She didn’t say it, but having Dawn Lawson in the group of thirty or so women had made the evening more difficult for Lori. Dawn, whose hurt and animosity toward Lori showed in her eyes and
bristled in the air around her.
Serena joined them and helped Lori arrange the last of the squash. “I love your shoes, chica. Did you rob banks in New York or what? I don’t know how else you could afford Manolos.”
Lori smiled. “I had to practically mortgage my apartment, but I couldn’t pass them up.”
“Well, if you ever get tired of them, toss them my way. I’d love a chance to walk a mile in your shoes.”
Agatha motioned toward the tables filled with brightly painted zucchini, spaghetti squash, and crooknecks, and laughed. “Ladies, we did good. Those are some wild zucchinis.”
“I like them.” Serena touched a small rose-colored zucchini. “They’re very colorful. I almost feel like I’m back in Mexico. The women are going to love taking one home.”
“I’m just glad zucchini month is over. I can’t believe it’s almost September,” Lori said.
Agatha chuckled. “But you’ve got lots of new recipes. So it was a success all around.”
“Wait. I know. You could write a cookbook.” Serena motioned toward the tables like Agatha had done earlier. “You could call it How to Stuff a Wild Zucchini.”
“That’s a grand idea,” said Agatha.
Lori laughed. “Maybe I just will.”
“Maybe it could be a book of ideas for Enrichment activities,” Agatha suggested. “You’ll need pictures.”
“I’ve taken lots already,” said Serena, pulling her camera from her purse. “And now I’ll get one of you two.”
As Lori stood where Serena directed, she saw Dawn talking with two other women and pointing in Lori’s direction. The other two women looked at Lori, then quickly away.
It wasn’t too hard to guess that whatever Dawn was saying wasn’t flattering. This calling would be easier if Dawn weren’t around. But then, Lori supposed that Dawn probably thought a romance with John would be easier if Lori weren’t around. So Lori would try to understand that the other woman was hurting and probably not handling it as well as she wished, either. She’d continue to try to pretend Dawn didn’t despise her.
But then Dawn said, loud enough for Lori to hear—loud enough for most everyone to hear—“Does she think we’re all hicks or something?”
The entire group of women turned, wide-eyed and silent, toward Lori, probably wondering if she’d ignore Dawn’s words—as most probably wanted—or if she’d respond—as Jeanette, with her eyes bright and her mouth smiling, seemed to look forward to.
Lori wasn’t sure what she was going to do, either.
Dawn looked away, and Lori suspected she wished she’d kept quiet.
She wanted to pretend Dawn hadn’t spoken, but when the
silence stretched out longer and longer, becoming incredibly uncomfortable, and Lori’s heart couldn’t beat any faster without nearing the bursting point, she figured she’d look the elephant in the living room in the eye, and try to take the sting out of Dawn’s words with a smile. She was suddenly glad for the chance to let these women know what she really thought, rather than what Dawn Lawson said she thought.
She forced herself to look at Dawn. “To be totally honest, I might have thought something like that six weeks ago when I first arrived, but I don’t anymore. I’ve learned a lot during my short time here.”
She looked away from Dawn and around the room. “Now I believe you’re some of the happiest people I’ve ever known. There is a light in your eyes that makes you”—Lori was surprised at the emotion that swept through her, making her voice tremble—“makes you truly beautiful. And I’m very glad I’ve come to know you all. So, no, I definitely don’t think you ladies are hicks. I just thought you’d enjoy a fun, light-hearted evening, eating and visiting with the other sisters. And I hope we can continue now to do just that.”
The color draining from her face, Dawn snatched up her purse and flew from the room. Jeanette followed her. The rest of the ladies began talking again.
Lori’s heart still raced, and she took a deep breath to try to slow it.
“Well done,” said Agatha. “Excellent speech.”
Lori turned to her. “It’s true.”
And it was. Lori realized she wanted that same light to shine from her own eyes. She recognized it now—it was the same light her mother had, the light that helped her let go of any bitterness toward her ex-husband, Lori’s father.
It had to do with the light. The light of the Gospel. The light of Christ. The light that brought peace.
Lori was tired of the negative emotions of hurt and anger and jealousy that so often coiled and writhed painfully in her chest, coloring everything a dark shade. She wanted to move into the light.
She loved the peaceful way she felt around these people.
Around John.
She wanted peace in her life and light in her eyes.
Chapter Twenty-One
John opened the truck door as Lori came out of the building, all smiles. He grinned in return. She waved to him and crossed the parking lot, leaning up for a quick kiss.
He enjoyed the feel of her close to him. When she pulled back, he said, “Need I ask how it went?”
“It was so great. All the women—well, almost all—told me how much they absolutely loved the activity. Several of them said they’d had more fun than they have for a long time.”
“Didn’t I tell you you’d be great?”
She smiled at him and his pulse quickened. “You did. Thanks for being so supportive.”
A warm feeling filled him at her words.
They went inside and he carried out a box filled with the leftover painted vegetables, far fewer than he’d helped her carry in. After they climbed into the truck, some women motioned to Lori and she climbed back out to chat with them for a moment.
While he waited, John turned up the volume on the truck’s scanner so he could listen to the emergency dispatcher. Even though he was off duty, he liked to know what was going on, though he didn’t plan on responding to anything tonight. No, tonight he wanted to spend time with his girl.
When she climbed back in, he spun the knob, turning the volume down so he could barely hear it.
“Do you want to go straight home? Or would you rather go for a drive?”
“I’m still buzzing from the activity. Let’s ride.”
“Your wish is my command,” he teased, and pointed the truck toward the canyon. It was still somewhat light at not-quite-nine o’clock because of the bright moon.
They talked as he drove the twenty minutes to the lookout point. He’d never been able to speak this freely and easily to any woman, ever. Even Dawn had done most of the talking and he’d just stayed quiet. But he found himself confiding things to Lori, exchanging thoughts, becoming closer than he’d ever been to anyone.
As he made the final turn into the pullout and parked at the edge, where the vista of the valley below was revealed in the moonlight, Lori’s reaction was everything he’d hoped for.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered, turning toward him, her eyes bright. “The trees are spectacular.”
The mountainside was covered with trees already turning vivid shades of orange and red and yellow. It was a sight he loved every autumn. “I’ll have to bring you back to see a sunset from here.”
He held out his arm and she smiled, scooting close to him and leaning back against his chest. “I’d rather see the sunset from here.”
His pulse quickened again, both at her words and her nearness. He tightened his arm around her and she snuggled back in until they seemed to be parts of a puzzle, not complete without the other.
She made a satisfied sound, and
his pulse jumped again.
“Like it?” he asked, wanting to please her.
“Very much. It’s the perfect end to a perfect day.”
John never wanted this moment to end. He wanted to keep her here. He didn’t want her to leave. He hadn’t planned to say the words, but, as Lori sighed, he realized he wanted time to pursue Lori. He didn’t dare use the word marriage with her, though it was what he was beginning to want, but he’d like to court her.
Even though she still professed that she wasn’t active in the Church, a calm feeling settled on him, as though that would come. “Lori?”
She traced a fingertip down his arm and intertwined her fingers with his. “Uh-huh.”
“I’d like to call your father and ask for his permission to court you.”
Immediately he knew he’d made a huge mistake; she stiffened and pulled away, turning toward him with wide eyes. “What?”
She sounded upset. Really upset. Monumentally upset.
He’d apparently misread all the signs and was moving much too fast for her, but he’d already said the words and couldn’t take them back. More quietly, he repeated, “I want to court you.”
“Not that part. The other,” she said with a frown on her face and a harsh tone in her voice that he’d never heard before.
Confused, he said, “So you’re okay with me courting you?”
“I’m not sure about that, but I am definitely not okay with you ever calling my father and asking him anything about me. He has nothing to do with my life.”
The evening that had begun so beautifully had just taken a nosedive.
~
Shocked, Lori could only stare at him.
Finally, he spoke, sounding contrite and confused. “I’m sorry, Lori. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I haven’t told you about my father, have I?”
“Not really.” His fingers touched her hand tentatively.
She opened her eyes and took his hand. “I don’t talk about him much. Not at all, actually. But I guess it’s time I told you what happened.”
He squeezed her hand; she squeezed back. “When I was thirteen years old, my mom and dad were having a few marital problems. My mom said it was nothing that couldn’t have been fixed with some counseling, which she tried to get him to go to. I think him getting over his selfishness would have helped, too.”
She shook her head as if to shake off the memories, but they stayed, flooding her. She clutched his hand for support.
“Go on,” he said, gently, and took her hand in both of his, pulling her against him again.
As she leaned into him, he wrapped his arms around her waist and shoulders, enfolding her in caring and support. She suspected it would be easier to talk about her father if she wasn’t looking in John’s eyes.
“He had an affair with a neighbor. Sister Fiona Bennett.”
“I’m so sorry,” he murmured into her hair, his breath warm on her ear. “That must have been really tough for you and your mother and brother.”
She shivered. “A year after the divorce was final, he married Fiona in a quiet civil ceremony. He didn’t invite me, either. I wouldn’t have gone, but it would have been nice to know I was included or that he cared about me at all.”
She was grateful he didn’t rush in, like so many people did, to reassure her that her father must still love her. She wished she could believe he loved her, but he’d proved he didn’t want her around. “He lives thirty miles away from my mother’s house. And I haven’t talked to him since he left. Thirteen years ago.”
“It must feel very unfair to you.”
“It does.” She thought about it for a minute. “I feel sad. And I’m still angry at him for deserting me.”
He squeezed her hand.
“I guess I’m afraid to call him because he might prove once again that he doesn’t care.”
“Sometimes it’s best to face your fears head on.”
“If you really believe that, then why don’t you ride the white roller coaster at Lagoon?”
“Ouch,” he said with a rueful chuckle. “I guess I deserved that.”
“Yes, you did.”
“So if I ride the white roller coaster, will you consider calling your father?”
“I don’t think so. But thanks for caring.”
Even now, when she should be upset still, he could calm her.
They sat quietly again for a minute, and he asked, “Are they still married?”
She sighed deeply and he tightened his embrace again, holding her securely as she faced these painful memories. “A couple of years ago they were sealed in the temple and now he’s living like a righteous person, but I know he’s this big hypocrite. Him and his whole family of Hideous H’s.”
When he spoke, he sounded tentative—and surprised. “Hideous . . . H’s?”
“Yeah. Hillary, Hailey, and Hannah—his replacement family. He doesn’t need me or my brother anymore. And I don’t need him, either. That’s why I don’t want you to call him. Because he didn’t care enough to stay. He has no say in my life now.”
A few minutes later, as the moon hid behind a cloud and the sky darkened around them, she said, “It’s not a big deal. We were better off without him.”
When he finally did speak, he said, “If I had a beautiful little girl like you, I could never leave.”
At his words, a lump grew in her throat. Emotions she’d thought long dead and buried worked their way through her heart. The hurt she’d felt as a child when her father had left overwhelmed her. But John’s words echoed through her body, clear as a bell’s ring, and brought a measure of healing to that same small child still inside.
She blinked back hot tears, and he handed her a napkin with the Wendy’s logo printed on it. The silliness of it made her smile. But yet there was a rightness to it, as the hurt belonged to the child she used to be.
Staying secure in his arms, she wiped her eyes, then tilted her face up to his, just inches away. “Thank you for listening without telling me I should get over it. I hate when people do that.”
John smiled gently.
His sweet words had touched her so deeply she could feel her barriers melting. She could see the feelings he had for her in his eyes. He cared for her. And, when he kissed her, she realized the truth about her own feelings.
She was in love with John Wayne Walker!
Chapter Twenty-Two
Before she could process her feelings, John turned to her with the most serious look she’d ever seen on his face. “Lori, I want to have a little girl who looks just like you.”
Overwhelmed at his words, by her emotions, she froze. Even her heart seemed to stop in that instant when she saw everything so clearly, as if in a blinding white light.
How had she forgotten that the reason she couldn’t ever be a couple with John wasn’t because she couldn’t fall in love with him, but because he wanted children so much and she couldn’t give him any? How had she forgotten that horrible reality?
He smiled at her and shook his head. “It’s so amazing that I found you.”
Speechless, she struggled for air.
“Stations Three and Four.” The voice seemed to come from nowhere, making Lori jump in John’s arms. It was his firefighter’s radio, barely audible. “Brush fire on the old highway. Repeat—three-alarm fire on the old highway threatening the new development.”
John groaned. “Not now.” He hugged her close to him, then loosened his grip.
“You’re off duty, aren’t you?” she asked, as they sat forward on his truck seat.
“This is a bad one. They’ll need me.” He looked over at her, and his eyes smoldered, causing chills to race up her spine and neck. “I don’t want to leave
you.” His voice was husky with emotion that seemed to match her own.
She leaned over and gave him a kiss, which turned into a very long kiss.
With another groan, he fastened his seat belt, waited for her to fasten hers, started his truck, and pulled back onto the highway, his headlights piercing the dark night ahead of them.
~
I am in love with John Wayne Walker!
That thought had raced round and round her brain—and her heart—since John had dropped her off at home four hours ago before heading off to battle a fire.
As she climbed out of bed, unable to sleep for the past two hours, her mind turned to other, more fearful thoughts.
Was John safe? He must still be fighting the fire, because he’d promised he’d call when he got home, and he hadn’t called yet. Were all the firefighters safe? And how had she ever let this happen? How could she have been so blind to her own feelings?
She paced into the kitchen, pulling open the fridge door. Nothing looked good. And she really had no appetite, she just wanted to distract herself. She ran her fingers through her messy hair.
What had happened? This was supposed to be a holiday romance, not something serious. She and John were supposed to date until she left, and then she would go back to New York, leaving him behind to pick up where he left off with the voluptuous woman with the glowing red hair—the undoubtedly über-fertile Dawn Lawson. Win-win-win situation for all three of them. Nobody was supposed to get involved. Nobody was supposed to get hurt. Nobody was supposed to fall in love.
But she had.
I am in love with John Wayne Walker!
When she thought of him fighting the fire at that very moment, her heart pounded with fear for him. Her heart swelled with the depth of her emotion.
For the first time, she knew she was getting a taste of what wives of firefighters—and cops and every other guy who put himself in danger to keep others safe—must go through every day. She kept worrying if he were safe, if the fire was under control, if he’d come back unscathed.
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