“Oh no,” Jules said, as the women returned. “How bad?”
Both men stood up until the women were seated.
He smiled. “There’ll be some rock, but it will all be over by late morning. Then smooth sailing into Victoria on Thursday.”
“Are you on call when there is bad weather?” Drew asked.
“I changed my shift when we saw the weather coming. I slept this afternoon and I’ll be working all night. The captain will work as well. He’s responsible for the ship. He does all of the really difficult maneuvers and is always on the bridge during bad weather.”
“That’s quite a responsibility,” Charley said.
“It is.”
“Is that what you aspire to do?” Drew asked.
Kyle wished he was not having this conversation in front of Charley, or at least if they had to talk about it they could be alone. Still, he couldn’t lie. Why should he? She should have the full picture of what they were up against. “It has always been my goal to captain my own ship. I’ve been a merchant marine for almost fifteen years. I could get my own ship soon, if things fall into place.”
“What things?” Charley asked.
“Ships that are scheduled to be built are not delayed, current captains that are set to retire follow through, nothing unexpected happens on a ship where I’m serving, lots of other variables.”
“It sounds unpredictable,” Jules put in.
He shrugged. “It’s the same as anything else, there’s a lot of politics involved.” He turned to Drew. “I’m sure it’s the same in your police department.”
Drew nodded. “Too much politics for my liking.”
Charley’s heart was breaking just listening to Kyle talk about his goals as a merchant marine. She knew he loved the sea and his sailor life. Why had she harbored hope that he would want to give all of that up for a photographer from Florida? Why should he have to give anything up? It had been a selfish notion, a dream really. The dream was of Kyle wanting to follow her back to Florida, and live her pedestrian life. Why would he want to do that? He had an exciting career that he was excelling at. Not to mention dozens of women handing him room keys on any given cruise.
The more she listened to him talk about becoming the captain of his own ship, the more she wanted to go back to her stateroom, curl into a ball and cry herself to sleep. And the more she thought that, the worse she felt for being so selfish. His passion was one of the things she loved about him.
She walked from the restaurant to the theatre in a fog of her own sad thoughts.
As they sat down at a high cocktail table at the back of the theatre, Kyle leaned over. “Are you okay?”
She forced a smile. “Fine.”
His eyes narrowed, his lips drew down in a frown but he didn’t say anything to dispute her lie.
She barely heard the comedic magician or saw his illusions. The one-hour performance was more dreamlike than real. She heard Jules and Drew laughing and the crowd applauding. At some point Kyle moved his stool closer to hers and slid his arm around her waist. She leaned into his comfortable embrace.
When the show ended, Jules and Drew were heading to the martini bar to meet Drew’s friends and drink the night away. “Come with us,” Jules said.
Charley shook her head. “I’m tired. I’m just going to get some rest.”
She could see that her friend wanted to argue, but thankfully, she kept her comments to herself.
The ship was starting to rock noticeably. Kyle walked beside her with her hand gently resting on her lower back. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She took a deep breath. “Not really.”
He didn’t say anything but the air between them felt heavy. She hated that she was ruining the last few days they had together but couldn’t help feeling as if she had already lost him.
She slid the keycard into the door and turned the knob as the lock released. Gasping in surprise as Kyle forcefully pushed her through the door, she turned to see his face. Still beautiful, there was no doubt he was aggravated with her. His deep-blue eyes narrowed and bore into her.
“Talk to me.” He trapped her between his body and the closet door.
“I have nothing to say.”
He looked away but didn’t give her an inch to move. “That is the second time you have lied to me tonight.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Her voice was getting higher pitched. It always did that when she was upset. If she could keep herself from bursting into tears, she’d be lucky.
“Don’t you?”
Her sorrow was turning to anger from being forced to talk about something that she’d rather bury. “Fine. I’m upset that we only have a few days left. I’m going to walk off this ship and never see you again and it’s killing me. I love how passionate you are about what you do, but at the same time, I selfishly wish you didn’t love it so much. And I hate myself for feeling that way. Is that what you want to hear?”
His expression softened and he pulled her into his arms kissing her forehead.
“I wish we’d never met.”
He hugged her tighter. “Don’t say that. This has been the best few days of my life, Charley. I wouldn’t trade it.”
“It hurts too much.” The first tear choked up from where she’d been holding them in the lump in her throat. Once it made its way over her bottom lid a thousand more followed.
“Listen to me. You’re experience with relationships has not been good. I know that and I understand your fear. I don’t have all the answers, but I promise you it’s going to be okay.” He held her, whispering words she couldn’t understand.
The boat rocked more forcefully. An alarm pinged from his wristwatch.
He broke the embrace and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. “I have to go to work.”
She gulped in air and shook off her tears. She was behaving like she was a child, but she couldn’t help it. It was time to put on her big-girl panties and be a grown-up. “You better go then.” She was pleased with how calm her voice sounded.
“Listen, we have two days left before you leave. Let’s try to enjoy them. I know it’s difficult, but just try to put Friday out of your mind. Can you do that?”
She took a deep breath. “Sure I can.”
He smiled, and she thought he was going to accuse her of lying again. His watch alarm sounded again. “I have to go.” He kissed her cheek.
“Okay.”
He turned to leave but stopped with his hand on the doorknob. An instant later, he turned back and pulled her into his arms capturing her mouth with his. His lips caressed hers softly, begging for her to open to him.
She couldn’t resist his request. As soon as she softened and gave him access, his tongue plundered her mouth, swirling with hers. He sucked in her bottom lip and then the top before diving inside again. By the time he released her, her body quaked for more.
“I’ll see you tomorrow. We have dinner at the captain’s table.”
He smiled and she felt the heat of her blush wash over her face and neck. How could any man be that stunningly sexy? She watched him go and as soon as the door closed, the thoughts she had promised not to entertain settled over her heart as if they were a belt pulled too tight.
Chapter Eleven
The ship rocked all night long. Charley found the rhythm of the sea soothing and slept well in spite of all the negative thoughts rolling through her head. Jules did not return to their room and in the morning, her bed was still not slept in.
Her body screamed for her to stay in bed, but she had been promised some pristine shots of the inside of the ship if she rose by six o’clock and met the purser on deck three by the excursions desk. Responsibility overrode her desire to sleep the morning away. At five thirty when her alarm sounded, she dragged herself out of bed, showered, dressed and lugged her camera rigs down to deck three.
She took pictures of the grand staircase with its brass railings perfectly polished and the chandelier gleaming in the cente
r. All the restaurants had been cleaned and set for her arrival. They skipped the main dining room since she had already shot it on the second evening of the cruise.
The very tall and handsome executive chef waited just inside the double doors of Blue Sea for their arrival. He smiled easily. “Hello again, Miss Ballantine, it’s lovely to see you.”
“Thank you, Chef. I apologize for taking you away from your work so early this morning.”
He waved his hand. “No need. It’s my pleasure for you to see my restaurants at their very best. Please call me Steven, and may I call you Charley?”
“Of course,” she said. She felt her cheeks warm with a blush. He was very charming. She noted a ring on his left hand.
Steven gave her a full tour, showing her some of the features of the restaurant that he particularly liked and thought might photograph well. He also took her to the other three restaurants and stayed with her throughout the photo shoot.
As they walked through the kitchens from one dining room to the next, she couldn’t help wondering about the ring. “Are you married, Steven?”
The purser walked several feet behind them, but she heard him chuckle.
“I am.” Steven ignored the purser. “Why do you ask?”
“Does your wife travel with you aboard the ship?”
She watched him and thought she saw something cross his face. It could have been sadness.
“She lives in our home in Jamaica. Usually once or twice a year she comes aboard but we have two children and her sister lives with us. She has her responsibilities and I have mine here on the ship. Our romance is a bit of a joke aboard ship. I adore my family and I don’t mind a little teasing about it.” In contrast to his words, he gave the purser a stern look.
The young man sobered instantly.
“That must be very difficult,” she said.
He stopped and turned toward her just at the entrance to the stunning Constitution Restaurant. His eyes bore into her. “I miss my wife when I am at sea Charley, but I speak to her daily and I spend a month or more at home before I take my next contract. I enjoy my work and sailing. Before we had the children, she was more inclined to travel but now we have found another way to make our life work. Do you understand?”
Charley could not have looked away from Steven if she’d wanted to. His speech was impassioned. His marriage worked in spite of the difficulties. “I think so.”
* * * * *
By eight o’clock, the ship was bustling with passengers eating and playing. The casino was packed full of gamblers and even the pool area had its share of activity. The sky had cleared and the sea had begun to calm. She noticed quite a few people looking a bit green from the rocking ship.
It was nearly noon before she caught up with Jules. “You look terrible,” Charley said as she sat down for lunch.
Jules skin was the color of parchment. Her eyes were half closed and bloodshot and her hair hung limply around her shoulders. “I don’t like a rocking ship and my stomach likes it even less.”
“It couldn’t have been that you drank too many martinis last night, could it?”
“I’m sure that did not help.”
“Where did you sleep?”
“Drew’s cabin.”
Charley smiled. “He’s a nice guy. He seems stable.”
Jules shrugged noncommittally. “He lives in New Jersey. I live in Florida. It has been a very nice week.”
“So no plans to continue the romance after the cruise?”
“He has my number. We’ll see what happens. I like him.” She shrugged again.
If Charley didn’t know better, she’d say it almost sounded as if her skeptical friend was showing optimism. “Good for you.”
“Yeah, maybe I can stop paying for therapy now.”
“Think I’m going to need an extra session after this cruise.”
They both laughed.
“So I guess you’re not as hopeful about the future with Kyle.”
The belt around her heart tightened one more hole. “I wouldn’t say that. I guess I can hope but if I’m realistic, how does this end?”
Jules cocked her head to one side. “Do you think he meant it?”
She knew exactly what Jules was referring to. Kyle had said that he loved her. She could try to pretend he hadn’t said it and make believe that she didn’t love him too. It didn’t change the fact that he did say it and she was most definitely in love with a man she’d known for six days.
She tried to focus on the idea that he’d said it would be all right. She wanted to believe him. “Yes. He meant it.”
“Have you told him you love him?”
“No. Why would I?”
Jules didn’t answer for a few minutes while the waiter placed their plates in front of them. They had both ordered a cob salad. Jules passed on the pacific salmon due to her queasy stomach. The portions were so big they could have just ordered one and split it.
Charley began to think she had gotten lucky and the beautiful lunch had distracted her friend from their previous conversation.
However, as soon as the waiter told them to enjoy their meals and walked away, she continued as if he had not been there. “Because it’s the truth, and he should know.”
“I never said that.”
“Pft… You didn’t deny it either. Besides, it’s written all over your face and has been almost since the first day. You can lie to me and maybe even to Kyle, but you should at least be honest with yourself.”
“Fine, so let’s say that I’m in love with him. How can telling him do anyone any good? I’m walking off this ship the day after tomorrow and he’s headed to South America and is committed to three more months on this ship. No good can come out of me telling him how I feel.”
“It sounds to me as if you’re trying to convince yourself of that.” Jules took a deep breath and a bite of her salad. The restaurant was starting to gain more diners and she lowered her voice. “You know I’m not much for mushy talk, but if you love him, you should find a way to work it out. You deserve to find someone who makes you happy. Maybe he’s the guy.”
“Maybe.” Charley barely made a dent in her salad and the two women talked about more mundane things, the stop in Victoria, British Columbia the following evening and Charley having dinner at the Captain’s table.
* * * * *
He sat to the captain’s right leaving a chair between for Charley. Captain Cristou had requested that she be seated next to him. She was five minutes late and she certainly knew how to make an entrance.
Her gown was jet black against her fair, lightly freckled skin. She’d swept her hair up and while he loved to see those red tresses lying softly around her shoulders, he couldn’t deny that her exposed neck was a distraction. Though not enough to keep him from admiring the way the dress dipped well past an average low-cut and exposed the soft skin between her breasts. Part of him wanted to cover her up, another part was proud of the way men looked at her, and the rest of him just wanted to take her back to his stateroom and removed the gown in one quick motion.
The rectangular table was set for nine. No one would sit opposite the captain. He was meant to be the focus of the meal since it was a great honor to be asked to sit at the captain’s table.
Cristou hugged her and kissed her cheek as if they were old friends. She smiled at the affection and said hello to the other guests. The captain handpicked the people who sat at his table. On this particular night, he had included a US senator and his wife, a woman with very big, blonde hair. Also, two older women who were life coaches and spoke to auditoriums full of people about improving the quality of their lives. Joel Brayman, the comedian who traveled with them quite often and Oswald, the food and beverage director, rounded out the table.
Oswald was a big, German man, easy to laugh and loved to tell a story. He also loved the ladies and had the seat across from Kyle. Mary, one of the life coaches sat between him and the captain, but of course, his open gaze landed immediately on Char
ley.
“I hope Mr. Macintyre has been showing you all the sights of Alaska, Miss Ballantine,” Oswald began in his thick German accent. “He is very knowledgeable. I don’t know if you realize, but our first officer is quite the ladies’ man.”
A blanket of dread descended over Kyle, but there was no stopping Oswald once he got started on a subject.
“Only last month we had a former Miss America onboard and she was quite taken with our Mr. Macintyre. Then there was that lovely girl from Belgium several weeks earlier. What was her name?”
Kyle tried to keep a look of disinterest on his face but he could see that Charley had plastered a fake smile on her lips and his heart sank further. “Gerta.”
“Ah yes, Gerta. She was truly lovely. The daughter of some royal line, if I’m not mistaken. And do you remember the time…”
At one point Mary took pity on Kyle and tried to change the subject to her hobby of stamp and postcard collecting, but if Oswald got the hint, he ignored it. On and on he went about dozens of different women and escapades that Kyle had been involved with over the past few years. It was a disaster.
The captain interrupted the monologue after a few minutes. “Miss Ballantine, have you been able to get sufficient photographs on the trip?”
It took her a moment to take her focus away from the food and beverage director and look at the captain. “I have. The weather has been outstanding. I only wish there had been a bit more snow on those gorgeous mountains. I should have come on an earlier cruise I suppose.”
Cristou was already nodding. “But then the weather would not have been so fine. You could not have stood at the top of the forward lookout as we cruised the fjord. It is a trade-off. You will see on the next trip you make to Alaska that there is always something new to see.”
She smiled politely.
Kyle wanted to ask her what she was thinking but there was no time. A moment later, Oswald took up the topic of some cheerleaders from Dallas and the cruise they had made to the Caribbean last year.
Kyle was doomed. The delectable food had formed a rock in the pit of his stomach.
Alaskan Exposure Page 15
