He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror over the living room couch and had to laugh, though the laugh contained very little humor. What had come over him? What had possessed him to think that she would ever develop serious feelings for him?
He adjusted his glasses and straightened his buttoned-down shirt. Yeah, that did nothing to change the fact that he was a nerd. A corporate drone, who loved numbers and who abided by all the rules. All of them. He didn’t even jaywalk.
And he’d hoped to capture the heart of someone like Yvette? Her trust issues aside, the idea was laughable. Ludicrous.
He took another swig of the super-strength eggnog and noted dimly that he didn’t have to flinch this time. Maybe he was getting used to it.
He had the distinct impression that he was starting to wake from a dream that he really didn’t want to let go of. But maybe that’s all this was. Who fell in love with a woman before he even met her? And then when he had met her, did he truly believe that it was love at first sight?
Maybe Yvette had been right all along. Maybe it had just been lust at first sight.
Now he did flinch and it had nothing to do with alcohol. That thought made his heart twist in his chest. He didn’t want to believe that…but it didn’t mean it wasn’t the truth.
His heart rebelled. His mind fought back. Between the two, he felt somewhat caught in the middle, unsure of which was correct. They couldn’t both be accurate, but the truly disheartening thing was he had no way to judge. His heart wasn’t playing fair. There was zero logic or reasoning involved in the heart’s argument, it just wanted to believe that it hadn’t been wrong.
His brain, on the other hand, seemed to be on a mission to explain away the emotions the heart clung to so stubbornly. His absurdly adroit memory managed to call up evidence from the world of chemistry and psychiatry to shut down the heart’s argument.
He went to take another sip and frowned down at the nutmeg-covered ice that remained in his glass. How had that happened?
Brett, he noticed, hadn’t left his side. His brother was being oddly protective, but he didn’t mind. Brett’s presence meant that he could dodge questions and deflect any interest in Darren, leaving him free to pursue the line of thought that was tearing his heart apart.
Odd, but he couldn’t seem to deviate from this line of thought no matter how painful the outcome. It was like picking at a scar, but worse. Much worse. It was like rubbing salt in a gaping wound.
As per tradition, his family planned to eat an early dinner—more like a late lunch, really. It was tradition. At any moment they’d sit and eat, and then there would be a present exchange. Then and only then could he make his escape.
He typically loved tradition but right now tradition was grueling to get through, because at this moment Yvette could be running away from him for good. He half expected to get a call from Kat or Bryce telling him that she’d booked a flight out of there. Or maybe she’d hitchhike. That seemed like something no sane person would do…so, basically, right up her alley.
The doorbell rang and no one around him moved to get it. They all knew it would be Robbie, the last cousin to arrive. He’d always been the least punctual of the cousins. Darren slipped away to answer the door, though he felt Brett following behind him.
Shit, he must be in a bad way if his brother was worried about him.
He threw open the door, ready to chastise Robbie for holding up dinner. That too was something of a tradition.
But his mouth opened and stayed that way. His long exhale made the air steam up in front of him. His heart started pounding frantically as his brain raced to make sense of her sudden presence on his doorstep.
His Sarah looked unreal. Backlit by snowflakes and an utterly idyllic backdrop, she looked like a creature from one of her own paintings—a woodland sprite come to deliver magical Christmas gifts.
He swore to God he’d never been this fanciful before she’d come into his life. What kind of finance guy waxed poetic about woodland sprites?
What had she done to him?
Her smile was small and tentative. Vulnerable, even.
His heart squeezed painfully. What was happening here? Was she here to break things off with him once and for all, or… No, he couldn’t even let himself think it. It was too much to hope.
He’d managed to well and truly convince himself that she couldn’t possibly love him. To allow himself hope now would be careless in the extreme. His heart was already broken. Or maybe it was breaking? But to give himself hope and then have it dashed again would surely crush it for good.
“Can I come in?” she asked. He’d never heard her sound so soft and uncertain. Now, as he peered closer he noticed that beneath her makeup, her nose was red and her eyes were puffy.
She’d been crying.
That knowledge did devastating things to whatever was left of his bruised and battered heart.
Without thinking it through, he reached out for her and pulled her close. She burrowed against him, her face hidden against his chest as he buried his face in her hair.
He barely registered the sounds behind him, only dimly aware of Brett muttering some excuse to walk away. He didn’t care. And neither, it seemed, did his Sarah.
All that mattered at that moment was that she was there and she’d been crying.
He needed to comfort her. Whether she loved him back or not, that would never change the fact that he loved her.
The long endless debate between his heart and head suddenly seemed completely and utterly pointless in the face of her presence. It was all so clear right now.
Whether she returned his feelings or not, he loved her. She was his Sarah.
God, she smelled good and she felt even better. Except for the fact that she was holding something in her hands and it was stuck between the two of them. He couldn’t be bothered to move though. “Are you okay?” he murmured into her hair.
In answer to his question she nodded. Then she shook her head no. Finally she pulled back to face him. “I brought cookies.”
She shoved the platter into his chest and he realized that several cookies had dropped while they’d hugged. He didn’t care. He also realized that she’d snagged the cookies that the hired cook had left out for them and for some reason that made him smile. “You stole the cookies?”
Her face brightened somewhat at his teasing…or maybe it was his smile. She’d mentioned several times how much she liked his smile.
He realized now that smiling felt a lot more familiar after spending some time with her. It no longer felt awkward and rusty. Hell, maybe he was going to become one of those happy-go-lucky guys, like Bryce. Or at least laid back and charming like Brett.
Doubtful, but one never knew.
Of course, that was assuming that his Sarah was going to be in his life going forward and he’d promised himself that he wouldn’t jump to conclusions. As gently as he could he asked, “What are you doing here, Sarah?”
He noticed she didn’t cringe at the name this time. Was that a good sign?
She cleared her throat and licked her lips. “I, uh, I…”
He thought she might never finish the thought. But then her spine straightened and she opened her mouth.
And then the door opened behind them. Brett had shut it, or at least left it open a crack but now his mother swung it wide open and smiled, seemingly oblivious to the fact that she was interrupting a moment.
“Merry Christmas!” his holiday-crazed mother called out. Her gaze was taking in his Sarah like she was a Christmas miracle on their doorstep.
Maybe she was.
And there he went getting all sappy and romantic again. Who knew that he had such a romantic soul? He certainly hadn’t. His brother and the rest of the family would bust a gut laughing if they ever found out just how cheesy he was when it came to this woman.
His mother smacked his arm lightly. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”
He snapped back to reality. And the reality was—his
Sarah was here. She was here. To see him.
And she’d brought cookies.
He handed the platter to his mom. “Mom, this is Sa—er—” He went to correct himself and say Yvette but she interrupted, taking a step forward and holding out her hand.
“I’m Sarah,” she said.
His heart soared. But that didn’t mean anything. Did it? It was her name, that was all. It was on all of her legal documents. Nothing to get excited about.
But try telling that to his heart.
“Nice to meet you, Sarah.” His mother was ushering her inside, offering to take her winter coat, starting the introductions to the rest of his large extended family.
Nooo. Not yet. He hadn’t even learned why she’d come or what she’d wanted. All he had to go off of was the fact that she’d referred to herself by her legal name, not exactly a sure thing.
And that hug. That had been a lovely hug.
But all it told him was that she didn’t want to fight. Maybe she even felt guilty. But did she want to make amends because she loved him…or because she wanted to be friends?
He trailed Sarah, who was being led into the crowd by his mother, who seemed totally unfazed by this new arrival, even though Darren had never once brought a girl home, period, let alone for Christmas.
Everyone aside from his mom reacted pretty much as he would have expected. With shock. His father gaped at her like she was an alien before quickly remembering his manners and giving her a bear hug that may have hurt her spine.
His brother was marginally cooler about the situation, but he couldn’t seem to stop giving Darren knowing smirks that he hoped Sarah didn’t notice.
His aunts, uncles, and cousins seemed to have no problem pointing out the obvious. “Darren invited you? But he never brings a date to these occasions.”
Thanks, Uncle Bob.
But it wasn’t like his Sarah had some idea that he was cool, he reminded himself. She’d known from the start who he was and she’d started sleeping with him anyway.
Some of his initial optimism threatened to return.
His family and friends, including Bryce and Kat, had always teased him about being so reserved and unemotional. But honestly, if this was what it meant to have emotions, he was not sure it was all it was cracked up to be.
He felt like he’d been living on a roller coaster for the past week. Up and down, up and down. Happy, miserable, hopeful, bleak. He adjusted his glasses and determined once and for all that if Sarah didn’t return his feelings, he was absolutely never putting himself through this again.
And then, just like that—he got it. He understood. Oh, he’d rationally been able to comprehend her fears and inhibitions. At least, he thought he had. But now… He stared at her, watching as she smiled and laughed at something his brother said.
With her purple hair and her pierced nose, she looked so fearless, so free. But he knew her better than that. She was strong, and she was fearless…in some areas of her life. But no one was totally without fears. Just look at him. One hiccup in his plans to woo the woman he loved and he’d spiraled right off a cliff of despair, certain that he’d been wrong or she’d been wrong. He’d plummeted into depression at the drop of a hat. Why? Because falling in love was scary, damn it. It was like cutting out one’s heart and offering it on a platter, hoping against hope that it’s accepted and cared for, protected and cherished.
And if it isn’t…well, then he could only imagine how hard it would be to offer it up on a platter a second time, battered and scarred.
Maybe she felt his gaze intently watching her because she glanced over as cousin Roger handed her a glass of eggnog. She gave him a small smile that was a dagger to his heart with its honest simplicity.
She was here. Maybe that was all that mattered. He could wait for her to come around, he could be patient and do exactly what he’d said he’d do. He’d show up. He’d never let her down. He’d give her time and let her ease into this at her own pace.
This new plan of action felt good. It felt like his head and his heart were once again in alignment and when Sarah glanced back, he smiled.
The whole room seemed to stop what it was doing.
He heard a clang of silverware coming from the dining room, where two of his cousins were setting out food. His grandmother stopped playing the piano. One of his aunts gasped from the living room.
He wasn’t entirely sure what they were all so shocked by until his grandmother spoke up, her voice filled with surprise.
“Well, well. Doesn’t Darren have a lovely smile?”
Chapter Fourteen
Yes, Darren had a lovely smile. Yvette grinned, unable not to, really, when he was flashing that megawatt smile—the one she’d thought was so rare that first night she’d met him but had been seeing more and more of these past few days.
She made him smile. The thought was simultaneously heartwarming and terrifying. He loved her. That was even more terrifying but also exquisitely exciting. Her heart lurched with happiness as the reality of it set in. He loved her and he wanted to be with her. For real.
The responsibility of what he offered was the only thing that could temper her joy. Because what he offered was a responsibility, and she knew that better than anyone. If he loved her, that meant she could hurt him.
If she loved him back, it meant he could hurt her.
She let out a long exhale as she took a sip of the eggnog. God, it was a wonder anyone entered into a relationship. So much potential for pain.
But, there was also potential for happiness. True happiness, the kind that she wanted in her life one day, and the price to pay was putting herself out there, leaving herself exposed to danger.
She shivered slightly at the thought as memories from that age-old heartbreak surfaced. Funny how it had seemed so excruciatingly awful at the time—and now? Well, now she could at least be grateful that the high school asshat was out of her life. Thank God she’d found out his true colors before she’d done something epically dumb, like married the guy.
That was so long ago now, it was almost hard to summon up any real anger over it. She’d been a kid. Maybe that was why she’d overreacted, gone in such an opposite direction while reinventing herself.
She shook her head, allowing herself to be led to the dining room table, even though she was too nervous to eat. She had so much to say to Darren, so much to make right.
But at least he seemed happy she was here, which gave her hope that she wasn’t too late. Maybe she hadn’t fucked things up as badly as she’d feared.
Still, she’d feel a whole lot better if he said that.
The words she wanted to say raced through her mind, even as she tried her best to make polite chit-chat with Darren’s family. She’d been sat across the table from him so while they could exchange meaningful gazes, they couldn’t talk. Not really. The most they could do was participate in small talk together.
It was a special form of torture, she decided, and in the back of her mind she started drafting a new piece based on this moment. “A Very Merry Cock-Block” was the working title.
Her moment finally came when dinner was over. Presents were about to begin, his brother announced. His brother was a hottie, she noted absently. He had Darren’s handsome features, but none of the nerdy vibe. No glasses, no silly corporate haircut, no uptight clothing style. He wore a flannel shirt and jeans, work boots, and sported shaggy hair and a five o’clock shadow.
Way more her type than Darren, if she were still on the market.
But she wasn’t. She was taken.
She glanced over at Darren as he helped clear the table. And so was he.
She hoped.
She was ready to follow the crowd into the living room where a large tree loomed in the corner, but Darren stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Come with me,” he murmured.
His relatives bustled around them, clearing tables, setting out last minute gifts, but Darren deftly weaved his way through to an empty hallway that led to an ev
en emptier section of the house, with a row of closed doors.
He opened one and pulled her in behind him. When he flipped on the overhead light, she had to slap a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter. They were in his bedroom. His old bedroom, to be precise. At least she hoped he no longer lived in this homage to nerdy boys everywhere.
“Is that…is that a lightsaber?” she asked, pointing to the toy on his bookcase.
He ignored that, pulling her up against him and leaning down so his lips were meshed against hers, hot and urgent.
Her mind went blissfully blank. The anxious pit in her belly settled as she melted against him. When she pulled back, she uttered the first thing that crossed her mind. “I never would have imagined that I’d fall for a nerd.”
He gave a short laugh but the look of awe and disbelief in his eyes pierced her heart like an arrow. God, she was so lucky. And she needed him to know that. She needed him to hear it, because he’d been too good to her. She didn’t know if she deserved that, but she aimed to make it up to him.
“Darren, I—”
“You’re falling for me?”
His voice sounded so boyish, so full of hope, she couldn’t help but grin, even though she was taking a walk right over a ledge. “Yeah,” she said, feeling a heat in her cheeks that made her feel younger and more naïve than she’d felt in a very long time. She licked her lips and grabbed his hands, squeezing them tight as she fought for strength. “I love you.”
There. It came out as one word, rushed and frantic, but it came out. She beamed, pleased with herself beyond belief, and even more pleased as he gave her that sexy, amazing smile in return before pulling her back into his arms, his lips finding hers again.
The kiss was epic—thorough and heated and filled with all the emotions she wasn’t sure how to put into words. The gratitude for his patience, the joy that she’d found with him, the relief that she hadn’t been too late.
“I’m sorry,” she said, once they broke apart for air.
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