”
“We’ve never been more than a few miles apart from one another. I’m going to miss you more than I can say.”
Full-on blubbering, Dad pulled me into a giant, bone-crushing hug as my own tears wet the front of his shirt.
“I know. But you—”
He interrupted me before I could finish. “Of course I understand. There’s nothing for you here. Though I do wish you would consider going back home. Now that you know of Cagair, you could still come back and visit.”
I started to speak, but he held up a hand to stop me.
“I know what you promised him, but sweetheart, he’s gone. And to me—and I know I’m just your defensive old man—the fact that he never told you about Cagair makes his request null and void.”
Every time I thought about Ross’ lie, my insides turned cold and my stomach flipped over. It made Ross feel like a stranger to me.
Clinging to him for support, I continued to cry into his chest.
“I’m so angry with him, Dad. Angry for lying, and mostly angry that he brought me here only to die so soon after. He upended my whole life. The cost was worth it to be with him, but without him, it all seems too high.”
Dad reached for my hand and gently spun the ring I still wore on my left ring finger.
“You’ve got to let him go. All this anger, all this hurt—leaving here will solve nothing for you unless you’ve placed all that in the past. However you need to do it, make peace with him before you leave. It’s time for you to say goodbye.”
I’d never been up to the top of the mountain that sat as the backdrop to Allen Territory. It was a pilgrimage many from the village often made, but it had always been a sacred place for Ross, and I’d never felt the need to intrude.
Now, however, it felt necessary that I make the trip. Something there had broken him. He’d been whole when he left me that morning, and by the time he returned from the mountain that night, he was already halfway gone. It was there—at the place where he began to leave me—that I would bid him one final farewell.
The trek was an easy one, the path well-worn from regular use. It wound and weaved its way up easily. The top of the mountain was beautiful.
A small river stream cut the flat top of the mountain in half. The grass was abundantly green on either side and the water’s source lay within a wide-mouthed cave, all bubbling up from a circular well that must have gone all the way down to the base of
the mountain.
“Ross,” I said his name softly, falling to my knees beside the well. I often spoke out loud to him, but I knew he never heard me. Perhaps here, he would. “I’m so angry with you. Angry that you died, angry that you brought me here, angry that you made me make a promise based on a lie.” I was sobbing now, and for the first time in months, I didn’t try to stop the stream of tears. “And I’m angry that you were so powerful in life and so damned useless in death. How could a man that could travel through time, that could do just about anything with the flick of his wrist, not at least let me feel him? How could you be so powerful in life and not give me the least little sign in death that you are still around in some way?”
I don’t know what I expected. A big gust of wind, a voice, all I knew was that something deep inside me really did believe that here in this place so tangibly filled with magic, that something would happen.
Nothing did.
“Ross,” I was screaming at him now, my hands shaking as I pulled my wedding band from my finger. “If you’re here, I need you to show me. If not, I’m letting you go and with it any promises that we made.”
Still, there was nothing.
Blinded by grief, anger, and embarrassment at my own stupidity, I flung my ring into the well and watched helplessly as it sunk to God only knew where.
I sobbed for hours, until all of my tears ran dry.
By the time I rose from the ground at dusk, I was empty, but to my agony, I still felt no more free of him.
Chapter 8
The Isle of Eight Lairds
* * *
Covered in soil up to his elbows, Marcus worked the garden’s newest flowers into place. The once open-air garden was no longer controlled by Scotland’s often intemperate weather. He enjoyed taking full advantage of being able to find and plant whatever would be the most beautiful, only employing the use of magic when absolutely necessary. He enjoyed the satisfaction of seeing things bloom from hard work and care alone.
The sound of hooves and chatter stirred him from his work. Raudrich’s voice he recognized, but it surprised him to hear other voices with him. Had he brought guests back from Allen Territory?
Rinsing his arms in the small garden well, he stepped outside to greet whoever was coming. It was a short walk from the garden entrance to the stables. As Raudrich rode in front of the two horses behind him, Marcus called out to his friend.
“Did you pick up stragglers on your way home?”
He asked the question in jest, expecting to see two men ride up beside him. Instead, two ladies emerged—one of them he’d never seen before, but the other he would’ve recognized anywhere. It was the woman from the wedding—the stranger he dreamed about with shocking regularity.
The woman he’d been certain he would never see again.
Every muscle in his body tensed as he watched recognition wash over the woman’s face. She looked as surprised as he felt.
“Ach, ye could say that. This...” Raudrich paused for just a moment to gesture to the woman on his left, and Marcus prepared himself to hear her name for the first time. “...is Silva, the lass who took over my duties in Allen Territory. I just relieved her of said duties, and she has come to the castle to live with us for the time being. And this…”
Marcus knew it was unkind, but he was no longer listening to Raudrich’s introduction of the woman to his right. His mind spun with what Raudrich had just revealed to him. The woman he’d slept with the night of Laurel’s wedding was Silva—the widow Raudrich so often spoke of with reverence for the strength she showed through her grief?
He’d bedded a woman in mourning.
It made him feel rotten. Even though there was no way for him to know about the woman’s grief—not when they’d both agreed to cast their identities aside for the night—he still couldn’t help but feel like he’d somehow done something untoward to her. Taking advantage in a way he never would have done had he known.
“Marcus?” Raudrich’s concerned voice pulled him from his thoughts.
“Do ye wish to say hello to the lassies or just stare at them?”
He cleared his throat and recovered as best he could. “Of course I do. Welcome to you both.” He moved over to the woman on Raudrich’s right and reached for her hand so that he could kiss her knuckles.
“I’m so sorry. Can you tell me your name again?”
The girl—he didn’t imagine she was much older than Pinkie’s daughter— smiled as his lips brushed her fingers.
“Aye, I’m Olivia, but please call me Liv. Everyone does.”
Silva snorted, and it was the first time he’d heard her so much as breathe since she lay eyes on him.
“Everyone calls ye that now, do they?”
Marcus watched as Liv pulled her brows together in confusion and turned toward Silva’s voice.
“Well, I’d like them to, aye?”
Giving her fingers a gentle squeeze, he released his grip on her hand.
“Liv it is then. Welcome to the castle. It’s really not too bad once you get used to it.”
Hoping that his nerves wouldn’t get the best of him, he slowly walked toward Silva and reached for her hand. “It’s wonderful to see you again.” He paused, and with great intention, said her name for the first time. “Silva.”
He could hear Raudrich dismount behind him as his friend stated the obvious question. “Ye two know each other?”
There was a plea in Silva’s eyes that made his heart hurt. Silently, she begged him to say nothing, and it shocked him to think that she would ever believe he would speak of something so private so freely.
Giving her a nod so small that no one else would notice, he kissed her hand and let it drop back to her lap.
“She was at your wedding, remember? We met then.”
“We were both at the wedding.”
Ashamed that he had no recollection of the girl, Marcus faced Liv to apologize.
“Right you are. I thought you looked familiar, although I don’t think we had a chance to say hello to each other that night.”
“We dinna. ’Tis lovely to meet ye now though.”
“Agreed.”
He reached for Raudrich’s horse while the women dismounted.
“I can see the horses to the stables, if you want to see them settled, Raudrich?”
Raudrich walked over and placed a firm hand on his shoulder before speaking lowly in his ear. “Aye, thank ye. I’ll take them each to their own cabin and have Henry fetch them hot water for baths. Once the horses are settled, please round up everyone else in the castle. We must all discuss our new guests before dinner.”
Chapter 9
The walk from the front of the castle to the amazingly beautiful cabins in the back stretched on for an eternity. Every limb, toe, and finger trembled in response to the shock of seeing my one-night-only lover standing there waiting to greet us when we arrived. Whether Raudrich could sense how shaken I was, I couldn’t say, but Olivia was acutely aware of how pale I’d gone.
“Do ye need me to hold ye up, Silva? Ye look as if ye might fall down.”
Looping her arm through mine, she slowed me down a step so that the distance between Raudrich and us grew just a little.
“I feel as if I might. Just don’t ask me anything until we are safely inside, okay? I’ll explain what’s going on in a minute.”
When we arrived at the fourth cabin along a curved stone path of ten such cabins, Raudrich lifted the latch and held the door open for us so we could step inside.
“This one here shall be yers, Silva. There are candles all around so that when lit, the room is quite bright. One of us will come by each night to see them lit for ye. Henry shall be along shortly with hot water so ye may take a bath and rest. I’ll return shortly with yer trunks. I’ll set them outside so as not to disturb ye. If there is anything ye may need, please let one of us know. We eat at dusk in the main dining hall. Everyone will look forward to meeting you then.”
Giving me a gentle
smile, he faced Olivia. “Yer cabin is the one immediately to the right. They are twins of each other. Would ye like me to escort ye there?”
Olivia’s entire face lit with glee. “Ye mean I get my own cabin? I’ve never had so much as a trunk to meself before.”
Raudrich nodded, his smile wide. I could see he was pleased to make her so happy. “Aye, all yers. Henry is fetching water for ye as well.”
Olivia took one giant step toward him and threw her arms around his middle. “Thank ye. Thank ye. Thank ye. I shall never be able to thank ye enough.”
Laughing, Raudrich gently patted Olivia’s back with one of his giant hands. “There is no need to thank me, lass. We all only wish that ye enjoy yer time here. Do ye wish me to walk ye over?”
“No, thank ye. I’ll stay here with Silva for a moment.”
Giving us each a nod, he turned to leave, but paused in the doorway as he looked back over his shoulder. “Silva, lass, why did ye pretend to be Scottish with Marcus before? I thought ye wished to start over here.”
Letting out a shaky breath, I gripped the edge of the most decadent copper tub I’d ever seen as I lied through my teeth.
“Did I? I didn’t even realize. Sorry, it’s just a habit. I’ll try not to do it again.”
“’Tis not my concern how ye speak, lass. I only wanted to make sure that ye still wished to live honestly here. If ye doona, I can keep yer secret.”
“No. I’m ready to be me.” It was the only thing I was sure of.
“Verra well. I’ll see ye both in a while.”
Olivia waited all of three seconds after Raudrich was gone before ushering me over to the bed and gently pushing me so that I would sit on its edge.
“Breathe, Silva. Ye must breathe. I wouldna know what to do if ye fainted.”
“I’m not going to faint. I’m just rattled.”
“Why? I thought Marcus seemed…” She trailed off as she read my expression. “Ohhh…he’s the man from the wedding, aye?”
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