by J. A. Hunter
"No, not everyone. Most are sent to the light or the dark. I don't know why I'm here, why I wasn't sent somewhere else."
"We need to find out." I commanded.
I may not have understood his world but I did understand feeling lost. After Nina's death it took weeks for me to physically recover and months for emotional recovery. Even with Heather there for me, it was hard to make her understand how it felt to almost die. I couldn't imagine how Reed felt trying to get me to understand actually dying. I just knew I needed to help him find the answers he needed, the way I needed answers just years before.
"Where would we even start?" He asked.
"I think I know someone who might have answers."
Five
It was Saturday and the weather was nice. My parents planned a day of antiquing- leaving me to help find the answers Reed and I needed. I knew neither of us were knowledgeable enough to figure it out on our own, but there was one person I could think of who may have been able to help- Cecilia Cote.
"So who is this girl?" Reed asked as we walked down her street.
"Cecelia is an old friend of mine, but I should warn you, we had a little falling out." I explained.
"Why? What happened?"
"She was in a car accident years ago. After that she just changed and we grew apart."
"Well accidents usually do change people." He laughed as if it were obvious.
"Yeah, but you'll see for yourself."
As I approached her house the flowers on her porch were in full bloom. I could hear the snapping of the American flag her dad kept in full mast in the front yard. The lawn was freshly mowed and the homes appearance screamed suburbia.
"This doesn't look too bad." Reed scoffed as I rang the doorbell.
The door crept open slowly and we found ourselves looking at Cecelia. Her black eyeliner made her cold stare even colder.
Dressed from head to toe in black and red, buckles and large safety pins connected every item of clothing she wore. A metal chain ran from her pierced ear, to her nose ring, through a loop in her lip, and disappeared under her shirt collar. I could only imagine where it ended.
"Hi C.C." I smiled.
"You haven't called me C.C. in years. What do you want?" Her look of disdain made me nervous.
"I was hoping we could talk."
"Who is this?" She asked as she looked toward Reed.
Just knowing she could see Reed made me feel better about my decision to see her. When we were kids we were inseparable. It was always Ally, C.C., and Heather. After the car crash she grew distant and pushed us away.
"Wait a minute." She paused, staring Reed in the eye.
"Come in." She invited as she sidestepped the entrance.
We were led to her room, her bedroom door covered in Emo band posters. The windows of her room were blacked out with dark paper and we were surrounded by low glowing lights. The room was creepy and intriguing at the same time.
I looked around and noticed the dolls we used to play with were almost unrecognizable. She covered the toys in fake blood, nooses, and dark clothing. As frightening as they were, they were very creative.
"So why are you bringing a ghost here?" She asked nonchalantly.
"I'm not exactly sure where to begin." I confessed.
"You're looking for answers, no?"
"More than I can express." I agreed.
"What would you like to know first?"
"Why can she see me?" Reed chimed in.
"Probably for the same reason I can see you. Were you ever close to death?" She turned to me.
"Yes. But that was years ago. Why am I only able to see him now?"
"You have always been able to see them, you're just now noticing." She laughed as she lit a candle.
"Everyone is empathic to a point and many people can see them. Most people just get caught up in themselves and stop noticing. Something I am sure you know about." She snidely commented at me.
"So you know about ghosts and takers and becoming human?" I hoped I wouldn't have to explain it all.
"Yes. Since we stopped talking, I have been talking with different displaced spirits. Many of them are harmless and just want peace."
"Is there a way to bring a spirit back for good?" I looked into Reed's eyes and smiled as he gazed back at me.
"Oh, I should have seen it. You're in love." She smiled largely as I blushed, turning my eyes to the floor.
"Leave it to Ally to fall for a ghost. All those jocks chasing you weren't good enough?" She snickered- I stayed silent.
"There are many who believe they can resurrect the dead. But the truth is that it's not up to humans. There are powers in this universe that dictate life and death. It is up to them whether or not Reed can become human or remain as he is." She explained.
"But if we can be human for a limited time, isn't there a way to make it permanent?" Reed begged.
"Not that I am aware of. But if you find a way, please be sure to let me know. Maybe I could catch me a ghost boyfriend like you." She teased. "Besides, you have bigger problems than bringing him back." She added.
"Bigger problems? What bigger problems?" I looked to Reed. His eyes were now the ones staring at the floor.
"I think he already knows." She hinted.
"Reed, what is she talking about?"
"Gatherers." He mumbled.
"What are gatherers?" I looked back at Cecilia.
"They are like takers who target ghosts. And Reed is high on their list."
"What? Why Reed?"
"Reed wasn't supposed to die- he wasn't on the list of acceptable souls a ghost is allowed to take. His death corrupted fate's list and the gatherers need to fix it. They are coming for him."
"How can I stop it?" Reed asked solemnly.
"You can't. You aren't supposed to be here and you can't go back to your body. They will keep coming for you."
"So Reed might end up in Heaven?" I sighed.
I didn't want to lose him, but if I had to, Heaven seemed the place I would want to lose him to.
"Sadly, no. Since Reed wasn't on the list, there is no place for him in Heaven or Hell. He would spend eternity in limbo. He would be neither dead nor alive, stuck between all planes."
Her eyes were full of sympathy but it didn't soothe me. Even Reed's voice couldn't drop the standing hairs on the back of my neck.
"Your boyfriend is in a complicated situation. He needs to stay off the radar." She advised.
"Earlier today I ran into my taker. It nearly killed me." Reed disclosed.
"You're connected. He broke the rules by taking you, so you will feel him when you're around him- the same way you can feel Ally." She looked at me waiting for my reaction.
"You can feel me?" I questioned him.
"I can feel your thoughts and emotions. They don't make sense, but I know what state you're in, even stronger when I am with you." He confessed.
I wasn't sure how I felt about him feeling me. The more I learned about his world the less privacy I had.
My life was an open book for him to read and it made me a little uncomfortable- but not as uncomfortable as the thought of not having Reed in my life.
"You two are going to have an interesting relationship. I'm curious to see how it turns out." She smirked.
My life started sounding like a bad movie full of forbidden love, danger, loss, and tragedy. I was growing tired of all the questions that kept popping up. When I thought I had all the answers, even the answers caused more questions.
I couldn’t bring myself to ask anything else. After finding out Reed's fate, my head was throbbing.
We left Cecilia's and started back home. We were both silent during the walk back and even when we reached my porch, we still didn't speak.
"You're too quiet." Reed commented.
"I don't know what to say." I mumbled.
"Say something, anything." He begged me. I couldn't deny his tone.
"First, I found out that I am in love with a ghost, there are g
hosts stealing people's souls, and there are ghost killers coming after you so they can fix a mistake they made and put you in limbo for eternity."
I cringed at the list of impossibilities that had become my reality.
"Well, when you say it like that, it does seem pretty bad." He chuckled inappropriately.
"How can you be so nonchalant about this? After all, it's your soul that would be trapped and my life that would be ruined. Do you think I could possibly date another man after you? Do you think I could live the rest of my life knowing what's out there?"
My tone was harsh but justified. I couldn't help thinking how easy life would be if I had never met Reed, if the Archers never moved in next door, if I had just ran like any normal person would have when I found out what Reed was.
"I'm sorry. I never wanted this for you." He apologized as he slowly faded away.
"Reed! Reed!" I called out to him.
"Reed, get back here! I'm not done being mad at you!" I screamed louder before realizing I looked insane.
I was too upset to eat that night. I sat in my room thinking about Reed, what Cecilia said, and the very real chance that I would lose him. I also thought about Heather and the secrets I was keeping from her. She had been my best friend since elementary school and we told each other everything. But how could I share this with her without her getting me committed or worse, going to my parents.
The last thought I had before drifting off to sleep was the next day at school and the real possibility that I could be attending classes with Reed's taker. Who was he?
When I woke I felt better. I did what I could to not think about Reed not being in my life. The shower had more hot water than usual, there was more than one cup of coffee left in the pot and my parents were filling the kitchen with laughter. I also decided that I wanted a ghost free day.
Heather picked me up and didn't ask about Reed. It was a relief to talk about our normal gossip and watch her teasing Alex. The past few days spun my head and I needed normalcy.
My first class was a breeze. We were required to write about our life and the people who influenced us. It was Mr. Marenco's version of a test. I thought about my life and how it currently was, but decided to write about my pre-Reed existence. At 750 words I was the first one done.
I met Heather in the hallway and we walked to the drama class. Mrs. Schuler was planning our end of the quarter drama production. We were going to do an adaptation of "The Phantom of The Opera".
It was one of my personal favorites so I was excited. I could easily relate to ChristineDaaé and Reed as my Erik, the phantom of my life's opera. That was the part I decided to read for.
One after the other each student read the part that interested them. Heather went before me to read the part of Carlotta- but I was almost certain she would get cast as Christine.
I had always thought she had a better voice than I did. She glowed on the center stage, her voice ringing loudly over the rest of the class. I was certain she would get the lead.
It was my turn and my nerves were already shot. It would be hard following Heather. I stood, center stage, looking out over the class seated in the auditorium, but before I could open my mouth, I was captured by the bright blue eyes in the back row. Reed sat tensely watching me, waiting for me to begin. He smiled brightly and my fears dissipated the way he had so many times.
"Think of me, think of me fondly" I began singing.
"when we've said goodbye. Remember me once in a while- please promise me you'll try."
With my eyes fixated on him, I was no longer auditioning- I was spilling my heart out to him. With the possibility of him leaving, I begged in tune for him to remember me, to think of me, think of us, our love, and the many things we wouldn't be able to do.
I begged him in melody to understand how I felt, how much I loved him, and that there wouldn't be a day I wouldn't think of him.
The tears swelled in my eyes and the room blurred around my sight of him.
As the first tear fell, he was the only thing I could see. His eyes were widened as his lips frowned and I knew he could feel my emotions. I could see the pain in his eyes and the wish for us to have forever together. As the male vocalist auditioning for Raoul began singing, I was overwhelmed and had to leave.
I leapt off the stage and ran out sobbing. I could barely see the door leaving the auditorium from behind my tears. I could hear Heather calling out for me, but my feet only ran faster.
I ducked into the restroom and slammed the stall door behind me. I was a wreck. I had never let a man in the way I had let Reed in. It was dangerously bordering on obsession.
He had taken over every thought I had, every decision I would make, and consumed every waking hour. When we were together I wanted to be closer, when we were apart I wanted to be with him. I was no longer myself, I was completely his.
The realization of what I truly felt overcame me. The weight of it all made me feel like I was in the ocean again, being pulled in different directions, unable to breathe.
"Ally?" I expected to hear Heather's voice, but his smooth tone echoed off the tiles.
"Why are you in the girl's bathroom?" I snickered behind my blubbering.
"I wanted to make sure you're ok. That was…something."
"Yeah, a real performance. They must think I'm insane."
"I don't care. I loved it." I could hear his smile.
"I tried so hard."
"Well it was beautiful." He commented.
"No, not the singing. I tried so hard not to think about you. I couldn't do it. I can't do it. I can't live my life without you in it." I felt the tears starting to form again.
"You won't have to. I promise you…we will always have tomorrow."
"How can you promise that?"
"Because, I can't imagine my life without you in it either."
"You don't have a life." I teased as I left the stall.
I tried sucking up my tears and lifting my mood so he wouldn't feel it.
"We are going to have to talk about you teasing me about being dead." He smiled.
"Do you know what I really want?" I asked doe-eyed.
"What is it?"
"I want a hug." After I said it I regretted it. How could I ask for such a thing knowing he couldn't give it to me?
I felt the jealousy of seeing Sarah hugging him coming back.
"You have no idea how many times I wished I could give you that." He dropped his eyes to the floor.
"I know. I'm sorry. That was selfish of me."
"I can't promise we will ever be able to touch, but I can promise I will do my best to find a way."
The solemn expression on his face made me believe him. I started feeling better, feeling the hope of our future returning.
"You know…this is the closest long distance relationship I've ever had."
"What do you mean?"
"All words, no action. It's like dating someone over the phone."
"I never took you as the kind of girl looking for action."
"There is a lot you still don't know." I smirked and walked past him as he started to fade away.
The bell rang almost immediately after leaving the restroom. I had one more class, geometry, and then I could leave for home and see Reed again. After my breakdown I decided there was no fighting my feelings for him. My time would be better spent trying to find a way for us to really be together.
I did my best to pay attention to everything Mr. Charlone was explaining about Cavalieri's Principle and finding the volumes of cylinders and prisms. If Reed and I ever had a future, one of us needed a good education. I could imagine finding a job as a ghost would be hard so it would rest on my shoulders to make a living.
As much as I tried paying attention I was constantly interrupted by Cory's snide comments he tried passing off as charm. Throughout the class I caught him staring half a dozen times, looking me up and down twice, and he even tried passing me a note- I refused it.
I didn't know a more obvious way to
tell him I wasn't interested than to ignore his advances. He was usually forward, but it was much worse. I wasn't used to someone coming so strongly, doing everything they could to get my attention.
By the end of class I could see his annoyance with me. As the bell rang, I ran.
Later that night I turned in early, giving me some time with Reed. We both agreed not to talk about him being hunted or the danger of limbo. I just wanted one night where we could talk like a normal couple.
"Is there anything you miss about being alive?" I asked as I leaned against my headboard.
"I miss food." He smiled.
'Oh, what kind?"
"I miss steak most of all. I miss the grilled gristle and juicy flavor of it. I would kill to have a perfectly cooked steak right now." He licked his lips.
"Well, killing would be the only way you could have one." I teased.
"It would almost be worth it." He joked back.
"What else would be worth it?"
I hinted toward an answer, one that I had been waiting to hear him say.
"Being able to kiss you." He gave me what I wanted and my heart melted.
"It would almost be worth letting you kill so I could touch you." I whispered selfishly.
