by TJ Weeks
“There’s not much left inside of me
The memories have taken over
I took my biggest swing
I strike out leaving misery
Feeling the shattered glass surrounding me
Catching your reflection from our babies eyes As I held on so tight
You say goodbye
Walked away taking all the air I breathe I sit and scream
Fallen to my broken dreams
Consumed in these nightmares
That you left for me
There’s not much left to say
Your mind hard up
You wouldn’t listen anyway
The shattered glass has buried me There’s not much left inside of me The memories are far from over
But I learned not to swing
So I can’t strike out for misery
The shattered glass has entered me
As I see my reflection in our babies eyes as you’re leaving me Goodbye
Goodbye
You’ll always have your daddy’s eyes Goodbye
Dry those eyes
You’re leaving with mommy tonight As those eyes leave me behind
My world died tonight
Living life in daddy’s eyes” I broke the silence. Bo looked over at me. “I’m sorry bro, I know losing your kids was the hardest thing that has happened to you.”
I looked down for a moment and then back outside. “Yeah…I guess that’s what you get when you fight for your country and their freedom.”
“That’s not how it should be, brother. You have PTSD, but you’re not a danger to society.” He stated.
I looked back over. “It had nothing to do with my PTSD, it had to do with our shitty system and the fact that I couldn’t afford a lawyer to have the judge sign off on days that I got them. I figured the Attorney General paperwork and the paperwork from our divorce would have serviced, but I was wrong, so she was able to keep them from me as long as she wanted and keep me paying child support while she laid her ass around the house and just collected.”
“I’m sorry bro, I thought it was from your PTSD.” He responded. “It’s all good…I don’t talk about it much. It never changed anything and doesn’t matter now.” I looked back out the glass door and watched some more snow fall. “I’m headed to bed.”
“I’m right behind you.” Bo stated while staring out the glass as well.
STEVEN SMITH
STEVEN’S EYESdrifted open. He
couldn’t decide on if the view was reality or one of the horrid nightmares he had been having. He moved his eyes from side to side and decided it must be a dream. He closed his eyes and told himself to wake up. He quickly popped his eyes open again and scanned his view above. It was the same view as before.
Treetops covered the night sky. He could see a few stars when the branches blew against each other. The moon shined bright but he could barely see the any part of it with the tree coverage. He moved his eyes to the left and his peripherals could see a big log that laid within his arm’s reach; he moved his eyes to the right and he was able to catch a bit of movement in the bushes. It was then that he realized he couldn’t move his head but that it was propped up just enough to view his surroundings. He thought that it was strange that he could move his eyes but not his head and decided that something must be preventing his head from moving. He had to be able to see with
everything going on.
He could feel that it was cold, the wind blew into his eyes and made them open and shut quickly. He tried to raise his arm to free himself from whatever secured his head and knew that he was tensing the muscles to do what needed to be done to move, but his arms were not cooperating with his brain. He tried other parts of his body but none of them would move. He laid still and listened and every few seconds would try to move more than just his eyes.
He moved his eyes to look down at his body and was able to see every part of his body with the position his head was in, as he willed it to move and everything stayed as it was. He was unable to even see muscle movement even though he knew that he was trying.
He heard movement again to his right and quickly darted his eyes in that direction. He could see part of a bush that the leaves were swinging. The wind was not blowing hard enough to move them, so he knew that it must be something coming out. He tried to open his mouth to speak to ask who was there, and no sound came out. His tongue would not cooperate either.
“What is going on?” He thought to himself. He needed to yell, he needed help.
Something was going to get him out here. He shut his eyes again and tried to make himself wake up. He slowly opened his eyes to a squint and the same view came back to him.
He watched the bush to his right spread open and a rotter walk out of it. It did not appear that it had caught the whiff of him through the air yet, but a slight wind had began blowing away from the broken legged man that limped his way through the bush. Steven could tell that if he continued the same path he was already headed that he would trip over his legs and end up on him and he would be a goner.
Steven had no choice but to lie there and hope that the rotter would change his direction and move on without noticing his paralyzed presence. Steven closed his eyes and listened to the rustling leaves of the dead man dragging his feet. The sound came closer and then stopped. Steven opened his eyes as soon as he heard growling coming from a few feet away.
He peered over at the man lying on the ground being eaten by a black floppy haired creature. As the creature removed himself from attacking the rotter and saving Steven’s life, he walked over slowly and licked Steven on the face.
“Digger.” Steven thought. The family pet had just saved his life. It was their dog. He was a large black lab. Digger had been hurt and after licking Steven’s face to let him know that he was there, he laid down next to Steven and began licking the blood from his paws.
The only thing that Steven was able to do was lie there. He tried several times to move his extremities and failed miserably; they would not even budge. Digger would stop licking his paws every few seconds and nudge Steven’s hand with his nose. Steven was unable to feel it, but could see him doing so. A bird flew down and sat on Steven’s legs as if he were a tree, Steven tried to move to shoo him away, but not a muscle flinched.
Steven tried to open his mouth and was finally able to get a small groan out to catch the attention of Digger to make him stop licking his paws and come to Steven’s face. He licked him twice and Steven closed his eyes tight knowing that he had been licking rotter blood and the bite that he had gotten from the rotter.
He did not want Digger to lick it, he was not sure if animals were exempt from the whole turning zombie or not, but he did not want to take the chance in his state at this moment.
Steven watched the moon go down on the other side of the trees and Digger stayed by his side and appeared to have been sleeping. A bit of light came from the sun that was beginning to come up and he noticed Digger start to move around a little. Steven tried again to make noise and call man’s best friend to him, but all that came out again was a low toned groan. Steven tried to move his hands and feet and felt Digger step on his hand as he approached him. Steven’s eyes widened when he became aware that he could feel it.
It was like he had been paralyzed and his whole body was asleep and the feeling may be slowly coming back.
“I need to get up!” He yelled in his own head. Digger came face to face with Steven, the dog’s eyes had sunk back in his head and the drool swung from his mouth and landed on Steven’s face. Steven groaned again loudly now knowing apparently a dog could be a zombie. Digger’s paw was still bloody as he placed it on Steven’s chest and his bottom jaw moved from side to side as he grinded his teeth at him. His fur had detached itself from his body in places and he growled at him with a warning that he was fucked. His teeth bared to Steven as he got closer to his face. Digger moved down Steven’s body and his nose moved in the strangest manner almost looking as though it wa
s going in and out of his face as he sniffed every inch of him looking for the right place to bite. Steven tried again to move his body and was able to barely move his foot. Digger flinched when he moved it and opened his mouth and took a bite of his boot. He didn’t like that and moved to his shin. He opened his mouth wider than he normally would with the disengaged jaw and bit into his shin. Steven was unable to feel any of it. He watched Digger pull a muscle from the side of his calf and drag it away from his leg and to the ground. Digger stared Steven directly in the face as he chewed on it and consumed it and then licked up the bits that had fallen from his mouth. The dog smelled his way up and took another bite, this time into his thigh. He pulled back hard and violently shook his head from side to side like dogs do; the skin tore apart up his thigh as Digger pulled the muscle out in full tact. Steven could do nothing but watch his lifelong friend chew on him. Steven knew he needed to get up and began moving his other foot and then his hand again. He tried again to talk to call out to Digger to stop, but knew that it was useless. Digger was now a rotter.
Steven could feel himself rise to stand, but still had the same view of Digger and the wooded area. Steven was so confused at this point as he continued watching the dog tear into other parts of him. He opened his mouth one more time and was finally able to scream. He felt his body pulsate and then a jolt of his body took away the view of this rotter dog and the woods above him.
His eyes flew open and he could feel the pain in his thigh; Steven was standing across the classroom in the corner. He had woke up and had somehow made it off of his cot and across the room. He moved his fingers and hand and lifted his arm up to hug himself around the midsection. He lifted one foot and put it back down on the floor and then went to move the other. He could feel the tingly needles run their way up his ankle to his shin and through his thigh. His legs were asleep. The rest of his body was not quite awake either, and his arm throbbed, but it seemed to be as he, in reality made it away from his rotter dog.
“What is fucking going on?” Steven said to himself. “These crazy ass dreams are making me nuts and now I’m sleep walking, I have to get this under control!” He said to himself.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
GIZMO DROVE the Tahoe, while Tina
rode shotgun. Donald had piled up in the back seat with some of the things that they had collected and was almost passed out before they had hit the road.
“Look at us, like old times.” Tina stared at her husband. “Back roadin’ in the Tahoe.” “That was always so much fun.” He said back sadly.
He grabbed her hand and interlocked his fingers with hers. “I am glad that we still have what we do have. Our kids, friends, a place to kind of call home and each other.” He told her.
Tina smiled at him and leaned over across the console and kissed his neck. Karen and Kris had taken up the front seat of the truck and followed Gizmo. Kris was not fond of driving in the snow, but was probably a good one to drive, since she was likely to be more careful in it. Lisa was having a blast in her new corvette. She was revving the engine and would pass Gizmo and speed up ahead through the snow just to get the feel of the speed the car had, then fall back to the back of the line. She wasn’t about to leave everyone behind in case they needed her.
“Well, at least she is having fun.” Karen laughed at Lisa quick shifting as she passed them.
“ I guess we are gonna have to take turns in that thing, I love some speed in a good old sports car.” Kris beamed as she watched her fly by.
“The gas cans seem to be staying in place fairly well.” Karen scanned the bed of the truck. “I’m trying to be as careful as I can so they don’t fall over or anything. We need to save all we can.” Kris replied.
Kris stared in her rear view a few times and then turned to look behind them while she slowed her speed.
“What is it?” Karen asked.
“I thought I saw something moving around back there on the road.” Kris said.
Karen looked back scanning from one side to the other.
“I don’t see anything, was it a rotter?” She asked. “Nah, it moved way too quick to be a rotter. Just me I guess.” Kris shook her head and focused on the road in front of her.
“You think we need to pull over, the snow is getting heavy?” Tina asked. “No, we need to get home and get back to get the rest of the stuff and the guys. It will be fine, a little snow never hurt anybody.” He showed no concern.
Tina turned and yanked on a blanket that Donald was on top of. She pulled it to the front of the truck and laughed.
“That guy is out!” She giggled as Donald rolled over to his side. “We are all beat, them military guys can sleep anywhere.” Gizmo glanced back quickly at him and laughed.
“Gizmo, watch out!” Tina screamed holding onto the dash. Gizmo hit his brakes and Donald rolled to the floorboard and popped up to look around. Gizmo spun his steering wheel left and then right and back straight again.
“Damn babe, it was just a couple of rotters, don’t do that shit!” Gizmo hollered.
“Sorry, I just caught a flash of something.” Tina admitted. Donald never said a word and sat up staring straight ahead looking for danger and laid back down.
Kris slowed when she saw Gizmo hit his brakes and swerve. Once Gizmo passed the rotters, Kris saw them and was slow enough to be able to dodge one of them, but clipped the second one with the front of the truck and spun it around, he fell down and the truck ran over its legs. The small bump was enough to worry Kris that the gas cans may tumble over. Karen kept an eye on the bed full of goods to make sure that they were all still stable.
“It’s all good, everything is in place, just keep moving.” Karen assured. With its precise maneuvers, Lisa dodged the walking and fallen rotter and sped around Kris. She drove beside her for a moment in the other lane and peered over at her. Kris gave her a thumbs up.
Lisa sped up to Gizmo and Kris could see her give him a thumbs up and Gizmo give her one back. She sped up in front of Gizmo making her way around an abandoned car that appeared on her side of the road. She stayed ahead for a bit swerving in and out of some of the abandoned cars on both sides of the road and then fell back behind Kris again.
The group finally made it to the gate after their long drive and Gizmo honked. Shianne gave a thumbs up to him and started her way down the ladder. She pulled open the gate to allow them to enter and closed it back after the new corvette made its way around the trucks.
She ran to the truck after seeing her mom driving.
Kris exits the truck and Shianne attacked her mother and hugged her tight.
“So glad y’all are home. I didn’t see dad?” She questioned. “We left him at the mall, I figured as much as he doesn’t like malls, I would leave him there.” Kris joked.
“Oh Lord, you le ft him at the mall, I bet he is loving that.” She laughed about the thought of when she would beg him to take her to the mall and shop with her one time and him refusing to go with her. “Hey Karen, how was the trip?”
“Interesting.” She responded making he r way out of the truck. “Let’s stretch for a minute and then get all of this to inventory and get us out of this cold.”
“Hey guys, we leave out first thing in the morning to go on back in the Deuce.” Kris yelled to the group.
They all waved with acknowledgement and loaded back up and headed to the storage warehouse.
“Get up asshole and help unload all this.” Gizmo smacked Donald. He raised his head and put it back down on the pile of jackets he laid on. “Go hand out some of that shit since you have kept it warm the whole ride.” Gizmo told him.
Tina and Gizmo began unloading the mass amounts of things they had brought back and taking it into the warehouse. Donald made his way out of the back seat and covered himself in the biggest jacket he could find and grabbed an armful of clothes and walked towards the school still looking half asleep.
Karen and Kris began unloading all of the gas cans and placing them to the side of the storage
door, Lisa parked her new ride and came to help.
Everything unloaded, Gizmo and Kris parked the vehicles and went back to help with organizing a bit.
“Why doesn’t everyone grab some clothes and start helping Donald hand them out. I will stay here and get it all inventoried and
organized.” Karen suggested.
Everyone knew that the inventory was Karen’s thing and began gathering all the clothes that they could hold.
Lisa headed to the plant with her armful and Gizmo and Tina headed to the chow hall to see who they could get some warm clothes to. Kris followed Donald to the school.
Kris walked into the school and shivered shaking off the cold from her bones. She knocked on the first door where a few of the worker’s from the plant stayed and handed out a few things that may have fit them. She moved on down the hall and came to Steven’s door.
“Hey bud I got some pretty awesome shit out here.” She hollered in to him.
The door opened slowly and Steven stood looking at Kris.
“I’m fine.” He stated as he watched Kris’s eyes move to his arm.
“What the fuck did you do?” She asked with worry. Kris walked in and dropped the clothes to the floor and reached for the nub that was left. Without touching it, tears began to fill her eyes.
“Steven, what the hell is going on?” She asked.
“I couldn’t take it anymore. It was killing me, it had to go.” He admitted.
“So you cut the damn thing off? Are you kidding me?” She questioned.
“What else was I supposed to do?” He asked her. “Well, hell I don’t know, but you cut off your arm?” She questioned again. “I’m going to get Karen.
“Wait, where is TJ?” He asked. “Him, Bo and Howard stayed at the mall, we are going back with a Deuce to get them and the rest of the stuff we gathered. He will be coming back with us.” She explained.
“I was hoping he would be home with y’all.” He dropped his head. “I have been having crazy nightmares and waking up feeling really weird.” He stated.
