by J. A. Hunter
"What about Nina?" He asked wide eyed.
"They told me she had drowned. They found her a few hours later." I inhaled my sobs, trying not to break down in front of him.
"I'm so sorry." His tone was genuine, his voice more soothing than usual.
"When did it happen?"
"A few years ago."
His eyes met mine again. His pale pink lips pursed into a mischievous smirk, almost as if he were thinking of the same thing I was- his lips pressed against mine.
I slowly slid my hand closer to his. I wanted to feel his skin, take his fingers between mine.
The closer I got the harder my heart beat. I my hand was inches away when I heard my heart in my ears, as if a thousand drummers were beating against my skull.
I closed the final inch, pushing my fingers to where his long digits were resting on the bed.
Before I could feel his smooth skin he jumped up from the bed.
"I think I need to go." He frantically declared as he hurried across the floor and left the room.
"Wait!" I jumped from the bed to follow.
I reached the bottom of the stairs before I realized he was already gone- I didn't even hear the front door close.
I ran out into the rain. The cold piercing drops covered me instantly and he was nowhere in sight. I sighed in disappointment and ran back out of the rain.
I shut the door behind me and fell against it. The tears started to fall from my eyes, melting together with the drops of rain that covered my cheeks.
Did I scare him away? Was the story of Nina too much reality for him? Does he think I'm broken and damaged? Maybe he is broken and damaged?
I had hundreds of questions with no answers. My mind was as broken as my heart. When the sobs grew stronger I ran upstairs and hid in my bed until I fell asleep.
Three
I slept restlessly that night. Every time I closed my eyes I could only see Reed and the look on his face when he ran out of the room. The shock, disappointment and haste in his eyes made me feel rejected. I was totally confused.
I could clearly see how much he liked me and it made me feel adored. But as quickly as I felt loved, I felt hated when he left. I needed him to open up the way I had. With so many mixed signals I needed to know the truth and if I had a chance to be with him.
The storm had passed and the sun was a clear blue. Only a few small puffy white clouds could be seen. The streets were already dried by the morning sun and I could hear the birds again.
I took a shower, got dressed, joined my parents for coffee in the kitchen and plotted my next move. I could wait all day for Reed to show up, if he would show up. But I decided it was time to be proactive and go to him- it wasn't like I didn't know where he lived.
I played it in my mind all morning and rehearsed it again on my way next door.
"Tell me now how you feel about me!" I mumbled under my breath.
When I reached the door I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. The chime echoed through the house and I waited nervously. When the door finally opened I saw Katie sucking on a Popsicle.
"Hi Ally!" She greeted excitedly.
"Hi Katie, Is your brother home?" I choked on the words.
"Katie! Who's at the door?" The voice was too feminine to be Reed.
"It's Ally!" Katie called back to her mother between licks of her Popsicle.
"Hi Ally, I'm Janice" Katie's mother introduced herself as she walked up behind her.
"Nice to meet you Mrs. Archer" I smiled as I tried to look behind her for a glimpse of Reed.
"Please come in, Katie won't stop talking about you" She stepped aside to let me through.
I was able to see why the doorbell echoed so loudly through the home, many of the walls were still bare and boxes lined the hallways. There were only a few pictures strategically placed along the entryway and in the living room while furniture still had the plastic on them.
After more than 2 weeks of moving in, I thought they would be completely unpacked.
"Don't mind the mess, we can't seem to agree on where everything is going to go" she laughed.
"Oh, it's fine really. I understand how hard it is to move."
"So Katie tells me you live next door?"
"Yes, me and my parents" I replied.
"Have you lived here long?"
"All my life" I continued looking around as Janice looked me up and down.
"Oh where are my manners, can I get you something to drink?" She started toward the kitchen with Katie in tow.
"Umm, water would be fine" I started to follow Janice when I was stopped by the small blue circles in the picture on the wall.
Reed was knelt behind a soccer ball in full uniform. His messy black hair was drenched in sweat. It must have been taken after a game as his uniform was covered in dirt and grass stains.
The smile that captured my heart was archived in the small wire frame on the wall. I couldn't stop staring at it, each time I saw Reed, his appearance was perfectly groomed. Even his messy hair seemed deliberate.
"That's my son Reed" Janice explained as she snuck up behind me. "He passed away." She added.
"No he didn't" Katie stated, taking her tongue off her frozen treat.
"Katie, shhh." Janice commanded. "Katie has a hard time accepting it." She frowned.
"He passed away?" I was confused.
"He died last year during a soccer game. It was so sudden." She frowned- I shuttered.
How could Reed have died but be in my room the night before? How could Katie and I spend the entire day with him? If Reed was dead, who have I been seeing?
I had come for answers but only got more questions.
"H...how?" I was speechless- my mind was swirling but couldn't stop on a single thought.
"During the game, his heart just stopped. The doctors couldn't explain why." she took the photo from the wall and admired it the same as I did.
I didn't know what to say. I didn’t know what to think. It was like I was dreaming, waiting to wake up.
"So what can I do for you?" Janice asked as she hung the photo back on the wall.
"I...I just wanted to say hi to Katie" It was the only excuse I could think of.
How was I going to explain that I was there to confront her dead son about his feelings for me?
"I really should get going though. It was so nice to meet you. Thank you for the water." I quickly turned and left, reminiscent of the way Reed, or whoever he was, left my room the night before.
I didn't stop to acknowledge my parents when I entered the house. I just ran up the stairs, skipping steps along the way, entered my room and closed the door.
I fell onto my bed and tried searching the ceiling for the answers to every question that I had. I forgot about my feelings for him and obsessed over the conversation with Janice.
How could Janice think he was dead when Katie plays with him every day? Who did I fall in love with if Reed really is dead? What was happening?
I decided to find at least one answer. Did Reed really die?
I went to my desk, opened my laptop and started my search.
Reed said they were from Greeneville. I entered my search: Reed Archer Greeneville
I didn't have to click the link in the results- the headline was enough to stop my heart.
"Youth Dies During Soccer Match"
The black and white image of Reed beside the article verified it was really him. Nervously I clicked the link.
Each sentence explaining what happened cut into my mind creating holes in my sense of reality. Just as Janice said, his heart suddenly stopped during the game. They tried reviving him but couldn't.
I quickly closed my laptop and returned to my bed. I was paralyzed by my thoughts, trying to justify it all.
Maybe it was a fake story. Maybe he was in witness protection and broke the rules to see his little sister. Yeah that was it. He witnessed a violent crime and was under government protection but escaped to see his family. To protect him they would
have to keep up the story that he died.
Just as I had convinced myself- I was startled by his voice.
"Hi Ally."
"What are you doing here?" I jumped to my feet.
"I wanted to see you."
"I don't believe that." My confusion was turning to anger.
"Why not?" His bright eyes squinted.
"Because I don't understand you. I don't understand how you could say you want to see me, but you never touch me. I don't understand how you can like me but never give me your phone number. I don't understand how you can just appear in my life, turn it upside down and expect me to be ok with the little bit of you that I actually get." I tried catching my breath.
"Why don't you ever touch me? Why don’t you hold my hand? Why haven't you kissed me yet?"
"I can't. I might hurt you."
"Hurt me how? Are you planning to break my heart? Cause you already are."
"No. I never want to hurt you. But I can't control my own strength." He confessed.
"Then tell me why your mother thinks you're dead."
"Because I am."
He said it so seriously but it still sounded like a joke.
"Stop lying to me and just tell me what you want." I lunged toward him and fell to the bed behind him.
"What the hell happened?!?"
"I didn’t know how to tell you" He replied.
"Tell me what? I don't know what the hell is happening. Who are you?"
I backed up into the corner of my room. My skin was cold as ice even though my heart was beating gallons of blood each second.
"I'm Reed Archer" He replied as he stepped toward me. I backed up even further.
"Don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you."
"Let me show you" He inched even closer. "Give me your hand" He demanded.
"No!"
"Just give me your hand" He demanded firmer.
Apprehensively I reached out to him. At the same time he extended his reach. As our fingers touched, his tips disappeared into mine. A chill ran up my hand, through my arm, down my spine, all the way to my toes. It was what I imagined a frozen dinner would feel like.
I couldn't move as I watched him run his hand through mine playfully. He was wide eyed waiting for my reaction. But I didn't know how to react.
"H...how?" I sighed nervously.
Did I really want an answer? Did I really need to ask? I knew what he was.
"I'm an apparition" He stated confidently, almost proudly.
"A ghost?" I couldn't stop watching as he continued reaching through me.
"Yes"
"Ghosts aren't real" I tried to convince myself.
"Yes we are"
I pulled my hand back, walked around him and started pacing, trying to make sense of the world again. He didn't try to console me- he just let me go through the motions. I started babbling.
"So you're dead. You’re a ghost. You are haunting me. You can walk through walls. Your mother thinks you're still dead. Why can I see you? Why can Katie see you? Can everyone see you?" My pacing sped up.
"Yes I am dead, that’s why my mother thinks I am still dead. I can walk through walls, among other things. Katie can see me because she is still a child. Most children can see us until they grow to stop believing in fairy tales and Santa Claus. But they don't realize we're ghosts."
He didn't look like a ghost, aside from putting his hand right through me.
"I don't know why you are able to see me. I haven't met anyone else that could." He tried to explain but he seemed as lost as I was.
"I need you to leave" I demanded as I felt my tears stinging under my eyes.
"Wait. I don't want you to be afraid" He begged.
"I'm not afraid, I'm confused. I'm crazy. I'm completely lost, but I'm not afraid. Just leave, please." I lied- I was terrified.
"Ok, if that's what you really want."
I watched his solid appearance fade slowly until he was gone, taking the air in my lungs with him. I was alone with my thoughts- every single thought that was coursing through my brain.
Ghosts aren't real. I was going crazy, I was seeing things. I tried everything I could to blame a psychosis and hope I wasn't really falling in love with a ghost. Was I dreaming? Was this really my life? Could I really be in love with a dead man?
My head was spinning with no chance of stopping in sight. Rather than concentrating on what he was, I decided to concentrate on who he was and how he was.
It started making sense- the signs became clear. The stillness of his demeanor, the way he pulled away whenever I got close. How he would appear and disappear so quickly. There was even a faint glow around him that blurred any imperfections he had. I was less confused and more embarrassed that I didn't see it sooner.
The logical side of me justified that my fear stemmed from the lack of knowledge. The same way I was afraid of spiders until I learned more about them, I would be afraid of what Reed was until I learned more.
I did what anyone my age would do and started scouring the internet for answers.
I was overwhelmed with the search results when you simply type "ghost". Each website had their own theories, their own speculations. I had to weed through the hype and find the commonalities between them.
There were different types of apparitions. From the violent poltergeists to the lost souls that wandered aimlessly. Reed didn't seem like either. He was too normal. He walked and talked and felt. Since I knew the internet wouldn't offer assuagement, I decided to go to the source.
He didn't seem interested in harming me and gave me no reason to stay away. What he was actually made me more curious than afraid and the thought of never looking into those gorgeous blue eyes or hearing the calm of his voice seemed more unrealistic than having a dead boyfriend.
That night my dreams were haunted by him- literally.
The same dream I had before was replaced with the new information. I saw his eyes close as he inched closer, his lips pursed in a kiss. As we reached each other, our kiss was replaced with an icy chill as his face passed through mine. I shot up in my bed breathless and wide awake.
What was happening to me?
I let out a deep sigh of disappointment at the thought of never feeling his lips against mine, his fingers entangled between mine, or his arms pulling me near.
What about my friends? How could I explain dating someone they couldn't see? How would my parents react? My dad always wanted to walk me down the aisle, how would a wedding go if I was the only one able to see the groom? And I might as well forget about having kids.
I lied back down and attempted to fall back to sleep, unfortunately I spent the night watching the bright red numbers of my alarm clock changing. There was nothing I could do until I saw him again- but I knew it wouldn't be long.
As curious as I was about discovering ghosts were real, he must have been curious about why I could see him when nobody else could.
All I did know was that Heather would be picking me up in the morning and asking more questions than I wanted to answer.
I gave up on sleeping when the clock reached 6 A.M.
My daily routine was the same- shower, coffee, wait. But the afternoon promised a step into a world I knew nothing about. I didn't even know what questions I would ask him or which ones I really wanted the answers to. But I knew when Heather finally pulled up, that I didn't want to tell her anything at all. If I didn't understand it, how could she?
"Come on Ally!" Alex called out to me, bringing me out of my head.
"Sorry!"
"Hey girl, what's new?" Heather's first question for me to dodge.
In my head I thought "My new boyfriend died a year ago and I am in love with his displaced soul" but from my mouth came "Nothing new, what about you?"
"How did things go with your secret lover?" She asked impishly.
"I haven't seen him. I don't think it's going to work out." I lied.
If I could convince her that I wasn't seeing him anymore, she wouldn't ask
about him.
"Why not? It sounded like you really liked him." She interrogated.
"We are just too different." I answered confidently since dead and alive are completely different.
"That's ok, I am sure you and Cory can still get together." I cringed as she said his name.
"No thanks, I'll just stay single." I never could understand why she thought Cory and I would be a good match.
Cory was popular and some girls found him attractive, but he was ordinary. I couldn't imagine him keeping my attention- unlike Reed- the dead man who captured me. I could never accuse him of being ordinary.
I was sure I was missing something important as I spent the school day thinking of what I would ask Reed. I kept thinking about what I had read on the internet about ghosts and what was actually true. I used to laugh at all those ghost hunting shows on T.V. and suddenly I felt like I was trapped in an episode.
I still caught myself laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing.
Heather dropped me off at home and sped off. I went inside, put my backpack in my room and went to the porch. I posted myself on the swing nervously, waiting for Reed to appear.
