by Jaye Cheríc
“It’s time for us to go.” He reaches for Alex’s arm.
“Are you sure there isn’t anything I can show you? What do you and the father already have?” the associate asks as the older man leads her out of Baby Land.
“Nothing. We have nothing,” Alex says.
The alarm sounded off. Alex jerked out of her sleep and slapped it silent. She peeped at the time like she didn’t already know it. She fell back into her bed and closed her eyes. It took her forever to fall asleep last night and then she had to have that silly dream.
Her mind continued to ponder the future with her unborn child. As before, she wasn’t worried about the financial outlook. She made more than enough to take care of a child but she wasn’t sure what to do about Nathan.
Her mind flashed back to Roxie Miller’s advice for aspiring mothers:
“No matter how scared you are, if you really want this, you can make it happen. I did it and I’m very happy with my decision.”
Happy didn’t quite describe Alex’s feelings. Though she remained confident in her fiscal outlook, fear and sadness gripped her throughout the night and it hadn’t let up that morning. Her easy plan didn’t feel so easy anymore. While she’d gotten the result that she wanted, she didn’t have the thing she really wanted: a full family complete with a husband for her and a father for her child.
Is this the best I can do? A tear rolled off the corner of her left eye to her ear. She’d made her decision. In nine months, she would have a baby. Now, Alex had to convince herself that it wasn’t too late for her to have the husband she wanted. The decision to have a baby on her own did not make her happy. On the contrary, she felt ashamed that she had sold out—given up on her dreams.
Alex wiped the tear from her face and pushed her body out of bed. In the bathroom, she walked up to the sink and spotted the pregnancy test. She thought about the baby about to start growing in her belly and smiled. For a brief moment, she felt some of the happiness that she probably should feel. Alex looked in the mirror and saw her reddish, puffy face. She had to pull it together. Her staff had to see her usual calm and confident demeanor. This was no time to fall apart, especially after getting a promotion. She had to keep a positive attitude, regardless of how she felt.
Once she drove to work and the main door opened to the building, employees begin congratulating her on the promotion.
“Congratulations,” Betty said when Alex approached the front desk.
“Thank you. I see word travels fast.”
“When it’s good news. Are you feeling all right?” Betty asked, staring at her.
“Yes. Why?” Alex stood straighter, fearing that her fragile emotions were too close to the surface.
“I heard about you fainting.”
“Oh.” Alex breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, I’m better now.”
Betty searched her eyes. “Good.”
Alex smiled and walked toward the elevator. After she reached her office, she closed the door, sat in her chair and pulled out her daily planner. Her morning meeting with Dan caught her eye right away. She glanced at the clock. He would be there in about twelve minutes.
They needed to start planning how they were going to execute this new area of the company. They’d already shown they could make events successful but they had to set more long-term goals.
On one hand, Alex welcomed the distraction from her issues but, on the other hand, it might be difficult to concentrate. She didn’t want to waste time—his or hers. It wasn’t a good idea to cancel the meeting. They had too much to do. She turned on her computer and pulled out her notepad and pen. No need to overreact. For the first meeting, they were only brainstorming.
As she logged into the Matrix computer software, she heard a knock at the door.
“Come in.”
Dan opened the door and Alex looked up at him. She did a double take. Dan, who usually dressed professional enough for the office, seemed to have upped his game in that department. He wore a dark blue suit with a pale blue shirt and a purple tie. He topped it off with wing-tipped shoes. His current getup was a far cry from the beige slacks and cheaper shoes she’d gotten used to seeing.
“What is this about?” Alex asked, laughing for the first time in awhile.
He smiled wide and stretched out his arms. “I thought an updated position called for an updated wardrobe. You likey?”
“Nice choice.”
He closed her office door behind him and walked over to the chair in front of her desk. He unbuttoned his jacket and sat down. “Are you much better?”
“Yes, I am better now.”
“That was weird, huh? Do you know what caused you to faint like that?” Dan leaned forward.
“I had a little headache,” Alex said. “Plus, I was probably tired. You know, after all the activity.”
Dan nodded. “Yeah, we did work hard on the fair. Have you gotten a chance to go celebrate your promotion?”
Alex turned to her computer. “Not really.”
“We should go for a celebratory drink. What about lunch today?”
“I can’t.”
“Why?” Dan asked.
His happiness made it hard for Alex to hold herself together. She should have been happy. A new position and now a new baby on the way. Yet, she felt like her life had turned upside down. How was she supposed to concentrate on a meeting with Dan while on the verge of falling apart? She couldn’t.
He stared at her. “Alex? Are you okay?”
She inhaled. “I, um, think I need to postpone our meeting.”
“Why? Are you sick or something?”
She shook her head and covered her mouth.
“Wait. I got an idea. Instead of staying in this stiff office, why don’t we go across the street to The Skyline Café?”
Dan stood up. Alex watched him walk toward her door.
“C’mon.” He motioned.
Alex took a deep breath and grabbed her keys. She and Dan walked through the lobby, passing Betty.
“We’re going to a meeting across the street, Betty. We’ll be back soon,” Dan said over his shoulder.
The Skyline Café had a chic feel to it. Not only did it attract professionals but many singles frequented the café during its night hours. Alex tried getting Izzy to go to some of their events but her friend didn’t like the atmosphere. Too stuffy, she’d said. On this particular day, the chairs on its roof were wrapped in a tan covering, which matched the tablecloths. Unlit candles in their glass holders sat on the tables. At night, the café lit them, creating an awe inspiring view against the lights of the city.
Dan and Alex walked to the rail at the edge of the rooftop. After a few minutes of watching the hustle and bustle of the drivers on their morning commutes, Dan broke the silence.
“What’s going on?”
Alex inhaled and exhaled as a cool breeze blew through the air.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but I figured it might help, since you’re obviously upset about something,” Dan said.
She faced Dan. “Have you ever wanted something so bad but you couldn’t quite get it?”
Dan cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve spent the past several years waiting for something to the point that I didn’t believe that I would ever get it. Then, when it arrived, things went wrong.” Alex shrugged. “And I still don’t understand where or how.”
“Well, I doubt things just went wrong. Something had to happen.”
“No, it went wrong.”
Dan shook his head. “It’s like this, Alex. Physics teaches us that in order for something to move we have to apply force to it. The same is true for our problems.” He faced her. “Nothing simply happens. Nothing goes amiss on its own. An action took place, whether it was someone else’s action or our own action, somehow we put the situation in motion.”
Alex focused on the traffic light below them. “I don’t understand. What are you saying? That I made this
happen?”
He turned his back against the traffic. “I’m saying that sometimes we do things, unknowingly. And those actions have an effect on the outcomes. Once we realize what we did, we can change things. We can replace the old action with a new action. One that will give us the outcome that we want.”
“But I don’t understand what I did to cause this. All I wanted was a husband and a kid.”
Dan raised his eyebrows. “Will any husband do?” He laughed.
Alex smiled lazily. “No.”
“So you have someone in mind? The man in the parking lot?”
“Yes, but it doesn’t matter. He’s gone.” She frowned.
“What did he do? Leave the country?”
“No. He’s back with his ex, I think.”
Dan shook his head. “You think? But you don’t really know?”
“His ‘friend’ suggested they might still be seeing each other. When he was helping me with my car the other day, she called him and he had to step away to talk to her.”
“Did you ask him about it?”
“Yes, and he said he’s not with her.”
Dan shrugged. “Why don’t you believe him?”
“Because it’s hard to.” Alex faced Dan. Tears started to well in her eyes. “And now I’m pregnant.”
Dan leaned back. “Whoa! When were you going to tell me this?”
“I did.” Alex scowled. “And you better not tell anyone else either.” She pointed at him.
He widened his eyes. “Of course not. Congratulations! A baby.” He leaned on the rail and looked at her. “So, you haven’t told him yet?”
She shook her head.
“When are you gonna tell him?”
“What do you mean?”
“The dude? When are you going to let him know?”
“I told you he has someone else!”
Dan looked up at the sky. “Oh my gosh! I know you’re not going to leave this man in the dark. This is crazy.” He laughed and shook his head. “You know what I noticed about you?”
Alex crossed her arms. She had no patience for jokes. She was baring her soul to him, a coworker, which is something she never did. He could at least sympathize with her because, at this point, he knew more about her feelings for Nathan than anybody, including Izzy.
“What?” Alex asked, squinting at him.
“You are one of the most successful women I know. You just earned a promotion. You drive an expensive car. You probably even own a nice house—”
Alex stood up straight. “—I should. I worked hard for those things.” She dug her pointer finger on the railing for emphasis.
“There you go!” Dan pointed at her.
She jerked her head back. “What?”
“You worked hard for those things. You don’t make excuses. Like Nike, you just do it!” He paused. “Yet, when it comes to the area of your life that means the most to you, you’re coming up with all these reasons why you can’t do something about it. Why can’t you make this happen like you made the car, the house and the job happen?”
Alex started to breath hard. She faced the traffic, hoping that the open air would help restore her normal breathing. “It’s not the same thing.”
“It’s not? You’ve always known how to make things happen. This is what you really want but you’d rather play the victim than do what ‘Alex’ would usually do,” Dan said.
“Now, wait a minute. I’m nobody’s victim. I can do anything. I…” As she trailed off, tears ran down her face.
Dan stepped closer to her and softened his tone.
Alex covered her mouth and looked away. Tears poured down her face. She had one big problem; she did love Nathan and she really did want to be with him again but she feared that he didn’t want her, after the way she acted. She feared it was too late.
Dan hugged her tight. “I know you’re not a victim.” He pulled her away from him so he could face her. “And you deserve all the love and happiness you can hold.” He glanced down at her stomach. “It’s time to give yourself what you want, Alex. To do anything less would be…insanity.”
Alex cocked her head to the side. She had always heard about the “light bulb moment.” However, she’d never experienced it, until then. All of a sudden, everything made sense. She knew what she had to do.
Dan smiled and nudged her back the way they came. “C’mon. Let’s get you out of this air, Mama.”
CHAPTER 40
Alex pulled into Nathan’s driveway behind his Acura. She sat there, like she had done about a week ago. Except this time, the stakes were much higher. The last time she drove to his house asking for a mere fraction of what she really wanted. Now, she wanted to go back and renegotiate, which could be risky in business and relationships. She didn’t have any bargaining chips. She’d aggravated him, yelled at him. They had a long history of not working things out and he had someone else he could more than likely go back to at a moment’s notice. As Alex thought about all the odds against her, she felt herself wavering, feeling like this trip may not be worth it. Then, she remembered Dan’s strong, yet compassionate words to her. She had to let Nathan know how she felt about him no matter what the outcome would be.
She fidgeted, as she mentally rehearsed what to say to Nathan when she saw him. She opened her car door and climbed out to take the familiar walk to his front door. Alex knocked on the door and waited. Silence. She knocked on it again. The anticipation of him answering nearly killed her. After a few more seconds of silence, her anxiety got the best of her and she turned to go back to her car. As soon as she walked down a couple of steps, Nathan’s door opened.
“Alex?” Nathan said.
She heard him and stopped. Alex turned back around to face Nathan. He wore sweat pants and a T-shirt.
“Hi, Nathan.”
“Hey. I didn’t expect to see you here.” He looked her up and down. “What’s up?”
She took a deep breath. I have to do this now. “I stopped by because I needed to talk to you about something.”
He paused. “Okay. Come in.” Nathan pointed toward his door.
Alex settled the butterflies in her stomach. She followed him into his house. He closed the door behind him and headed toward the kitchen.
“Can I get you something to drink?” he asked.
“Water.”
While he grabbed glasses out of the cabinet, Alex worked on her nerve to tell him the truth. Though she had rehearsed her words in the car, those same words had deserted her. Her mind could only grasp short phrases of the things she wanted to say. She took a deep breath and exhaled as he returned to her with a glass of water. She reached for it and took a gulp. The cool water soothed her parched throat. She felt momentary relief from her anxiety.
“Why don’t you have a seat?” Nathan asked.
Alex sat down in a chair, holding the glass with both hands.
“Um. What did you want to talk about?” he asked, sitting down on the couch next to her chair.
Alex studied his face. She’d grown accustomed to the warm and supportive energy that seemed to radiate from his very core. He always made her feel welcomed, no matter what the situation. As she stared into Nathan’s eyes, she got a slight chill. His eyes had become a bit cold, devoid of their usual positive emotion. Alex could tell she had a big mountain to climb and decided it was time to get started.
“I want to start by apologizing for my behavior a few days ago. I was out of line and I really do appreciate you helping me with my car lock,” she said quietly.
Nathan nodded. “Okay. Why did you go off on me?”
She glanced up at the ceiling. “Because I was afraid you were back with your ex. I feared that was where you really wanted to be anyway and that you had been playing me. So, I lost it.”
He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. “Help me understand. What have I done to make you think I was ‘playing you?’”
Alex sighed. “For starters, you stood me up.”
“And I boug
ht you flowers. What else?”
“Then, your friend called me Clarissa.” Alex rolled her eyes at having to say his ex’s name.
“And I told you he was mistaken.”
“Then, he showed me the picture.”
Nathan frowned. “What, what picture?”
“The one with you, her and your son.”
“I haven’t taken any picture with them,” Nathan said.
“Yes, you did. You were wearing a blue and white striped shirt and your son was wearing a red shirt and some little jean shorts.” I’m trying to apologize to you, Nathan. Please don’t lie to me now.
He stood up and walked over to his book shelf. After shuffling through the books and photo albums on the bottom shelf, Nathan pulled out a black photo album. He flipped through a couple of pages and stopped.
“Is this the picture you’re talking about?” Nathan had removed the photo from the album and handed it to her.
Alex stared at the printed replica of the photo she saw on A.J.’s phone. “Yes. I thought you said you didn’t take any pictures with them.”
He sucked his teeth. “Turn it over.”
She did. In the left-hand corner, Nathan had written the date 7/8/11. “This doesn’t make any sense. Why did A.J. have this printed picture in his phone? Why did he have any picture of you all in his phone?” Alex asked.
“Last year, Clarissa and I took Keandre to a birthday party. Afterward, some of my friends were getting together to shoot some pool. A.J. came by to pick me up. I wanted to take a picture of us with my phone and have it printed later but my phone’s battery was acting up. When A.J. arrived to pick me up, I asked him to take the picture and email it to me.” Nathan shrugged. “I didn’t know that fool still had it on his phone. Why would he need that?”
I am so stupid for believing anything A.J. said. Alex handed the photo back to Nathan. He took it and sat back down on the couch.
“She and I actually broke up a couple of weeks after the picture was taken.” He stared at it. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
Alex shook her head. “I don’t know. I guess I thought where there’s smoke, there must be fire.” She put her glass of water down. “Nathan, these last few months haven’t been the easiest. I broke up with a jerk and, on top of that, I had to defend my job. But, in the mist of all this, I felt like I was missing something. And then, you showed up and I didn’t really know what to make of seeing you. I didn’t want to believe that there was more to you and be disappointed all over again.”
