I’ve never, in all my life, ever had a man say something so sincere to me. I turn my head and kiss his palm. With his other hand he traces my collarbone. His gaze has darkened to almost black.
“Just for tonight,” I whisper, unable to find the strength for anything more. Have I ever had any guy look at me with such heated hunger? Shock, and even a little fear, holds me still. I’ve never made love before. Sex, sure. Fucked, yes. But made love, no.
“Do you know how much I ache for you?” He cups my face and kisses the corner of my lips. “It’s like this hunger inside me. Before I met you, I used to lie awake at night, knowing something was missing but not knowing what. Now I know that something is you.”
I shudder, both from his words and how he’s running his lips and tongue along my jaw. We’ve only been together one week, but it feels like I’ve known him my entire life. An odd warmth starts in my chest and spreads throughout my body. I rest my hands on his shoulders and study the gleam in his eyes.
There’s a difference in his look. His nostrils flare. His breathing is labored. I always knew there was more between us than sex and I’m about to find out what. I don’t question how he knows the difference between making love and just having sex, since I haven’t taught him that. Hell, I don’t even know the difference.
My emotions swallow me as he draws me to him, turning me to press my back to his chest. He unhooks my bra and slowly slides the straps down my shoulders. Chills pepper my skin. He flattens one hand against my stomach as he moves the other above my breasts. “I’m lost in you.”
The hard length of his cock presses against my lower back. I want to touch him, to take his rigid flesh in my hand. I want to kiss him, to taste his want on his tongue. I want to feel him inside me, stretching me and melding us together. I’m floored that I’m at a loss. Tonight, the tables have turned. He’s the instructor, me his eager student. “Ryan, I don’t know what to do.”
“Now, how’s that for a twist?” He chuckles as he nips my ear. “I’m just following my instincts.”
“And what do your instincts say?”
“That this is new territory for both of us.” He trails his lips down my neck and along my shoulder. His hands cup the underside of my breasts. I slide my lids closed at how good that feels. When he flicks his thumbs over my hard nipples, I hiss in a breath. He buries his face into my neck, feasting on my flesh.
He turns me to face him, efficiently disposing of my panties at the same time. It’s a very smooth move.
“I want tonight to go on forever,” he whispers against my lips.
“What about your little preemie spit up issue?”
“I already took care of that. You taught me to just get that one out of the way before the real fun starts.”
I laugh and wrap my arms around him. “Kiss me.”
“God, I love your laugh.” He licks my lips open and kisses me with such passion, such raw emotion, that my throat constricts and I whimper. He nips my lower lip. “And your little noises. I love your whimpers. Your cries. Your screams. I love them all. I want to hear them all.”
I straddle him. He’s already got me so turned on that the instant he enters me, I’ll detonate. “We need to slow down.”
He ignores my plea and slips his hand between my legs, easing a finger into the aching depths of my pussy. I let out a cross between a whimper and a cry and fuck his hand. “You’re soaking wet, baby.”
“I need you inside me,” I beg and don’t care how weak I sound. “Ryan, make love to me. I want us to come together, watching each other.”
He sheaths his erection and easily lifts me by my hips. He positions me and slowly, steadily, I sink down on his cock, shuddering when he’s all the way inside me, stretching me, consuming me.
“Holy shit with butter on top,” I exclaim as I shudder, fighting the overwhelming urge to fuck him fast and hard. My libido is pissed that I’m not giving in to it.
He chuckles. “I love your crazy sayings. Move with me.”
We rock our hips together. Oh, my God. I’ve never had sex sitting like this before. It gives my clit the perfect friction. “Ryan, I’m not going to last long.”
He thrusts deep inside me and I scream as my orgasm takes over, convulsing inside me. I lose my rhythm as I cry out his name. He doesn’t speed his pace. He doesn’t stop. He simply moves his hips, nice and slow as I ride out my climax. When I can finally breathe, I whimper and rest against him.
“Now that we both have our preemies out of the way.”
“It’s not,” I pant, “the same thing with girls.”
“We both come too soon with each other.”
“Your fault.”
He grins. “I’ll take it.”
I kiss him, drunk off his taste. He moves a little faster, a little more deliberate. I match his pace and in no time, another orgasm builds inside me, coiling like an angry snake. We rock even faster, pushing each other to that release.
“Emma,” he groans and kisses me. “My sweet baby. My sweet Emma.”
“Ryan,” is all I get out before my climax ignites and sets me on fire. I scream. Ryan swallows it and drives deep into me. His own orgasm detonates and he growls as he pumps hard, keeping my orgasm at its peak. We continue to move together until I collapse, unable to do anything else but quiver. I hold onto him for dear life, scared that if I let him go, it’ll all be over. I’m not ready for reality to crash down on us.
“Do you think we did it right?” he asks and kisses my nose.
I laugh. “I don’t think we did it wrong.”
I rest my head on his shoulder as I swallow my emotions. I’ve just had the best sex of my life with a man I’m forcing to break up with me.
Irony is a cruel bitch.
Chapter Fourteen
Ryan
Why can’t people remember their passwords? How hard is it to type? As I sit here at the front desk, resetting password after password, my mind drifts to Emma. She’s inside the lab, struggling through her Java class, probably making up some saying like Sweet baby Jesus in a car seat or something equally nonsensical. I love her sayings. And her hair. And eyes. And, yes, even her snarky comments. I love everything about her.
Which is why this agreement fucking sucks. I have to break up with her tomorrow and I’d rather cut off my own arm. It’s what she wants, so I’ll honor that. She’ll move on. I’ll eventually move on. We’re too young to think about forever anyway, at least that’s what my dad would say if I mention anything about this to him. I can’t talk to my brother. He’d make fun of me for falling for her in the first place. The only person I can talk to about this is the reason why my gut has been in knots since I woke up this morning.
“Ryan? Can I talk to you?” Nancy has a weird smile on her face. If this is another one of her bitchfests about Emma, I’ll shut her down and walk away. I’m tired of hearing the shit she talks about my girlfriend, fake or not. After last night, I don’t know how fake it is between us. I can’t think straight, I’m so torn about what to do. She’s everything to me. I don’t want to lose her. I can’t lose her. I need her. She keeps me sane by driving me insane. It makes no sense and yet I love every minute of it.
“Today, Ryan.”
I’m about to tell Nancy I can’t leave the desk when Brandon returns from break. Without any reason to stay, I stand and give her a nod as I approach. “What can I help you with?”
“Alone?”
Shit. I see the way she eyes me, like a piece of meat she wants to take a bite out of. I don’t trust her. Once we’re away from any eavesdroppers, she turns to me. Her sinister smile spreads and the knots in my gut twist. “What’s up, Nancy?”
She hands me some papers. I take them and drop my gaze, recognizing the work right away. It’s Emma’s midterm—the one I did for her. My nerves tighten. “It’s code. So?”
“It’s Emma Rae’s code,” Nancy adds.
“She got a ‘B’.” I try to hand the papers back to her.
“I’ve
reviewed every one of her projects. She’s never even done ‘C’ work. Professor Baker is too easy on his grading system. When I become a teacher, I won’t let someone with red hair from a bottle and big green eyes trick me into giving her a grade she doesn’t deserve.”
I happen to know for a fact that her red hair doesn’t come from a bottle, but I’m not about to point that out to Nancy. And Emma’s eyes are more hazel than green, but I keep that to myself as well. “What does any of this have to do with me?”
“I just thought you’d like to know why I’ll be going to the dean to get her kicked out of BU. Be her comforting shoulder and all that as you help her pack up her dorm.”
My heart seizes. Shit. She knows. “Why would you go to the dean just because Emma got a good grade on her midterm?”
“Because she didn’t do her midterm.” Nancy smiles as she pauses for dramatic fucking effect. “You did.”
“What are you talking about?” I do my best to feign shock, but I’m not a very good liar. My guilt burns into my cheeks.
“I went back and pulled up some of your old code when you took this class last year. Did you know the way a person programs is like a fingerprint? It’s how some hackers are caught. It’s like a trademark. You, Ryan, code with efficiency. You understand object-oriented programming and have very few dependencies in your work. Emma’s code is all over the place. She clearly doesn’t understand what she’s doing. That alone is enough to prove you wrote this, not her.”
I set my jaw. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I?” She smirks and I tense. Why is she doing this? Does she hate me? Emma? What? What drives a person to want to take down another person so desperately? “If I looked up your midterms, would I find the same little glitch?”
“Look mine up if you want.”
That smirk grows to a maleficent grin. The glimmer in her eyes can’t be good. “I already did. In a class you’re barely passing, you scored a ‘B’. Funny how you suddenly jump up a grade in a creative writing class, a subject Emma is very good in.”
Now I’m pissed and struggle to control my temper. “Why do you know so much about her? Do you have a little girl crush on Emma? Is that why you’re hell-bent on destroying her? She’s not into you? Is that it?” Maybe if I get her talking about why she’s doing this, catch her in something, she’ll back off.
She narrows that cool glare. “I don’t like dishonest students. Emma doesn’t deserve to pass this class. Hell, she doesn’t deserve to be at Bainbridge University if she’s going to cheat her way through.”
“She’s not cheating anything.” Goddamn it. How is he going to talk her out of this?
“What do think the dean will say when I bring you both in? I’ll be on the short list as one of the faculty hired on for the next academic year while the two of you get to apply to community colleges.”
I shake my head in disbelief when it sinks in. “You’re doing all of this for a fucking job?”
“Not just a job,” she corrects. “I’ll be on the fast track to make tenure.”
“You’re insane.” I step back. “This conversation is over.”
Nancy thins her lips as she gets in my face, shaking the papers in her hand. The stench of coffee is overwhelming and I lean back so I can take a breath without gagging. “I know what you two are playing at. I overheard Emma and Brittney talking about it. She transformed you into eye candy. In return, you’re taking her to the Delta DASH.”
I don’t bother to deny it. “So? Why does that have anything to do with your hatred for Emma?”
“You’re taking me instead.”
“The fuck I am.” I turn away, but she whips me back around to face her.
“Let me put this is terms you’ll understand.” She narrows her beady little eyes. “You break up with her now and take me to the DASH, or I go to the dean with proof that will get you both kicked out of BU. It’s that simple. This is my last year as a student. I want into the DASH.”
My heart hits the pit of my stomach. Holy shit. She’s serious. She’s willing to ruin both my and Emma’s college life for a job and a fucking party. “Nancy, think about this.”
“Oh, I have been. This is just one of my demands.” She gives me slow once over and I shudder. “I want to see what Emma sees in you.”
Now I’m sick to my stomach. Sweet Jesus, she actually thinks this will work with me? “I’m not sleeping with you.”
Her eyes widen, and I curse. “So, you two are sleeping together? That makes her an even bigger whore than I thought.”
“Say that again and I’ll have no problem hitting a girl.”
She grins and shrugs. “You have until this class ends.” She glances at her watch. “That gives you about five minutes. You’ll break up with her, right here, right now, and let everyone watching know that you’re choosing me over her. This is life, Ryan. Make the right choice or you’ll end up destroying your future. Oh, and let’s not forget about Emma’s. You may bounce back from this, considering who your daddy is. Emma, well, doesn’t have Stuart Ryan as a father.”
“Mother fu—” I stop and grit my teeth as my rage vibrates inside me, tightening my muscles and making my nerves raw. Goddamn it. I steal a glance at Emma. She smiles as she doodles something on her notebook. I love her smile and conjure up the sound of her husky laugh that usually goes along with it. Images of last night invade my thoughts. She trusts me.
Jesus Christ. My decision is killing me. Nancy is giving me no choice. If I refuse, not only will Emma be kicked out, but I may be as well. If I agree to Nancy’s demands, I break Emma’s heart. All she wants is to go to that party. If I do this, I take that away from her, not to mention destroy her trust in me. But at least she gets to stay at BU. She loves it here.
As much as I hate the idea, I know what I have to do.
Emma
I can barely sit still. The Delta DASH is only a day away. As I contemplate the party, I can’t help but think how my time with Ryan is coming to a crashing halt. I don’t know how I feel about that. It’s exactly what I said I want, and yet, I don’t know if it’s truly what I want.
This past week has opened my eyes to some pretty real shit. Nerds can be cool. Cool people can be absolute assholes. Friends with benefits can morph into something so much more. And, in the end, I don’t know where I fit in anymore. I’ve never had as much fun with a person as I have with Ryan. He makes me laugh. The real kind of laugh that comes from the soul. Laughter that makes you nearly throw up from laughing so hard. Laughter that makes your cheeks ache from grinning like idiots. I used to care about what everyone else thought about me. Now I realize none of that matters. What I think of me matters. And, yes, what Ryan thinks of me matters.
And now we have to break up.
Or do we?
The more I think about it, the more I hate the idea. It’s not like I’m looking to settle down and pick out china patterns or anything, but I love the way he makes me feel. Like I belong. I’ve found my spot in the world. He makes me feel like my screwed up past doesn’t matter. I don’t want that to go away. It will the minute we appear at the DASH.
I need to talk to Ryan. Maybe we can find a way to make a relationship work. I stand to go to the front desk just as Britt plops into the seat I saved for her. I sink back down and face my computer. As I type in my password, Britt squeals and startles me into hitting enter too early. The computer beeps. Strike one.
She hands me my notebook I had sitting on the chair. “You had sex.”
No hello. No how have you been. We haven’t seen each other since I practically moved in with Ryan to help him with his makeover. I glance around at how many people in our lab are interested in my answer, so I say nothing. It’s none of their goddamn business.
“I can’t believe you’d keep something like this from me, bitch. Who was it? And please do not say the nerd or I will throw up right on your keyboard.”
I thin my lips and type in the wrong password. Again.
Strike two.
“Em, you can’t be serious. You did not let him bone you. He may be your latest project, but come on. Enough is enough. You’ve proved your point.”
“And what point is that?” I refuse to look at her. I don’t know if I’m pissed or what. I just know that I don’t want to talk about this. I wouldn’t even know how to talk about this. I like Ryan. He makes me happy, and I don’t want to break up with him. Britt would just ridicule me for it so I remain silent.
“You can make a nerd look normal. Good, even. But seriously, Em. You may be able to pull the guy out of the nerd, but you’ll never be able to pull the nerd out of the guy.”
“What’s that even mean?”
“Once a nerd, always a nerd. He’ll never truly be a Delta.”
I’m okay with that. The Deltas are dicks. Ryan isn’t a dick. I work on carefully typing my password key-by-key so I don’t screw it up.
“Oh, no. No! Em, I know that weepy look. You think you’re in love with him, don’t you?”
My fingers skip across the keys and I’m locked out. Britt’s statement has me stunned, a bit shocked, and in total denial. I roll my eyes to hide the fear tightening inside me that she may have hit the nail on the head, especially after what I shared with Ryan last night. I want a thousand more last nights. That’s not going to happen if I make him break up with me.
But I can’t let Britt know any of that or she’ll find some way to insert herself into this shit storm I call my love life and fuck it up beyond all recognition. “I’m not in love with anyone. I’m just trying to figure out how to dump him.”
Britt studies me for far too long. Every time she nods, I shake my head in response. “I know what we need to do.”
“We don’t need to do anything.”
“Oh, the hell we don’t. Remember our deal? He has to pass the Britt test. Can Deltas bring two dates?”
I have no idea. I’m not a Delta. Regardless, I don’t like where she’s going with this. “Why?”
Contemporary Nights Volume One Page 44
