STARVING REAL TALENT: UNSEEN ABILITIES
Tragic Vampires typically exhibit the same unseen and natural talents as the common vampires, with one major difference. The underfed vampire is a weakened being, so normally the ability to read minds, force his will upon others, or partake in any additional psychic powers will be greatly hindered. Whether it’s an inability to focus or purely malnourishment from not drinking blood, Tragic Vamps are never at full capacity when they are underfed. Therefore many Tragic Vampires have either completely lost their unseen abilities, or they have extremely weakened powers.
THE MOODY BUNCH: TRAGIC VAMP BEHAVIOR
Tragic Vampire Talk
There is no such thing as light conversation with most Tragic Vampires. You’re going to be either shut out completely or subjected to long-winded sermons about a ruined life and a desperate soul on the search for redemption while dealing with “the hunger.” Should you get a Tragic Vampire to talk, a difficult task in itself, make sure you’ve blocked off ample time to discuss years of pain, addiction, in-depth analysis of each action the immortal took postbite, the pains of his heroics, or just hours and hours of feelings banter. Whatever topic he chooses to discuss, it will be full of self-gratifying pity, moral lessons, weary explanations of how he’s taken up fighting evil to save his soul, or something to that tune; whatever the topic, it will be a long conversation.55
Why do they launch into lengthy prose? If you manage to pry their trap open, it really all depends on the vampire. Most talk for hours at a time because they so rarely get the chance to speak (what with living in isolation and all). Others drone on because it’s therapeutic to get their past dirty deeds off their undead chests. Sadly, this type of intellectual stimulation can get real old, real fast. The best advice is to stick it out and nod though the entire process. Remember: This is a moody group. A moment of disinterest can be taken as a direct insult against their tireless struggle and plight, and can incite even the calmest of vampires into a hateful bloodlust. Above all things, take their issues deadly seriously.
SUICIDE WATCH
Many vampires have a hell of a time dealing with their immortality. Combining an insatiable bloodlust with a never-ending life cycle leaves plenty of room for a lot of guilt, which is why most of the Tragic Vampires should be placed on suicide watch.
If it is your intention to keep them alive, there are two types of particularly vulnerable vampires that one should keep under close attention so they don’t do anything rash: newly formed vampires and nosferatu that have lived too long and seen too much (as they may put it).
As seen in The V Word or 30 Days of Night, plenty of newbie vampires would rather die than live a life as a vampire. Keep an eye on newbies as they may head straight for sunrise.
Those who have been around for centuries often engage in self-inflicted stakings. They may no longer be able to deal with how much the world has changed around them. Vampires who have lived hundreds of years tend to go off the deep end out of despair, which is labeled “the dangerous time.” Many Rice vampires fall victim to this time.
One of the first Tragic Vampires, Varney throws himself into Mount Vesuvius, no longer able to live with his past actions. Even the more modern vampires today have tried to take their own lives. Moody Edward Cullen attempted to anger the Volturi into ending his eternal suffering over leaving his true love. It’s hard being a vampire but letting the sunrise come and take you away is never the answer.
Real Undead Hero: Tragic Heroes
Quite a few Tragic Vamps take their guilty consciences to heart and feel the need to redeem themselves for all the suffering they and the rest of their kind have inflicted upon the human race, and subsequently, take up the hero mantle.
These Tragic Heroes use their heightened abilities for good. Perhaps they’re trying to make up for the bad they unleashed on the world previously, maybe they are no longer enchanted with the evil side to their dark lives, or maybe they’ve risen from the grave after being sexually assaulted and murdered by a gang of predator vampires and they’re just looking for some cold, undead justice.56 Either way, there’s a growing underground group of pop culture hero vampires who use their powers for good, and are good at it.
The real-life versions of these characters are exceptionally rare and prefer to remain out of the limelight. Think about it: They spend their lives destroying their own kind—beasts that the human race is not fully prepared to comprehend—and the rest of the supernatural world wishes they were ashes. Discretion and secrecy is imperative in these creatures’ way of life. If they were caught in mid-vampire slay by the authorities, they would have to go to jail. And who has time to deal with the human justice system when there is a supernatural war raging on our doorstep?
Although these particular heroes harbor all the emotional issues of the Tragic Vampire, they choose to work it out on the streets. The mission to save the world from danger is more important to them than saving their souls (though you could make the case that they’re trying to buy their way into heaven). As other vampires prefer to brood and mope and isolate themselves, these immortals take action. Still, it’s a lonely mission when you’re fighting creatures the rest of the world has chosen to ignore. Plus they’ve seen the violence and would prefer to keep the casualty list low, so flying solo (or with a bare minimum Scooby Gang) is commonplace among the Tragic Heroes.
VAMPIRE DETECTIVES
If you’re talking about Tragic Heroes, you can’t forget the private dicks of the undead world. Although they have the same driving motivations as the stake-wielding heroes previously mentioned, these brooding vamps prefer to fight crime the legal way, or partially legal for some. Taking up jobs as private investigators and detectives, vampire gumshoes roam the streets looking for unlawful paranormal activities and solving a few human crimes along the way.
FOREVER KNIGHT
Nick Knight is trying to repay society for his sins by working in the crime-riddled city of Toronto as a detective. He’s eight hundred years old and likes to use his mind control on overly pushy reporters. The series aired in Canada but started out as an ’80s made-for-TV movie in America on CBS, in which Nick was played by Rick “Jessie’s Girl” Springfield.
BLOOD TIES
Henry Fitzroy is a 480-year-old vampire from the television series Blood Ties, based on the Blood Books series by Tanya Huff. The son of Henry VIII teams up with ex-cop Vicki Nelson, who is losing her ability to see. Oh, and they totally have the hots for each other, but Nelson is in a committed relationship, which seems like canon for some of these mystery series.
MOONLIGHT
This supernatural series features Mick St. John, the vampire detective with a heart of gold. Mick is ninety years old and in love with a reporter (who is seeing someone else). Mick actually employs the help of many other vampires in solving crimes, including a tech-savvy nerd vamp named Logan Griffen.
ANGEL
Although the series ultimately turned into something more than stories of a vampire detective, show creator Joss Whedon conceived his Buffy spin-off series as exactly that: “a little office with the blinds and the fast patter and the sort of nihilistic toughness and the dark world and the strange turns and all of the things that you find in the great ’40s and ’50s noirs . . . It puts you in a world that’s slightly heightened in the way that those were, so it kind of makes sense that they would be detectives.”57 Angel, who was born in 1727, opens a PI shop in Los Angeles, and from there he saves the world, many times.
Confusing Code of Ethics: The Cavalier Vigilantes
Not all Tragic Vampires swear off the human bloodsucking. Some of them are perfectly all right with munching on the occasional human neck as long as that human is an evildoer, morals be damned. These vampires justify their need for human blood by deciding that they are, in fact, doing human society a favor by ridding it of its more undesirable characters. Red-eyed Marie from the film Innocent Blood fulfilled her sex and blood quota feasting on the necks of criminals.
Does this cavalier vigilante attitude often lead to terrible mistakes? You betcha. In fact, in that same movie Marie mistakenly leaves a mob boss for dead, which in turn leads to a whole army of vampire gangsters ravaging the town. Although this situation allows for a fantastic helping of “made man” vampire puns, it’s a perfect example of how vampire vigilantism is dangerous at best.
Cavalier Vigilantes are often the scourge of the Tragic Heroes’ existence, as their loose regard for human life contradicts everything the Tragic Hero tries to protect. Whereas the Heroes take the plight of humankind seriously and go to great lengths to protect even the worst mortal criminals (preferring to let the justice system decide their fate), Vigilante vamps often get caught up in their own vices and undead needs.58 And although most do try very hard to stick to a personal code of ethics, only feeding on murderers, drug dealers, and the like, the blurry line between personal justice and plain old revenge makes it likely that most Vigilante Vampires will cross it at least once in their existence.59
Some of these Vigilante Vamp figures are wildly entertaining jackasses whose loner statuses have left them with a personality so crass and outrageous that it would turn the polite and pasty Béla Lugosi a dark shade of red. True, many other vampires, especially the Villains, come and go and do as they please. But a Tragic Vampire’s combination of inner dilemmas, blood addiction, and isolationism creates the perfect storm for one of the most entertaining pricks in the history of vampire classification.
You may find yourself wanting to befriend and save this type of troubled vampire whose sarcastic attitude makes them so appealing. This would be a huge mistake. The playful jerks are like that for a reason. Remember that with the Tragic Vampires, what you see is what you get. If you meet a vampire who is still dealing with addiction but charms you with his witty banter, sexual prowess, and carefree attitude toward societal qualms, he probably won’t have a problem with opening up a vein right in public as well. Sure, he’ll feel rotten about it for days, but you’ll still be the one with half a pint of blood missing. It takes discipline and restraint not to bite into your neck, and those who make jokes still haven’t fully come to terms with the seriousness of their condition. You can never let your guard down, no matter how entertaining a vampire may seem.60
The Romantic Hidden Beneath the Tragic
Many of the Tragic Vampires listed here have extremely high classification crossover ability. Vampires, like people, are multifaceted beings, so it’s not uncommon to find a Tragic Vampire who also displays features of the Romantic classification. Often this type is miserable because they’ve been harboring passionate romantic feelings for another. Unrequited or doomed love is often the cornerstone for morose vamps. So although a vampire may be placed in this category, know that this is not the final say on this particular nosferatu.
WARNING SIGNS OF A RELAPSING TRAGIC VAMPIRE
• Shaking limbs
• Exposed fangs for no apparent reason
• Rapid eye color change
• Higher-than-average irritability
• Loss of competent thought
• Imagining everything to be blood
• Unprovoked S.V.F.61 mutations
• General lack of interest in previous passions
• Apathy toward the plight of humankind
• Missing pets
• Acts out of character (becomes strangely social)
Take, for instance, Miriam Blaylock from The Hunger. This incredibly powerful seductress whispers forever to her victims and then locks them away to die a slow and painful death. Many critical eyes have gone over her seemingly harsh actions and pointed out that she does love her victims, deeply, in her own way. It is her curse that drives her to murder, and yet she still doesn’t stop. Is she a misunderstood Romantic, a Villain, or just a Tragic creature doomed to live in a world where her loved ones share a few precious centuries with her and then wither away into dust? It’s a difficult call, but vampires like Miriam straddle the classification borders (though we think in the end she truly belongs here).
Still, the point of the matter is that Tragic Vampires are the least mentally stable out of the vampire bunch, and that’s saying something. They also have the highest classification crossover potential, so you’ll definitely see Tragic Vampires mentioned here and in other chapters as well.
WHAT TO DO IF APPROACHED
The lure of the Tragic Vampire is incredibly tempting because everyone loves a fixer-upper now and then. Plus their sour attitude and “I just need to be loved” puppy dog eyes make them seem like a long-lost stray just looking for the right home, which is most likely what the last foolish mortal thought before he or she woke up after a blood bender with a wrecked house, sore neck, and missing pet cat.62 Seemingly good vampiric intentions should in no way convince you that this creature is anything more than a killer. In reality, they’re underfed ticking time bombs ready to burst from hunger at the first sign of a skinned knee. There are no guarantees that if bitten in a blood rage, their vampire venom won’t turn you into a vampire immediately. And there certainly aren’t any promises that a vampire can make it through the rest of their immortal lives clean and blood sober. The hunger is there forever.
If approached, it’s important to maintain a level head and not get sucked into the sad sob stories of this vampire’s life. Stay stoic and withdrawn; show no interest, but be polite. Even the smallest drop of kindness can be viewed as an invite into the safe confines of your fleshy arms, and we all know how that will end. It may also do you some good to remind the vamp that you are a family person and have people that depend on you (even if you don’t)—such a comment may trigger old memories and guilt, and send the vamp reeling for the horizon in a cloud of his own self-misery.
HEMOPHAGE TRAGICUS: KNOWN SPECIMENS
Faking It
Sadly, there are plenty of Tragic Vampires who aren’t fully committed to their vegan diet. These are the types who swear they’ll never drink another drop of human blood again, and then minutes later they’re fang deep in someone’s neck. Sure, they feel terrible about their slipup, but that’s what’s so tragic about this particular group: their inability to use self-control.
Known Specimens
Laurent, Twilight and New Moon
Barnabas Collins, Dark Shadows
Needs to Learn to Love Thyself
These vampires live a life with bouts of happiness followed by plummeting depression. They seek comfort and companionship from others but often end up murdering their loved ones or letting them die a slow and painful death. If this group could learn to come to terms with their past, love themselves, and be able to live on their own or become willing to explore fulfilling non-dependent relationships, they could be much happier vamps.
Known Specimens
Varney, Varney the Vampire: The Feast of Blood
Louis de Pointe du Lac, Interview with the Vampire: The Vam
pire Chronicles
Proinsias Cassidy, Preacher
Jasper Hale, Twilight series
Miriam Blaylock, The Hunger
Conscientious Killer but Still a Murderer
This group of Tragic specimens knows that killing is wrong, and yet they do it anyway. They make no bones about trying to stop or pulling back on their needs. But they do go to meticulous lengths to make sure their victims’ lives are ended in a painless way, unless you piss them off or kill their handlers.
Known Specimens
Martin, Martin
Eli, Let the Right One In
Countess Marya Zaleska, Dracula’s Daughter
Tragic Hero
The rough-and-tumble human freedom fighters you see here are always battling for the human race, be it with science, smarts, detective work, or deadly hand-to-hand combat. They may not win all the battles, but if their hearts could beat, they’d thump for humankind.
Known Specimens
Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Joshua York, Fevre Dream
Marie, Innocent Blood
Mina Harker, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Saya, Blood: The Last Vampire
Alucard, Hellsing
Nick Knight, Forever Knight
Mick St. John, Moonlight
Sadie Blake, Rise: The Blood Hunter
Alicia, Cold Hearts
5
HALFIES
HEMOPHAGEDIMIDIUM
You’ll be back. When the hunger knows no reason!
And then you’ll need to feed, and you’ll need me
to show you how.
—Miriam Blaylock, The Hunger
Stuck between the world of the undead and the world of the living, Halfies are unfortunate and miserable creatures going through an extended period of vampire transformation. Whether it’s a full-fledged viral takeover of a human body or a suspended Vampire Interrupted phase put on hold with pills and a prayer, the process is unpleasant and often humiliating.
It is important to educate yourself on the many different signs of a person going through an undead transmutation: first and foremost for your safety, and second in order to identify and address what can (and sadly can’t) be done for them.
Vampire Taxonomy Page 7
