by Tony C. Skye
“We'll do. You can text the info whenever I get into town.”
“Thanks, Amy. Sorry about the live chat.”
Amy chuckles. “It's quite alright. I won't hold it against ya.”
“Talk to you later,” Mandie gives her friend an out.
“Later, Mandie,” Amy ends the call.
Mandie turns and points her finger at Rebecca, “That's the last time you get to do that.”
“Do what?”, Rebecca's excitement is quickly replaced with a defensive attitude.
“Call me a liar,” Mandie clarifies while lowering her finger. She snatches up her smartphone and heads for the restroom's door. The three cheerleaders all watch as she disappears into the hallway.
“What was that?”, Rebecca fakes ignorance.
“Can you really blame her?”, Caroline defends Mandie's recent actions.
“Hey. I'll catch up to you guys later,” Jennifer pats at her belly, “Lunch isn't agreeing.”
Rebecca's nose crinkles, “I'm outta here.”
“Right behind you,” Caroline agrees with her bff's decision to get out of the restroom.
When the girls leave, Jennifer heads to the furthest stall against the wall. She sits on the toilet and opens her purse. Her heart races with anticipation as she pulls out a small pouch. Flipping it open, Jennifer retrieves a needle, her coke vile, and a spoon.
* * *
Mandie opens the gymnasium door.
“Ready, go!”, she hears the unified shouts of the training S.V.C.
She looks around and sees Jennifer waving at her from the far right set of bleachers. Mandie walks over and sits to the girl's left. Jennifer points at the cheerleaders.
Mandie watches as the S.V.C. forms four rows. Rebecca is positioned to the far left on the first row. Her row completes a forward flip in unison. When they all land perfectly, they immediately enter into four backward somersaults. As their backward progression begins, the three rear rows divide into parallel lines that dash quickly between the eight girls making their flips.
“They're really good,” Mandie marvels after their expertise.
Jennifer observes Mandie staring at her bff while she does a back flip. She leans down and whispers, “Don't break her heart.”
Mandie's eyes widen. She turns and looks at Jennifer.
“Did she tell you?”
“She didn't have to. She's my bff.”
“And you're okay with it?”
“I don't agree with it,” Jennifer answers plainly, “But if my bff wants to play lesbo with you, then it's her right. I'll always support her no matter what. But to answer your question, I'm still dealing with it.”
Mandie nods with empathetic understanding.
“Did she tell you her and Jason broke up?”
Mandie shakes her head and then looks over at Tamara. She listens as Jennifer continues to talk.
“I knew my suspicions were true when she didn't seem all torn up about it. Tam doesn't know that I know. And I don't plan on confronting her about it either. She'll talk when she's ready.”
“That won't work!”, Rebecca yells at a tall female in the far right corner of Tamara's row.
“She's my replacement,” Jennifer informs Mandie, “Junior varsity.”
“Again!”, Rebecca yells as she watches the group with her hands planted on her hips. Sweat pours down her face from the strenuous repetitious work. One thing Mandie had never considered is just how much work cheerleaders put into accomplishing their goals.
They work every bit as hard as the jocks they cheer for. But they never receive the same notoriety. Not when it really comes down to it.
Mandie's watchful gaze transfers over to Tamara. Her breath staggers as she looks at the cheerleader's glistening body. Something else she had never considered was falling in love. She didn't plan on any love-scenario. Mandie jerks as Jennifer interrupts her thoughts.
“She won't look over here because I'm sitting here,” Jennifer gives a play-by-play analysis of the action on the court, “She's afraid her eyes will tell on her. It's cute.”
“She isn't like that?”
“What? You mean staring straight ahead like a robot?”, Jennifer smiles, “No. She doesn't normally do that.”
Mandie unconsciously winces as she attempts a smile with her swollen lips.
“Mind if I ask you something personal?”, Jennifer questions.
Mandie pauses before giving her response, “If I can ask you one back.”
“Sounds fair enough,” Jennifer agrees. She throws out her question.
“How could you fall for someone who hurt you like that?”
“It's complicated.”
“If it wasn't complicated,” Jennifer counters, “I wouldn't have asked.”
Mandie grins subtly. She nods.
“I've been searching for something,” Mandie begins, “And I thought I had figured it all out. But I didn't have anything figured out. Not until Tamara played with me.”
“Played with you?”, Jennifer jumps in, “She nearly killed you.”
“That's kind of my fault. The more pain I felt the more I wanted. She lit up every time I asked for more. And when I stopped asking, Tamara was Tamara. That's when I started falling for her.”
“Do you know how psycho that sounds?”, Jennifer objects to the girl's logic.
“I am who I am, Jennifer,” Mandie answers, “I understand how I probably sound to you. Believe it or not, I didn't actually think I would enjoy something like that so much. But I did. And it really surprised me whenever I found myself wanting to heal up so she could do it all over again.”
Mandie shakes her head, “I don't want Tamara to change. And I hope she would never ask me to.” The bruised girl glances over to look at Tamara, “And I don't want to complicate her life.”
Jennifer considers Mandie's explanation. The girl wasn't selfish in any way with what she was saying. Not in her intentions. Not in her words. And the part about being the other half has her thinking about her brother. She feels the familiar sting of tears.
“I have to go,” Jennifer quickly gets up with her backpack. By the time Mandie looks at her, Jennifer's back is already to her as she limps away.
* * *
“So what'd you think?” Tamara breathlessly questions while approaching Mandie. She points towards the entryway leading to the girl's locker rooms, “Where's Jenny going?”
Mandie shrugs her shoulders, “No idea. She said she had to get going. It's all I got. Sorry.”
“Nah,” Tamara answers while still trying to catch her breath. She waves her right hand toward the floor, “Don't worry about it. So what'd you think?”
“Impressive,” Mandie answers truthfully, “You guys are really good.”
“Thanks.”
“You coming, Tam?”, Rebecca yells across the gymnasium from the entryway leading to the showers and lockers.
“Gotta go,” Tamara apologetically explains while turning towards Rebecca's voice.
“See ya later,” Mandie gives her an out.
“See ya,” Tamara takes the invitation by jogging towards Rebecca. When she gets there, Rebecca rolls her eyes.
“It's just Amy Lee. She's still just someone we have just met.”
“Amy Lee?”, Tamara responds to her captain’s last statement, “What are you talking about? Who's Amy Lee?”
“Gawd,” Rebecca exhaustively exhales. She turns and heads for the locker room, “Amy Hartzler. She's married to Josh.”
“Who's Josh?”, Tamara sounds more confused than ever, “Who's Amy Hartzler? I don't know what you're talking about. Are you taking Caroline's meds or something?”
“Hartzler is Amy's real name,” Rebecca says while pulling open the door to the girl's locker room, “Lee is her stage name. She sings for Evanescence.”
“Evanescence? Like the band?”
“Yes, like the band,” Rebecca confirms.
“So?”
“So,” Rebecca fills her friend in, “Mandi
e seems to know her personally and we're having a senior's only party at my house. Amy Lee is going to be there.”
“What?!”, Tamara grabs Rebecca's left arm, “Why didn't anyone tell me?”
“I just did,” Rebecca answers while peeling Tamara's fingers from her arm.
“Anyway,” Rebecca continues talking while heading for her locker in the back row, “It's not a big deal. We need to be careful with Mandie. I don't trust her yet. Something's off about her. But I just can't put my finger on it yet.”
“She's the new girl, Becca,” Tamara defends, “Think how hard it would be if you had to go to another school for your senior year. No friends. Don't know anybody. And to top it all off, you happen to piss off the queen bee on your first day. Think about how hard it's been for her and yet she's still willing to let us be a part of her life. Tit for tat, Becca. Give her a break, will ya?”
Rebecca rolls her eyes and shakes her head while opening her locker door. She snatches her bathing gear, slams her locker shut, and walks towards the shower area. Tamara grins. She can see why Mandie likes pissing Becca off so much. It’s sorta fun.
* * *
click.
Jennifer pulls on her BMW's car door to close it. She puts her face in her hands and begins crying. Her brother is dead and he's never coming back.
Tap - tap.
Jennifer startles from the soft tapping on her window. She wipes her eyes before looking up to the new girl standing by her car. She turns her ignition key and cracks open the window.
“Now's not a good time, Mandie,” Jennifer complains.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine,” Jennifer lies.
“Look. I know I'm an outsider,” Mandie speaks, “But even I know you're not okay. Sometimes it's a lot easier to talk to someone you barely know than a close friend. Kinda like I did with you in there.”
Jennifer shakes her head, “No - I'm fine.” She forces a smile, “Really.”
“I'm here anytime,” Mandie ignores the girl's lying tongue. She pretends that she's about to walk off, but has decided to stop herself for something more important.
“You know,” Mandie continues, “Friendships only work in two directions. An acquaintance works in one. So far I'm the only one who has risked anything. I told you stuff I haven't even told Tamara yet. But now that it's your turn to be vulnerable, you're kicking me to the curb.”
“It's not like that, Mandie. Don't take everything so freakin' personal.”
“I'm here as a friend whenever you need one,” Mandie leaves the invitation open.
Jennifer nods, “Thanks. I do appreciate what you're trying to do. But I'm fine. I swear.”
“I believe you,” Mandie lies to even the scoreboard. She smiles while pointing her left index finger towards the sky, “But you still owe me a personal question.”
“Go ahead,” Jennifer gives her permission.
“Tomorrow,” Mandie informs, “I'll see you in the morning.”
“No, it's fine,” Jennifer would rather just get it over with, “Go ahead and ask.”
“Would you like me to tell you what I think the reason is for your crying?”, Mandie attempts to change Jennifer's mind.
“Is that your question?”
“No.”
“Okay, Mandie. We can do it tomorrow.”
Jennifer starts her engine, “See ya.”
“Later,” Mandie waves before heading to her rusty brown truck. She hears Jennifer's car back up and head towards the street as she walks. For some reason, Mandie really likes Jennifer. The cheerleader has many good qualities about her. Unfortunately, as Mandie already understands, Jennifer is beginning to traverse down an unforgiving road that will eat those qualities away from her. It won't be long before someone says, 'Whatever happened to Jennifer? She was such a good girl – had so much promise. She had her whole in front of her. It's a shame what happened.'
Getting on the road Jennifer is now walking is easy. But to get back off of it is entirely a different story. The further she walks down it, the tougher it will be to see its destructive intentions against her. It's just the way that particular road is designed. It feeds on the life force of what is good and pure within a person, and replaces it with darkness, decay, and rot. The worst part about this road is that the victim is blinded to the damage incurred. They cannot see until it is too late. Most people know this phenomenon as rock bottom. And Mandie doesn't want to see Jennifer hit it. If she does, then Jennifer's been on the road way too long. The damage will be done. And the road will have claimed another one for its trophy room – a life wasted.
* * *
Rebecca, Caroline, and Tamara all walk out of West Hills High together. Tamara glances over to the parking lot and notices Mandie's truck is gone. She secretly scolds herself for hanging back to gossip over the latest news at school.
“There's my mom,” Caroline announces while looking down the street.
“Bye, love,” Rebecca answers, “Make sure that head quack gets your meds right.”
“See you guys later,” Caroline nods while heading for her mom's car.
“See ya,” Tamara speaks to Caroline's back.
Caroline holds up her right hand over her head and waves.
“We need to make some invites for everyone,” Rebecca explains while crossing the street with Tamara.
“How many should we allow them to bring?”, the captain questions.
“I don't have a clue, Becca,” Tamara answers with a tone that borders irritation, “I didn't even know about it until you told me.”
“Grrr kitty,” Rebecca playfully chastises, “What's got you so high in the tree?”
beep-beep.
Tamara disables the alarm to her Corvette as they near it. She stops by the door, inserts her key, and unlocks the driver's side door.
“Me and Jason broke up today,” Tamara reveals her frustration while opening the door.
“No, you two were good together. What happened?”
“He said I was too aggressive and wanted me to change because he couldn't handle it anymore.”
“I'm sorry, Tam,” Rebecca consoles. She puts her right hand on her hip and dramatizes a snippy attitude, “It's his loss. You're S.V.C. and he's just a basketball player. You can have anyone you want.”
Tamara halfheartedly smiles and slips into her car.
“Thanks,” Tamara says while putting her key into the ignition, She starts the engine and lowers the convertible top down.
“Need help with the invites?”, she changes the subject.
“Nah,” Rebecca shakes her head. “I've got it. Besides, I know your parents. They're probably pacing the floors.”
“Call me if you need anything,” Tamara leaves her offered help on the table.
“We'll do,” Rebecca waves, “Chow.”
“See ya,” Tamara puts her car in reverse as Rebecca starts walking off. She watches Rebecca turn around like she forgot something.
“Tamara,” Rebecca calls out while heading back to the car.
“Forget something?”, Tamara grins.
“Did Jennifer talk to you?”, Rebecca questions as she flips her long blond hair over her right shoulder.
“About what?”
Rebecca looks around and then regains eye contact with Tamara.
“The blood covenant. None of us can feel you anymore. And we feel drained.”
“Drained?”
“It's hard to explain. It feels like the end of a practice without the practice.”
“No,” Tamara attempts to avoid the topic, “I don't feel drained.”
“So you don't feel any different? You can feel the rest of us?”
Tamara sighs. She is so not wanting to have this conversation right now.
“It's complicated, Becca. Yes I feel that the bond is broken. And no, I didn't perform some ritual to break it. It just happened and I don't know how else to explain it.”
“What happened?”, Rebecca corners her evasive friend.
/>
“Honestly, Becca – I'm not sure. One minute I was bonded and the next I wasn't. Maybe something went wrong with the spell.”
Rebecca's blond brows rise questioningly. She decides to leave Tamara be.
“I'll see if I can find something in the book about it,” Rebecca informs, “Don't worry about it. I'll figure it out.”
Tamara grins uncomfortably, “Thanks.”
“No problem,” Rebecca catches her friend's uncomfortable expression. She turns and heads for her car.
“Good luck,” Tamara loudly calls out to her captain as she heads home with another mission. She watches Rebecca raise her hand up and wave like Caroline did earlier. Tamara backs up and pulls off of the student's parking lot into the street. She turns right. The thought of lying to Rebecca bothers her. But she isn't ready to explain the Mandie situation to her. After all, she's not even sure what that is yet.
Is it love? Is it lust? Is it some morbid fighter thing? If it is love, then is it abusive in nature? And if it isn't abusive, then how should she define abuse? Or better yet, how is she to define abuse when it comes to Mandie? Until Mandie came along, Tamara would have defined a relationship of this magnitude as abusive and perverted. But now she isn't so sure.
Mandie makes everything seem so normal. The only real awkward moment between them was when Mandie thought Tamara had a moment of regret. Tamara felt bad for her. Who wouldn't? But Mandie made her feel like the regret was the abusive part and not the beating. Not the bruises, cuts, slaps, whipping, or verbal assaults. But her brief feeling of regret for doing these things to her.
Yes, Mandie makes it all seem normal. More importantly, Mandie makes Tamara feel normal for enjoying herself in this way. But is it really normal? Jason doesn't think so. Her parents will absolutely not think so. And the world in general will probably not approve.
In addition to these concerns is the whole lesbian thing. Playful experimentation is one thing. It happens. No one cares. But a life choice is something completely different. And even though the world is making efforts to accept, there is still so much spitefulness and condemning judgments circling among whispered lips and eyes full of hate. Add to these the bonafide fact her parents are devout Presbyterians, then the whole idea of coming out is more than a little nerve wrecking – it's downright frightening.
