by Caitlyn Dare
“You’re drunk.”
“Shh.” He presses a finger to his lips and smirks. “Don’t tell anyone. I told Hadley I wouldn’t drink any more.”
“What is she? Like your keeper or something?” Anger ripples through me, but I can’t help it. I’m powerless here. Just like I was powerless to stop Warren.
His expression falls. “You’re different.” He reaches out and ghosts his finger over my nose. I lay rigid on the bed, hardly able to breathe. His touch is soft and tender... cautious. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Well, maybe once. “But you look and feel just the same.”
“Conner...” I sigh, and for a split second, I contemplate taking what he’s offering. His comfort, his friendship. But I can’t. I can’t forget.
I won’t.
“Get the fuck away from me,” I hiss, and he staggers back, collapsing into the chair.
“You hate me.” His frowns deepens. “Well, join the fucking club. I did this. Me. I’ll never—”
“Conner?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“Shut up.”
“I wish... I wish things were different. I wish I’d never left and you were...” he trails off, and I’m too chicken shit to ask what the hell he’s talking about.
He’s drunk.
I know they say people speak the truth when they’re drunk, but I also know you can’t trust people when they’re liquored up.
Deep down, I know you can’t trust anyone.
Guys will tell you what you want to hear, shower you with compliments and sweet nothings, and then once they’ve taken what they want, they’ll crush your heart with their bare hands.
“You can leave now,” I snap when he starts making himself comfortable in the chair.
“Can’t.”
“Conner, this isn’t going to work for me. I need you to—”
“Go, yeah. Got the memo. You hate me. You never want to see me again. Well, guess what, babe?” He leans forward, swaying gently. “I don’t fucking care. I’m not leaving until someone removes me. So you’re stuck with me.”
“I’ll go then.” I sit up, crying out when pain splinters through me.
“Shit, K,” Conner leaps up, rushing to my side. His hand slides over my shoulder and our eyes connect. The air crackles, thick with the ghosts of our past. Emotion shines in Conner’s ocean blue eyes, but I know it’s only guilt. But then his gaze drops to my lips and he swallows as if he’s imagining kissing me.
Strangled laughter bubbles in my chest. I’m losing my mind. That or I’m still high on the pain meds Dr. Miles gave me. Conner doesn’t want me. He never did. That’s why I’m lying here broken and bruised, on the inside and out.
“Kenny,” he whispers as if my name is sacred. It does strange things to my heart, but I silence her. It doesn’t matter if his touch is gentle or his words are kind. Conner left me. He pushed me into Warren’s arms and... He. Left. Me.
“Get the hell away from me.” I use all my might to shove him away.
Conner stumbles back, shock etched into his expression. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“Whatever, Conner. Just go.”
He narrows his eyes with defiance. “I’m not leaving. I can’t.”
“Fine.” Indignation burns through me. “But I’m done talking.” Turning my face away from him, I close my eyes and hope sleep will come easily while knowing that it won’t.
Silence engulfs us as I lie there, still and unmoving. I can hear Conner, every gentle inhale and exhale.
After a few minutes, I think he’s fallen asleep. But then his voice pierces the darkness.
“I’m sorry, Kenny. I’m really fucking sorry.”
The next time I wake, Conner is gone. I should feel relieved, but part of me can’t help but feel disappointed.
I test the waters and sit up. Everything hurts, but I persevere. I need to get up today. I need to put on a brave face and show Conner and everyone else that I’m okay.
Maybe then James will let me leave without a fight.
A knock at the door makes me groan.
“Yeah?” I call.
“Hey, it’s me.” Hadley appears. “I brought you some supplies.” She slips inside and places the piles of clothes and toiletries on the desk. “I figured we’re about the same size.”
“Thanks.” I give her a tight smile.
“Listen, I just wanted you to know that I won’t tell anyone.”
My lips purse. When she’d stopped by last night, I hadn’t really told her anything. She’d deduced what had happened and I didn’t deny it.
What was the point?
Girls knew. They had some kind of weird female intuition about these things. I’d known the second she stepped into the room.
“So you and Remi haven’t been talking about what happened?” Accusation clings to every word.
“Kennedy, we’re not your enemies.”
“But you’re not my friends either,” I sneer. “You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve been through, what I’ve survived. Just because you’ve fallen for all... this.” I throw my hands up. “Doesn’t mean I’m looking to be the Jaggers’ next charity case.”
She gives me a sad smile. “They just want to help.”
“Yeah, well I don’t need anyone’s help.”
Hadley’s breath catches and regret slices through me. But it’s just too much. Being here. Conner. His dad.
Her standing there, looking at me with pity in her eyes.
“I’ll go.” She turns to leave, but I call after her.
“Wait. I’m sorry, okay? It’s just a lot. I’m not used to...”
“People caring.”
It isn’t a question, and there’s something in her expression that tells me she knows exactly what I mean.
Maybe I was too quick to judge her.
“Thank you,” I force out. “For the things.”
“Anytime.” She smiles wider. “Ellen is making breakfast if you want to join us.”
“Is Conner—”
“He’s hungover in bed. I’m sorry about that, by the way. I tried to keep him away.”
“You knew?”
“I found him in here this morning and managed to drag him to one of the guest rooms. You were sleeping, and I didn’t want to wake you.”
A faint smile traces my lips. I would have liked to see her manhandle him out of the room.
“You two are close, huh?”
“Me and Conner? We’re... friends.”
It’s not what she says but what she doesn’t say that piques my interest. I don’t push, though. I’m not sure I want to know.
“He really won’t be there?” I ask, because I can’t remember the last time I ate something homemade.
“I don’t think he’ll be surfacing anytime soon.”
“Okay, then. Maybe I’ll come.”
“I’d like that, Kennedy.” Hadley smiles, and this time it doesn’t make me bristle. “We all would.”
Chapter Four
Conner
I’ve woken up a couple times in the past few hours when people come up and down the stairs, but every time I’ve opened my eyes, the room was spinning and my head was pounding.
This time, everything hurts a little less. Well, everything aside from my heart. That motherfucker is still aching, knowing Kenny is broken and bruised and trying to push me away.
I blow out a long breath and fall onto my back.
I try to swallow, but my mouth is as dry as a fucking desert. I look at the nightstand and sigh when I find a glass of water and a box of Advil waiting for me.
“Hadley,” I breathe, a small smile playing on my lips. I have a vague recollection of the scent of her perfume last night. I guess that explains why I woke up in one of Dad’s guest rooms after falling asleep in the chair in my bedroom.
I swallow down two pills before sinking back into the bed. My stomach grumbles, but I’m not sure I’ve got it in me to drag my ass all the way to the kitchen. So I lie staring at the ceiling,
trying to come up with a plan.
I need Kenny to talk to me. I need to know the truth about how she ended up as she did, and I need to put a fucking bullet through someone’s head for ever laying a finger on her.
My thoughts are cut short when a knock sounds out.
“Come in,” I call, hoping it might be Hadley with food. I’m disappointed when a figure steps inside and I find Dad standing at the side of the bed, dressed as if he’s just emerged from a meeting.
“I hope that bottle was worth it. I’d been saving it for fifteen years for a special occasion.”
“Shit,” I groan, pushing back into the pillows, wishing they’d just swallow me whole.
The mattress compresses as he joins me, but he doesn’t say anything for a long second.
“Did you know Kennedy’s aunt died?”
That gets me moving, and I sit bolt upright in bed. “No, I had no idea.”
“Over the summer, apparently.”
“Shit.” I drag a hand down my face. “Where has she been living?”
“With Warren.”
My entire body tenses and my fists curl at just hearing that cunt’s name.
He did this. Kenny might be protecting him for some fucked-up reason, but I know this was because of him. I don’t need the evidence that James seems so insistent on.
“What?” I seethe, panic trickling through me. “She can’t go back there.”
James swallows nervously. I’ve never seen him anything but sure of himself, even with the fucked-up situations we’ve brought upon him since we arrived. The sight has dread settling in the pit of my stomach.
“I’ve arranged a place for her to stay, but she needs to agree.”
“A place? Where? Here?” My mind reels.
“No, Conner. Not here.” He grimaces. “I don’t think that would be the best idea for the two of you, would it?”
“I wouldn’t have an issue.”
“I know, but this isn’t just about you.”
I sigh, sitting back against the headboard and resting my arms over my bent knees.
“I’ll offer Kennedy everything I can because I know it’s what you want, but she’s going to need to be willing to accept the help. Which also means you need to be ready to accept whatever decision she comes to. Even if she decides to go back.”
"Never."
"Conner." He releases a long breath. "I know you want to protect her, but you can't. This is her life. You need to let her make her own decisions."
"This is bullshit." I jump from the bed, ready to go and lock her in my fucking bedroom if I have to.
"Conner," he repeats, "stop trying to fix everything. You can't. Not this time."
"Fuck that. I can fix this, I can go and find—"
"Don't even think about it. You turning up to fight for her honor isn't the way to deal with this."
"How the fuck would you know?" I bark, frustrated with being told what to do. "You’ve never even lived in the Heights. You have no idea how shit works there. If we don't deal with him, it'll just keep happening.” And I refuse to let that happen. “He'll come for her, wherever it is she might go. And if by some luck he doesn't, then he'll just start on some other innocent girl. I'm not fucking having it."
"You need to keep your head, Son. She needs you here protecting her, not out there trying to fight her battles for her."
"She doesn't want me here. She's made that more than clear. But I need to do something... I have to."
I pull on last night's clothes, not missing the scent of alcohol that wafts from them as if I’d poured as much over myself as I did down my throat.
"Do not go to the Heights, Conner. He'll be waiting for you."
"I don't give a shit. I can't just sit here, waiting for her to go back to him."
"Conner," he calls as I fly out of the bedroom and down the stairs. I glance at my closed bedroom door, my body aching to walk inside and see her, but I don't. I'm not sure even she could talk me down from this right now.
It's so late that the sun is already starting to set when I rev the engine and wheelspin out of the driveway. I don't look back, but something tells me that I'm being watched by more than just my father. That suspicion is confirmed only two seconds later when Hadley's name appears on the screen on my dash.
I reject the call and turn the music up as I make the journey back to the Heights, ready to do what I should have done two nights ago when I first saw Kenny with a bruise on her cheek.
I'm at the trailer park in record time. I bring the car to a stop in front of Warren's trailer and jump out.
I don’t bother knocking, if the motherfucker's in here, then he'll have already heard my arrival. I yank open the front door. The stench of stale sweat, dampness, and weed hits me, and I have to fight not to heave as I step inside.
Warren's dad is passed out on the couch with a cigarette still hanging from his lips and an empty bottle clutched to his chest.
Still a worthless piece of shit then.
I consider taking the lit cigarette from him to stop him setting the place alight, but seeing as it would probably do everyone a favor if he did burn it to the ground, I leave it where it is and turn toward Warren's bedroom instead.
Pushing open the door, already knowing that he's not inside, I take a look around. It isn’t exactly what I was expecting. It's tidy. The bed’s made as if it hasn’t been slept in for days. My eyes narrow as I search for something, anything that might help me. Warren was always a messy shit, worse than the three of us put together, so the clear units and lack of clothing littering the floor have suspicion racing through me.
Not finding anything that might lead me to him, I turn to leave, pulling my cell from my pocket as I go.
I hit call on Jay's number, hoping that he'll be able to help me. He answers the call after only two rings, but I can barely hear him through the chaos in the background.
"Where the hell are you?" I shout down the phone.
"Fight night," he bellows back.
Something, excitement maybe, trickles through my veins.
"Where?"
He rattles off an address, and, before he's even finished, I'm back in my car and heading his way.
The thought of a Heights fight night has my fists clenching with my need to hurt someone. The image of Kennedy's swollen and bruised face pops into my head and my taste for blood only gets stronger.
As I pull up to the warehouse where tonight's fight is, I find it deserted. If I didn't know better I'd think Jay had given me the wrong address.
I park a little down the street before taking off on foot and head around the back of the building.
Just like I expected, I find a couple of guys standing guard at the door.
"Well, fuck me sideways. If it isn't Conner Jagger. To what do we owe this pleasure?” Jake announces as I approach.
I fist bump both of them before cutting short their attempt at small talk and inviting myself inside.
The roar of the crowd fills my ears and the scent of sweat, blood and victory fills my nose.
I glance around at the crowds of people before I find Jay and Levi over in the corner, talking to a few guys I don't know.
"Jagger, my man. How's it going?" Jay asks, clearly already a few drinks gone.
"You know where I might find Warren?" I ask, cutting straight to the point. "Tell me he's here," I demand, cracking my knuckles.
"Nah, man. Not seen him since New Year's Eve."
"You here to get in the ring?" Levi asks, cutting off any more questions I might have for Jay.
"Nah, I'm not here for that."
"You sure? There's a lot of money in here tonight."
"You've seen where I live now. I don't need to fight these motherfuckers for money."
It's a low blow, but it's true. There may have been times in the past where I didn't know any other way to get some extra cash that we desperately needed. But now, all I want is vengeance for my girl.
"Fair play."
"Where
's Nate?" I ask, looking around for their captain.
"Didn't you hear?" Levi asks. "He got arrested on New Year's for possession. He's got a one-way ticket straight to juvie."
"What?"
"I know. Some fucker squealed on him. Hence the cops. He's fucking livid. I'd hate to be whoever was on the end of that phone call when he's back, because he'll cut off their balls and—"
"Okay, Levi. We all have imaginations," Jay says, turning me away from him.
"Why are you here, Conner? You don't belong here anymore."
I look around, and I can't help feeling like what he's saying is true.
"I need to find him, Jay. You fucking saw the state of her. He's not going to get away with that."
He blows out a breath. "How is she?"
"About as good as can be expected. I'm worried she's going to run back to him."
"You can't let her do that."
"I'm fucking trying, but she won't listen to me. She barely lets me in the fucking room."
"Just give her some time. What she went through… it must have been brutal."
My fists curl and my shoulders tense as I imagine that motherfucker’s hands on my girl.
"Levi's right. You need to get up there."
Jay nods over my shoulder to one of the rings.
"I haven’t fought anyone in—"
"Yo, Daz," Jay calls, totally ignoring my argument. "Jagger wants in."
"Uh... I'm not sure I—”
"Sure thing, man.” He nods. “It's good to see you, Jagger. It’s been too damn long. I've got a slot up next if you want it."
"Um..." I hesitate, looking back to a couple of guys dancing around each other in the middle of the crowd, blood trickling down their faces and bruises marring their torsos.
"Fuck it," I say, taking off after Daz when he turns to leave.
This could be the worst fucking idea ever.
Or it could be exactly what I need.
Chapter Five
Kennedy
After an uncomfortable breakfast with Hadley, Remi, and the Jaggers, I’d quickly retreated to my room and hid for the remainder of the day.
Conner didn’t try to see me again. In fact, I was pretty sure he’d gone out as soon as the sun sank into the horizon.
