by Caitlyn Dare
“Cool.”
She eyes me suspiciously. “Why?”
“No reason.” My cheeks pink, and I want to kick myself for asking. It’s been three days though, and I’ve hardly seen him around school.
I mean, I get it. I told him I didn’t want him following me around like a lost puppy, but I guess I didn’t actually think he’d listen.
What did you expect would happen?
I shove down the thoughts and paste on a smile. “Are we doing lunch?”
Her expression falls. “Actually, I told Cole I’d meet him and—"
“Of course. It’s totally fine, I can handle the school cafeteria by myself.” Except, I already know I’ll probably spend the next fifty minutes on my own in the bathroom or some quiet stairwell. I heard the library is nice. Maybe I’ll go there.
“Kenny?” Hadley pales. “Are you sure you’ll be okay? I can tell Cole I‘ll see him late—"
“No, don’t do that. I’ll be fine. Lylah’s barely looked my way, and it’s Taco Thursday. Who doesn’t love tacos, right?” My smile is too forced, too bright and cheery for a girl like me. But Hadley doesn’t push, and I don’t admit the truth—which is that I’m not ready to go solo at Sterling Prep.
All week, despite our conversation after I skipped out with Conner on Monday, Hadley has been right there at my side. Even if, at first, I didn’t want her there. We’ve hung out at lunch and after school in the dorms. But I get it, she doesn’t want to babysit the new girl forever.
“Go,” I say. “Tell Cole I say hey.”
“You’re sure?” I see the flicker of excitement in her eyes.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”
“We’ll hang out tonight, I promise.”
Nodding, I watch as Hadley skips off down the hall toward her boyfriend.
I’m still standing here when my cell starts vibrating. For a second, hope floods my chest. Only a handful of people have my number, since the Jaggers had to get me a new phone. And seeing as Hadley was just here, and I can’t imagine Ace or Cole texting me, it can only leave one other person.
But disappointment washes over me when I see the familiar number. It’s not Conner at all, it's Shelbie, one of the only girlfriends I had at Sterling Heights.
I store her number and then re-read the message.
Shelbie: Hey, Levi gave me your new number—says he got it off Conner. What’s up with that, by the way? Anyway, I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing? I still can’t believe W did that.
Me: I’m okay. Staying in the Bay for a while, until stuff blows over. Have you seen W around?
Shelbie: No. It’s like he just vanished. Even his old man came around Joker’s asking after him.
My spine stiffens and I move down the hall, away from the stream of kids all making their way to the cafeteria.
Me: He did?
Warren’s dad is a mean drunk but spends most of his time either passed out or in his armchair watching ESPN, drinking whatever he can get his hands on. So I’m surprised to hear he’s worried about Warren.
Shelbie: I was there helping my dad out when he showed up. No one has seen or heard from Warren since New Year’s Eve.
I don’t know whether to be comforted by that fact or concerned. Her family owns Joker’s, one of the few bars in the Heights. It’s notorious for being a spot where all kinds of bad shit goes down. I’ve been there with Warren a couple of times.
Me: Okay, well if he does show up, can you let me know?
Shelbie: Of course. Stay safe, Kenny.
The fact that she isn’t pushing me for an explanation makes me wonder just how much Jay told her. I know it was him who brought me to the Jaggers’ house.
Me: Yeah, you too.
But then something hits me. Shelbie didn’t say she asked Levi for my number. She said he gave it to her.
Conner did this.
He made sure I had another friend to talk to.
Before I know what I’m doing, I double back and march toward the cafeteria. We need to talk—I need to apologize. So he kissed me? It doesn’t have to be a big deal. We were friends long before anything else.
I’m almost there when I spot him, only he isn’t alone. He’s talking to a girl, one I don’t recognize. She gazing up at him like he hung the fucking moon, and Conner is smiling back at her.
Jealousy zips through me as I watch them, coiling around my heart and turning my blood to acid. I can’t hear them from where I’m standing, but I don’t need to. Their expressions tell me everything I need to know.
Spinning on my heel, I hurry away from the cafeteria and don’t stop until I’m out of the building. The frigid air instantly hits me, making me inhale a sharp breath. But it does little to erase the image of Conner flirting with the cute blonde. She’s everything I’m not. Prim. Proper. With virgin skin and a pristine smile. Probably with a rich daddy and a trust fund that will make most people green with envy, too.
And here I was, about to apologize to him.
Maybe he’s done me a giant favor. Nothing can ever happen between me and Conner. Because too much already has.
I wasn’t enough then for him, and it looks like I’m not worth fighting for now, either.
I stand out here, in the chilly air, until lunch is over and class calls.
I tell myself I don’t need anyone.
Least of all Conner Jagger.
The next day at school, Hadley doesn’t abandon me at lunch. Instead, she invites me to sit with her, Cole, Ace, and Remi, and surprisingly, I find myself saying yes. Conner is nowhere to be seen, and neither is the girl I saw him with.
Not that I care.
“So, how was your first week, Kennedy?” Ace asks me.
I shrug. “It’s... school.”
“You ain’t wrong there.” He smirks, digging into his salad. It sucks, playing fifth wheel, but I don’t let it faze me.
I woke up feeling stronger today, determined not to let Warren, or the likes of Lylah and Marissa—or even Conner, for that matter—dictate my life. I’m here, I might as well make the most of it.
“So, what is there to do for fun on a weekend around here?”
Hadley and Remi share a glance, but I ignore them, focusing on Cole. He’s a Sterling Bay Seahawk, he must know where the rich kids of the Bay like to party.
“I heard Aaron is having a party tonight.”
“Nice, are we going?”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Hadley says, and it’s my turn to frown.
“Relax, Mom. I just want to embrace my new life here. Is that such a bad thing?”
“Are you sure that’s all this is about?” She gives me a pointed look, and I glower.
“Fine.” I press my hands against the table and stand. “Won’t give me the deets, I guess I’ll have to go get them myself.”
“What is she—”
Remi’s words are drowned out by the roar of blood in my ears. I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing, but all I know is I can’t sit here, pretending that everything is okay, any longer. I need to do something—anything—to give me back some degree of control over my thoughts and feelings.
Scanning the cafeteria, I spot the football team huddled at their usual table. I know it’s them because despite the season being over, most of them are still wearing their Seahawks jerseys. The cheerleaders are close by, but I pay them no attention as I saunter right up to the guy holding court.
“Excuse me,” I say.
“Yeah?” He flicks a brow at me. He’s cute, in that All-American boy-next-door kind of way.
“Are you Aaron?”
A couple of his guys snicker.
“That’s me. You’re the new girl, right?”
“Kennedy, but my friends call me Kenny.”
“Kenny, you say.” He gives me a tentative smile. “What can I do for you?”
“I heard you’re having a party tonight.”
A couple whisper, taking bets on whether I’ll end up under Aaron
tonight.
“Guys,” he clips out, shooting them a warning look. “Excuse my friends, they’re assholes.”
I can’t help but laugh at that.
“So, the party...”
“Yeah, I’m having a thing. Nothing crazy, just the guys, some of their girls. You should come. I invited Cole and Hadley. Ace and Conner, too, if they’re game.”
I internally flinch at the mention of his name but paste on a smile. “So I’ll see you there tonight?”
His asshole friends are high-fiving now, but I block them out.
“Uh, yeah, I guess.” His gaze rests over my shoulder and a trickle of awareness shoots up my spine.
Sure enough, when I glance behind me, Conner is standing at the table I just left, watching me.
“Are you two—“
“Nothing.” I smile wider, smothering the flash of pain I feel. “We’re nothing.”
“Yeah, well I guess I’ll see you tonight then.”
“Hey, Kenny,” one of the other guys says, “if Aaron won’t take you for a ride, I’m more than happy to—“
Rolling my eyes, I walk away, leaving Aaron to slap his friend upside the head.
“Slut,” someone coughs, and my eyes snap to the table Lylah and Marissa are sitting at. Anger courses through my veins, but I know I need to keep my cool, so I flip her off with a salty smirk.
Eat that, bitch.
Their gasps roll off my back as I exit the cafeteria out of the other door so I don’t have to survive one hundred and one questions from Hadley and Remi.
Besides, Conner is with them now. And something tells me their table isn’t big enough for the both of us.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Hadley asks me for the twentieth time.
“I need to do something. I can’t just sit in this room, forever wallowing. It’s just a party—what’s the worst that can happen?” She gives me a pointed look, and I shake my head a little. “You need to learn to relax,” I say.
“I know what you’re doing.”
“Me? I’m not doing anything. Sterling Prep is my new home, I might as well try and fit in.”
“So this has nothing to do with the fact that Conner’s been talking to Aimee Simson?”
“Aimee who now?”
“Cute little blonde about yay high.” She holds out her hand, one of her brows arched.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The conviction in my words masks the pit in my stomach.
“They’re just friends. She’s a junior and Conner’s been helping her with math.”
“Good for him.” I shrug, sifting through the limited choice of clothes I have for tonight.
I bought a few new outfits when Hadley dragged me to the mall last weekend, but I didn’t want to take more from James Jagger than absolutely necessary.
Settling on a denim skirt with a black crop top and a few bangles I managed to score from the only thrift store in Sterling Bay, I start changing.
“Umm, do you want some privacy?”
“I’m not hiding anything you haven’t already seen.” I shimmy out of my school skirt and pull on another. It hugs my ass and sits high on my thighs, almost too high. Once I have the crop top on, I stand in front of my mirror. It’s been a long time since I showed my stomach. Warren never liked me to show too much skin whenever we went out, which was less and less recently.
“Kenny?” Hadley asks, her eyes catching mine in the mirror.
“I’m good.” I force a smile, swallowing the lump in my throat. Warren isn’t here. He doesn’t get to say what I wear or who I talk to.
“You don’t have to do this,” she adds.
But I turn to her and flick my long blonde hair off my shoulders, knowing she can’t ever understand how significant this moment is.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I do.”
Chapter Twelve
Conner
"Why aren't you fucking ready?" I snap, barging into Cole's room.
"Because it's just a party. I barely want to go, let alone turn up early."
"But—"
"But Aaron was flirting with Kenny earlier. Yeah, I saw."
"Right? So let's fucking go."
"Conner," he sighs, pocketing his cell and sitting forward on his bed. "I'm far from an expert here, but you need to look less fucking keen, man. You're even turning me off with this sad puppy dog act."
My chin drops. "What the fuck, bro?"
"What? I'm just being honest."
"But—"
"Just chill the fuck out, yeah? Kenny loves you, it'll be fine."
"No, no she doesn't. Right now, Kenny hates me, and can't stand to be in the same room as me."
"Just let her do her thing. She's been through hell and is in a new place. It can’t be easy for her.” He narrows his eyes. “Let her find her feet. Don't find them for her. Let her flirt with who the hell she likes, but just make sure she knows that you'll be the one there at the end of the night when she needs you."
"You're saying I should let her do whatever with whichever asshole she chooses?"
"She's not yours, Con. You aren't letting her do anything. She's her own person."
"And you'd be okay if I gave you the same advice about Hadley?"
"Right now, no. We're in a totally different place than you and Ken. But a few months ago, yeah. Hell, I let you put your hands on her."
"You trust me. You knew I'd never do more than you were happy with. Those pricks could do anything. Ugh," I groan. "Why is this so fucking hard?"
"Welcome to my world, man. Best you learn now that you'll never figure her out. But forcing her to do anything is not the way."
"Okay, great. Are you done with this little pep talk now? Can we go?"
"Hell, yeah. I'm desperate to get my hands on my girl. Last time we were at Aaron's I tied her to..." He trails off when my eyes widen. "Forget it."
"No, no. I think I need to hear this."
"And get you more frustrated than you are now? Nah, I'm not sure that's a good idea. Maybe while Kenny's finding her feet, you should fuck out some of that tension."
"You're suggesting I..."
"Why not? Gotta happen sometime, man."
"You make it sound like I'm a fucking virgin," I grumble as I follow him out of his room and down the stairs.
"Well, you pretty much are. You know it grows back, right?"
"Fuck you, bro. Fuck you." I storm past him as he chuckles at me. "I should break your nose for that."
"I'd like to see you try."
I spin, narrowing my eyes in his direction, my fist curling with the temptation. "I'm driving. Get the fuck in my car," I bark and back up to the front door.
"You're so easy to rile up. Shame you're not such an easy lay. You're picky as fuck, you know that, right?"
"Shut up. Just shut the fuck up."
The second the engine is on, I turn up the volume on ‘Better Now’ by Post Malone to drown out whatever Cole might feel he needs to add to our previous conversation.
Thankfully, he keeps his mouth shut the whole way, although when I glance over at him, I don't miss the smirk playing on his face.
I much preferred him when he was a grumpy fucker.
We might be early, but the street leading up to Aaron's house is already lined with cars.
"You ready for this?" Cole asks when he meets me at the front of the car.
Looking over, I don't miss the concern in his eyes. I know he's worried about me fighting again. I assured him that the other night was a one-off. I just have to hope I wasn't lying.
As we move toward the house, the sound of the pounding bass from the speakers someone has set up somewhere makes the ground vibrate beneath us.
"Fucking hell, we celebrating something tonight or what?" Cole asks, looking around at the chaos.
There are kids everywhere. Some I recognize, many I don't.
"Fuck knows. But I feel like I'm missing something."
"We both know what you're missing," he mut
ters, but it's not quiet enough, because I hear it loud and clear.
"Ow," he complains when I turn and plow my knuckles into his upper arm. "I was fucking joking."
"Whatever."
As we enter the house, Cole turns left toward where the team is congregated whereas I go toward the kitchen for a drink. I don't intend on getting fucked tonight, but one or two now to take the edge off is impossible to resist, especially after Cole's bullshit.
So what if I'm fussy? So I don't want to stick it in some random girl when I could have my girl?
Only she's not your girl, is she? And she never has been.
"Fuck it," I bark to myself, grabbing a bottle of beer that's sitting on the side.
I knock the top off and turn around, taking in the view across Aaron's open plan living space.
The speakers are sitting against the far wall, the space between me and them full of dancing and grinding bodies.
Jumping up on the counter, I tip my bottle to my lips and down half the contents.
My eyes find Hadley's blonde hair and I soon find my brother at her back, grinding against her ass.
I watch them for a minute or two. They've both got smiles playing on their lips as they move together, before Hadley spins in his arms and reaches up to press her lips to his.
Something tumbles in my chest and my stomach knots as I watch them together. I'm not jealous. Well... I'm not jealous that Cole snagged Hadley. She was always meant to be his, no matter how many times I might have wondered over the past few months what might have happened if things went my way. I'm jealous of what they've found together. Of that connection that I can almost see crackling between them every time they look at each other.
I finish my bottle, swallowing down the emotion those two cause within me.
"Conner!" someone squeals, dragging my eyes away from the happy couple. Looking to my left, I find Aimee stumbling her way over, clutching a small bottle of vodka to her chest.
I inwardly groan. Aimee has made it more than clear that she's interested in me helping her with more than just her math. But it seems she doesn't take my polite rejection seriously, because she tries to tempt me every time she sees me… which seems to be more often than necessary.
