by Jake Bible
Lassa extended his hand.
“My pleasure,” he said.
“Jesus,” I muttered.
“That wasn’t very doppler,” Maaike said. “Elias? What you smellin’?”
The bartender took a big whiff and narrowed his eyes.
“That one ain’t doppler,” he called to Maaike. “He’s a hexed human made into a doppler. The other is a doppler. Sort of. Something off about his scent.”
“Elias is never wrong when it comes to smells,” Maaike said, tapping the side of her noise. She pointed at me. “This one the hexed human?”
“That’s the one.”
“Then you must be the defiler of dimensions. Chase Lawter. Tell me, defiler, why are you hiding as a doppler? Seems like a good way to get yourself killed. Everyone hates dopplers and most of them end up dead sooner rather than later.”
“Hold on,” Harper said and gestured at me. It was a complex gesture that took some manual dexterity in her left fingers. “There.”
I didn’t feel a bit different, but when I looked down I was me again. I stretched my arms up into the air and that’s when I felt the difference. Full range of motion again because I had normal goddamn muscles.
“Not gonna offer me your hand?” Maaike asked me.
“Good to meet you,” I said and held out my hand. She took it and we shook, but I held on for a second more. “Don’t call me defiler of dimensions. I really don’t like that name. It’s kinda dick.”
Meth girl was at the table and sitting between me and the One Guy before I could blink.
“Let go of Maaike’s hand,” Diane hissed in my ear.
I let go of Maaike’s hand and turned to look Diane square in the face. She opened her mouth to show me some serious up and down fangs. No question about her. Meth girl was a vampire. I’ve tangled with plenty.
“Diane. We’re good,” Maaike said. And in another blink Diane was gone and standing by the front door again. “Diane gets protective of me.”
“You two an item?” Lassa asked. “Maybe an item looking for a third?”
“Goddammit, Lassa,” I said.
“What? They are both very attractive women,” Lassa said. “I am pretty damn sure, dude, that their true forms are also as attractive. To me at least.”
“That one’s a vampire,” I said to him, pointing at Diane.
“And your point is?” Lassa asked.
“We’re not a thing,” Maaike said and laughed. She nodded at the drinks. “Please. Drink. I don’t think you’re here to fight. Yet.”
“Yet?” I asked.
Harper waved my question away. “We need your help,” she said.
Lassa picked up a shot and tipped it towards Maaike then downed it. She watched him closely then slowly turned to look at Harper.
“Harper Kyles. Exile of faerie, enemy of the Fae, needs our help? Not sure we want to be a part of that,” Maaike said. “Roanoke is not protected by a Grand Hex, Ms. Kyles. We keep a low profile here. Your recent spat with Daphne means you aren’t so low profile. You understand the cost of your request, yeah?”
“Hey, Helga, back off,” I said. “My friend has been through some shit. Her spat with Daphne was to save my ass and keep us from getting into a bigger spat with Lord Beelzebub. Since we’re sitting right here, that should tell you she’s good at what she sets out to do. A little respect, lady.”
Diane was on me in a flash. But I had expected her to react and had a Dim rod jammed into her sternum before she could rip me apart. She looked down at where the rod touched her shirt and it was smoking slightly. Her eyes went wide and she backed off. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Vampires are not fond of fire.
Of course, the smoke was some swirling Dim, not actual smoke, but I didn’t take Diane as the brightest bloodsucker. The illusion worked.
“The defiler of dimensions makes more than boxes,” Maaike said. “Nice. Good skill to have.”
“Thanks,” I said and let the Dim rod poof out of existence. “Am I going to have to do that again or can we please talk without shit going down?”
Maaike nodded. “We can talk. You convince me to help and I’ll have a chat with the others.”
“Cool. Cool,” I said and eased back into my seat. I picked up a beer and sipped at it. My stomach rumbled so loud, it startled everyone not used to it. I thought Diane was going to attack me again. “Yeah, any way we can order delivery? I could eat a horse.”
“Dude,” Lassa said and shook his head as Elias flipped me off.
22.
DELIVERY DIDN’T happen once the Exiles realized how much food I wanted to order.
“Low profile doesn’t mean much to you,” Maaike said.
Teddy was sent out for groceries since the bar had a small, but rarely used, kitchen in the back. He was a hellhound, not sure how that worked, and returned with bags of food hanging off his arms. Lassa, with Diane joining him, slipped back and started cooking everything.
Maaike sat with us while the sounds of pots and pans clanked from the opposite side of the wall the booth sat against. She kept staring at me then at the One Guy then back to me.
“Not gonna tell me who your friend really is?” Maaike asked.
“No,” Harper said. “Not until we have some assurance from you that we won’t be ratted out.”
“Sweetie, I don’t rat anyone out,” Maaike replied. “Never have, never will. I held an honored place amongst gods. Honored. No ratting in honor.”
“Except you’re here now,” I said and gestured at the bar. “Exiled. I only know a little about Valhalla from movies and shit, but I have a feeling lack of honor is how a valkyrie gets kicked out of that place.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Lawter,” Maaike said.
I must not have pushed the wrong button if she was calling me Lawter and not defiler of dimensions. That took me off guard. I leaned forward and grabbed one of the extra beers on the table. I sipped slowly as I kept my eyes on hers. She didn’t even come close to flinching, only watched me with a slight smile playing at the corner of her lips.
“Show me more of that Dim work,” she said after a while.
“Takes a lot out of me,” I said. “Let me have a bite first and then I’ll show you more.”
“You admit weakness to someone not yet counted as an ally? Interesting life strategy, Lawter.”
I hooked a thumb towards Harper. “I got a Harper. And I’m not exactly a pussy. I can hold my own.”
“He took on harpies by himself on the Gory Gauntlet,” Harper said.
That raised Maaike’s eyebrows. “Did you now?”
“This flirting is fun and all, but can we talk business, please?” the One Guy said.
“Goddammit,” I muttered and turned to him. “Life isn’t all about being the tough guy every fucking second. Sometimes you make small talk and feel a situation out before you jump in with guns blazing.”
Harper leaned across the table and placed a hand on Maaike’s forearm. “No guns will be blazing.”
“Yeah, I understand the phrase,” Maaike responded then stared at the One Guy. “You’re used to being in charge.” Statement, not question. “You’re used to forcing others to act the way you want them to act. You smell of violence and duplicity.”
“I thought Diane was the ghoul with the sniffer,” the One Guy said.
“Goddammit,” I snapped at him. “Shut the fuck up!”
“Diane!” Maaike called, her eyes never leaving the One Guy.
“Yeah?” Diane asked, appearing by our table instantly. “These bitches need to die yet? I really want to taste the defiler. That Dim must make his blood delicious.”
“Jesus, back off Vampirella,” I said. “No tasting the Dim tonight, got it?”
“No, Diane, I need you to give the doppler here a good, long sniff. See what your senses make of him,” Maaike said, ignoring my jab. “Tell me what you find.”
Diane stood there and flared her nostrils. She snorted and gave a short laugh. “Defiler ain’t the bitch here, this lug is,” she said. “Quick to fight, quick to kill, quick to destroy. No finesse. Doesn’t hunt a damn thing on his own. Hides behind . . . something.”
Diane put her palms on the table and leaned across so she could get a closer sniff. She looked the One Guy up and down. “Evil son of a bitch, that ain’t no lie,” she continued. “Can’t ever be trusted. His lies are lies. Heartless. Paranoid. Has a tiny”—
“That’s enough,” the One Guy said very calmly. “Take the parlor trick back into the kitchen and play with the yeti, will ya?”
She was gone.
“Nice profiler you have,” the One Guy said to Maaike. “You pay her or does she work for rat blood?”
“She gets her fill of the real stuff,” Maaike said. “No Grand Hex means no regulations in Roanoke. She gets found out and the DEX will kill her on the spot, but I doubt they’ll ever find out. Murders happen.”
“Speaking of the DEX,” Harper said, taking over the conversation. “We need an escort. A serious one. Only have to get into DC. It’s a paying gig.”
“Why?” Maaike asked.
“Because money makes the world go round,” the One Guy interrupted.
“Wrong question, dipshit,” Maaike said. “Why do you people need an escort for a four hour drive? Lay it on the table, Harper Kyles, and I’ll push your request up the ladder.”
“Up the ladder? You aren’t the one in charge?” The One Guy scoffed. “We are wasting time. Why in the hell would we speak to an employee? This is ridiculous.”
Harper elbowed him in the face so hard that he dented the wall behind him as his head snapped back. Those doppler eyes actually crossed for a second. Before he could recover and retaliate, she had the goblin sickle up under his chin, pressed hard to his throat. A trickle of doppler blood began to slowly wind its way down past his Adam’s Apple.
“My apologies,” the One Guy said. “It has been a long day.”
“That right there,” Maaike asked. “Why do you need Exiles when you can do that? Tell me the truth about the threat level and then we can deal.”
“Blood ghast,” Harper said.
Maaike blinked a couple times then looked at me.
“Yep,” I said. “Blood ghast. Ghasts, if we’re being honest.”
Maaike blinked a few more times then let a bemused smile spread across her face.
“Now we’re talking,” she said. “That’s a job worth taking. How many blood ghasts?”
“No clue,” Harper said. “But we’ve dealt with two so far and there are more coming. I have no doubt.” She lifted up her shirt to show the gnarly wound on her side. “I only have so much of me to give, so your help would be great.”
“Stolen flesh. Right.” Maaike nodded. “That’ll do it.” She leaned back into her chair. “This is why the kobolds are all up in arms. Folks been killing their kin for parts. Factions using blood ghasts to settle scores. Using them to wipe out the DEX’s CIs and each other.”
I heard it. Factions using blood ghasts to settle scores. Using them to wipe out the DEX’s CIs and each other. Shit . . .
I didn’t need to have Diane’s sense to know that Harper heard those words too and her pulse rate was about to go through the roof.
“Do not kill the client,” I said to her. “Please?”
“No promises,” Harper said as she got up from the table and started to pace back and forth behind Maaike.
The valkyrie didn’t even turn around to watch, only smiled at me then at the One Guy.
“The client has been holding back,” Maaike said. “Or can I call you the One Guy? No sherlocking needed to figure out who you really are. Black Box Inc. hails from Asheville. That’s One Guy territory. CIs going to war in all the vortex points, using blood ghasts left and right, now we got you sitting here with Harper Kyles talking about blood ghasts. One plus one plus one equals uh-oh.”
“Why?” Harper asked.
“Value,” I replied for the One Guy. “Less CIs, more value in information. Those left standing fill the void with their own people and the DEX ends up paying only a few organizations instead of a bunch of loose CIs. Not a bad business plan, Leonard.”
“I warned you about calling me Leonard,” the One Guy snarled.
I found myself being thrown across the table. Didn’t see that one coming. I collided with Maaike and we ended up on the stained wood floor in a tangle of limbs. My head was swimming from the impact with the floor and lack of food. Maaike pushed me off then dragged me towards the bar. I let her.
The One Guy threw the table aside then punched Harper as she leapt at him. He grabbed her by the arm which was going for the goblin sickle again, and snapped it. The sound echoed off the bar’s walls, so loud it drowned out the jukebox for half a second.
Harper screamed, but didn’t go down. She let her right arm dangle, turning her body so it was protected, and pulled her Magnum with her left hand. She fired three shots. They all hit and the One Guy went flying back into the table, his doppler bulk turning it to splinters.
“Chase. We’re gonna need his real body,” Harper called to me without her gaze, or the barrel of that hand cannon of hers, leaving the One Guy’s still and bleeding form. “Chase!”
“On it,” I mumbled and held out a hand. Maaike helped me to my feet. “Thanks.”
“You bet,” she replied. “I want to see this.”
I pulled the Dim key from my pocket and focused. My head hurt and my stomach cramped, but I shoved the pain and discomfort away as I brought the box back into our dimension.
“Far out,” Maaike said and golf-clapped.
I sent the Dim away and there sat the One Guy’s real body, a very confused look on his face. More like a catatonic look on his face. Without his partner, the doppler inside couldn’t put half a thought together on his own. The front of his suit was soaked through with drool.
Harper put away the pistol and drew a blade. She nicked the One Guy’s body across the cheek then hustled over to the doppler body and did the same thing. Then she licked the blade, spat on the floor, and threw the blade into the spittle. It stuck hard and fast.
The One Guy’s real body gasped. He looked about, blinking quickly, then started to reach inside his suit jacket.
“Who am I shooting?” Elias asked from behind the bar, his shotgun leveled at no one in particular.
“Not her,” Maaike said, pointing at Harper. She moved her finger in the direction of the One Guy, who had paused his movement, his hand still inside his suit jacket, but not pulling anything out. “Him?”
“No,” Harper said. “We’re delivering him.”
“He played you, Kyles,” Maaike said. “Kill the bitch now and walk away. No honor in finishing this job.”
“Oh, there’s plenty of honor,” Harper said, favoring her broken arm. She smiled at me. “Right, Chase?”
“What are you thinking? Ontario?” I asked.
“Ontario,” she said.
“We’ll keep the asshole alive,” I said to Maaike. “I have a feeling the DEX is going to pay a good amount for his ass once they know the truth.”
Maaike had been highly amused by the situation until then. She frowned and looked at me.
“The DEX does know,” Maaike said. “I think you folks are the only ones that don’t.”
“Know what?” I asked.
“The DEX is at war,” Maaike said.
“With who?” I asked.
“Itself and anyone that gets in the way.”
Harper’s eyes locked with mine an
d we shared a “goddammit” look.
“Lassa!” I called.
“What’s up, dude?” he asked as he came from the kitchen, all flirty and smiley in that Lassa way. That stopped instantly. “And the fun always ends.”
23.
PIECES OF THE puzzle clicked into place like an expert playing Tetris. My pieces were made of the One Guy and everything he’d done up to and including his bullshit in the Exile’s bar. Click, click, click.
Which would be great if I could believe the clicking. The problem with knowing the One Guy as well as I did was that I knew he never showed his cards. He was never predictable, other than being a total scumbag at all times. Once you had a handle on the truth, the One Guy was the best at pulling that truth rug out from under you.
Again, I was forced to listen and learn while taking everything in a galaxy-sized grain of salt. Sift through the lies to find the truth . . .
Didn’t mean I couldn’t eat while sifting through those lies.
Lassa and Diane brought out all the food they’d been cooking and set it on a couple tables pushed together in the center of the bar. The table we’d been using had a dead doppler slumped behind it and no one was in the mood to break their back and move the sad sack of dead shit.
I loaded a plate and sat down at the bar next to where Harper was letting Elias set her arm. Apparently centaurs are great medics. Didn’t know that. I watched for a second as I shoveled food into my mouth, cleaning the plate in no time. Then I set the empty plate down and focused on the One Guy.
He was seated across the room with Diane on his lap. No restraints other than a very pissed off looking vampire draped across his legs. Also, no hex hiding his face. It was all Leonard at that moment.
The hexed face would have been preferable. Leonard Maguire was not a handsome man. The teen years were an acne nightmare and his cheeks were cavernous landscapes that made the moon look smooth. He also had a lazy eye that made it hard to focus when talking to him. Not for me, though. I knew all of the One Guy’s ugly realities.
