"And you're telling me this now because...?"
John fixed me with a solemn stare. "Because I want to pick up where we left off."
"What?" I gaped incredulously at him. Was I hearing things? He couldn't possibly mean...
John walked up to me and grabbed my shoulder firmly. He leaned his face closer to mine, blue eyes intense. "I want you back, Kai. I want things the way it used to be."
I stared at him, completely thrown off guard. Was he serious? He wanted me back now? NOW?
"You're married," I blurted out.
John smiled crookedly, that familiar crooked smile that used to drive me crazy. Now...now it just put an ache in my heart. "It's not working out between Julia and I."
"John, you've only been married for a week!"
"Yeah, but we've been having problems for months now, ever since we got engaged." He paused as if searching for the right words to say. "We don't-we don't agree on certain things."
"So what? Now you want me back?"
"Julia isn't you, Kai. You understand me."
I shrugged his hands off my shoulder and stepped back. "It's too late between us."
"But we can continue as we were before," he insisted.
"Do you know what you're saying, John?" I shook my head at him. "You're asking me to help you commit infidelity!"
John closed his eyes and rubbed his temple, as if he too was tortured by the idea. "I know, Kai, I know but...I can't live without you." He looked at me with tormented eyes. "Being with Julia made me realize that. I made a mistake."
"I can't enter a relationship with you again, " I told him firmly. "It's too late."
"But I love you."
Damn him! Why!? Why now? Why did he have to come to me and say that just when I was starting to get over him. Just when I thought I was moving on. How could he do this to me? I felt my eyes burning with tears, tears of hatred for him, tears of weakness because I was swayed by his words.
I love you. I've been waiting for him to say those words for a very long time. So very long...
"Kai." John reached out and cupped my face between his hands. "Kai, let's start over."
My stomach churned at his words. Start over...
"You know me," he whispered, "and I know you. I made a mistake in getting married but don't let that mistake come in between us. I was a fool to let you go in the first place, I admit that, but don't turn us down. Let's start over. I love you."
I grasped the hands on my face. "I can't..."
"You can." John kissed my forehead. "We can."
I swallowed, so tempted by his words because they were the same ones I've longed for him to say the minute he told me he was getting married. I had kept waiting for him to come back to me, waiting for him to come back to his senses and realize that it was me that he wanted. That it was with me where his happiness lies.
"Are you divorcing her?"
John stiffened.
I lifted my eyes up and looked at him. "Are you saying that you'll leave her for me?"
"It's not that easy."
I knew it. My heart burned. I knew he wouldn't leave her. Not for me.
"You need to leave," I said softly and stepped out of his reach. "Just leave, John."
"Kai." He grabbed my arm desperately, possibly sensing that I was drifting away from him. "It's not that easy! I can't just divorce her."
"And why not?" I shot back angrily. "If you want to be with me, you would leave her!"
"Her father could crush my career," he stressed. "He could destroy my chances-"
I jerked my arm back from him, completely disgusted by him. "Get out."
"Kai."
I walked to the door and opened it. "Leave, John. We're through here."
John moved but didn't walk out the door. Instead he planted himself in front of me. "I don't want to leave you."
I looked away from his pleading stare. "You're already gone."
"But I love you."
"You love yourself, you selfish bastard."
But John wasn't buying it. He grabbed my arms again and shook me. "We can make this work! Just have faith in me. In us."
"There is no 'us', John. Can't you see that? There hasn't been an 'us' for a long time since before you told me you were marrying, Julia. There was just a 'you'. Just you and your precious paintings."
"Tell me you don't love me," he barked, looking angry now, "tell me that you don't love me anymore. I dare you to lie and say it. Do it without looking like you're going to cry and I'll leave. I'll give up." He shook me harder. "Tell me you don't think about me. Tell me you don't love me, Kai. Go ahead and say it!"
I opened my mouth to tell him that I haven't thought about him since he got married, that I didn't love him anymore but one look into his eyes and I knew that he'd know that I was lying. The truth is that I have been thinking about him. Always comparing him to Cedric, always wondering what could have been...
My eyes widened. Oh god, Cedric. I had completely forgotten about him! He could come any minute and see us like this. He'd misunderstand.
"John," I said, trying to release his hold on me. "John, let me go. You have to leave. Now."
"Not until you tell me that you don't love me anymore."
"John!" Struggling against his hold, we stumbled out my apartment and out into the open. "John, let go!"
His lips connected with mine and I stiffened. He pressed his lips against mine, urging me to return his kiss but I remained frozen, heart swaying between reason, between good judgment and bad. A part of me wanted to shove him away but at the same time another part wanted to surrender to this, to him.
It would just be so easy to.
Then I heard a girlish gasp followed by a snappy "What the hell!?"
John and I broke apart, turning to our intruders. My heart fell when I saw that it was Cedric standing in front of the stairs with two girls a step below him. The girls eyes were wide with surprise while Cedric...he just stood there staring at us, completely silent.
"Ced?" John frowned. "What are you doing here?"
"Cedric," I whispered, knowing that the scene he had just witnessed looked incriminating. "Ced, it's not what you think. I..."
"Isn't that your older brother, Cedric?" The girl with the red hair asked, shooting us a disgusted look. The smaller one, the one with gold curls just clutched onto Cedric's hand, eyes darting between me and him.
"Shouldn't you be at home?" John asked his younger brother. "Why are you here?"
I closed my eyes and groaned. This couldn't possibly turn out well. I told John that I had a new lover earlier but I never intended for him to find out that it was Cedric. Not this way.
And Cedric, he stared at me as if waiting for an explanation, but what do I tell him? That I hadn't meant to kiss John? And if I hadn't meant to then why didn't I push him away? How could I tell Ced that I had been torn with indecision without looking like I had wanted it to happen?
"Let's go," Cedric finally spoke up after several seconds of suffocating silence. He turned and started down the stairs. "I'll take you two home."
"No," I found myself saying. "Cedric, wait!" I couldn't let him leave like this! Couldn't have him think...think what!? He had stepped into this relationship convinced that he was a replacement for John so why would seeing us together affect him?
Still...still, I didn't want him to leave just like that. It seemed like if I let him go now, I'd never see him again. And that very thought frightened me.
"Wait!" I grabbed his arm and dragged him back to the top of the stairs. "I said wait! We need to talk!"
"Hey!" Both the girls cried out as I continued to drag Cedric back with me. I ignored them and forced Cedric back with me to my door, walking right past John who stared confusedly at us.
"Sorry," I told the two girls who rushed towards us. "But this is a private discussion."
I sent John a look and slammed the door close on their surprised faces.
Chapter Seven
"I've had the rest
of you now I want the best of you, I don't care if that's not fair. Cause I want it all or nothing at all, there's nowhere left to fall when you've reached the bottom. It's now or never."- OTown
+Cedric+
Kai slammed the door close and pushed me against it, his face flushed with guilt.
"Listen," he started, "it's not what you think. Whatever it is you think you saw, you didn't see it."
I didn't comment on that. Instead I remained silent, waiting for him to continue on. He looked cute like this, with his face pink and flustered. It's not a look that I often saw on him. I suppose he thought that I was upset at what I just witnessed going on between him and my brother and he would be right on that assumption.
I am upset. Very.
In fact, I was tempted to turn right around and punch my beloved older brother right between the eyes but I kept the temptation at bay. If I acted on such an impulse now, who knows how Kai would react. So for now I'll abide my time and hear Kai's excuses. This should prove entertaining.
"H-he just showed up," he was saying, "I didn't call him. Then he kissed me and...and then you came...it was just all bad timing. This isn’t some soap opera, damn it!"
I watched his expression, amused at his hand gestures and stammering. I knew I was making him uncomfortable with my silence but I felt like if I said something now, he'd stop. I wanted him to keep talking, to keep trying to explain himself because maybe, just maybe, he'd realize why he was so desperate to make things clear with me.
That he'd realize he was falling in love with me.
"But it's not like you should have the right to be upset," Kai went on and crossed his arms. "It's not like we're actually a couple. This was all just an arrangement that suited us both." He paused before continuing with, "You're my replacement for John...and you just want my body."
Ah. So he still thought that. Funny, I'm pretty sure that I mentioned to him that the only reason why I suggested a physical relationship with him was because it seemed to be the only way I could get his attention. Somehow he must have forgotten that or possibly just purposely forgotten it. Kai seemed to be rather good at doing that.
"Well?" He snapped impatiently, "aren't you going to say something?"
I studied him for a few seconds longer, wanting to choose my words carefully. "What do you want me to say?"
He stared at me. "I-well I want you to say that you understand what I'm saying."
"And what are you saying?"
He opened his mouth and shut it again. Kai uncrossed his arms and began to pace. "I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. This," he waved to me, "this was all a mistake. It shouldn't have happened."
"What shouldn't have?"
He stopped pacing and faced me. "Us, Cedric. Us. We shouldn't have happened."
"And what exactly happened between us?"
Kai looked at me as if I had lost my mind. I hadn't actually. In fact I was quite sane. Kai was just making things a little bit difficult, running in circles like this so it was left up to me to lead him to the truth. How he really felt on what was going on between us.
True, it's only been a week since we started this 'relationship' but I'm pretty confident that he's as crazy about me as I was about him. If I didn't think that, and if he didn’t feel that way, I wouldn't be standing here now.
"What exactly happened between us?" He parroted. "We started this affair."
"And you regret it?"
He blinked. "Well...I..."
I turned as if to leave, grabbing the door knob. Kai stopped me before I could even turn the knob. "What are you doing?" He cried. "Where are you going?"
I hid my smile and glanced at him. "I'm leaving."
His eyes widened. "Why?"
"If you regret having anything to do with me, then why am I still here?" I lifted a brow at him. "Or maybe you do want me to stay. Maybe you don't regret it." I released the knob and faced him. "Maybe you want more in this relationship than just sex with someone who looks like your ex-lover."
Kai stared at me, looking confused. Truly, he looked adorable this way. "But I thought...Cedric, I thought that's all you really wanted from me. It seemed to be the only thing we ever really do."
"What? Sex?" I leaned my shoulder against the door and allowed a small smile to play across my lips. "Kai, didn't I tell you before? I used that excuse to get closer to you."
"But..."
"I want more than just your body," I continued. "I want it all. Truthfully, during sex is the only time I feel like you're completely mine. You're not thinking of John, you're thinking of me. It's probably the only time you don't compare us."
He continued to stare at me, looking completely dumbfounded.
" And I'm pretty sure that I told you that I love you, Kaito."
"You said you like me," he pointed out, "there's a difference between like and love."
"True," I conceded, "but I think you knew deep down what I meant. I couldn't say 'love' out right because you're skittish. Saying 'I love you' would have just made you run away from me and I didn't want that. Instead, I thought that I'd just abide my time until you finally caved into your feelings for me."
I sighed. "I thought I had a week left. I didn't expect John to show up so soon."
"You knew that he would?" Kai's eyes searched mine. "You knew he'd come back for me?"
"Yes. My brother has always been fickle like that. I knew he was bound to realize what he'd lost and come back for it." I reached out and finally touched him, caressing his cheek. "But I planned to beat him to you this time."
Kai grabbed my hand but not to push it away, I noticed. No, he held onto it and stared at my fingers, brows furrowed. "So," he said slowly before lifting up those brown eyes to look at me. "You-you want a real relationship with me?"
"Yes."
He swallowed. "How can I trust you? Cedric you're just a teenager, maybe you're just confused."
"You took a chance with my brother," I said, "now take a chance with me."
I took a step closer to him and bumped our foreheads together. "Kai, I wont make promises that I'll always be with you because things happen. Who knows, I might get hit by a bus tomorrow."
"That's not funny," Kai muttered, glaring at me.
I smiled. "My point is that I want to live for the now. I want to explore these feelings I have for you which I'm pretty sure you have for me too, no, don't try to deny it." I shook my head before he could protest. "I know I'm just a kid to you, that my words aren't as dependable compared to an adults and I really have nothing to give you but my words," I grabbed his hand and pressed it against my chest. "My heart and body."
"If you're willing to wait for me," I continued, "I can promise that I'll grow up into a better man with your guidance."
"Are you really just 17?" Kai asked with a shaky laugh. "I wouldn't think that those serious words would come out of a 17 year old."
I shrugged. "I'm just telling you how I feel. Honestly, I'm really not that confident that you'll choose me over my brother. But I am confident that you feel something for me so I'll just have to leave my hopes to that."
"Cedric..."
"Kai," I cut him off, "You'll probably think that it's childish of me to say this but...I want you and don't want to share. I want you to be my Kaito and no one elses." I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Mine."
+Kai+
I want you to be my Kaito and no one elses. Mine.
Such childish words, I thought, but they burrowed deep in my heart and my heart, the poor fool, clung onto it.
Take a chance with me, he had said. Take a chance.
"Kai!?" John pounded on the door outside. "Hey! What's going on in there? Let me in."
"Cedric?" A female voice joined his. "Hey, you okay in there? Want me to call the cops? Cause I'll do it!"
"Put that away," we heard John snap. "Nobody's calling the cops."
"You're not the boss of me, buster."
"Kara! Why isn't Ced-Pooh coming out!?"
I sighed. I had forgotten that we had left people out there. Cedric stepped back, releasing his hold on me. "Kai," he said, "I'm going to drop my friends off but I'll come back." He paused. "Whatever you have to settle between you and my brother, do it while I'm gone."
I stared at him. "You trust us to be left alone?"
"I trust you," he said. "My brother? Not so much." Cedric gave me that famous Fitzpatrick smile, the one with a slight crook that melted the heart. "I'll trust you to fend him off so I'll leave you two adults to talk while I'm gone."
Cedric opened the door before I could stop him and stepped out. His two friends immediately rushed to him, voices raised and questioning. I didn't miss the dirty looks sent my way.
"Kai, what the hell is going on?" John asked.
"Come inside," I told him. "We need to talk."
"Oh wait," Cedric said, "before I go." He grabbed my shoulder and jerked me forward, lips crashing into mine. He kissed me right there in front of everyone with a passion that shook me to my core, making my knees weak and heart race.
When he stepped back, he gave John a nod, "Brother," then turned and walked down the stairs. The two girls gaped at me before quickly rushing after Cedric. And John, poor John stared at me in complete shock.
"My brother?" He said, "your new lover is my brother?"
Forcing my heart at bay, I stepped back in my apartment and beckoned John in. "Like I said...we need to talk."
Chapter Eight
"Remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye. Even with our fists held high, it would have never worked out right, we were never meant for do or die."- Kelly Clarkson
+Kai+
What the hell was that back there?" John demanded as he stepped inside my apartment and slammed the door close behind him. "Are you out of your mind?"
I ignored him and kept walking until we were in my living. Still shaken by Cedric's kiss, I managed to calmly sit down on the couch, directing all my attention on John. "Sit down, John."
"I mean my own brother," John was muttering, pacing back and forth before me. "What the hell were you thinking, Kai?"
Fools Like Us (Fools Like Us #1) Page 5
