by Paloma Meir
“Hola Zelda so early today. Good we can start on the embroidery.”
“I’m leaving tonight Silviana. I’m not coming back. I contacted my lawyer by email this morning. I’m transferring the business to you. There’s 26,000 Euro in the account. That should keep you going.” I gave her a hug and forced myself not to cry. “You’ve been a good friend.”
“Why Zelda? No, you can’t go.”
“We’ll be speaking a lot in the next few weeks switching the papers over. We’ll talk about it some other time.” I closed my eyes.
“Did Paolo do something to hurt you? I never liked him. Such a pompous man.”
“No you’re wrong. Be kind when you see him. It was me not him. I have a list of a few personal things I need you to do and I need you to do them tomorrow. I’m sorry to put this on you but I have to go.”
“Anything for you. Where are you going? Back to America?”
“I’ll be in Paris for a month. I’ll figure it out when I get there.” I handed her the piece of paper with a list, which was mostly waiting for drivers to pick up various things for the local charities. “I know that you’ll move our studio somewhere less expensive but could you stay here for a month and collect my mail? I would hate to miss any of my correspondence and I’m not ready to contact anyone yet and letting them know of my plans.”
“Will you add me to your letters Zelda? I’ve always been envious of the old fashioned way you keep in touch. I would love to write to you Zelda.” I broke down in tears and hugged her tightly.
“Yes. Why don’t I get dressed? I need to say good-bye to the grocer and florist and all the other vendors on our street. Come with me.”
We wandered around the neighborhood eating all the food we came across. I didn’t say good-bye to any of the people we ran into. I took them in instead. I let them become part of me forever. Good-bye would have been too hard.
…
We arrived at the Train Station at 7:00 PM. Astrid had packed two suitcases for herself, two for Louisa and I had packed one for myself. Manageable but we still retained the services of a porter to help us into our sleeping compartments.
I had reserved two first class rooms expecting the elegant comfort of the Orient Express. Times had changed apparently. Astrid and I laughed at the tiny mostly plastic rooms. I had turned Astrid into a horrible snob. Another strike against me.
Louisa loved the station, the trains, and the silly porter who looked a bit like Paolo. She called him Papa causing me unbearable pain. I kept it together because that’s what mothers do for their families. We would have dinner, fall asleep and wake up in Paris.
We would go to the hotel. I would send Astrid and Louisa to the park and then I would allow myself a proper total and complete breakdown. I emailed the hotel asking them to remove the liquor from the room. A breakdown was fine, total destruction of our lives was not okay.
We arrived at the hotel in the mid-morning. The day was sunny which felt like a lie. The hotel had gone through a renovation, still beautiful but less authentic to the culture. Our two-bedroom suite was exactly what I needed. We unpacked and I sent Louisa and Astrid out into the day with a fistful of Euro’s. I laid on the bed and finally fell apart. I cried and screamed into the pillow not knowing where I would take my family, not knowing what we do. I missed Paolo but fought the urge to call him. His face smiling in a happier time stayed in my mind’s eye.
Waking up the next day from my nervous collapse I looked at my list. Only one task remained, call Danny. I thought of putting it off for a few days but I knew myself. If I didn’t call him that morning there would a good chance that I would never let him know, raising Louisa by myself telling her lies. I said a prayer to no one and dialed his number.
Chapter Eleven
I had been seeing Shelly for two months, a record since Serge came to live with me. She was nice, kind of dull, but my type, the long blond hair and the tall thin body. We had come back from dinner down the road at The Reel Inn.
She put her hand on my hip as we lay together in my bed watching television. I knew I had lost interest in her. I tried to think of a creative way to get her to end whatever we had going on. What the hell, one last time right? There was always a last time. I kissed her while taking off my clothes and took a condom from my bedside drawer.
My phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, out of area. I ignored it. Shelly took the condom from my hands and unrolled it onto me. The phone rang again. It was 11:30, late for a sales call. I picked it up.
“Hello."
“Danny, hello it’s Zelda.”
“Hey Zelda is everything okay? Hold on for a second.” I put my hand over my phone and asked Shelly to go to the living room. She said no. I got up and went into the bathroom.
“Zelda. What’s going on?” She was silent. I said hello again.
“I’m in Paris at George V Hotel. I need you to come here right now.” More silence.
“Why? What’s going on? I don’t visit married women with babies in foreign countries.” I knew she wasn’t married, whatever.
“Paolo left me.” She said in the same flat way.
“Okay. I get it. I’m not going to fly half way across the world to fuck your pain away.” She burst into tears, not her delicate tears, loud screaming tears. I apologized. I tried to calm her. She hung up.
The card Carolina had given me the year before was in the drawer next to my bed. I couldn’t retrieve it without getting into a discussion with Shelly. That would have been fine, but I needed to talk to Zelda first. How could I have said that to her? What was wrong with me?
I looked up the hotel’s number on my phone. The George V, of course that’s where she would be staying. It would be better to call her on the hotel line. I imagined that in her hysteria she had thrown her cell phone out the window. I connected to the number. A French greeting I didn’t understand answered.
“Zelda Moreau’s room."
“Oui Monsieur."
“Hello” Her voice was still teary.
“I’m so sorry. Don’t hang up. I didn’t want to say this to you but you have to understand. I was devastated after the last time I saw you. It took me back, you know? I don’t want be toyed with. This is embarrassing. I wish I hadn’t seen you.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t say you wish you didn’t see me.” Her crying grew louder.
“My words aren’t working. I wish seeing you didn’t hurt. Good now?”
“I never meant to hurt you. I thought you... It doesn’t matter now. You have to come out to me as soon as possible. Come as my friend. I need a friend.”
“Why? What is going on? Did Paolo hurt you?”
“Paolo didn’t hurt me. I can’t talk about it unless you come to me.” Crying hard again. I had no idea what was going on. I hated that she was in pain.
“I am going to talk you down from whatever you're going through. I’m going to tell you a story about the waves today. Okay. Pay attention, don’t think about anything other than what I’m saying.”
I told her about my perfect surfing day from the previous year’s El Nino. I embellished it as much as possible trying to keep it interesting. The long retelling of it would have bored even Serge. I kept going with the story until her crying became sniffles, and the sniffles turned into silence.
“Feeling better?”
“You hypnotized me.”
“I don’t want to upset you but if I’m going to fly into France I need to know why.”
“You’ll come? Oh Danny. Thank you. How soon could you be here?"
“That’s not what I said.”
“You said fly into France. I heard you. You said that.” She laughed a little. My erection came back. I stroked it.
“Zelda tell me a story. I want to hear your voice.”
“Confirm you will be here. The only stories I can think of are the tales I tell Louisa.” She sniffled. I would have to pull her back from the sadness.
“No fairytales. Tell me about...” I tried to
think of a safe territory for her. “Your scarves. My mom loves them.” What could be emotional about making hippie shawls?
“I don’t understand why, but okay. Tell me you’ll be here soon before I begin.”
“You are a ruthless negotiator. I’ll fly out to you. Let me look at the class schedule and get back to you in the morning about the date. Story time.” I was a rock, up and down my hand went.
“We have barrels in my studio... plant dyes... shrinking...” I stopped listening to the words only hearing her voice. It wasn’t a sexy voice. Her words were always too clear for that but it was the voice that did it for me anyway.
“Why are you breathing that way? Are you touching yourself?”
“No...Yes. Sorry. I was in the middle of something before you called. Forget it. I’ll stop.” She was silent for a full minute.
“I’m going to do something but don’t take it the wrong way. You’re coming to me as a friend. This is one-off and I probably won’t be any good at it. Go into your bathroom and get some oil, almond oil.”
“I’m in my bathroom. I’ll see if I have any oil.” I wasn’t going to hope for what I was suspecting.
“Why are you in your bathroom?”
“Privacy. I have Jojoba oil.”
“I’m going to do this with you, okay?”
“Yes.” Please be what I’m thinking.
“Put the oil in your hand. Do you still have strong hands?”
“Yes,” I could barely speak.
“I want you to close your eyes and rub the oil onto yourself. Are you rubbing it on?"
I grunted in response.
“Good, good. I want you to remember the day after you ran the marathon when we lived in Boston. Do you remember that morning?”
“Yes.” I managed to say.
“You remember how I woke up, and I wanted you? Do you remember saying no to me because your legs hurt? I want you to see it in your head. This won’t work otherwise. Do you see it?”
“Yes.”
“I rubbed against you, I put you in my mouth. You were too tired to move. Do you remember what I did next? Because I’m doing it right now.”
“Yes.” I was about to explode. I slowed down to let her catch up.
“To make you laugh I lay down next to you and put my fingers on myself. I moved them up and down. It woke you up a bit. Remember? You sat in front of me and watched. I’m doing it now. I don’t remember what you liked more, when I rubbed myself or when I put my fingers inside me. Do you remember what you liked more?”
“Inside.”
“I’m putting them inside me now. Mmmm. It’s so slick.”
I groaned dying.
“Do you remember what you did then? You joined me. Remember. You put your fingers inside me and moved them in and out so slowly. You watched me while I touched myself. I liked that you watched me do that. Does it feel good? Do you see it?”
“Yes.”
“My fingers are going in and out. My fingers are so thin, yours were stronger, your knuckles deep inside me.” That was it. I exploded.
“I fucking love you.”
“Shush I’m not done. Talk to me Danny.”
“I put my mouth on you. I used my tongue. You kept your hand there. I buried myself in you. My legs weren’t tired anymore. I was metal. I was in you.” A deep sigh came from her end of the phone.
“I hope that was as good for you as it was for me. I feel so much better. That was the first and last time okay? You’re coming to me as my friend.”
“You’re my best friend Zelda. I’ll call you tomorrow at this time with the plans. Think of another story.”
“Good night Danny.” She laughed and hung up. I sat on the ground happy to be sucked back into her world.
I got up off the floor, washed my hands, put on my bathrobe and opened the door to Shelly standing in front of me crying.
“I heard everything. Who’s Zelda? Everyone warned me about you. Why didn’t I listen?”
“I’m sorry Shelly. She’s an old friend. I don’t know what to say.” I felt bad to see her hurt but relief knowing she would end it after saying a few words designed to retain her pride. I put my hands on her shoulders. I was desperate for her to get it over with.
“Did I do something wrong? Everyone said you couldn’t commit. We’ve been so good for the past few months…”
“You’re great.” Please leave already. “It’s me Shelly. You’re friends were right.” I led her to the door. “I wish I could have made it work with you because you’re great. I understand. Where are your keys?”
That’s when she slapped me.
“Stop humoring me. Asshole. Every shitty thing you’ve done is going to come right back at you Danny Goldberg. All of it.” She yelled as she stomped out. Having the last word seemed to help them move on. Throwing a karma curse was always one of my favorites. Good-bye Shelly.
I sat on the sofa in the living room and stared out the window and watched the waves roll in illuminated by my neighbor’s powerful outdoor lights. The rhythmic pounding on the beach drifted me off to the thinking about Zelda. I thought of bringing her back home, from that forever-long side trip she made across the ocean, happy together, just the two of us on the beach.
“Dude what happened? I’ve been stuck outside with a crying Shelly for the past half an hour. You need to work on your exit strategies. Big fail bro.” Serge asked as he came through the front door.
“You won’t have any more problems with that. I’m going to Paris to bring Zelda back home.” I held up my hand for a high-five. He looked at me as if I were crazy.
“You’re high dude.”
“She called me. She wants me to come out as soon as possible. Her words. I’m going to go pick up my prize. I’ve waited long enough... Dude.”
“Shelly mentioned you were locked in a bathroom talking to someone. Dude, you know she has a baby and a boyfriend that she’s had for like I don’t know six or seven years?”
“They’re over. Done. She wants me.” My body shook and released whatever I had held back over the years.
“You okay? Let me get you a beer.” He went into the kitchen and brought back two bottles and sat down next to me. “Drink it.”
“I talked to Carolina a few days ago and she said Zelda was happy planning Louisa’s birthday party. No mention of any problems.” He patted my shoulder, “Have you considered her baby in your plan? The father might not be too crazy about her being raised 8,000 miles away.”
“He let her leave and take the baby to Paris...”
“Wake-up dude. Madrid to Paris is like LA to San Francisco.” He stretched his legs out on the coffee table and stared out at the waves with me. “Remember when I was going to take you down for taking advantage of her? I misread that.”
“We’ll figure out the details. I’m bringing her home.”
“Did she say that she wanted to come back? Does she think of LA as home?”
“No but she called she wants me there. You should have heard her. She was crying, persistent.”
“Shelly said she phone sexed you. I don’t want to get in your business but I don’t want you to be her transatlantic late night sex call. Does she know how hard you take it?"
“I went through it with her. She wants me to come out as a friend. You’re throwing a bummer on my whole plan.”
“Sorry dude but it’s so out of the blue. If she thinks of you as her friend that’s probably all you are to her. I don’t want you knocked down again.” He scratched his head and one of his dreadlocks fell out. “How does the phone sex fit in? I don’t get you two, now or ever.”
“I know she called me her friend, but then she did her sexy thing. It was her idea, kind of. She fucking loves me. I fucking love her. That’s all anyone needs to know.” I got up and went to bed.
…
I called her the next night at the same time. It sounded like she had been crying. I asked her about what had happened, how she had ended up in Paris. Full tears. She w
asn’t going to tell me about it until I was with her.
“Okay I can leave eight days from now but could only stay for five days, or come out in three weeks and stay for a month. What’s better for you?”
“Today would be best.”
“I want to be with you right now but it’s my final class. I need this program to be over.”
