“Connecting with your dad after all this time will be good. You have a different viewpoint now and can go in open.” He smiles.
“I guess. What if we have nothing to discuss?”
“What have I told you about what ifs?”
I roll my eyes.
I take off between the flowers, creating my own path. No one has been here recently. Just flowers and dirt harmonizing. Just the sky and ground coming together to keep balance. The same way the moon and the sun flow to a cycle that is theirs.
As I walk, I envision my mom. She seems free and happy despite her departure. Love surrounds me as I remember her happy. Love surrounds me as I liberate her from my own judgments. I get her. I get her soul. Everyone deals differently.
“Come.” Max takes my hand.
A lodge that was invisible from our starting point appears.
“This is where we’re sleeping.”
It’s tiny. A small bed, lamp, and burner. All in the same room.
Comfort.
It’s the epitome of comfort. It’s the definition of intimate. It encompasses us.
We sit outside and watch the sun set and moon rise. She’s only half full tonight. A piece of her hiding. I’m convinced that the nights she hides a piece of her it is because the sun is caressing her depth. She isn’t willing to leave him behind to expose herself.
“You’re more than an affair,” Max whispers.
I stay silent.
“You’re more than a woman I loved.”
More silence. I swallow back emotions.
“You’re every cell I sought. You’re what the universe created for me. We come from the same place, and we will reunite again.”
Soulmates are those people that walk into our life and turn it upside down. They bring in the chaos to uncover our secrets, our truth. It’s a privilege to meet one, an honor to love one. Their memory lives with us, whether we saw them in a split second or loved a lifetime with them.
In the cool air of the Netherlands’ spring, amongst the wildflowers, we make love. My body trembles at his touch. Our eyes never lose contact as he enters me and we become one under the star soaked sky.
“Goodbye, Mond.”
“Goodbye, Zon.” His lips press against my neck. This is our last goodbye. An interminable goodbye in our souls, but a goodbye nonetheless. And I’m grateful, for many times in life we don’t get a last goodbye.
I leave for the airport lighter than when I first arrived in it years ago. A different person. No longer fleeing from the unknown. Now I’m seeking it.
I don’t know what will happen when I arrive in Tennessee. If I’ll stay there or not. I don’t have much of a plan, and I guess that hasn’t changed. My only plan is to see my dad. To have a family again. To be me again in a world that so easily can destroy us. It’s part of our human nature to allow the destruction.
I sit and wait for my boarding time. I think. I’m not sure what I’m feeling, but it’s odd. Amsterdam was my home for so long. Amsterdam was my refuge and my savior. The people here were so meaningful. Bale will come visit. He must. Max won’t.
For this moment in life, Max and I have reached our purpose to one another. We gave each other so much, but nothing compares to just connecting. When two souls who are meant to roam together find each other, the union is indescribable.
I never did know if Max was short for something else, or simply the name written on his birth certificate. He could’ve asked to go with me but we both know that wasn’t how it was supposed to go. My place was no longer with him. He set me free, and now it was my turn to allow him to be free.
More than anything he gave me courage. He gave me the courage I needed to stop hiding behind a glass of seduction and return to the person I was before trauma transformed me. Some people are meant to be with you forever, others are souls disguised as people that help you come back to yourself and return the light that was turned off for so long. He helped me remember who I was, the person hiding in the depths of me. He helped me remember what happiness was before I was stripped of it. But mostly, he taught me forgiveness, and that is something I will forever be grateful for.
Maybe he was a ghost in this phantom life that my mind conjured to lead me out of purgatory and find life again. If that alone was his purpose, what a magnificent purpose it was.
Sometimes the happily ever after isn’t finding the guy, but finding yourself instead. We must know who we are and love that person before we can be happy with another. I am my own happy ending. Hope is my happy ending.
I still think about him. A lot. I’m on a fast track to finish my career, with no trace of Max except the memories I carry with me and the photo I kept. Max and his blues eyes. I smile. Ironic how life works. We live and love. Then we move forward taking with us only the gifts the people who crossed our paths gave us.
I kept Max at a certain distance for a long time. Close but not dangerously so. I wasn’t fully me. Then again, I was more me with him than anyone else. I wasn’t even sure who I was. I’m still figuring out who I am, so I could only give so much.
It’s been two and a half years since I left Amsterdam. Two and a half years of more healing and even more confusion. Two and a half years of focusing on me.
Bale has visited me. He tries to come once or twice a year. He is still working in the Red Light District. My window is there and occupied. The drapes are still crimson. The girl dancing is no longer me. Max has remained a memory. Bale has tried to tell me about him, but I don’t want to hear it.
When I arrived in Tennessee, I saw my father for the first time in years. I kind of remembered what he looked like. I had seen his picture on his social media profile, but it’s never the same as seeing someone in person.
I was hesitant. He was unsure. It was awkward. I wanted to run and jump on a plane back to The Netherlands. I wanted to crawl into Max. I couldn’t. I no longer had a crutch.
It took some time to settle in. My dad insisted I stay in their guest room. I booked a hotel room. Eventually I got my own place.
His family is nice. We’ve gotten to a place throughout the years where we are like a family. Me with them. I have younger sisters. They’re funny. They’re the few people who can make me laugh. Maureen is nice, too. She has kind eyes. My dad and her remarried a couple of years after my dad moved to Tennessee. It was a short while after my mother killed herself. It was all so much to process.
Now, I’m finishing up my Masters in Mental Health Counseling and doing my internship at a local recovery center, Chasing Freedom. I never thought I’d get it done. I never thought I’d be at a place where I would be stable enough to help another. Yet here I am beginning another phase in my life. I’m still unsure how I found forgiveness, but I did. Somehow through my own practices of self-healing I fully forgave those that hurt me in the past. I released them. If I believed in luck, I’d say I was lucky in reaching this newfound life. I know how much work it took for me to get here. And how much pain.
“Sam,” I hear my supervisor call. I snap my head up.
“Yeah?”
“We have a new patient. Attempted suicide.”
My heart rate kicks a beat and then returns to its normal pace.
“What’s her name?” I ask as I grab a new folder and some paperwork.
“Mikayla Anderson.”
Some people judge victims saying they take the easy way out by killing themselves. What they are unaware of is the effect of living with your demons for far too long. I get a glimpse of the patient. She can’t be more than twenty-one years old. Her soul is marked like mine. Stained with the color of indifference.
I’m great at recognizing those that share that common thread with me. Luck had nothing to do with dealing this card, something greater did. This is my chance to be the light in someone else’s darkness.
Red Lights, Black Hearts is a story that bloomed spontaneously. I had not planned on writing this, but the ideas came popping in. Samantha is a secondary character in another book tha
t I am working on and her back-story always peaked my curiosity. I found myself questioning what her story was. When the ideas for this book kept coming up, I knew this was Samantha’s story.
Her story is unconventional. This is a romance between two souls that meet for a purpose in order to grow and learn. We have all had at least one person who has been that in our life. But mostly, this is a story about returning to your own self before that person got covered up with trauma and challenges. This is a story about life. Happy endings exist in all forms of the phrase, and finding the love you have for yourself is the happiest fairytale. Thank you for reading my story!
XOXO,
Fabiola
I want to thank all of my readers and the friends I have made throughout this journey. Without your support and encouragement, I am not sure this book would have seen the light of day. Thank you for taking the time to read my books and love my characters as much as I do. It’s not always easy handing off your babies to the world.
My lovely humans in my group, Fabiola’s Fab Reads, you all make this journey so much better. I love going in there and chatting with you all. You always put a smile on my face no matter what. We can talk from books to everyday conversations to deep topics. Your encouragement and love mean the world to me. I am forever grateful to you!
I have met so many fabulous people in this book world that have become more than just “colleagues,” they have become friends. Thank you to all of my author pals for always being there for me.
A special thanks to Ashley Erin for motivating me and making sure I keep moving forward in my writing. You always have something positive to share, and I appreciate it!
Christy and Rachel—my girls. Thank you! Thank you for making sure I didn’t quit when I wanted to. When momma Rachel says no, it means no. I listened. You ladies are always there at any time of the day. Beyond peers in this book world, we have formed a friendship. #soapythighsforlife
I have a great group of beta readers, and I cannot go without thanking them. Miriam, Joni, Alina, and Veronica thank you for taking the time to read and offer feedback. I appreciate it more than you know. You get the first peek at my books and that’s terrifying for an author.
Heidi—What can I say? Thank you for all your advice and guidance. For making sure I get out of my comfort zone and push my limits. You are amazing, and I’m so happy we connected!
Thank you Kari Ayasha for your beautiful designs. Always. I don’t know how you do it, but you have a way of creating the vision I have in my imagination. This cover is no different. You captured the story perfectly!
Thank you to Fran and Greta for being such great editors and taking the time to work with me. Sending a book off to the editors can be intimidating, but you ladies rock it! I truly value your feedback.
I can’t go without thanking Tami from Integrity Formatting for making sure the inside of my books look just as gorgeous as the outside. You always create internal masterpieces. Thank you!
Thank you to my family for supporting me and being understanding when I’m glued to my laptop for hours. It’s not always an easy road, but it helps knowing I have a support system at home, too.
Veronica, I know I already thanked you above, but I need to thank you for more than beta reading. You push me to write and publish my work even when I don’t want to. In all your mom ways of questioning me, you make sure I share what I write. I couldn’t ask for a better soul sister. I’m so glad we click (LOL).
Thank you to all the bloggers who are always there to support me and all other authors. This is a great community of people, and I love that we can all come together to share our love for reading. We have formed friendships throughout these last two years, and I’m so very grateful. Your hard work does not go unnoticed.
Last but not least, thank you to all who picked up this book for taking a chance on my writing. I love meeting new readers and connecting with other bookies. Please connect with me on my social media pages.
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I love hearing from my readers. You can email me directly at [email protected].
Fabiola Francisco is a contemporary romance author from South Florida. Writing as been a part of her life since she was a teenager. Even at that age, she dreamed of happy endings with emotional twists. She currently has six books released, her latest being Red Lights, Black Hearts.
Her passion for books and writing has inspired her to publish her own stories. She writes novels readers could relate to and grow with. She’s currently working on writing more stories that connect with readers on a deeper.
Fabiola also loves expressing herself through art and spending time in nature. In her spare time, she loves to cuddle with a good book and a glass of wine.
Perfectly Imperfect
Restoring Series
Restoring Us (Restoring Series, 1)
Resisting you (Restoring Series, 1.5)
Sweet on You Series
Sweet on Wilde
Whiskey Nights
Red Lights, Black Hearts
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Red Lights, Black Hearts Page 18
