"Which is why he needs to be going," Raine says, coming up beside me. "Bye, Miles."
I chuckle. "I wasn't planning to leave. We haven't decided about dinner."
"Dinner?" Gladys asks.
I look at Raine. "You didn't tell her about dinner?"
Raine clears her throat. "I knew she wasn't feeling well and I wasn't going to leave her all alone. Dinner wasn't going to work."
"He asked you to dinner?" Gladys asks Raine.
"I asked you both," I say. "But apparently you didn't get the invite."
Raine gives Gladys a look to go along with whatever she's thinking, which I'm guessing is that she wants out of this dinner. But why? I understand if she's not interested in dating me but we could at least be friends. So why won't she go to dinner with me?
"I'd love to go," Gladys says, "but as Raine said, I've been struggling with this cough and really should stay here and rest. But Raine, you should go." She looks at her. "There's that restaurant down the street that just opened. The one you keep saying smells so good when you walk by?"
"Which one is that?" I ask, not sure what she's talking about.
"It doesn't matter," Raine says, walking back to the tent. "We're not going." She zips the tent closed because the wind kept blowing the flaps around, making a loud noise.
"Raine, dear, just go," Gladys says. "You can walk there and be back in an hour. I'll be fine for an hour."
"Or we could somewhere else," I say. "I have my car so wherever you want to go. Doesn't matter to me."
"I think it's best if you walked," Gladys says with a smile, but the hint of concern in her eye tells me she's not sure she can trust me. She wants us to walk because she doesn't want Raine in my car.
"Then we'll go to the place down the street," I say with a smile, trying to appear friendly and not the least bit threatening. I didn't think I was, or even appeared to be, but I guess when you're on the streets, everyone seems like a threat.
"Gladys, wait there," Raine says. "I'll be right back." She comes over and grabs my arm, then says in a low tone, "Let's talk on the street."
We walk out of the alley and she continues down the street until we're just past the coffee shop.
"I told you I couldn't go," she says, her hands on her hips.
"And lied about the reason why," I point out.
"I didn't lie. Gladys is sick. Didn't you hear her coughing? I can't leave her when she's like that."
"You said she's always like that."
"She is but—that's not the point. I don't like leaving her."
"You leave her every day when you go looking for food."
"That's different." She folds her arms over her chest, glancing to the side.
"You never planned to have dinner with me, did you?"
She doesn't answer.
"So you're the liar, not me."
Her eyes dart back to me. "I'm not a liar. And I never said you were."
"You did. Last night. You said all lawyers are liars, and yet you're the one who lied."
"I didn't lie," she insists.
"You said you'd have dinner with me, knowing you never planned to."
She looks down, then back up at me. "Okay, yeah, I lied. I never planned to have dinner with you but I had to agree to it last night so you'd go away."
I cock my head. "You really wanted me to go away?"
Her eyes are red and I wonder if it's from allergies or because she's fighting back tears. She's trying really hard to hide how she feels but I can feel her sadness. Is it because of me? Do I make her sad? I hope not.
"Raine, if you want me to go away, just say so. But don't just say it because you think you should. Say it because it's what you really want."
She blinks a few times and I notice the wetness in her eyes but her face remains stoic.
"It's not—" She takes a breath. "It's not what I want. I wanted to go. I just..." She looks down.
"If you wanted to go, then why are you trying to cancel on me?" I ask, softening my voice. "It's just dinner. It doesn't have to be a date or anything more than just two people getting to know each other."
Her eyes go to mine. "Why would you want that? I don't understand."
"Why wouldn't I want to have dinner with a beautiful girl who's also funny and has a great smile and great laugh and who I find fascinating and amazing and can't stop thinking about?" I pause. "Good question. It does seem odd, doesn't it?"
She smiles. "You don't really think that."
I step closer. "I wouldn't have said it if I didn't."
She looks to the side, biting her lip.
"What is it?" I ask. "What's wrong?"
"I don't—" She looks down. "I don't have anything to wear. I mean, anything clean."
My heart aches hearing her say it. That's the reason she won't go with me. The real reason. Because she's embarrassed. Ashamed. Her clothes are dirty and I'm guessing she has no way to clean them, or herself. But she doesn't smell. And her hair looks clean. Does she go someplace to shower? I have so many questions but I'm afraid to ask.
"I have some gym clothes in my car," I say, trying to lighten the mood. "But I'm about a hundred pounds heavier and a lot taller than you so they probably won't fit."
Her head lifts and she looks at me like I'm serious. "That won't work."
"Raine, I was kidding. What you're wearing is fine. It doesn't matter to me. All I want is to spend time with you."
She looks like she's about to agree to it but then doesn't, blinking her eyes like she's holding back tears.
"Raine, what is it?"
She looks down at herself. "They won't let me in the restaurant. Not like this. They'll be able to tell. They kick people like me out."
"They're not going to kick out a paying customer."
She pauses, then says, "I don't want to go, okay? I mean, I do, but I can't."
"Because of your clothes? Raine, if that's the reason, we'll go get you different clothes. Whatever you want."
"No," she says, backing away from me. "You can't do that."
"Do what?"
She turns her back to me. "You can't buy me stuff. If you do, it'll be just like—"
I walk around to face her. "Just like what?"
She shakes her head. "Never mind."
"Raine, I know you're not telling me something. What is it? Why are you acting this way?"
She sighs. "Just go away."
"I don't want to. And I don't think you want that either. You're just scared or angry or both, but it's not because of me. It's because of something you're not telling me."
"You just met me," she says, rolling her eyes. "And you think you know everything about me?"
"No, but I want to." I take a breath. "It's one night. One dinner. I had a really shitty day at work and this was the only thing keeping me going. I've been looking forward to it all day. Can you at least go for me? So I'm not sitting home alone in my apartment thinking about my shitty day?"
She half smiles. "You were looking forward to this?"
"All freaking day. I swear. So you canceling on me is going to make today even worse."
She hesitates. "Okay, fine. But do you have anything I could wear? Like maybe a t-shirt in those gyms clothes you have in your car?"
"I do, but it's going to be huge on you."
"I don't care." She tugs on her shirt. "I've been wearing this for days. I don't want to wear it to dinner."
"Can I ask you something? If you don't want to answer, that's fine."
"Go ahead."
"Is that all you have?" I look down at her clothes.
"I have some other stuff but I need to wash it. Zoe lets Gladys and me keep a box in the coffee shop with some clothes and whatever else we don't want to leave outside. I don't have much but I have another pair of jeans and a few t-shirts."
"Where do you go to wash them?"
"The bathroom at the coffee shop. Or sometimes Zoe will take them home with her to wash, but we don't like making her do that so we try
to clean them ourselves."
"You know, there's nothing wrong with letting people help, especially if they offer."
"You'd think it'd be easy like that, but it's not. When you're out here, you've already lost everything. Sometimes just taking care of the few possessions you have is the only thing that makes you feel halfway normal. Like everyone else."
It's strange to think of a chore like washing clothes as something you'd want to do. Something that would make you feel better. But the way she explained it, it makes sense.
"C'mon," I say, motioning her to follow me as I walk back to my car.
"Wait, I don't want to drive anywhere."
"We're not. I'm just getting you a t-shirt. Then we'll go to that place Gladys was talking about."
She catches up to me at the car. "Miles, just forget it. I can't wear your clothes. They'll be way too big on me."
She's right. She's tiny. My shirt would hang down to her knees. But luckily I have one that might fit. I open my trunk and pull out a long-sleeve black t-shirt.
"Here." I hand it to her. "Try it on and see if it fits."
She holds it up. "This is a woman's shirt." She eyes me suspiciously. "Why do you have a woman's shirt?"
"I have a whole box of them. Men's too." I point to the boxes in the trunk.
"Why do you have all those shirts?"
"It's for work. We're having the firm's logo put on them and because I'm the new guy, I got assigned to taking them to the place that stitches the logo on. They're closed now so I'll do it in the morning."
She shoves the shirt at me. "I can't take this. It'd be stealing."
"It's not stealing. We ordered a ton of them in case they make a mistake. We have more than enough. In fact you could take two and they wouldn't even notice any are missing." I reach in and take out another one. "Here. It's yours."
"I can't take it."
I shut the trunk. "Too late. They're already out of the box. They're yours."
"Miles, I mean it. You could get in trouble for giving me these."
"Who's going to know? Raine, I'm telling you, nobody's going to miss a couple t-shirts. You know how much money the firm wastes on stuff that just gets thrown out? Like today, they catered lunch from some fancy restaurant for a meeting and almost all of it got thrown out. That lunch cost more than all the t-shirts in that box. So trust me, they won't care if two are missing."
She considers it. "Okay, but I'm only taking one."
"Just take them both. They're warm and they'll fit you. You can wear one tonight and wear the other one the next time I take you out."
"Next time?" she says, raising her brows. "Maybe this will be the only time."
"Or maybe this will be the first of many." I smile.
"You're getting way ahead of yourself."
"I like to think positive." I nod toward the coffee shop. "Go in there and change. I'll wait out here."
"While I'm in there, could you go check on Gladys?"
"Sure."
Raine goes in to change while I go back to the alley. Gladys is sitting in her lawn chair, her eyes closed.
"Gladys?" I say quietly as I approach her.
Her eyes open. "Miles? Where's Raine?"
"She's inside changing shirts. I had some extra so I gave her one."
"And she took it?" Gladys asks, sounding surprised.
"After arguing about it, yes." I smile.
"I'm surprised. She was so upset about all of this." Gladys waves her hand toward the tent. "I didn't think she'd accept anything more."
"About that." I take the milk crate that's next to her and move it in front of her, sitting down. "Why does Raine get so angry when I give her stuff?"
Gladys reaches over and pats my hand. "Just let it be."
"What does that mean?"
"It means she'll tell you when she's ready." She sits back in her chair. "What is it you want with her, Miles?"
"I just want to get to know her."
"Why her? I know she's a beautiful girl but she's not at a good place in her life. She's struggling. She has a past."
"You mean the drugs? She told me about that."
"She did?" Gladys raises her brows. "I'm surprised she'd tell you."
"She told me last night. She told me the whole story. And she told me about her mom taking off. And her dad."
Gladys frowns and looks down at her tan, wrinkled hands resting in her lap.
"What's wrong?"
She shakes her head. "She wants what she can't have."
"Meaning what?"
"I didn't think she'd even consider it again this soon."
"Consider what? What are you talking about?"
She lifts her eyes to mine. "Raine's a sweet girl. She pretends not to be, but she is. She cares for me like family, even though we met just a few months ago."
Gladys coughs and doesn't stop. I reach for her bottle of water and hand it to her. She takes a sip, then says, "You seem like a nice young man, but I just don't think now is the time."
"The time for what?"
"She still has so much to work through. She needs to learn to trust herself again."
"Gladys, what are you saying? Are you telling me to leave Raine alone?"
She stares at me a moment, then smiles. "Actually, no. I think you might be just what Raine needs. But not in a romantic way. She needs you to be a friend. Someone she can trust."
"Of course she can trust me, but I have to admit, I do have feelings for her. As more than a friend."
"I know you do. And I know she feels the same way about you. I can tell by the way her eyes light up when she talks about you. But she won't let you in, Miles. So don't expect her to. And don't wait for her. If it were a different time, a different place, maybe you two could be what you were hoping for, but now isn't the time. And Raine knows that. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she told you that herself."
She kind of already did by telling me to go away, and turning me down whenever I ask her out.
"You're a very handsome young man," Gladys continues. "You could have most any girl you choose. So choose one of them, not my sweet Raine. She's not ready. She needs more time."
"More time for what? I don't get it."
Gladys doesn't answer, her eyes shutting as she hums to herself. I guess she's telling me she's done talking, but I need to know more.
I glance at the street to check for Raine but she's not there. She's taking longer than I thought she would. She better not have run away and ditched me. I want to keep getting to know her. I want to figure out how she got here, why she's living this way.
"I don't want some other girl," I say to Gladys. "Tell me what I can do to help Raine. To help her with whatever she's struggling with. I want to help her but she won't let me. Tell me what to do."
The humming stops and Gladys' eyes open. "Let her be."
"But what does that mean? You told me to be friends with her but now you're telling me not to?"
"Take her to dinner." She turns her head and smiles. "You look lovely, dear."
I look over and see Raine coming toward us, a big smile on her face as she points to her t-shirt. "It fits."
Gladys nods. "It's very nice."
"I borrowed it. Just for tonight."
I stand up. "It's yours. I'm not taking it back." I smile at her. The shirt fits her perfectly, clinging to her perky breasts and skimming down to her narrow waist. Her face is clean and bright like she just washed it, and her long dark hair has been brushed smooth and straight.
"Looks great on you," I say.
"Thanks." She glances down at that simple t-shirt like it's the best thing in the world. It makes me wonder how long it's been since she's had something new that was just hers. The stuff I gave her last night she gave to Gladys, so although they share it, she doesn't consider it hers. But that shirt I gave her is something just for her.
Gladys winks at Raine. "Have fun tonight."
"We're just going to dinner. We won't be out late." Raine cr
ouches down next to Gladys. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"
"I'll be fine, dear." She pats her hand.
"I told Shelly to come out and check on you. She'll probably forget but if you need her, just go inside, okay?"
Gladys smiles and nods.
Raine stands up. "Okay, well, I guess we'll go."
She seems nervous, and I don't know if it's because she's worried about Gladys or worried about going out with me. I want to put my arm around her or hold her hand and tell her everything's going to be okay, but I'm afraid doing that would make her uncomfortable and that's the last thing I want. I feel like if I do or say the wrong thing she'll run off and never agree to see me again.
Part of me is wondering why I'm even doing this. Why I'm pursuing a homeless girl and former drug addict when, like Gladys said, I could easily find someone else, like that girl who works at my office. I saw her when I was leaving today and she asked if I wanted to get a drink. I told her I already had plans. She's made it clear she wants to go out with me, and I would if I'd never met Raine.
Why can't I get her out of my head? Why do I like her so much?
It doesn't make logical sense but the heart never does. It does what it wants. And it wants Raine.
10
Raine
This feels like a dream, but a very strange dream. I just had dinner with an extremely hot lawyer who's also funny and charming and who I'm very attracted to and yet I can't date him. I shouldn't even be having dinner with him. So it's really not a dream at all. It's more like a sick, cruel joke I'm playing on myself, letting myself believe I could have this, but knowing I can't.
Why am I doing this? Why am I here? Why did I agree to this?
"I had a great time," Miles says, and then he smiles, and that right there is how I got sucked into doing this. He has the kindest, sweetest, hottest smile. It melts your heart and panties all at once. It's his secret weapon and it's not fair because every time I see it, I can't resist it. He must know this because he smiles all the damn time.
"Yeah, it was fun," I say, casually, like it's something I do every day. The truth is I haven't eaten out since that night. The night Rob took me out, pretending everything was fine, pretending he wasn’t angry I’d found out. The next morning, I ended up in the hospital.
Home With You Page 9
