Losing an Edge

by Catherine Gayle

  When I set her on her feet again, I planted a kiss on the top of her head. “Hey, Sophie Bug. I’ve missed you.”

  “That was a nice pass, Levi.” She had a death grip on my hand, but she was grinning from ear to ear. “I’m gonna be just like you.”

  “It’s so like you to ignore all the times I messed up out there.”

  “You never mess up. You’re the best.”

  As far as she was concerned, no one would ever be better at anything than me. If only I could see the world through her eyes someday. She never failed to give me a boost of confidence, though, and Lord knew I needed it tonight.

  “Have you met my friend Cadence?” I asked her. This part might be tricky, especially since I hoped Cadence would someday become a hell of a lot more than just my friend. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was stomp on Sophie’s tender feelings. But if I introduced Sophie to the idea that Cadence was a friend, first, she could potentially come to accept it when the relationship progressed further. That was my hope, at least.

  Sophie shook her head.

  “Come on. I’ll introduce you.” I kept a tight grip on her hand and led her to where Cadence, Katie, and Dani were huddled together. “Cadence, I want you to meet a special friend of mine. This is Sophie Calhoun.”

  Cadence’s grin hadn’t dimmed in the least. She held out a hand for Sophie to shake. Sophie had never been one for formality, though. Instead, she released her grip on me and wrapped both arms around Cadence in the same kind of bear hug she’d given me.

  “I love you, Cadence,” Sophie said.

  Cadence raised a brow in my direction, but she took it in stride. “Well, I guess I love you, too.”

  “I know.” Simple acceptance of the fact that she was loved—exactly what I would expect from Sophie. After a minute, she let go of Cadence and took a step back toward me. She grabbed hold of my hand and held on tight. “I’m gonna marry Levi.”

  I winked. “Unless someone steals her away from me before she’s old enough. But Sophie, is it all right if Cadence and I are friends?”

  She nodded. “Yeah. I love her, too.”

  “I know you do. You love everybody.”

  Sophie grinned again. “You can have girlfriends. But I’m your best girlfriend.”

  “You know it, Sophie Bug.” I pinched her nose and got another giggle.

  “Bergy said I can try to skate tomorrow without my sled.”

  The coaches and equipment guys had rigged up a walker specifically for her last year. It had skis on the bottom, and they strapped her into the contraption to help her keep her balance while she built her core strength.

  “You skate?” Cadence asked, perking up. “So do I.”

  “Are you a hockey player, too, like Levi? I’m gonna play hockey.”

  “Nope. I’m a figure skater.”

  “She’s not just any figure skater,” I said. “She won a gold medal.”

  “Wow.” Sophie’s jaw dropped to her chest. “A real gold medal?”

  “In the Winter Games. Same as where Babs got his.” She knew most of the guys by their nicknames, not their real names, so I was careful to use them with her. She called me by my given name, but I was the only one.

  “But his is for hockey,” Sophie said.

  “They have lots of sports you can compete in,” Cadence said.

  “You wanna come skating with me tomorrow?” Sophie asked her. “You can come with Levi.”

  “Yeah?” Cadence raised a brow in Sophie’s direction. “You’re sure that’d be all right with you?”

  “It’s okay. But don’t help me skate. I wanna do it all by myself.”

  “Got it.” Cadence winked at me. “I’ll find out when and where, and I’ll be there.”

  I supposed that meant I was going skating tomorrow, too.

  SOPHIE CALHOUN HAD to be about the most adorable thing in the history of ever, but I was quickly learning that her status on that list was followed close behind by how sweetly Levi treated her. I’d gotten a sense of their relationship last night, but hanging out with the two of them at the rink today had proven to be as illuminating about the man he truly was, deep down, as anything.

  It wasn’t only one thing; it was everything. He hugged her as fiercely as she hugged him. He always held her hand if she wanted him to, but he never tried to force his help on her, giving her the freedom to try things on her own. He gave her his full attention any time she demanded it, and he never once looked like he begrudged her for stealing his focus. Even though he probably had dozens of things he could be doing—things that most twenty-four-year-old millionaires would far rather spend their time on—he stayed out on the ice with Sophie as long as she wanted, and he never voiced a word of complaint.

  Clearly, Sophie had stolen his heart.

  And now that I was watching him with her, he was stealing a piece of mine.

  “Do another jump!” Sophie called out to me. She was shuffling along next to Levi, but she wasn’t holding on to him for support this time. “A big one.”

  It hadn’t taken me long at all to figure out Sophie valued height and air time far more than the number of revolutions I made in the air. Sometime, I’d have to bring her along when Anthony and I practiced, so she could see the throws and lifts. She’d probably eat those right up.

  I gathered some speed and did a single lutz, soaring through the air for a moment before landing on one foot, to Sophie’s applause. Then I skated over and joined them, coming up on Sophie’s free side so Levi and I were surrounding her.

  “You liked that?”

  “Yep. Now Levi do it.”

  He laughed. “I can’t.”

  “Yes, you can,” she said adamantly. “You’re the best skater I know.”

  “I’m a good skater when it comes to hockey,” he said. “But Cadence can skate circles around me with this stuff.”

  “You can teach us, can’t you, Cadence?” Sophie wobbled, but she put her arms out for balance and steadied herself without either of us reaching in to rescue her.

  “Well…” For a moment, I debated giving her excuses as to why I wouldn’t be able to teach her, but the thought behind my indecision was a bunch of crap. Clearly, this girl could do a lot of things. Who was I to tell her otherwise?

  Levi raised a brow expectantly at me.

  “You, I bet I can teach,” I said to Sophie. “I’m not so sure Levi can learn, though. Besides, he’s not even wearing the right kind of skates.”

  “We got on our hockey skates,” Sophie said, looking down at her feet quizzically.

  “Yeah. To jump like I did, you need figure skates. They’ve got a toe pick.” I came to a stop and showed her the one on my right foot. “Hockey skates don’t have them.”

  She took a moment to compare the end of her blade to the end of mine. “Why do you got a toe pick?”

  “It helps you get a grip in the ice so you can jump high.”

  “No jumping in hockey.”

  “Nope,” Levi said. “No jumping.”

  She nodded thoughtfully. Then she turned toward the other side of the rink and started skating that way. We went with her, with the wordless acknowledgment that we should be close by in case she struggled. “Bergy?” she called out. “I need figure skates! Levi needs some, too.”

  Bergy’s laugh rang out in the arena as we got close to the boards. “We’ll see what we can do. Is Cadence going to teach you?”

  “Yeah. She’s teaching us.”

  “I’ll have to work out some lesson times with her and see what she charges then,” he said. He caught my eye. “Assuming you actually did agree to give Sophie some lessons?”

  Lessons hadn’t exactly been in my plans. But then again, I still hadn’t found a job, and I’d have to start working at some point. The money from my endorsement deals was running low.

  I wasn’t about to ask Mom for anything more. She’d sacrificed so much for me over the years, paying for ice time and lessons and costumes when the money wasn’t there
. Then Cam had gotten into the NHL, and probably half the money he earned had gone to helping me. At least it had always felt that way to me.

  Even now, Cam and Sara had been letting me stay with them while I sorted everything out. I couldn’t keep relying on my family forever, and there wasn’t a chance in hell I’d let Anthony foot the bill for all of our expenses. We were a partnership. That meant we both had to contribute, and not just on the ice.

  Yeah, I had sponsorship deals, so there would be more money coming in eventually. I wasn’t completely broke. But I needed a job with a steady paycheck so I could pay my own way. Besides, teaching figure skating might not be a horrible idea, especially if I could work with some kids like Sophie. If our lessons went well, there was no telling what else it might lead to.

  “I think this sounds like a great plan,” I said. “We can definitely work something out.”

  I sat and finalized some details with Bergy while Levi helped Sophie remove all her gear and bundle up to head home. Within ten minutes, I had my first steady client lined up, and some weight lifted off my shoulders. Not bad, for an afternoon of skating.

  Once she was ready to go, she came over and gave me another big hug, squeezing my ribs almost to the point of bruising.

  I squeezed her back. “I’ll see you on Tuesday, okay?”

  “Okay. I love you, Cadence.”

  “Love you, too.” It was easy to love Sophie. To open up and let her worm her way into my heart. I only wished letting someone else in was so easy.

  Someone like Levi.

  Whether I wanted him in my heart or not, he was finding a way to get there. But while letting Sophie in felt like the warm summer sun hitting my face, letting Levi in felt like pieces of me were breaking off. Shattering. Splitting in half. The problem was, I wasn’t sure if the pieces he was ripping open at the seams were really meant to stay where I’d put them or not. Maybe it was for the best, even if it hurt. How could something good cause so much pain? But then again, it was easiest to rip the Band-Aid straight off, right? That was the old wisdom.

  As usual, when it came to this budding courtship between us, I ended up with more questions than answers.

  “That was nice of you,” Levi said as we watched Sophie bound out of the rink with Bergy following behind her, carrying her gear.

  I took a seat next to him and started unlacing my skates. “It wasn’t nice. It was the least I could do for your best girlfriend.” I glanced up to see how he’d reacted to my teasing.

  The skin around his eyes crinkled with a silent laugh. “Was that for her, or for me?”

  “I don’t know.” I shook my head, somewhat surprised to realize that it was absolutely the truth. I wasn’t sure who I’d done it for. “Maybe for both of you.”

  “If you don’t mind, I’m going to pretend you did it for me. All for me.” He cocked me a grin and winked.

  I laughed. “Tell yourself whatever you want.”

  “I’m trying to let her down easy. The last thing I want to do is break that little girl’s heart, you know?”

  “Let her down easy?” I said, and something squeezed around my lungs. No, not my lungs—my heart. It was my heart that stopped working, which made it impossible to breathe. “Because of me?”

  He shrugged. “I’m still waiting. Hoping.”

  If I wasn’t careful, he wouldn’t have to wait too much longer.

  “Any chance you’re going to be ready to let me kiss you sometime soon?” he asked.

  And even though a piece of my heart was desperate to say yes, I nibbled on the inside of my lower lip and shook my head. “I don’t think so. Not yet.”

  “Okay.” He didn’t sound too insanely frustrated, at least. But when I met his eyes, I could tell he saw more in mine than I’d hoped for. He could see I was wavering. That he was wearing me down with patience and persistence and charm, not to mention his kindness when it came to Sophie.

  That realization would only give him more hope. And there was some small part of me that refused to believe it was bad to let him have hope.

  In fact, I was starting to hope, too.

  WITH ALL THE gentleness in the world, Anthony lowered me to my skates and put his hand on my waist, drawing me back into position following the star lift we’d just done—the first time we’d done one flawlessly together. Everything about the trick had felt right.

  “Yes!” Ellen called out from the boards, cheering us on. “That’s exactly what I want. Now do it again, and don’t either of you change a thing.”

  Anthony squeezed my hand gently, and as one we inhaled and took off with our left foot. Everything we’d done in the last week had been to improve our synchronicity, learning to breathe in time with each other, to match our strides, to anticipate the other’s actions two beats before they would happen. All our hard work was paying off. It was crazy to think that less than a month had passed since our first skate together.

  It was all starting to come together. We had officially agreed to a partnership now, which meant I needed to start moving on the massive amounts of paperwork I needed to file. It wasn’t unheard of for a government to push through citizenship for an athlete who could compete at my level, especially considering I’d already won gold once, because of the prestige of international competition. Anthony and I would definitely have to sit out this season, but we could potentially be ready to compete next year. That would give us two full years leading up to the next Winter Games. But none of this would happen if I didn’t file all the appropriate forms and convince the U.S. President to push things through. That was next on my to-do list.

  After three strides, Anthony’s hands were at my waist, and in no time I was soaring high in the air above him, my arms and legs locked into position, my abs tight to keep me balanced. At exactly the same moment, we shifted my position in the air, easily finding a new center point. Three seconds until the dismount. One, one thousand. Two, one thousand. Three, one thousand. He changed his grip and brought me back to earth. My skate blades met the ice in a feather-light caress, not like the way Guy would sometimes plunk me down following a lift. Guy had never been overly careful with me. He’d expected me to look out for myself. Working with Anthony was a nice change of pace.

  “All right,” Ellen said, her enthusiasm bringing her face to life and erasing the lines around her mouth and eyes. “Do that three more times, perfectly in sync with each other, and then we can call it a day.”

  She had another pair of students—much younger than us, only in their early teens—coming in for their session, so she turned her attention to them, trusting us to do as she’d instructed. Anthony and I continued on our own. Once we finished and he set me down on the ice, there was a long, loud, slow clap coming from the opposite side of the ice from Ellen.

  “Bravo,” Guy said, sarcasm dripping from his tongue and turning my blood to ice. I didn’t even have to turn around to realize it was him. His voice still echoed in my head, even though I hadn’t seen him for months. Berating me. Threatening me. Begging me to forgive him, only to start in on me all over again the next day.

  Anthony turned me in his arms and chucked me under the chin until I looked up to meet his eyes. “You okay? You went all stiff on me as soon as he showed up.”

  I couldn’t speak. My tongue was thick with dread and fear and a bit of hatred, and bile was slowly climbing up my throat and making my eyes sting. I nodded. Lying. I always lied when it came to Guy. Anthony didn’t look like he believed me, so I forced a smile to my lips. “Fine,” I forced out. “Give me a minute, okay?”

  “Want me to come with you?” There was a crease between his brows. Had to be from worry.

  I shook my head, fully realizing my voice would betray me, and I skated over toward Guy.

  “So what, he doesn’t trust you to be able to get rid of me on your own?” Guy asked, laughing, when I reached him.

  I kept a few paces between us, though. No chance was I moving close enough for him to touch me. Because he would. He would t
ouch me like he owned me. And that touch would make my skin crawl more than it already was from nothing more than seeing his sneering face.

  I glanced over my shoulder. Anthony was far enough away that he couldn’t hear but close enough that he could intervene if needed. He had his eyes trained on the two of us. That helped calm the churning in my gut, but only so much.

  “What are you doing here, Guy?” My voice cracked on the words. Nerves were eating me alive. I’d come a long way since I’d cut things off with him, but I wasn’t ready for this. To see him. To confront him. I wasn’t anywhere close to ready.

  “I miss you, baby. I’m a mess without you.”

  “You were always a mess with me, too.”

  “Because I don’t know what to do if you’re not right by my side.” His voice had taken on the sickening tone he always used when he wanted to sweet-talk me into forgiving him. “This is a joke, right? Skating with him? You’ve got to come back to me.”

  “This is not a joke. Anthony and I are partners now. I’m not coming back.”

  “You have to.” His eyes went dark, taking on the slightly crazed look he got if he didn’t get his way. “I’ll die without you. As my partner. As my girl.”

  I shook my head and backed up on the ice, putting more distance between me and Guy…less between me and Anthony. “It’s not going to happen, Guy. Let it go, okay? Just let me go.”

  “I can’t. You know I’m worthless without you.”

  I knew he was worthless, but that had nothing to do with me.

  “I’ve seen you with your new boy toy. The Babcock kid. Hockey player.”

  My throat got tight. Dry. I couldn’t swallow. “He’s not my boy toy.”

  “No? Then you won’t care if anything happens to him?”

  My insides knotted. Twisted. Tightened. I broke out in a cold sweat. Clammy. “What are you saying?”

  “You be sure he’s not your boy toy, okay?”

  “You need to leave,” I forced out. “Go back home.” But he wouldn’t. He might never be out of my life. The reality of the situation was creeping in on me, turning everything in my head into a gray, foggy, sodden mess. I had to go. I backed up again, until I felt Anthony’s warmth behind me. His hands landed on my arms, and he stroked them up and down, warming me. Soothing. A reminder that I wasn’t alone. That I didn’t have to live in Guy’s world anymore, that his lies were no longer the reality I chose for myself.