by Kira Archer
Finally, he took a deep breath and opened the door.
Leah glanced up. When she saw him, her eyes lit up and for a second he savored that sweet addicting warmth that always flowed through him when they were together. She finished laying the baby in her bassinet and then sat back on the couch, one leg tucked under the other.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey.” She took a deep breath. “Do you think you and Marcus will ever get along?”
Brooks straightened, stung that the first words out of her mouth would be about the other man. “Yeah, that’s what we need to talk about. I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Why? What happened with you guys before…that’s all in the past, isn’t it? Marcus is a good guy.”
Brooks swallowed hard. “Yes, he is. When he’s not around me. We don’t bring out the best in each other.”
She snorted. “I’ve noticed.”
He rubbed his hand over his face. “Look, I know this whole thing is one big complicated mess. But Marcus is here and seems to be planning on staying and he is the baby’s father.” Saying those words was like spitting out acid, but it didn’t change the truth of them. “Seems to me like we’ve got one extra person in the mix here. I think you’ve got your job at the school pretty secure now. They love you, and we’d always said that I traveled a lot so I don’t think they’ll notice if I’m not there. And with Marcus and I having issues that don’t seem like they are going to be resolved anytime soon…”
Her eyes looked a bit brighter but if she was on the verge of tears, she thankfully held it together. “So what?” she asked. “Now that he’s here you’re going to bail?”
“Bail on what, Leah? Our fake marriage that wasn’t supposed to last more than a few months? Isn’t it time we both got back to our real lives? I know staying with me wasn’t something you were planning on. Do you want to be tied to some irresponsible idiot for the rest of your life because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut around your boss?”
“You’re not an irresponsible idiot, Brooks. I mean, yes, you have your moments, like this one. But there is more to you than that.”
“Not really.”
“Oh, come on, Brooks. At least give me the real reason you’re doing this.”
“That is the real reason. I care about you, Leah. A lot. And I care about the baby. And you deserve a hell of a lot better than what I can give you. And I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can deal with Marcus being in my face trying to get under my skin day in and day out. He’ll drive me insane. We’re already barely speaking and the baby is only a week old. What kind of environment is that to raise a kid in?”
“Can’t you just let bygones be bygones and move on?”
“It’s not that easy, Leah. It’s kind of hard to let bygones be bygones when the same shit keeps happening. I didn’t plan on anything ever happening between us, and I’m sorry if that makes all this harder. But I really am trying to do what’s best for everyone. I can’t give you what you need.”
“You don’t know what I need. You’ve never even asked me.”
“You’ve never asked me, either.”
She looked like she was going to argue that point, but then dropped her gaze. The fact that he was hurting her tore him apart. But it was for the best. She’d see that eventually.
“I’m no good in relationships. The fact that I’ve never been in one long term should have been a good clue.”
“That’s just an excuse.”
He shook his head. “You don’t have to believe me. But I am doing what’s best for everyone. You deserve better than me. And so does she,” he said, nodding at the baby. “And I deserve a life where I don’t have to constantly deal with someone who tries his hardest to undermine everything I do. Can you imagine me being the stepfather to his child? How is that ever going to work?”
She folded her arms and looked down at her feet. “It won’t.”
He paused for a few seconds, trying to force out the rest of it, reminding himself that this was what was best for her. Best for the baby. Best for him. Hell, even best for Marcus. They’d all be happier if he was out of the picture.
“I have to leave for a few weeks,” he said.
“What?”
Her eyes grew wide with what looked like unshed tears. The sudden urge to drop to his knees and beg her to choose him washed over him and he choked it back. That wasn’t in anyone’s best interest. Marcus was an ass to Brooks, but in general, he was a stand-up guy, as much as Brooks hated to admit it. And he was the baby’s real father. He was someone they could both depend on. Not a screwup goofball that people only kept around for laughs.
“There’s a conference in Vienna. Cole doesn’t want to travel yet with Piper being so small. One of us needs to go. I had planned on going anyway. Our…your baby wasn’t supposed to be here for a few more weeks so I thought I had time. And…Marcus will be here if you need anything.”
“I don’t need anything. We’ll do just fine on our own,” she said, her voice hard as steel.
He kept going, not meeting her eyes. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone. You can stay in the apartment for as long as you want. I have an account set up for you at the bank. All the information for it is in the top drawer of my desk. I’ve made sure you’ll be comfortable.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want anything from you.”
He clasped his hands behind his back, one hand grasping the other wrist so hard his fingers went numb. “Be that as it may, the money is there for you both if you need it. Don’t be stubborn about it.”
She just raised her chin in the air. “Is that all?”
He stared at her for a moment, his resolve wavering. All it would take from her was one word. If she asked him to stay…said to hell with Marcus, she wanted him…maybe they could work it out…
But she said nothing. So he nodded.
“Then go,” she said, her voice barely audible.
He took a step back, but stopped, unable to make himself leave. “Leah…”
“Go!” she yelled, startling him and the baby who began to wail.
He didn’t wait for her to tell him again. He’d made his choice. He turned on his heel and walked away from his only chance at happiness.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Leah slid the last few books onto the shelf and then slumped onto the couch next to Kiersten who was busy cuddling the baby.
“Little Livy,” Kiersten cooed to her, before smiling up at Leah. “How did you come up with Olivia?” she asked.
Leah kissed her baby’s head. “Olivia was my grandmother’s name. It seemed to suit my little princess.”
“It certainly does. A beautiful name for a beautiful baby. It’s perfect.” Kiersten smiled again and then settled the baby back in her swing.
Leah laid her head back on the pillows with a sigh.
“So what do you think?” she asked, looking around the apartment.
“It’s cute,” Kiersten said.
“But?”
“But nothing.”
Leah kept staring at her until Kiersten gave up. “Okay, if you must know, I guess I don’t understand why you didn’t stay at the apartment.”
“At Brooks’s apartment.”
“He said you could stay there for as long as you wanted.”
Leah shook her head. “I didn’t feel comfortable there anymore. I wasn’t all that comfortable to begin with, but at least before I had sort of a reason to be there. Now… We aren’t together now. I shouldn’t be staying in his apartment.”
Kiersten frowned. “Have you heard from him?”
“No,” Leah said, trying not to let her disappointment show. “He said he would be gone for a few weeks.”
Kiersten sighed. “You guys were so good together.”
“Apparently he didn’t think so.”
“I know he did. Maybe he’s just afraid. It’s a big step for a guy like him.”
“It’s a big step for a
nyone. I was afraid. I was angry. He was the one who walked away.”
“Maybe if you tried talking to him again…”
Leah shook her head before Kiersten had even finished. “There’s nothing to talk about. He made a lot of good points. The marriage was supposed to be temporary. We both got out of it what we needed. End of story. Now I need to start building a life for me and the baby. And he made it quite clear that he didn’t want to be a part of that life.”
Kiersten looked like she wanted to argue some more but thankfully she thought better of it. “So what about the other one?”
“Marcus?”
“Yes. Has he been around much?”
“He was at first, but he has a lot of things going on with his job. He still calls every day and tries to stop by every few days to see the baby. He always brings her a little present or something.”
“That’s sweet.”
“Yeah. He’s not a big help with the actual baby care stuff. And I hate to admit it, but listening to the way he talks about Brooks…Brooks was right. He and Marcus will never get along and I’m not raising my baby around two grown-ass men who can’t be in the same room together. And Marcus is her father so if one of them isn’t going to be in the picture…it kind of narrows the choices down.”
“Well that sucks.”
Leah sighed. “Yes, it does. Although maybe it won’t matter anyway. Marcus is based in Hong Kong. He said he was going to transfer to New York, but I don’t know how much he really wants that. All he talks about lately is going back.”
Kiersten looked around the small apartment. “So, it’s just going to be the two of you here alone?”
“It won’t be so bad. I like it here. It’s quiet and peaceful. And I kind of like the idea of being surrounded by nuns. No men to complicate things. Plus, the sisters love the baby. I’ll never have to worry about finding a sitter.”
“And the headmistress, Reverend Mother, whoever, is okay with the whole single mother thing?”
“Well, she doesn’t really know about that part yet. We had always told her that Brooks traveled a lot. That’s why she thinks I’ve moved back here, so I won’t be alone in that big apartment with just me and the baby. Living here is easier for me to get back and forth to class and we’re in a nice safe environment. Plus, the daycare is on campus and there’s a preschool when Olivia gets older. It works perfectly. Once the divorce is final I will sit down and talk with Reverend Mother about everything.”
Leah glanced over at the coffee table where her newly drawn-up divorce papers waited in a manila envelope. She hadn’t signed them yet, hadn’t even read them. They had the prenup. Neither one of them would profit from the marriage. Brooks had set up that bank account for her, but she hadn’t touched it. And had no plans to.
Marcus came from old money, as he liked to remind everyone. Olivia would never want for anything. In fact, he’d been a little peeved that Leah still wanted to work. He could just join Brooks in that corner. She liked teaching. But he’d still insisted on setting up accounts for her and Livy. At least if she did use those accounts, it would be Marcus caring for his own child. Brooks had no ties to either of them. It wouldn’t be right to use his money.
She had a good job with free living quarters and she could eat at the cafeteria whenever she wanted. She would be able to provide a nice life for Livy without Brooks’s help.
“When are you going to send him the papers?” Kiersten asked.
“I don’t know. Tomorrow I guess. Better to get it over with.”
“Leah, you really don’t have to do this.”
“Yes, I do.” She took a deep breath and slowly blew it out. “I’m still angry with him for walking out on us. But I can’t really blame him. We aren’t his responsibility. We never were. He never made any promises. And he never made any secret of the fact that he never wanted to be a husband or father. He might have gotten caught up in the whole baby thing while it was happening, but thankfully we came to our senses before it was too late. Before Livy was older and had grown attached. It’s better this way. He doesn’t need a wife and a baby cramping his style. And with Marcus in the mix making him miserable…” She sighed. “I get it. Marcus does seem to enjoy needling him. Co-parenting with those two would be a nightmare. Now Brooks can get back to living his life the way he likes it.”
“Are you sure that’s how he still wants it? Because I’ll tell you what, I’ve known Brooks for several years now, and I’ve never seen him even remotely as happy as he was with you.”
A little spark of hope flared in Leah’s heart, but she extinguished it immediately. “If that was really true he wouldn’t have walked out on us. He left me sitting in his apartment and I haven’t seen or heard from him since.”
“But you love him, don’t you?”
Leah’s gaze shot to Kiersten’s. “That doesn’t make any difference.”
“Of course it does,” Kiersten said. “You need to tell him.”
“Why? So he can reject me all over again? So I can watch him walk out the door again? I’ve already gone through that once. I have no intention of doing it again. He made his choice clear when he left us a week after Livy was born. We don’t have any place in his world. I never fit in with his crowd. Even if he thinks he wants us now, he’ll change his mind eventually. The last thing he needs or wants is full-time responsibility for a child who isn’t his for the next two decades, especially with Marcus there every step of the way.” She shook her head. “I’ll sign the papers tonight and send them tomorrow. Then we can both move on with our lives.”
Kiersten looked at her sadly. “I hope you’re making the right decision.”
“So do I,” she said.
Either way, there was no turning back now.
…
Brooks sat in his office, the divorce papers spread out on his desk in front of him. He hadn’t thought she’d send them so soon. And the fact that she had only proved that he had been right in leaving when he did. There wasn’t much there to read. They had a pretty ironclad prenup, though he didn’t like the terms. He would feel much better if she would take alimony or at least a nice settlement. He’d set up the bank account for her but he knew she hadn’t touched it yet. Knew she would never touch it. He slammed the pen down on his desk. Stubborn woman. But if that’s the way she wanted it then fine. He picked up his pen and signed the papers quickly before he could change his mind.
“You’re an idiot, mate.”
Brooks glanced up to see Harrison standing in his door way.
“Well, that’s certainly not the first time you’ve said that to me.”
“No, but it might be the one time you’ve deserved it the most. How do you have a woman like that and then just walk away from her?”
Brooks scowled at him. “I don’t have her. I never had her. And the woman sent me divorce papers. Exactly what else am I supposed to do with those?”
Harrison shrugged. “I don’t know. Shred them. Burn them. Fold them up into little hearts and write a million apology notes on them. Anything would be better than signing them.”
“Too late for that,” Brooks said. “They’re already signed.”
“Well then, you deserve every year of miserable lonely life left to you.”
Brooks stared at him, shock coursing through him at the stark, depressing sentiment. “You really suck at cheering up a friend when he’s down.”
“That’s not why I came here. You don’t deserve to be cheered up. I was hoping to knock some sense into you.”
“About what? You’re acting like I had a choice in this matter.”
“Didn’t you? No one forced you to walk away and no one certainly forced you to sign those damn papers. That was all you.”
“I did it for her.”
“Why? Because she’s better off without you? Don’t give me that load of bollocks. You didn’t walk away because it was better for her; you did it because it was easier for you. It’s easier to say that she’s better off without you than t
o try and win her heart and fail. This way you still get to play the hero who is sacrificing his own happiness for the woman he loves. When in reality you’re too busy wallowing to go fight for her.”
“There’s no point in fighting. Marcus is there. She doesn’t need me.”
“First of all, stop using Marcus as an excuse. She barely knows the man, and doesn’t seem to have any desire to get to know him better except for the sake of her daughter, and more importantly the man is based out of the country. He’s not here for longer than a few weeks at a time anyway, and from what I heard he has no plans to change that. So saying you’re staying away so that he can be with her is about the dumbest excuse I’ve ever heard. Second of all, of course she doesn’t need you. She’s a strong, independent woman. She doesn’t need anybody. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you. And that’s not the question you should be asking yourself anyway. The real question is, do you need her?”
Brooks sat quietly for a moment, Harrison’s words soaking into his brain. “Yes, I need her. Not being with her physically hurts,” he said finally.
“Well, then…”
“But it doesn’t matter. The last time I saw her she screamed at me to get out. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“You pissed her off, mate. Been known to happen. Then again, women have been known to change their minds on occasion, too. But you have to give them a reason to. You haven’t told her anything except that you’re not good enough, you’re not right for her, you can’t deal with the one man she can’t cut out of her life. So why don’t you start showing her that you were wrong. You keep saying she made her choice, but you never gave her any other choice to make.”
Damn. He hated it when Harrison made sense. “Okay, then. If I concede that you have a valid point?”
“Then I guess you need to decide what you’re going to do about it.”
Brooks shook his head. “I’m never going to deserve her, you know.”
“You going to let that stop you?”
Brooks grabbed the papers off his desk.
