‘Never. What’s with the laptop? Oh – and how did the dinner go?’
I suppressed a groan. ‘I’m not sure I want to relive the dinner just now. But speaking of the laptop, do you know what time Paul gets off work?’ I held up the laptop. ‘It was the murder victim’s, but it won’t even turn on.’
Max glanced at his watch. ‘Round about now, I should imagine.’
I cuddled Dizzy into my chest and kissed his little head. ‘You did see the Dark Team, Dizzy. But it’s okay. Because I’m going to track them all down – and whoever else was behind Fontanella’s murder.’
‘Fontanella was the one who was murdered?’ Max’s expression grew grim. ‘Okay, let’s get to Paul’s.’
11. Cheese Wizard
Wolfie and Kitty had somehow managed to fall asleep in the short time since I arrived home, so Max and I made our way along the street with Dizzy flying nervously to the side. He kept his eyes upwards the whole time, like he was expecting the Dark Team to strike.
As we approached the house where our wizard neighbours lived, Paul was arriving home on a broom. His vehicle had even more buttons than mine.
‘Hey Max. Hey Wanda. Did you guys hear those screams a while ago? What the hell was that?’
Paul was a short, skinny guy, prematurely balding, who always looked like he was about to dash off somewhere. He had only been our neighbour for a couple of weeks, because he preferred to live in the human world. His new girlfriend, Maria, did not prefer to live in the human world. She had lived in Westerly Crescent for years, and had no intention of moving. Seeing as Maria looked like a supermodel and Paul looked like Paul, she had won the argument.
Although I didn’t know Paul very long, he had already repaired my mobile phone (after I dropped it down the toilet) and my laptop (after Wolfie knocked it off the kitchen counter). Plus, he worked in the human world, so he was unlikely to lose his job for helping me with this.
I held the computer up. ‘It’s completely dead. I have no idea what to do with it. Usual payment? A pound of Stinking Warlock? I can pick it up tomorrow when I’m in Riddler’s Cove.’
Paul rubbed his hands together. ‘Oh, yes please. I went through the last stuff you got me in a week. Come on, let’s get the computer inside,’ he said, opening his front door with a button on his keyring. As we walked into the darkened hallway, he used the same device to turn on the lights, set the kettle boiling, and turn on a tall, black robot.
‘Evening, Ten,’ he said to the robot.
‘Good evening, Paul,’ Ten replied in an incredibly human voice. ‘I hope you had a pleasant day at work. Can I get you anything?’
Paul turned to us. ‘Do you guys want a snack?’ he asked. ‘I’m going to have some cheese on toast and a cuppa.’
‘I just had Chinese, so I’m fairly full. I’ll take a cuppa, though,’ said Max. ‘If you’ve got plant milk. Hey, I’ll bet Wanda is hungry. Wanda’s always hungry.’
I thought about the pig with the apple stuck in its mouth. ‘Just tea, thanks.’
‘Mango,’ whispered Dizzy into my ear. ‘Ask him if he has any mango.’
‘Oh, do you have any mango?’
‘I think Maria has some in the freezer. She puts it in smoothies. And she only drinks plant milk so you’re good to go there.’ Paul turned to the robot, and gave him our orders.
After a moment, Ten nodded, and began to move around the kitchen. He was human-shaped, about five feet four or five, with joints that moved seamlessly. He walked straight to the fridge, where he took out cheese and began to slice it. I’m saying he for no reason other than I like to anthropomorphise pretty much everything. In reality, the robot had no features that would mark it as male or female. But he just seemed like a he to me. Because, y’know, I’m crazy.
As the robot arranged the cheese onto slices of bread and placed them under the grill, we sat at the kitchen table with Paul while he opened up the computer. He had just about as much luck with the power button as I had, so he turned the laptop over to the back instead, pulling a small case of screwdrivers and computer bits and bobs from his pockets. Don’t laugh at me. Bits and bobs is about as technical as I get.
He opened up the back of the machine, replacing bits with bobs and bobs with bits. Ahem. At the same time, Ten delivered cheese on toast for Paul, and cups of tea for Max and me. For Dizzy, the robot thawed out some sliced mango in the microwave. I wasn’t sure which to be more amazed about – the fact that Paul had created a robot that could do so much, or the fact that Paul himself seemed to think nothing of the achievement.
After a few more minutes of doing confusing technical things, Paul pressed the power button again, and the computer actually displayed signs of life. With a triumphant fist pump, Paul said, ‘We’re in. What do you need me to find?’
‘An email,’ I said. ‘It should be the last one opened. There’ll be a photo attachment with the email, too.’
I craned my neck so I could get a look at the screen. I might as well not have bothered. It was dark blue, with numbers and words that meant nothing to me scrolling across. Paul seemed unfazed, and began to type manically. After a while, the computer began to reboot all over again. This time, it opened to a normal looking screen. The photo that Fontanella used as a screensaver was a shot of her with Benny and the Jeffs, sitting outside the Hungry Hippy. Fontanella wore a wide smile and a pair of dark glasses, while the three boys looked adoringly in her direction.
Next, Paul tried her email icon. An inbox opened, but there was nothing inside. ‘Wiped,’ said Paul. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll find it.’ He continued doing his thing, while Max and I slurped our tea and Dizzy chewed on his fruit. Ten brought another round of cheese on toast, and Paul patted his back fondly and said, ‘Thanks, Ten. What would I do without you?’
Dizzy whispered into my ear, ‘Make Eleven, probably.’
A few more minutes passed. And then a few more. Max and I shared a confused glance. Paul never took this long. He seemed to be feeling the same himself, because he let out a groan and held his head in his hands.
‘It’s gone. All gone. How can I not find it? Me?’ He looked up at us, his eyes filled with disbelief. ‘Listen, leave it with me, okay? No one’s beaten me before, and I’m not about to let them start. But ...’ He bit his lip and looked intently at me. ‘If this is from a crime scene, then whoever is responsible ... they know how to cover their tracks. They’re real pros, Wanda, so you should be careful.’
I stood up from the table. ‘If only that were an option,’ I said. ‘Give me a call when it’s ready. I’ll drop your cheese off tomorrow – and seeing as it’s such a big job, I’ll bring double your usual.’
12. Old Ma Flowers
When I woke up the next morning, I didn’t want to get out of bed. Dizzy was hanging from the light fixture above me. Kitty was curled up in the crook of my arm, purring in her sleep. In the next room, I could hear the loud snores of Wolfie – or maybe it was Max. It all felt so lovely and homely. If only there weren’t four murders and the case of a missing witch to solve, I could stay like this all day. Maybe get up and make some toast, take it back to bed, watch some TV ...
I dragged myself up eventually, sliding out from under Kitty and sneaking to the bathroom. I guess I must have left my phone in there the night before, because it was sitting next to the sink, vibrating. With a weary sigh, I picked it up. There were five messages from Gabriel.
The first:
Where have you gone? What’s the emergency? Tell me and I’ll come help.
The second:
Just heard about that vampire getting dusted, so I’m guessing that’s where you’ve gone. Let me know what’s happening.
The third:
Okay, now I’m starting to think this is about more than the vampire. I know my dad’s a bit weird, but he’s a good guy, and he really liked you. He wasn’t even all that offended by the rude way you just took off. So if you’re worried you’ve messed things up, you haven’t. I’m just as crazy for yo
u as ever. XXX.
The fourth:
Maybe the feeling’s not mutual?
The fifth:
Oh please, Wanda. Text back. I’m getting seriously worried now.
I turned on the shower and, while I waited for it to get warm, wrote a quick message:
So sorry. Fell asleep without checking my phone. Didn’t notice the messages until now. Have a crazy busy day ahead of me, but will call you later.
My finger hovered over the keypad. The truth was, I wanted to write something different. Something along the lines of: You’re calling me rude? You spent the evening throwing bones to invisible animals. Or: Rude? You think I should have prioritised staring at a dead pig rather than trying to solve a murder?
I bit back my annoyance, decided that the original message was probably better than a snark-filled one, and hit the send button.
When I finally emerged from the shower and dressed, Kitty and Dizzy had already left the bedroom. I wandered downstairs and found them in the kitchen with Max and Wolfie. Max was slipping a collar around Wolfie’s neck, and they both looked close to tears.
‘What’s the matter?’ I asked.
‘Max is sending me back to Jasper early,’ Wolfie morosely replied.
‘It’s not like I want to,’ said Max. ‘But I have to spend the day organising things with Rover. And I could be arrested at the protest tonight. If that happens, who knows how long I’ll be in jail? But Jasper is looking forward to having you back sooner than he thought. He told me he’s bought you a new load of tennis balls, too.’
‘I don’t want new tennis balls. I want to stay here. Dizzy said he’ll look after me.’
Dizzy smiled. ‘I’m looking after Kitty. I can look after Wolfie, too.’
‘And how, exactly, are you going to open the door when Wolfie needs to go to the toilet, Dizzy?’ Max pointed out. ‘It’s not like he can hop out through an open window like you and Kitty can.’
It was true. We didn’t have a single window that could open wide enough for Wolfie. And seeing as it was late November, we could hardly leave the back door open. I happened to believe Finn – as long as the protest took place in Riddler’s Cove instead of the Wyrd Court, the Peacemakers wouldn’t be able to get there in time to arrest anyone. But there was still a slight chance that Max – and probably me along with him – could be thrown into Witchfield.
‘Dizzy and Kitty aren’t going to be here,’ I said softly to Wolfie. ‘I’m going to drop them off at Wayfarers’ Rest this morning. So you can either go there with them, or you can go back to Jasper’s. Which would you prefer?’
Wolfie gulped. ‘Will your coven’s cats be there?’
‘They will.’
‘I’ll go to Jasper’s, then.’
≈
Somehow, I managed to magic my way to Wayfarers’ Rest with a cat, a bat, and two broomsticks in tow. As soon as I appeared in the kitchen, my mother ran to greet me.
‘You look exhausted. Sit down and have some breakfast.’
I could smell muffins baking, so I sat. Princess and Queenie – Melissa’s and Christine’s familiars – began to rub up against Kitty, before taking her for a tour of the house. Dizzy flew upstairs to the attic to greet the bats that lived up there.
‘No Mischief?’ Mischief, my mother’s familiar, was normally either planted in his bed by the wood-burning stove, or else taking up temporary residence on a nearby lap.
My mother cleared her throat as she placed a plate-full of muffins in the centre of the table. ‘I might have sent him out to do a bit of recon around the Minister’s local office.’
‘Recon?’
‘Y’know. Sniff out any booby traps. See if there are any surprises hanging around the area. He can get into all the little gaps. He often spots things I can’t detect. With the sióga involved, who knows what could be lying in wait. Pixies. Gnomes. Anything. I mean, I trust Finn. But it pays to be careful.’
I nodded glumly. She was right. I trusted Finn too. But just because I was sure he was telling the truth didn’t mean everyone else was on the up and up. I’d never met this sióga queen. I still couldn’t be sure that she didn’t have some other agenda.
‘So fill me in,’ my mother said, pouring us tea and sitting across from me. ‘Did Fontanella manage to tell you anything that made sense before she was killed?’
I had told my mother the details on the phone last night, but it was much better to hash things out face to face, so we went through it all again. She had plenty to fill me in on too, particularly on the subject of the Dark Team.
‘Dizzy is right,’ she confirmed. ‘The Dark Team is real – and incredibly slippery. Their MO is always the same. Telekinetic energy at the scene. No other evidence of them being there except for the body – or the dust – that they leave behind. Some people spot bats leaving the scene, just as Dizzy did. But in all these years, I’ve never managed to get past the rumours. I have no idea if they simply work for the highest bidder, or if they have a political affiliation. Either way, Fontanella’s murder fits the bill.’
‘And they could have compelled Benny and the Jeffs?’
My mother nodded. ‘Without a doubt. You said they looked like they were sleepwalking, and that it happened when the Plimpton’s Brooms jingle came on. So that advertisement was probably the trigger. And some very powerful suggestion must have taken place beforehand, to make them watch the news and that ad in the first place. Definitely Dark Team tactics.’ She rubbed her hands together. ‘Now, all we have to do is find a way to tie this to Justine. We’ll get her out of the Wyrd Court, Wanda. One way or another.’
I sure hoped so, before I resorted to murder myself. Just as I tucked into muffin number three (chocolate chip) I saw her eyes wander to the two brooms I’d brought with me.
‘Did you get that from your dad’s shed?’ Her eyes turned cloudy, and she stood up, approaching the broom Will Berry had given me.
I gulped. I had been meaning to tell my coven about this broom since the day it was given to me. But how could I explain that, despite Will’s duplicity, I was reluctant to break it in two? ‘No. I ... I found it in Bargain Brooms on Warren Lane,’ I lied. ‘Someone brought it in as part trade for a new broom. I think it was thrown in a Lost and Found bin, but I don’t know where.’
I did know where – it was in a hotel in Nepal, according to Will. Or at least the stranger who sold it to him in the tavern had said so. But the more I thought of the broom’s iffy origins, the less willing I was to divulge anything that even approached the truth.
‘Oh.’ Her eyes were still cloudy as she examined the bristles. ‘I suppose it could be one of your dad’s, though. I mean, it looks brand new, but it feels just like one of his. The power, I mean. So much stronger than the usual witch broom. But still more nuanced than the power wizard brooms are given. Strange.’
I wasn’t able to feel the power that came off my father’s brooms when I was a child, due to the fact that I was unempowered back then. But it didn’t surprise me to hear that this broom gave off the same energy. The moment I first held it in Will Berry’s broom closet, it felt familiar to me.
‘Maybe whoever owned it never used it. Or kept it in good nick,’ I suggested, warming to the idea that this really could be one of my father’s. I hadn’t let myself think too much about it since I received the broom, but now that I had flown it, the likelihood was impossible to ignore.
‘It’s possible. Have you flown it?’
I nodded. ‘Did I tell you about my lessons with Amelia?’
‘Oh, yes. She’s a great teacher.’ She let out a shaky little breath. ‘I’m glad you’ve taken up flying. But why the two brooms?’
I pushed the crumbs of my muffin around my plate. ‘I’m going to need the wizard broom for something special later on.’
‘Tell me more than that. You know how nosey I am.’
I giggled. ‘You and me both. I’ll tell you what I’m up to. But I might just need another muffin while I talk.’
Despite the chill in the air, Riddler’s Cove was just as beautiful as ever. The morning mist hadn’t fully lifted, and it made everything look vaguely ethereal. I could see the ocean in the distance, glistening and rolling, making me wish I could spend the day with Max and Wolfie, walking along the shore.
I made my first stop quickly, dashing into Dervla’s Deli for Paul’s cheese. He said that her Stinking Warlock was the best cheese he had ever tasted. I was going to take his word for that one, because considering how it smelled, I sure wasn’t going to start spreading it on my crackers anytime soon. And let’s face it – he could have asked for a lot more than some fancy cheese in return for his computer skills.
After Dervla’s, I made my way to Lavender Cottage. I hadn’t been there since childhood. It was where Old Ma Flowers lived. Yes, that was really her name. Well, I imagine she probably had a first name, too, but I’d never heard it. Old Ma had been my healer when I was a child. Not that I got sick much. But whenever I did, she had me cured in a jiffy. She also carried an excellent range in lollipops.
I had just put my hand on her wooden garden gate, when her front door opened. I made my way through the herb garden, and went inside.
The ground floor was one big room, filled with bubbling cauldrons and hanging herbs. There was a little couch by the fire, and a curtain that could be pulled around it for privacy. Simple, but perfect.
Old Ma was standing in front of one of her many cauldrons as I entered, stirring something that smelled like socks. Okay – maybe I’d been wrong about perfect. She didn’t seem to have changed since my childhood. She was still a wiry, ruddy-faced woman with wild grey hair, who wore flip flops and billowy skirts all year round.
‘Been a long time since I treated you for anything, Wanda. Not anything serious, I hope.’
I took a seat on the couch and swung my legs. ‘I hope not. It’s like you said – it’s been a while since I saw a healer. Thought I could do with a check-up.’
Winging It Page 9
