His large hands pull out the chair next to me and my heart beats ten to the dozen. I try to ignore him, but it’s hard to when I’m in his presence. I end up squirming in the chair, trying to act like I haven’t noticed him sit down yet.
“Think she’s ignoring you, bro?’’ Max chuckles and I nearly jump out of my seat. My head jumps to his direction, wondering when the hell he got there and how I didn’t see him take a seat.
He gives me his signature smirk and knowing eyes, which just make me blush further. God, did he see me looking at that girl kissing Myles? Did he see my reaction? Oh no! What if he tells Myles and then Myles doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore?
“Calm down Little K, your secret’s safe with me,’’ he whispers, just as Myles interrupts him causing me to jump again.
I’m getting them both bells. Yes, bells.
“Who’s ignoring who?’’ Myles asks confused, and unaware of the turmoil going on inside my head right now.
“I was being sarcastic, what was that about with Layla?’’ Max asks, emphasising her name. Layla! Even her name is pretty.
“No idea. Did you see her nearly kiss me? I swear, some of the chicks in this school have no boundaries,’’ he grumbles, and my heart skips a beat knowing he didn’t kiss her back. Is that sad of me? Shit, who cares?
“Just the way I like um,’’ Max cheers and a few classmates turn around to see what all the excitement is about and I bury my head into my book, nearly screaming out in pain doing so.
“Hey, Kayla, what you reading?’’ Myles asks, his voice closer to me than before.
I turn my head with it still resting on my book and look up at him. “Nothing, just tired,’’ I tell him, but the movement is stiff and I start to panic how I’m going to hide my reaction when I go to sit back up. I don’t have to think for long because the teacher walks in and asks us to take a seat and settle down. I lift up, my body in agony and I curse myself for letting my dad bully me into coming in this morning. Funny thing is, I’ll be like this most Mondays, depending on what happens the previous weekend. Who am I kidding, most of the week I’ll be recovering, and it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is.
“You okay?’’ Myles asks, his eyes scrunched up with worry.
“Yeah, I must have slept on my side funny,’’ I shrug, wincing at the movement. He looks at me for a few more seconds, like he’s gauging my reaction. I keep my face passive not wanting to give anything away. He still doesn’t look convinced a few minutes later and I end up blushing and looking away. I’m surprised I got to hold his gaze as long as I did. I’m not one for confrontations.
“What are you doing the weekend?’’ Max asks. Looking at him to see who he’s talking to I’m surprised to find out it’s me.
“Um, I go to my mom’s,’’ I whisper, so the teacher doesn’t hear me.
“Want to come round Denny’s?’’
“I’m at my moms,’’ I tell him, wondering if he heard me the first time.
“Yeah, but you can ditch the rent and come have some fun with us,’’ he grins.
I wish. “Yeah, I can’t. Since they broke up I only get to visit mom on weekends. She’ll be pissed and probably take my dad to court if I miss a weekend,’’ I half lie. I really do go on weekends, but I don’t think my mom could afford to go to court again. I hope!
“That’s shit. So you don’t get a weekend off?’’ Max interrupts sounding interested.
“Yeah, I get the last weekend of every month to do what I please with, it’s why she gets upset if I don’t make it on her weekends.’’
“So that’s in what, two weeks?’’
“Yeah,’’ I smile looking over to him. My heart skips a beat like it always does when I look at him. The teacher calls out our names and I jump, my gaze moving away from his.
“We’ll make plans for then,’’ Myles whispers in my ear, and a shiver runs down my spine. What is with me today? No, what is with me when I’m around him? I’m not supposed to feel like this, it’s wrong.
“So, are you okay to start our project after school?’’ Myles asks during lunch. We’re sitting at a table with a group of his friends. I’m tucked into my normal corner away from everyone else. I struggled sitting here when he first invited me to eat with him, but then when I realised no one could approach me, or sit anywhere near me, I started to relax. I think the fact no one can sneak up behind me from this position helps eases my apprehension too.
“Yeah I am. What time were you thinking?’’ I try to remember if my dad will be home or not. He wasn’t back from work until way past midnight last night and I’m pretty sure he said it would most likely be the same tonight.
“About half four? I need to go back home to change and take a shower.’’
“Where do you want to meet up?’’ I question nervously, not really wanting to go out in public somewhere, especially at that time.
“Is your place okay? Or do you want to come to mine?’’
The cafeteria is bustling with noise, but I’m so nervous the only sound I can concentrate on is the thumping in my ears. “Cool,’’ I smile, wringing my hands in my lap nervously.
The bell rings when lunch is over and I get up grabbing my bag from under my chair. Myles stops me just before I go to step past him. “I’ll see you later then?’’ He smiles and it’s so warm and genuine my heart stops for a few seconds, basking in his beauty.
I shake my head and give him a smile in return, hoping it looks genuine. “Yeah, sounds good. Oh, I’m cooking pasta bake for my dad so there will be tons left over if you fancy some.’’
“I’ll look forward to it. I haven’t had a cooked meal all week,’’ he smiles. He opens his mouth to say something else, but then his friend who I’ve seen him hang out with, Liam, pats him on the back, getting his attention.
“Hey, Myles, a few of us are heading over to the skate rink after school, do you want to come?’’
I can feel myself stiffen and as much as I try to relax, I can’t. I’m waiting for Myles’ reaction, but he doesn’t give anything away in his expression. I don’t even know why I’m reacting this way, it feels foreign and I start to squirm feeling uncomfortable.
“I’ve got plans mate, maybe another time,’’ he smiles down at me and my body instantly relaxes. He’s blown off a night out with the lads to come and study with me at mine. I want to interrupt, to tell him we can rearrange it for another night, but something inside me stops me from opening my mouth. It’s selfish of me to keep my mouth shut, but I like Myles, I like spending time with him. I like the way I feel when I’m around him, the safeness he cocoons me in. It’s refreshing from the normal fear that clouds my mind. Even with my dad I don’t feel the same safeness I do with Myles, which is weird because I’ve known him my whole life, whereas Myles I’ve only known for a short amount of time, yet I feel the safest when I’m around him.
“See ya later,’’ Liam shouts as he rushes off to class.
I wave timidly at Myles who just gives me a cheeky smirk in return. My cheeks flush red, but once I’ve turned and out of sight, I grin from ear to ear.
At the end of school, I hurry home, rushing through the door and up the stairs, straight into the shower. Once showered and dry, I quickly look through my choice of clothes and groan. Most of my clothes are baggy, boyish, or just boring. I want to look nice, not that I want to do anything, or for him to try something, but I want to make a good impression for the first time in my life.
“Why are you even bothered?’’ I mutter to myself, knowing I’ll never be able to have a relationship with him. I’m damaged. I’m broken and I’m completely messed up. Just the thought of letting someone be intimate with me after what he did makes me want to vomit. I couldn’t do that to someone.
So instead of going for a girly nice look, I just grab my normal casual wear. I grab a Guns and Roses t-shirt with a pair of faded washed out jeans and put them on. I continue to move at a fast pace, wanting to get dinner on the way before he comes
over. I’m in the middle of blow drying my hair when my phone message alert goes off. I quickly grab my phone, my heart pounding at the thought of Myles texting to cancel tonight. But when I see my Dad’s name on the screen my body relaxes.
Dad: I don’t know when I’ll be back tonight so don’t wait up. I’ll grab something to eat at work. Dad x
I grunt into the phone still planning on leaving him some leftovers. He will only moan come morning that he hasn’t got anything ready for lunch. I’ll box it up for him to take to work. I fire off a quick text, telling him I’ll leave it boxed up in the fridge and quickly carry on drying my hair.
Once it’s done I decide to run some product through it, a bit of hairspray before leaving it wavy down my back. It’s redder than it normally is due to the sun being out. You’d think with my red hair I’d have extremely pale skin, but I don’t. I’m actually quite tanned, and don’t burn easily like my mother does in the sun. I opt for some lip gloss and a thin layer of mascara before making my way downstairs.
It doesn’t take me long to prep dinner and get it cooked. I’m just putting it in the oven to keep warm when the doorbell rings, startling me. Wiping my sweaty palms down my arms I walk towards the door, standing there for a few seconds to gain my composure.
Shit! What if it’s not him?
Cursing myself, I quickly move to the peephole to find it is indeed Myles. He’s standing there with each hand in his front pockets, his bag dangling off one shoulder and rocking back and forth on his heels. He looks like a magazine model. He’s lean, muscular, and is taller than most boys I’ve seen my own age. It’s not as intimidating, though, as it should be for me. In fact, little Tim in my cooking class, who is shorter than me, intimidates me more than Myles. There’s just something about him that doesn’t make me crouch back in myself, or jump when I’m around him, even though whenever his presence is around me it’s like he’s dominating my thoughts.
The doorbell rings again and I realise I’ve been peeping through the peephole ogling Myles. What the hell is wrong with me lately? I need to give myself a good talking to because I’m only setting myself up for heartbreak and I’ve had enough of that to last me a life time.
Rushing over to the door I open it and quickly jump back when I nearly swing the door in my face.
“Shit,’’ I jump, my face flaming red from embarrassment.
Way to go Kayla.
“Hey,’’ Myles chuckles. “Excited to see me?’’ He teases and my shoulders relax.
“Yeah, I nearly knocked myself out from not being able to contain myself,’’ I tell him. Then my eyes widen when I realise I just flirted with him. Or is just teasing? I don’t know. God, I’m such a loser when it comes to things like this. I don’t know what to do. And now I’m standing in the doorway staring at him like an idiot and I realise he’s trying to talk to me.
“What? Sorry?’’
“I said something smells good,’’ he chuckles, not commenting on my flabbergasted state.
“Oh, yeah, crap, come in. Dinner is done if you want something to eat now?’’
“That’d be good, if that’s okay with you?’’
“Yeah, I didn’t really eat much earlier,’’ I tell him, not wanting to admit it’s because of my bruised side. I lost my appetite Friday night, but I’m actually hungry now I’ve had a warm shower, although the dull ache from rushing around when I got back is there pounding away. It’s like a constant reminder of what a failure I am.
“Take a seat; I’ll just dish this up,’’ I tell him, gesturing to the chair at the table. He walks over to the chair and plonks himself down gracefully and I can’t help but stop and stare at how good he looks doing it.
“Where’s your dad?’’ he questions and for the first time, being in Myles’ presence, I freeze. Should I tell him the truth; that my dad won’t be back tonight, or should I lie and tell him he’s in his office upstairs? Knowing I won’t be able to lie, I look over to Myles with a sheepish smile, hoping he understands how much trust I’m putting in him by telling him this.
“He’s at work and won’t be back until later,’’ I tell him, opting at the last minute not to mention the time. It’s not like he asked me what time he’s coming back or anything. I’ve not lied. Jesus, Kayla, get a grip of yourself.
I busy myself getting the plates out, before dishing out our food and bringing them over to the table. Forgetting to offer him a drink I ask him what he would like.
“Just a coke or something if you’ve got it,’’ he smiles, then scoops up a fork full of food before shovelling it into his mouth, moaning when he does. “God, this is so good,’’ he mumbles around his food, and I smile wide before getting up to make us some drinks. My nerves are slowly evaporating, which I’m thankful for. I didn’t want the entire night to be stiff and awkward on my part. I’d never live it down if I did.
We eat the rest of the dinner in silence and after we’ve finished Myles helps me clean up before he gets his books out. I look at him confused for a second and it takes me a few minutes to decide what to say.
“Um, Myles? We, uh, can we go to my room?’’ I shake my head embarrassed. “I just…My work is up there and I feel more, um, comfortable. Forget it, I’ll go get my books,’’ I stammer, my voice low and unsure.
“No, wait, it’s fine. If you want to study in your room then we can. Lead the way.’’ He smiles, and I relax. Then I begin to panic. I never thought about it being just the two of us alone in my room. I turn on the stairs, my eyes wide and probably full of fear. Myles nearly bumps into me and when he looks up his eyes soften.
“We can study down here if you’d like. I’m not going to hurt you,’’ he says softly and I scrunch my face up. Am I that transparent? Does he really believe I think he’d hurt me? But that was what I was thinking even though deep down inside my heart I know he wouldn’t hurt me. God, my head hurts with all this backward and forward shit going on. It’s confusing the hell out of me.
“No, no, it’s fine. I um, I was just going to ask if you want another drink and some snacks?’’ I lie, hoping he believes me.
He smiles back and I relax. “I could use another drink if you’ve got one. I’m not fussed about snacks. Maybe something for later?’’
I nod my head, grateful to have a few minutes alone to gather my thoughts. “I’ll just go get them, you head on up,’’ I smile before rushing past him down the stairs.
It’s late when I roll onto my back and groan. We’ve been going over our project for hours and my back is beginning to hurt. Myles chuckles and I lazily turn my head to watch him. He’s leant up against my bed, his legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles.
“So we’ve done the outline of what we can do, now all we have to do is research and stuff. It’s a pretty sore subject to bring up to other kids at school, so I might just use an anonymous source.’’
“What do you mean?’’ I ask, sitting up and leaning back against the bed the same way Myles has.
“You know my brothers and I come from a broken home, right?’’ He asks softly and I can hear that the subject is hard for him to talk about. I nod my head opting to keep quiet as he talks, wanting to know everything about him. “Well, I don’t remember our mom, but our dad, our dad was a sick son of a bitch. He beat us, mostly Maverick and Malik, though. They think we never knew or heard him, but we did. Max and I, we had trouble sleeping because of the noise, so we would hear things,’’ he shudders and I reach out on instinct for his hand, covering it with my own. Tingles shoot up my spine from the touch and a nervousness that I’ve never felt before seeps into my body. Our eyes lock and my palms begin to sweat.
“Go on,’’ I croak, my voice not sounding like my own.
“I think it affected us all in different ways. Max and I got less of the brunt because of how young we were, or because Maverick protected us. I’m not sure. Either way you look at it, Max and I got off lightly compared to the others.’’
“How did it effect you?�
��’ I whisper, the conversation hitting close to home. I’m interested in his answer though which surprises even me.
“We all came away with something different from our time with him. I want to help other kids that go through what we did. None of us spoke up to an adult because we didn’t think they’d care or take us seriously, but most of all, we didn’t speak up because we didn’t want to be separated. I don’t remember a lot, but I remember our dad telling us our Granddad didn’t care, that he sees us as worthless brats just like he did. I think it was the main reason none of us spoke, we didn’t have any other family that would take in five boys.
“I guess if I could just help one kid in my life it’ll make everything worthwhile. I don’t know.’’
His demeanour changes to sad, and helpless, and I wish I could take some of his pain away. I know all too well what he’s going through. I just wish I had a quarter of his courage.
“You’ll be a great social worker, Myles. Tell me the rest, about your brothers,’’ I encourage, then realise I’m sticking my nose into his business. “Only if you feel like it. I’m sorry, I’m being nosey.’’
He gives me a soft smile before moving his writing pad onto the floor next to him. “Max, well, he doesn’t do commitment or even love. It’s why he sleeps around, I think. He doesn’t want to get attached to anyone because he thinks in the end that they will leave or hurt him. He doesn’t talk about our mom, so I’m guessing he has what people may call ‘mommy issues’. Malik is angry all of the time. Well, he was until he met Harlow. He changed when he met her.’’
“She’s a great girl,’’ I agree.
“She is,’’ he smiles. “He was just angry all of the time before her, always getting into fights and being broody all the time. He was angry at everyone for a long time. Then Mason, well, Mason slept around a lot. I don’t think he knows it, but I think he used sex as a coping mechanism. He’d also leave them hanging high and dry before they could do the same to him,’’ he shrugs.
Myles (Carter Brother#3) Page 5
