by Dale, Lindy
When I reach Nicky’s door, I hear the sound of, well, nothing. At which I do an internal dance of joy at having five minutes to myself. Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mother. I’m just not used to sharing my time with an infant.
Then I hear the sound of quiet talking. It’s coming from the bathroom.
Okay, I know my child is a genius but clearly Nicky can’t talk, he’s only two weeks old. And the voice is deep like Joel’s.
“Come on, little fella,” he’s whispering. “Let’s get you into a bath.”
There’s a snuffle like Nicky is answering him back.
What on earth are my two boys doing having a bath at six in the morning? And why is Joel even awake? He’s been sleeping in a lot since I came home. I think he’s decided if he sleeps more he won’t have to face the fact that Nicholas is gone.
I open the bathroom door slowly, unsure of what is about to greet me on the other side. Knowing Joel, it could be anything.
Understatement of the century.
As I open the door, the sight of a naked Joel— who’s smoking hot FYI — and a naked baby Nicky, shocks me. The baby’s lower half is covered in a greenish-yellowish poop. It’s smeared down his legs and all over his little tummy. He doesn’t appear to be worried, however. His eyes are focussed intently on Joel’s face, which has a huge smear of poo down the side. There’s another on his chest and one on his shoulder.
This is so freaking cute.
“Morning,” I say. I feel very cheery though I have no idea how this situation has come about and what my role in rectifying it will be.
“Morning,” Joel replies. “Look Nicky, Mama’s awake just in time for the show.” Joel steps into the bath filled with something sudsy. He faces me full frontal and I get a complete eyeful.
It’s a good eyeful though. A very good eyeful.
“May I ask what on earth has been going on?”
“I heard Nicky crying so I went into him. I think he must have kicked his nappy off or you didn’t do the tabs up properly. There’s shit all over the bed. So I got him up with the intention of cleaning him up and bringing him into you for his early feed but when I got him on the change table he decided to spray me with it. Then he kicked his legs about and voila! Did a nice fountain of piss as well, little bugger. Got me right on the stomach.”
I begin to laugh. They look so funny standing there naked in the tub. “I suppose I should have warned you about the projectile pooing and weeing, he’s pretty adept.”
“A heads up would have been nice.”
“I wasn’t expecting you to step up and take a turn with him. But now you have, I’ll show you the ropes and you can have him all the time. I’ll express some milk for feeding times.”
“Geez, thanks.”
I take a fresh washcloth from out of the bathroom cupboard and turn back to the bath. “Sit down.”
“Why?”
“I’m going to wash you both. It’s the least I can do after you’ve navigated the poo explosion.”
Joel sinks into the water. Carefully, he turns the baby on his back and cradles him so he can float and splash in the water. I dip the cloth into the suds and begin to skim it over Joel’s shoulders. His muscles feel nice. It’s been so long, I’d almost forgotten how nice.
He closes his eyes but he’s smiling.
“I wish I had a camera,” I say.
“You just wanna take dirty naked pics of me, I know.”
“I was actually thinking that you look quite at home with the baby and you’re smiling. I’d like to capture that.”
“I feel happier. The last couple of weeks have been hard. I know we can’t go back but I still love you Ariel, and if there’s a way to make this work, I want to do it.”
Oh Joel.
I lean across the bath and kiss the side of his cheek that’s not smothered in poo. Then I continue to wash him clean. I like the feeling of the washcloth sliding over his soapy body. I like that he’s holding my baby and caring for him. I never would have seen Joel as daddy material. This changes everything. But then, Joel is always full of surprises.
*****
After I get the baby out of the bath and dress him in another of his new outfits sent over by the ancient aunts — they seem to have taken a shine to baby Nicky — I settle myself in the chair and pull my bra aside to feed him. Joel, looking fresh and clean from his bath, is leaning against the doorjamb.
“I’m going to make some breakfast, want some?”
“I’m starving. Breast feeding makes me super hungry.”
“Scrambled eggs?”
“Yum. Yes, please. And a coffee?”
“Don’t push your luck.”
I grin at him.
Joel watches me feeding the baby for a little while. He seems as in awe as I am of the changes that have happened to my body in the last nine months; that my body is capable of birthing a baby and nature takes its course allowing me to feed and nurture it.
“Your tits are enormous,” he remarks casually.
Or he could just be thinking about sex, like he usually is.
“I know. I hate them.”
“They’re awesome. I’m going to have to keep my wits about me to keep my hands off them, Ariel.”
“It’s strictly look but don’t touch, Cowboy.”
Though the way he’s looking at me, we may as well be having sex. He’s making me all hot and bothered.
“I know. And believe me, I’m committing every look to memory at the moment. My bed is a lonely place.”
“Joel.”
I wish he wouldn’t say these things. I can’t handle it.
He holds up his hands in defeat. “Just sayin’.”
Then he turns on his heels and heads to the kitchen to make the eggs.
I sit and rock for a while after the baby finishes feeding. He’s dozing and I carefully bend my head to kiss his crown. He smells so new, so perfect. I want to give him the very best I can and if that involves Joel, I’m fine with it but if it doesn’t I’m fine with that too. Joel never signed up to be a father. He stepped aside so Nicholas could take the reins.
But Joel has always loved me, maybe more than I love him. Can he love Nicholas’ baby like his own? Will he want to be with me now everything is changing? Do I want that? My stomach rumbles and I remember I’m hungry but I’m not ready to go and be with Joel, not if he’s going to throw innuendoes about like water. He needs to give me space and time. We need to build a new and different relationship. I hope we can do that.
CHAPTER FOUR
Today is the reading of Nicholas’ will. Like anything Nicholas did in his life, I’m expecting it’s meticulously planned, with every possible scenario taken into account. I’m nervous though; I mean, I’ve been to a reading before, I went to Mum’s but this is different. Has Nicholas acknowledged me as his partner? I don’t want Nicholas’ money, I never did. Our relationship was based on love, mutual attraction and respect. It was never about his family connections or what he had. To have him validate the way he felt for me, even if it’s only with words or a small token will be enough. Of course, if he has provided for us I’ll be happy. But I’m heading to this meeting fully expecting it won’t happen, that the house and business will be solely Joel’s do to with as he wishes. And rightfully so. He’s worked as hard as Nicholas did to make Hardwick & Lawson the company it is.
The offices of the lawyer we are to see are old and stuffy looking. There’s an abundance of mahogany furniture and paintings of men with odd-looking hairdos and big high collars. It’s dark, nothing like the light filled rooms of Hardwick & Lawson, even though the actual buildings are quite similar in age and design. Joel and I approach the reception where we find a stuffy looking secretary who blends perfectly with her surroundings. She’s got a thinning patch on the back of her head that she’s tried to conceal with some serious back-combing and she’s so wiry and upright I’m concerned she might break if she walks too fast. We walk along behind her, both trying not to laugh
at her awkward hop-skipping gait. Joel’s smirking and I’m avoiding his eyes because I know I’ll lose it if I look at him, especially now we’ve both noticed the split in her tweed skirt that’s showing her rather bedraggled granny panties.
As the secretary leads us along the hall to the room where the will is going to be read, I wonder what it is that made Nicholas choose this particular firm. Then we reach the meeting room and I see Mr. Lawson. He’s seated at one end of a board table and I understand. This is his firm of lawyers. Surely, he can’t have anything to do with the contents of the will, can he?
“Sadie.” Mr. Lawson stands and comes to shake my hand. He leans across and kisses my cheek and I’m enveloped in a scent that’s exactly like Nicholas’. It’s very disconcerting. It takes my breath away and for a second I am unable to meet his eyes. He reminds me too much of what I’ve lost.
“Hello, Mr. Lawson.”
“I’ve told you, you must call me Clayton. And Joel, good to see you again.”
“Pity the circumstances suck,” Joel says, as he shakes Mr. Lawson’s— um, Clayton’s— hand.
Mr. Lawson gives him a bemused look. I don’t think he’s used to the word ‘suck’ in conversation.
The lawyer, Mr. Baldwin, instructs us to take a seat. He tells us he’ll read the contents of Nicholas’ will and if we have any questions he’ll answer them at the end. He gives us notepaper and a pen each in case we want to write anything down to ask about, because it’s all very involved. He doesn’t expect us to be able to remember everything. Under the table, I feel Joel’s hand search out mine. I give it a comforting squeeze. I’m being strong for him when all I want to do is cry. This will be my last communication with Nicholas, even if indirectly. This is the end of everything we had, his final words and wishes. I think Joel feels this, too. His hand is shaking and I know he’s doing all he can to keep it together. He doesn’t want to look like a sook in front of the lawyer and Mr. Lawson.
The reading begins simply enough. There’s housekeeping of sorts, nothing overly important or unexpected. Joel inherits Nicholas’ share of their house and also Nicholas’ vintage Mercedes sports car, golf clubs and his three surfboards. I wasn’t even aware Nicholas had enjoyed golf. There must have been a myriad of things I didn’t know about him, our life together was so short and so drama filled, he never had time for things like golf. A few pieces of art and sporting memorabilia are bequeathed to Jill and a couple of staff members Nicholas was particularly close to. And he gives his office chair to Laura. Joel laughs at this. It must be a private joke. I’m not sure I’d be happy to receive a chair in someone’s will. Then Mr. Baldwin mentions me.
‘To my life partner and one and only love, Sadie Amelia Cooper, I bequeath my sailing ketch the Constance on the condition that she take sailing lessons and plans a trip to utilise her skills— ”
Who does he think I am? I’ve only recently mastered the art of travelling on a plane. I’m not going to sail solo round the world with a baby. I am not Jessica freaking Watson. The last time I went on the Constance I almost fell overboard. Surely, this is another of Nicholas’ jokes?
“She will of course object to this bequest, but I would like to remind her she promised me she would learn— ”
Well, of course I did. I was loved up at the time. I never actually meant it.
“And a promise is a promise.”
Now he’s using my words against me. Typical Nicholas.
“On the first anniversary of my death she is to sail over the headland and cast my ashes to the sea. In the event that Sadie feels unable to fulfill this obligation, the Constance shall be gifted to my father, Clayton Henry Lawson.”
Joel snorts with laughter. “Nick got you good and proper, Ariel,” he whispers. “He knows you’ll never give that boat to Clayton. I can’t wait to see you sailing the Constance out through the headland solo.”
In my dinky little life vest. Yay me.
Talk about forcing me to keep trying new things. Even from the grave Nicholas is doing it.
I glance at Mr. Lawson. I bet he’s hoping I turn into a complete girl right about now and say he can have the Constance. He always wanted her. I’m not that weak though. If this is what Nicholas wants me to do, I’ll do it. I’ll show them all. And Joel can go suck eggs.
Mr. Baldwin continues, “To Sadie, I also bequeath my seaside cottage Gull’s Nest, all its fixtures, fittings, furniture and the plot of land on which it is situated. The cottage and ketch will be passed on to our unborn son, in the event of Sadie’s death.”
Probably in a freak sailing accident, I think as I sniff back a tear. Nicholas must have made this addition to his will after we found out the sex of the baby.
The lawyer stops reading for a bit then and we take a break. It’s intense listening to Nicholas’ final wishes as if he’s in the room talking to us and I’m emotional, so I ask if I can go outside to get some fresh air for a few minutes. I need to be away from this. I need to process and compose myself for what I’m imagining is going to be said about Hardwick & Lawson. Nicholas owned the lion’s share of the company. Without him, it almost ceases to exist.
While I’m out of the room, the stuffy secretary makes us coffee. Joel knows my preference for latte so when I arrive back, feeling somewhat calmer, I find a steaming cup on the table in front of where I was sitting. There’s a plate of afternoon tea in the middle of the table too, but I can’t eat a thing.
“Shall we continue?” Mr. Baldwin asks.
“Certainly,” Mr. Lawson replies. I have this niggling feeling he thinks he’s going to get Nicholas’ share of the company. He thinks Joel isn’t capable of managing it without Nicholas around; that he’s the brawn to Nicholas’ creative brain. Which is so not true. Joel is very creative, simply in a different way.
“The last part of the will handles the larger bequests of a share portfolio and Nicholas’ stake in the company known as Hardwick & Lawson, jointly owned with Mr. Joel Michael Hardwick. Nicholas’ substantial holdings in blue chip shares, at current market value of a little over two million dollars, he bequeaths to Sadie Amelia Cooper.”
Suddenly, I am unable to breath. This can’t be true. Two million dollars? Me? There has to be some mistake.
“This is a large bequest, Sadie, so Nicholas has stipulated you take advice from his financial managers on how to proceed with management of the portfolio. He wanted it to be made clear, that in the event of his early death he was providing for both you and your unborn child, plus any additional children you and Nicholas may have had together in the future. The financial advisors are here, in this building. As soon as you feel up to it, you can make an appointment to discuss anything with them you want to know. You’re a very wealthy young lady, Sadie. Nicholas loved you and cared deeply for your future welfare should he not be here to provide for you. This is his way of showing it.”
Joel smiles at me. “You deserve that, Sadie. Nick loved you with all his heart.”
Maybe so, but I can’t believe it. I really can’t.
And neither it seems can Mr. Lawson. His face has gone a funny shade of pink. If steam could come out of his ears, it probably would. “This is ridiculous, Rob. Nicholas only knew Sadie for a little over a year. They’re not even married. He wasn’t in his right mind. I’ll contest.”
Mr. Baldwin holds up a hand. “You need to calm down, Clayton. Nicholas and I had exhaustive conversations about this only a couple of months ago, when he asked me to change his will. He was adamant that as his life partner and mother of his children, born or yet to be conceived, Sadie should be provided for.”
“But they knew each other for a few months. Her pregnancy was an accident. She’s trapped him into this.”
“The will is airtight, Clayton. Nicholas has bequeathed these things to Sadie, Joel and in turn the baby.”
“What about the company?”
Mr. Baldwin commences reading again. I feel sick with worry. Can Mr. Lawson try to take away what is rightfully Joel’s?
If this doesn’t go the way he wants will we end up in an ugly battle?
“Nicholas’ fifty-one percent share of the company known as Hardwick & Lawson is hereby bequeathed to Mr. Joel Michael Hardwick. His share of the building housing the company and all goods and chattels involved in running of the company also go to Mr. Hardwick. Current estimated value of this share is roughly four million dollars.”
Holy shit. Joel was loaded before but now he’s a multi, multi millionaire. No wonder Nicholas was stressing when Joel wanted out. His own forty-nine percent is worth about the same. I wonder what Joel will do now? Does he still want to sell the company? Can he continue without Nicholas? It was their joint baby, after all.
CHAPTER FIVE
“I think I might go into the site office today,” Joel says, one day a week or so later. He’s come out of the bathroom looking freshly shaved and groomed. His eyes are brighter than they have been for weeks and he’s wearing a pair of khaki work pants and a faded checked shirt. It’s as if he got up this morning and decided it was time. Nicholas’ leaving the company to him has given him back the enthusiasm he lost after his death. “As hot as you are, Ariel, this sitting around watching a baby sleep is pretty boring. I need to be doing something with my hands. And that does not include wanking.”
“I’m glad. You’re getting in the way here.”
He walks behind the kitchen bench to where I’m scrubbing the insides of Nicky’s bottles with a bottle brush before I sterilise them. “I s’pose a blow job’s out of the question before I go, then?”
“It is. And following me everywhere asking for one isn’t doing you any favours either.” I laugh. “I will not be cajoled by your sexy good looks, Cowboy, nor your wise cracking ways.”
“A guy can only ask. And I’m only trying to compromise since you won’t have sex with me. I’ll go down on you, if that’ll help.”
“You’re incorrigible. I won’t be doing anything until the doctor gives me the all clear. And maybe not then either, if you keep bugging me.”
