‘I think so. Mostly I’m thinking about the burger Bruno’s gonna hand me after the weigh-in.’
Sojourner looks good – her muscles etched, every fibre visible. I’d like to see her fight. It’s over on the other side of the Hudson River in New Jersey. Not far by train.
On the other side of the Sixth Street bridge, she doesn’t break into a run like she did last time. She walks closer to the river and leans on the railing. A cool breeze wafts over us, giving a momentary respite from the heat. My T-shirt is sticking to me. Sojourner’s face shines.
‘I missed you.’ My hands are on the railing but not close enough to hers. The wood’s starting to roughen. I can feel little splinters.
‘I missed you too.’ She makes no move to touch me. ‘Rosa has been texting me all sorts of stuff, Che. She says you killed Maya. But I heard from Jaime that it was Seimone. That Rosa made her do it. What’s going on? You said Rosa was trouble, but this? This isn’t just trouble.’
I want so badly to feel Sojourner’s arms around me.
‘Rosa says you lie, but she’s the one who keeps lying. What’s wrong with her? She lays it on too thick. She’s…I don’t have a word for it, but it’s like she’s acting, trying to sell me something. She doesn’t talk or act like a little kid.’
I want to hug her. I want to touch her, but she hasn’t moved. Her hands are centimetres from mine.
‘What’s wrong with your sister, Che? Jaime says she’s a psycho. That that’s what Leilani says.’
I can hear the water slapping into rocks below. Here the traffic is a low rumble. I can’t hear individual horns. I can’t hear sirens.
‘She is. Psychiatrists call it antisocial personality disorder. It means she lacks empathy, that she doesn’t care about anyone else, that she doesn’t follow rules.’
‘She told me you’d say that about her.’
‘Well, it’s not just me anymore. She was diagnosed today.’
‘That’s good, right? Her being diagnosed? She told me you were the one with that disorder.’
Now is the moment where I should tell her about my own scans.
‘She said your whole family is like that. Your dad, your uncle, your grandfather. All of you cold, uncaring, cruel.’
‘That part’s true. But it’s Rosa who’s like them, not me.’ I can’t tell her about my brain. I can’t tell anyone.
‘I know.’
‘You know?’ I whisper.
‘Of course,’ she says, but she doesn’t move any closer to me. ‘From the first time I met you I could tell you care. You’re nothing but feelings, Che. You can’t keep them off your face. There’s a lightness to you that…’ She turns to smile at me. ‘It’s part of why I like you so much.’
I almost say, You do? I want to kiss her.
‘You never seemed cold. Your sister is scary. I didn’t see it at first, but talking to her?’ Sojourner shivers. ‘Rosa’s bad news. You should see her at Bible class. She memorised lots of passages. But she didn’t feel it. Rosa wanted to know the Bible better than the other kids so she could win. She could have been memorising anything. She’s got no conscience, Che. That’s what’s wrong with her. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare. A conscience means you want to make things right with God. Because God will see. Rosa doesn’t fear God, she doesn’t fear anyone.’
I’ve never thought of it in religious terms, but she’s right. ‘Do you think she’s evil?’
‘That’s a big question, Che. I believe everyone can be saved. Even Rosa. Does doing evil mean you are evil? Sometimes, yeah, I think so. I’m glad you’re not like her.’
‘I’m really not, Sojourner. I can love. I love y—’
‘Stop.’ She puts her hand up. It reminds me of David and for a fraction of a second I want to push it away. ‘Why didn’t you tell me, Che? Why didn’t you warn me?’
I tried to tell you, I almost say.
But even as I think it I know it’s not true. I was scared that if she knew she wouldn’t want anything to do with me. Even if she believed me, which I didn’t know she would.
‘Why, Che? Why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me?’
She’s looking at me, waiting for an answer.
I don’t have one. She’s right. I betrayed her.
‘I’m sorry.’ It’s all I can say.
‘You’re sorry?’ She shakes her head to show how little my sorrow is worth. ‘Your whole family is like Rosa?’ For a moment I think she’s about to swear. ‘How is that even possible?’
I’m pretty sure it’s a rhetorical question, that she doesn’t want me to explain the interaction between DNA, brain morphology and environment. I think about making a joke about it not being my fault I’m related to demons, but it wouldn’t be funny.
‘It’s too much, Che. Not telling me this is too much, and your family is too much. What if your sister decided to push me under a bus?’
It was a bicycle. I don’t correct her, though. Or tell her Rosa talked about pushing her down a flight of stairs.
‘Or your father or your uncle or your grandfather. I got my own family problems. My mom is really sick, Che. She’s almost died more times than I can count. She has to be in the wheelchair all the time now.’
‘I’m sorry. Diandra’s amazing.’ It occurs to me that their building doesn’t have a lift and they’re on the fifth floor. Has Sojourner been carrying her up and down those stairs this whole time? What about the wheelchair?
‘She is.’ Sojourner breathes deep, trying to hold herself together. She’s not looking at me. ‘She likes you too. But she agrees with me about this. You know I’ve been praying on it? My moms too. Trust is everything, Che. Your family is – I don’t have words for what your family is. I know bad can run in families, but I never heard of anything like yours. How can I have a relationship with you when I can’t trust you? How can I have children with you?’
She thought about having children with me? I imagine us ten years from now, living together, with our children.
She’s right. That can’t happen. Not for me, not with anyone. The risk of my children being like Rosa, like David. I can’t bring more demons into the world.
I always thought I’d have kids.
‘I would keep my family away from you,’ I say, knowing how pathetic that sounds.
‘But you haven’t, have you, Che? You didn’t even warn me. Do you warn anyone? If Rosa is what you say she is, how can you not warn people? Your father? Have you ever warned anyone about him? It’s your duty to protect people. Even if you haven’t found Jesus. You have to do good in this world.’
I want to tell her that I didn’t know about David. But it doesn’t matter, does it? Sojourner’s right. Not warning her about Rosa was unforgiveable. But I didn’t know how to warn her. I still don’t.
‘I told Rosa not to contact me. It was weird saying that to a kid, but I can’t deal with her. I can’t help her.’
‘Has she tried to contact you since you said that?’
‘I blocked her number.’
‘Wise.’
‘I’m not going to take your calls either, Che.’
I flinch.
She turns to me, takes my face in her hands. My heart speeds up. Maybe she’ll change her mind.
‘I care about you, but I can’t be with you, Che. It’s too much. It will always be too much.’
Her lips are against mine. I lean into the kiss, wanting more, but she’s already pulled away.
‘Goodbye, Che. God bless you.’
Sojourner turns and runs. I don’t follow her.
When I get home Sally and Rosa aren’t there. My heart is broken over Sojourner. It hurts to breathe.
I wish I was a psychopath so I wouldn’t hurt, so I wouldn’t care. Right now I wish I had no feelings. If I had no feelings I might be able to survive this. Maya’s dead, Sojourner’s gone. I have nothing.
Why can’t I stop feeling? Be like David? Why aren’t I like h
im? What saved me?
My genes. Not from David’s side, from Sally’s. My Taylor genes saved me. It strikes me how appropriate it is that I have Sally’s last name and Rosa is a Klein like David. It’s almost like they knew.
I laugh. My loving family: a psychopath father and sister; a delusional mother.
What does that make me?
I don’t know.
All I know is that I’m not a psychopath.
I cry. My brain and heart are both broken.
I have never cried as much as I have since we came to New York City.
I fall asleep around dawn. If they come in before then, I don’t hear them. When Sally wakes me it’s after nine. She sits beside me on the bed as I wipe sleep from my eyes. She looks terrible.
‘When’s the last time you slept?’
Sally waves the question away. ‘Rosa confessed.’
‘She what? But there’s footage of Seimone pushing Maya.’
What’s Sally talking about?
‘Seimone only pushed her sister because Rosa bullied her into it. That’s where we went last night – to the police to tell them.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Because Rosa said she wouldn’t go through with it if I told you.’ Sally pats my arm. ‘I couldn’t risk her changing her mind. Lisi and Gene needed to know the truth.’
I nod. Though I’m pretty sure they already knew why Seimone did what she did.
‘What are they going to do to Rosa? They haven’t arrested her, have they? She’s a minor. Ilene said—’
Sally’s shaking her head. ‘The McBrunights aren’t pressing charges. They just want us to leave the country.’
‘The McBrunights were there?’
‘No. Their lawyers.’
‘So you signed that contract?’
‘No, Rosa would only confess if they didn’t make us sign any contracts. She had them put that in writing.’
‘Was that her lawyer’s idea?’
‘Oh, Che, it was awful.’ Sally’s eyes fill with tears. ‘I didn’t know Rosa was going to tell them about David.’
‘She told them David’s a psychopath?’
‘Rosa said killing Maya was David’s idea. She recorded a conversation with him. Several. He told her if she killed someone it would get it out of her system and she wouldn’t have to do it again. He said no one would believe a kid like her was a killer. She just had to make it look like an accident.’
‘That’s recorded?’
Sally wipes at her eyes, nods. It doesn’t stop her tears. ‘I thought he’d changed, Che. I believed in him.’
‘Where is David? Did they arrest him? That’s gotta be conspiracy or something, doesn’t it?’
‘He’s gone.’
‘What do you mean, gone?’
‘David ran.’
I get out of bed and run downstairs. I open the door to their study. No David.
I go into their bedroom. He’s not there either. But when I open the wardrobe there are empty hangers. One of the drawers has been cleared out. David really is gone.
‘He’s always been ready to disappear if he needs to,’ Sally tells me.
She’s made coffee. I sit at the island and sip it.
‘He didn’t know I knew about his escape kit. But I did. I never thought he’d use it. I thought it was a leftover from the old days.’
‘Escape kit?’ Rosa told me about that. I didn’t believe her.
‘It has passports, cash in different currencies. He updates it every time passport technology changes. As long as I’ve known him he’s been ready to run.’
‘Can’t they catch him? Track his phone?’
‘You don’t think he took his phone, do you? David’s not stupid. He’s gone.’
‘When did he go?’ He wasn’t at the medical centre. I haven’t seen him since Ilene was here yesterday morning.
Sally’s crying too hard to hear me.
I’m not shocked. I’m not sure what I am. I wonder what Sojourner would say. Then I remember I can’t tell her any of this – she’s blocked my number. I’ll never get to tell her anything again.
‘It doesn’t make sense.’
I hug Sally, and stroke her hair, and wonder why David would tell Rosa to kill someone. It doesn’t make any sense. David wanted camouflage. All Rosa causing Maya’s death has done is destroy his cover.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Rosa comes downstairs and pulls herself onto a stool. ‘What’s for breakfast?’
‘No idea,’ I say. I’m not hungry.
‘You have to stop crying, Sally,’ Rosa says. ‘It’s annoying.’
Sally looks like the merest breeze will break her; Rosa looks like she’s never missed a night’s sleep in her life.
Rosa smiles. She’s all dimples.
‘You look a lot like David, you know that, Rosa? Especially when you smile.’
‘Good. That means everyone’s going to be in love with me the way they always are with David. I bet he ran away with Suzette. Did you know she quit?’
Sally flinches. I don’t tell her that Suzette is the au pair. I don’t ask Rosa if it’s true.
I turn my attention to my coffee. Sally continues to weep into hers.
‘Everyone knows everything now, Che,’ Rosa says. ‘No more lies. You should be happy.’ She pulls her legs up underneath her on the stool, balancing precariously, and I’m hit by a memory of Rosa sitting like that as a small child.
‘He killed someone when he was young.’ Sally’s looking at her coffee, not us. Her tears have slowed.
I want to ask how she knows that. Did she see? Why would David tell her about committing murder if she wasn’t a witness?
‘He said he’d never do it again. He said it was an accident.’
He lied.
Rosa’s expression says as much.
Sally doesn’t respond and I realise I didn’t speak out loud. I wonder if he’s killed more than once.
‘David never did it again. When he felt wild he did other things. Legal things. He sublimated. He’s not what he was when I met him. I thought that part of him was gone. I loved him, Che. I still love him. I thought he’d changed.’
‘Where did he run?’
‘I don’t know. He didn’t even tell me he was going.’
Sally sounds heartbroken. I have a horrible feeling she’s more broken up over David leaving than anything else. Not Maya’s death. Not Rosa’s evil. Not her children’s brain morphology.
‘Rosa?’
Rosa shakes her head. ‘He left his phone behind and took the emergency kit. He took Sally’s jewellery too. He didn’t say goodbye, and I was his favourite.’
Sally doesn’t look at either of us.
‘I’m not like him, Sally. I know you think the brain scan means I am, but I scored low on the psychopath checklist.’
Rosa giggles. I’m not endearing myself to my mother by declaring I am not like the love of her life.
‘I’m not like him either,’ Rosa says to me. ‘I’m much smarter.’
‘I didn’t think what David was could be inherited.’ Sally’s tears have stopped.
‘Does that mean you wish we weren’t born?’ I ask.
‘Of course she does, silly. She’s only ever wanted to be with David. She thinks having kids was a mistake.’
Sally doesn’t contradict Rosa.
‘You wish I wasn’t born, don’t you, Che?’
‘Not all the time.’ Since we’re being honest I can say that. Rosa smirks.
‘Didn’t meeting Papa and Saul make you think twice about having kids?’ I can’t resist asking.
Sally’s mouth moves up in what could be an attempt at a smile. ‘Lots of good people have awful relatives.’
‘Not that awful. Besides, David wasn’t a good person.’
‘Isn’t a good person. He’s not dead. He killed more than once, you know,’ Rosa tells Sally. ‘But not for ages now. Not since I was born.’
‘What do you mean?’ Sall
y’s staring at Rosa. ‘What did he tell you?’
‘Many things.’
‘Who did he kill?’
Rosa shrugs as if it doesn’t matter. ‘He didn’t tell me names.’
‘Did he tell you why he killed?’ Sally asks. ‘Or how many people he’s killed?’
‘He’s not a serial killer, Sally. You don’t have to worry about that. It was only a few times.’
‘How many times is a few?’ I ask.
Sally’s face is grey. I wonder how many conversations like this she’s had with Rosa. This could be her first. Though who knows what Rosa said to her to get her to the police station for that confession.
‘Three,’ Rosa says. ‘I’m pretty sure it was only three.’
‘Dear God,’ Sally says.
‘David didn’t do it because he likes killing. He was annoyed.’
‘I’m so reassured,’ I say.
Sally looks like she might throw up. I wonder how much she actually knows about the man she loves so much.
‘Sarcasm,’ Rosa says. ‘I don’t have a temper and I’ve never wanted to kill anyone. See? I’m not like David.’
‘What about Seimone and the peanut butter?’
Rosa rolls her eyes. ‘How many times do I have to tell you that was Seimone’s idea?’
‘I’ll never believe that, Rosa. Tell me how you made her believe it was her idea – then I’ll believe you. Now what?’ I ask Sally.
‘Now?’ she repeats. ‘I don’t know.’
‘We could stay here,’ Rosa says. ‘We don’t have to go anymore. I fixed that.’
‘No, we can’t,’ Sally says. ‘Gene and Lisimaya want us gone.’
‘But they can’t make us go anymore. It was a six-month lease,’ Rosa says. ‘Besides, Seimone needs me.’
Sally shakes her head in disbelief.
The urge to tell her I told you so is overwhelming. At last she can see what Rosa is, but all I feel is empty.
‘Seimone does not need you, Rosa,’ Sally says. ‘You’ve ruined her life. You made her kill her sister.’
‘I did not. It was an accident. I’ve never killed anyone. I promised Che I wouldn’t. I keep my promises. It’s my favourite game.’
‘Then why did you tell the police that you and Seimone meant to kill Maya?’
My Sister Rosa Page 33
